Please help me pound a monkey

[LaydeeBug]

I am on my way to YET ANOTHER funeral home (one each week since the year started) And a monkey is starting shit with me. This was posted on my FB page by a "friend" (righty, but reachable, maybe) Spelling, grammar, all his:

I need to know from someone who defends the President under every circumstance....
So the President comes out blaming Congress for the cuts coming in 10 days..but I have heard that the President decided where the cuts were coming from...referring to the cuts that affect first responders...if he believes this is so tragic why wouldn't the cuts be made in other areas? There are plenty! I really just want to here both sides before I make my opinion...I know you would more then happy to ablige...

**I told him the POTUS does not appropriate cuts, they were already set...

***He says Obama invented sequestration.

***I told him...YAWN
He said Obama spends billions on his excess" complaining about the cost of a dog watcher, or something or other...

Then he said this little gem, and I am pretty sure it can go up his rear sideways:
Obama's WHite House Staff of 487 employees earn total wages of $39.1 million.While Bush's his staff expanded to 447 employees by 2008 at a cost of $35.4 million to taxpayers (adjusted for inflation)...hmmm and your everyman, is just another get RICH politician! Yeah i consider $12 Million net worth as a regular guy!


Please help. Cuss words are appreciated.

[randome]

1. I don't make a point of staying current with urban slang.

But 'pound the monkey' sounds a little...

[pinboy3niner]

2. Unfortunate phrasing, perhaps?

One might have tried to express it a bit differently.

[leftstreet]

3. When I was growing up it was called 'spank'

I'm so confused

[Still Sensible]

5. In any event, this will be a masterbatory exercise, no? n/t

[BlueStater]

9. How the hell did that ever becoming slang for jerking off anyway?

That and "choking the chicken". Seriously, what bizarre weirdo came up with those euphemisms?

[LaydeeBug]

11. Bwahahaha! I did NOT mean it "like that".

I just think you can't bitch about the salary of a dog walker and then pretend that this means "excess" and the like.

[Xipe Totec]

4. When monkeys start to fling feces, the first thing you should do is turn off the fan

In other words, un-friend and block.

[riqster]

6. Rule Eleven:

"There are some people you just can't help."

[Warpy]

7. And you can't forget Rule One

"Never argue with a crazy person."

[riqster]

8. Edward abbey had three

1: Never eat at a place called Joe's

2: Never play cards with a man named Doc

3: Never get into bed with someone who has more problems than you have

I've heard a lot worse.

[Brigid]

10. "You can't fix stupid."

--Ron White