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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI'm heartbroken: Dick Van Dyke confesses to Zodiac killings
I'll never be able to watch him fall over that ottoman again without a tear in my eye:
MALIBU, CASaying he had wanted to talk about the subject for years but feared it would damage his career, beloved entertainer Dick Van Dyke confessed Wednesday to being the infamous Zodiac Killer, the serial murderer who terrorized Northern California more than four decades ago.
The 87-year-old actor, singer, comedian, and dancer, best known for his pioneering TV career and roles in films like Mary Poppins and Bye Bye Birdie, spoke at length with reporters about the ghoulish Bay Area execution-style murders, marveling at the fact that he was never caught.
I am the Zodiac, said Van Dyke, using the pseudonym of the man who claimed to have killed 37 people and once dared authorities to find him as he continued to collect slaves for the afterlife. The murders, the taunting calls to the police, the letters, the cryptograms sent to local newspapersthat was all me. I just assumed someone would put the pieces together at some point, but I never got credit for any of it.
Shaking his head, he added, All those books about the Zodiac Killer, and not one mentions the eyewitness accounts of the murderer as a gangly, loose-limbed man with a toothy grin and a spring in his step who would whistle as he approached his victims, arms akimbo.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/dick-van-dyke-finally-confesses-to-zodiac-killings,33318/
louis-t
(23,199 posts)Some things aren't. Onion or no onion.
joeybee12
(56,177 posts)So is comedy, apparently...I smiled.
trumad
(41,692 posts)cyberswede
(26,117 posts)Dr. Strange
(25,898 posts)johnp3907
(3,723 posts)I've loved him since childhood. I ran into him once in the 80s; we were walking along the same sidewalk in Marina Del Rey. I stopped suddenly, seeing him approach, and he grinned and winked as he passed by.
LeftofObama
(4,243 posts)Freddie
(9,231 posts)And doing well from what I hear
LeftofObama
(4,243 posts)I guess it's just been so long since I've heard anything about him I assumed he had died. I wish him well!
tblue
(16,350 posts)Don't spread rumors about him. He's a wonderful human being!!!
madrchsod
(58,162 posts)zappaman
(20,605 posts)I don't believe this story for a second!
taterguy
(29,582 posts)Some people might not realize this is a joke.
It is a joke right?
burnodo
(2,017 posts)taterguy
(29,582 posts)Must be nice to be all-knowing
the onion has been prominently featured on this site for years now, dude
taterguy
(29,582 posts)burnodo
(2,017 posts)dude?
taterguy
(29,582 posts)But since I'm not labeling it you can't really be sure
But really. Total satire from the get go.
Brigid
(17,621 posts)You've been around here for how long and never heard of "The Onion?" It's true this is not funny, but the onion is well known around here for satire.
Fantastic Anarchist
(7,309 posts)duffyduff
(3,251 posts)Claiming it is "satirical" isn't going to let that bunch off the hook.
Babel_17
(5,400 posts)I'm only going by the movie but IIRC the defense for Larry Flynt successfully argued that if a claim was unbelievable then it was acceptable satire.
It's like how a cartoonist could show the Republicans throwing senior citizens into a machine that made Soylent Green.
Rowdyboy
(22,057 posts)This is neither. Its just stupid. Epic fail for The Onion
Fumesucker
(45,851 posts)Spirochete
(5,264 posts)I suspected Gabe Kaplan all these years...
johnp3907
(3,723 posts)Welcome Back Kotter, for one.
Spirochete
(5,264 posts)but i think the statue of liberty has expired on that - and if not, his lawyer would just point to things like Webster, and Harry and the Hendersons, and ask why those people aren't on trial as well.
Lithos
(26,397 posts)This is really stretching things.
burnodo
(2,017 posts)oh my god
jberryhill
(62,444 posts)Brigid
(17,621 posts)Big swing and a miss on this one, Onion.
REP
(21,691 posts)Perfect!
backscatter712
(26,355 posts)Chim-Chim-i-ney Chim-Chim-i-ney Chim-Chim-Cheroo,
I'm coming down your chimney and hunting for you!
Chim-Chim-i-ney Chim-Chim-i-ney Chim-Chim-Cheree,
When I am through you'll beg for death from me!
KoKo
(84,711 posts)Vashta Nerada
(3,922 posts)If you want to call it that.
Raine
(30,540 posts)to come up with the garbage they put out!
Satire limited eh?
MrMickeysMom
(20,453 posts)We only get what's going on in this country through comedy's many faces... The Onion is right up there being great, along with the Daily Show, La Show (Harry Shearer radio program)... One of the best ways to reach subjects that ordinarily would fly over the unimaginative brain!
Marrah_G
(28,581 posts)....are the responses to it.
I <3 the Onion
dionysus
(26,467 posts)it's the fucking onion for christs sake.
NuclearDem
(16,184 posts)I love the "you tricked me and now I'm pissed" outrage though.
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)No, wait, I'm sorry, uh... horrible joke and how! dare! they!
still....