Lone Wolf Seeks Same—No Stalker Homo Sapiens, Please
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I was born in the spring of 2009 to the Imnaha wolf pack in Northeastern Oregon. Soon thereafter, the Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife fitted me with a collar, which uses GPS to track my whereabouts. Since I was the seventh in my pack to be collared, I was named OR-7. I hate being tracked, but sadly neither the ACLU nor Sen. Ron Wyden (D., Ore.), typically an outspoken critic of government surveillance, has objected to this violation of my civil liberties.
In September 2011, I left my pack because the primogeniture rules of wolf society dictate that only the alpha male gets to fraternize with fertile females. Since I ranked low in my pack's line of succession, I didn't stand a chance of passing on my DNA. So for several months I roamed Western Oregon in pursuit of a partner with whom I could settle down and start a pack. After an exhaustive and fruitless search, I crossed the border into California—home to the cutest girls in the world, or so I've heard sung.
That's when I turned up on the radar of California's Department of Fish and Wildlife, which assigned a special person to monitor me. Little did I know, I was the first gray wolf recorded in California in 90 years. I became quite the celebrity. One fan even created a Twitter alias—@WolfOR7—for me. Move over Hugh Jackman. In the past two years, dozens of Californians have reported wolf sightings, but almost all have been false. According to my special state monitor, most were actually sightings of coyotes or huskies. Cut the people some slack: They're Californians.
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Environmentalists say I need to be protected under California law. That's because the Department of Interior is considering removing gray wolves from its list of endangered species now that 6,000 of us populate the Western Great Lakes and Northern Rocky Mountains. Full disclosure: Some of us have been preying on cows. But not me. My special monitor vouches that there's no evidence to suggest that I've killed cattle. I prefer mule deer. (They're delicious.)
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Anyway, I think I broke environmentalists' hearts when I returned home to Oregon in late April. California, however, continues to plan for the unlikely event of my return with a mate to start a pack. Environmentalists hope that my offspring will disperse across the state and foil human plans to expand their own habitat. I hate to break it to them, but if I ever find the wolf of my dreams—could it be you?—we're moving to some place where I won't be stalked or mistaken for a coyote. I've heard nice things about Utah. In any case, if I've piqued your interest, drop the Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife a note. They know where to find me.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324299104578527401551902198.html
(if you cannot open by clicking, copy and paste the title onto google)
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