Some friendly advice for all you freedom hating gun grabbers.
Hi I'm DanTex. I loves me some guns. I never leave home without two of them strapped to my body, one which stays in constant contact with my skin. And I hate gun control. I'd rather live in a prison cell in a gun-friendly state like Texas than in a mansion in some commie hellhole like California. The idea of going through a background check at a gun show makes me cringe. Oh, and I'm a Democrat. Really, I am.
So with all that in mind, I'd like to give some advice to all you gun-grabbing autocrats out there in order to help you more effectively advocate for the kinds of gun control laws that I would go to my grave fighting against. Because I want to help you. Really, I do.
OK, so first, just admit that you want to take away everyone's guns. We already know. Democrats hate guns, and gun owners. And while you're at it, admit you hate white people, and heterosexuals, and men, and NASCAR, and freedom, and America. You're not fooling anyone. Need proof? Here's a grainy picture of Obama from 1973 where if you look closely, he's making the ASL sign for "I'm going to take away your guns!"
Also, remember, the most important thing in gun debates is knowing the names of all of the parts of a gun. If you're going to win the gun debate, you need to get gun fanatics like me on board, and none of us care about statistics or studies about gun policy and gun violence. What we care about is that you never use the word "clip" instead of "magazine".
Finally, stop being so mean to gun owners! It hurts our feelings! When you say things like "nobody needs an assault weapon with a 30-round magazine", think about all the people who do need assault weapons with 30-round magazines in order to summon the courage to walk out the front door each morning! How do you think it makes them feel?
= new reply since forum marked as read
That's gotta leave a mark... 
In case you need it:
Bake
He's one of the last few of his kind.
If you would have forgone the hysteria and stuck with facts. Yawn! 
We have had gun control for decades. The majority of gun owners don't conceal carry. You do have to go through a background check if you purchase a gun from a gun show. Oh, and tens of millions of Democrats do respect the 2nd Amendment and own all kinds of guns. Really, they do.
Also, we pretty much expect paranoid "gun grabbers" to not know what they are talking about during "gun debates," but you should know what you are talking about if your goal is effective legislation.
Stats and studies are fine, just be honest enough to use them correctly.
Finally, childish name calling and disgusting mischaracterizations don't "hurt feelings," they piss people off, which in turn leads people to not be interested in anything you have to say.
Last edited Tue Apr 23, 2013, 12:38 PM - Edit history (1)
mention the mindless (paid?) cheerleaders for the NRA who prefer to rant and rave about our "evil government" and how they alone will protect us when tyranny rears its ugly head.
There is nothing at all wrong with the Second Amendment. The problem lies with the way the right-wingers interpret it to give them the "right" to the unfettered proliferation of ALL guns, anywhere, with absolutely no regulation.
Now go hug your gun and tell it how much you love it...
that the NRA has a clue as to what DU is and that it hires people to post on here? 
Or that your interpretation of the 2nd Amendment is more valid than the Supreme Courts and what our nations history shows?
That we have "unfettered proliferation of ALL guns, anywhere, with absolutely no regulation?"
No wonder you have to resort to childish banter, you sure as hell don't have any facts to debate with.
As for the "childish banter," that remark would almost be laughable if it weren't coming from hair-on-fire gun hugger who's afraid that mean old Democrats are going to take his/her precious toy.
Now run along and play hero with your Gungeon friends...
High-capacity funny, right there. 
but your "indignant" is showing, and that's not allowed under the rules of satire and ridicule...
Of course what was said by the Gungeoneers and NRA apologists is not true. That's why those things are so funny when they're presented as satire, because the Gungeoneers actually believe what they say is true when they say them. I know it's confusing, but at least try to keep up.
You mad...?
being willfully obtuse. I have a feeling that even if I were to type slower, you would still not have the capacity to comprehend what is plainly written. Now I understand why you don't get the satire in the OP.
Bub bye Bubba...
telling me "fuck you," if that's what you're trying to imply, but it sure took you a lot of words to say it.
Let's see -- who I am going to believe? I've seen those and similar stupid remarks as portryed by the OP. I've seen them in the Gungeon, and on other rednecked NRA apologist sites with my own eyes, but you're telling me that I haven't. Hmmm, was it all in a dream? Was it a Jedi mind trick that made me believe that I've been called a "grabber" for voicing my opinion?
Well, what you call "over the top, absurd exaggerations and misrepresentations," the rest of us call Gungeoneer-speak and NRA talking points.
Have a nice day now, heah...
Yes I HAVE seen remarks that make those pale in comparison. I've seen calls for the assassination of President Obama by Gun Huggers. And yes I've seen assertions that Democrats and Liberals would oppress "white people, heterosexuals, men, NASCAR, freedoms and America" if they are allowed to enact ANY form of gun control. I saw a regular Gungeoneer call black people who attempted to steal his tools "Kafirs," and that post was allowed to stand.
Maybe you have not espoused these views, or ever made these asinine statements, but they are made on a daily basis all over the Internet -- especially on the White Power and Nazi sites. These sites also present NRA points-of-view as a source of legitimacy. The DU Gungeon is a cauldron of right-wing hate talk and over-the-top rhetoric, and most sane DU-ers have trashed it for that very reason.
The OP used "over-the-top" satire as a device to point out the absurdity of the extreme NRA "cold dead hands" asinine talking points. If that offends you, and you are too delicate to admit that evil people exist on the side of the NRA, and that guns are public health issue in this nation, then what you said you couldn't say.
Ciao...
Your raw vitriol and aggressiveness kind of makes the point for the OP doesn't it? I didn't say that the Gungeon is the DU equivalent to a right-wing kook site -- only that it is very close. The most prolific and vocal Gungeoneers routinely quote right-wing sources to make their NRA apologist points.
You and I obviously are on different sides of the issue of gun violence in the USA, and that's fine as we are both entitled to our opinions. I suspect that you are a nice person when you are not railing against we "gun control grabbers," and in that vein I wish you a good day.
Aloha from Maui...
I responded with "vitriol" to insult. Not, mind you, that my responses were even remotely vitriolic in comparison to how I react to being slandered on a site that isn't so prone to banning people. But for better or worse (and I certainly agree it's better), this ain't 4chan...
I'd argue that you actually did posit that equivalency to RW kook sites, but I can see that we're not going to agree on that point, so best to just let it drop. I also suspect we're not actually all that far apart on the matter of gun violence in America; we doubtless differ significantly on the best course of action to take to reduce it, but not on acknowledging the problem itself.
Best wishes from the Pacific Northwest!
Good thing you put that sarcasm gif at the end. Around here you have to use it with such clever satire.
Two thousand views and fifty three recs (and counting)! We love you here! By golly, with you leading the way there's nothing we can't do! Why I bet we could have an entire show based on this OP! Jane and Darla can make costumes, Alfalfa can sing and we can put it on in Spanky's barn!
Get over here and get your uniform! You're on the squad!
Dr. Strangelove is clever satire. Catch-22 is clever satire.
This is Scary Movie, only with less talented writers.
how I picture them!
it did ya...?
Well done and 
and rec'd!
to faux news. They will probably think its a wonderful insightful 'Fair and balanced' article and headline it. Just what their mindless gun-horder minions believe.
