Dignity.

[99Forever]

It seems that even that must be stripped from us before the corrupt greed at the core of our failing Nation is satisfied, and perhaps not even then. The suffering of the many grows at an ever increasing rate, as those with more than they could in a thousand lifetimes turn a blind eye and demand even more. Their lapdogs in Washington DC protect them from any chance of justice or fairness ever coming close. The good decent politicians in that cesspool, actually TRYING to do something about our plight, can be counted on the fingers of one hand.

That isn't what this post is about, simply the background.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a thread that got more recs and wonderful responses than any I have ever posted. It announced that after over 4 years, I had finally got hired into a fulltime job, with benefits. I was walking on a cloud. That was Monday, I was scheduled for "orientation" on Wednesday. Late Tuesday afternoon, I get a call: "Ooops, sorry, we really don't have any work for you right now... maybe in 2 weeks... or 4.. or 6... anyway, no orientation for now."

Fast forward to yesterday. I bend over slightly to pet our dog, something I've done many thousands of times, a lightning bolt of pain shoots up my spine. I have no insurance, I have NO income. So now what? I'm 59 years old and out of options. My government has abandoned me. My family is struggling with issue of their own. I am tired, weary beyond words. I have nothing left for the day to day battle it takes just to survive in this heartless, compassionless shell of what used to be great nation. I want to be done with it.

But I can't have even that. It's not enough just to lose everything you've worked for, for a lifetime, not even close. You must suffer the indignities of being homeless, starving, and hopeless like a good soldier and march on, singing the praises of the people who COULD relieve the peoples suffering but CHOOSE not to.

If I am nothing but drain on the bottom line, then LET ME OUT. I only ask for one final thing, please allow me to go, give me the choice to a painless and dignified passing. There is the technology to help me along that path, it is immoral that I don't have access to it. We treat our suffering pets better than that. Thanks for listening.

[OneGrassRoot]

1. ...

I have no answers, but I hear you.

What is happening to so many is obscene.

I am so damn sorry you feel as you do 99forever, but I absolutely hear you.

When acute physical pain is added to the chronic suffering of daily survival (and the judgments of those all around us, it seems), life is simply unbearable. Sends us over the edge.

As lame as it sounds, if you can at least alleviate the acute physical stress, that would be something. If you can do the ice/heat thing, which is what I do when my back flares due to an L5-S1 disc, focusing on relieving your acute physical pain may be the only thing you must do -- or can do -- in this moment.

I fully realize there are a million things for you to worry about, however.

Again, I am so sorry.

[99Forever]

4. Thank you.

It seems you alone, get it. I am doing what you suggest for my back.

[OneGrassRoot]

5. I really do.

I have no words of wisdom, but I know the tone deafness of people who can't bear others' despair can often add to the sense of isolation and hopelessness.

People turn away because it makes them uncomfortable or, worse, they judge others who are feeling hopeless in one way or another.

All of it makes you feel so much worse...when you never even thought it was possible TO feel worse.

All I have are ...and you are welcome to contact me privately here if you'd ever like to talk.

Another for good measure:

[Frustratedlady]

2. Don't give up. I know you have reasons to be depressed,

but you can't let the bastids win.

As for the delay in starting work, this is NOT uncommon. In fact, I wonder how some of these companies can even stay competitive, as their HR departments are so inept. Keep hope close by that they will call soon and you will finally be working. Until then, concentrate on your back. We've all had something like that pop up to throw us for a loop...it happens so fast.

Look ahead, and try to keep your thoughts as positive and upbeat as you can. I imagine your dog is concerned about you, as well. At least you have your best friend.

Strong vibes heading your way. Please let us know when the sun is shining for you again. Remember you have friends at DU.

[99Forever]

3. Thanks for the good thoughts...

... as to whether or not the bastids win, is out of my hands and has been for a long time. Positive thoughts are hard to come by when almost nothing positive happens in your life year after year and shows no signs of ever changing. This wasn't some out of touch HR department that did this, this was one of the management that works directly with employees and the customers. I have no clue why he would dangle a job in front of me and then snatch it away. What possible motive is there for that kind cruelty?

I've had all I can take. I am done. The nation has no conscience or humanity left. it is little better than a 3rd world hellhole to millions of us. I want out.