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U.S. Promises Smooth Transfer of Quagmire from Afghanistan to Syria
The New Yorker June 19, 2013
The Borowitz Report: U.S. Promises Smooth Transfer of Quagmire from Afghanistan to Syria
DAMASCUS (The Borowitz Report)—Supporters of the United States’ twelve-year quagmire in Afghanistan cheered the news today that the U.S. would strive to achieve a seamless transfer of that quagmire to Syria, effective immediately.
Army Gen. Martin Dempsey, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, sought to reassure those who were concerned that the U.S. withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan signaled a wavering of the nation’s commitment to being mired in open-ended military muddles.
“I can tell you, right here and right now, that the U.S. is every bit as determined to engage in an ill-defined, ill-advised and seemingly interminable mission in Syria as we were in Afghanistan,” Gen. Dempsey said. “All that’s changing is the Zip Code.”
General Dempsey said that the same tribal hatreds, sectarian violence, and untrustworthy alliances that made Afghanistan a quicksand-like morass are very much in evidence in Syria: “I am confident that we could be involved in Syria for many, many years before figuring out why we are there.”
Army Gen. Martin Dempsey, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, sought to reassure those who were concerned that the U.S. withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan signaled a wavering of the nation’s commitment to being mired in open-ended military muddles.
“I can tell you, right here and right now, that the U.S. is every bit as determined to engage in an ill-defined, ill-advised and seemingly interminable mission in Syria as we were in Afghanistan,” Gen. Dempsey said. “All that’s changing is the Zip Code.”
General Dempsey said that the same tribal hatreds, sectarian violence, and untrustworthy alliances that made Afghanistan a quicksand-like morass are very much in evidence in Syria: “I am confident that we could be involved in Syria for many, many years before figuring out why we are there.”
The loud cheering you hear in the background is from defense contractors pleased, to say the least, that the annual flow of ~$316,000,000,000.01 to their coffers will not be interrupted.
BTW, did I mention that this article from The Borowitz Report is from The Borowitz Report.
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And so ridiculously, poisonously true...
PB
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