Welcome to DU!
The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards.
Join the community:
Create a free account
Support DU (and get rid of ads!):
Become a Star Member
Latest Breaking News
General Discussion
The DU Lounge
All Forums
Issue Forums
Culture Forums
Alliance Forums
Region Forums
Support Forums
Help & Search
(Satire) Confused FBI Agents Continue Search For Harlem Sheikh
Members of the Federal Bureau of Investigation have reported that members of the New York field office are still attempting to target a mysterious terrorist known only as the “Harlem Sheikh.”
Agents were first alerted to the threat after several cell phone intercepts included vague references such as, “Harlem Sheikh is blowing that shit up at the Alamo,” ”I’ve never seen so many fucking hits on a video before,” and “Damn, muthafuckas are tearing it up boy.”
In a statement, Special Agent Stan Johnson said, “For obvious reasons we have declared Harlem Sheikh as armed and dangerous, and warn folks that he should be approached with extreme caution. It appears Mr. Sheikh has been working in collaboration with ‘DJ Dinar’ and ‘Sho’nuff – The Shogun of Harlem.’ Their hand in terror has been described as widespread, devastating, and operating in pretty much just about every major city in the U.S.”
According to John Walsh of America’s Most Wanted, the Sheikh has been known to strike without warning, often setting off an explosive device commonly known as a “flash bang mob” on a 30-second time delay. Judging by homemade videos of recent attacks at dance clubs, some sort of nerve agent is spread by one carrier to masses of people in a matter of seconds, resulting in a reaction that brings about severe convulsions.
Agents were first alerted to the threat after several cell phone intercepts included vague references such as, “Harlem Sheikh is blowing that shit up at the Alamo,” ”I’ve never seen so many fucking hits on a video before,” and “Damn, muthafuckas are tearing it up boy.”
In a statement, Special Agent Stan Johnson said, “For obvious reasons we have declared Harlem Sheikh as armed and dangerous, and warn folks that he should be approached with extreme caution. It appears Mr. Sheikh has been working in collaboration with ‘DJ Dinar’ and ‘Sho’nuff – The Shogun of Harlem.’ Their hand in terror has been described as widespread, devastating, and operating in pretty much just about every major city in the U.S.”
According to John Walsh of America’s Most Wanted, the Sheikh has been known to strike without warning, often setting off an explosive device commonly known as a “flash bang mob” on a 30-second time delay. Judging by homemade videos of recent attacks at dance clubs, some sort of nerve agent is spread by one carrier to masses of people in a matter of seconds, resulting in a reaction that brings about severe convulsions.
http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/03/confused-fbi-agent-continues-search-for-harlem-sheikh/
Duffleblog. It's like the Onion, only it's about military life, and it doesn't call 9-year-old girls the c-bomb.
2 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
= new reply since forum marked as read
