A Brief Meditation On Privilege And Poverty From A Sort Of Unique Perspective

[cali]

I've thought about writing and posting something along these lines for a while. I wasn't comfortable doing so, and I'm still not entirely comfortable doing so.

I grew up in privilege and spent most of my life in varying degrees of it. That hasn't been true for the past several years. I'm flat poor with what that entails, but more about that later.

I grew up in the type of privilege that meant live-in "help". It meant mansions, I guess. Though my parents would never have used that word, what else do you call a 12,000 square foot house? It meant private schools and boarding schools. It meant that I didn't think twice about going into the city as a teenager and shopping at Bergdorf's or Saks; putting it on the store credit. I'm not saying I didn't have strict limits- which I'm sure I grumbled about, or said so and so is allowed to charge ANYTHING she wants. It meant vacation homes in the "right" places. It meant that CEOs of Fortune 500 companies were neighbors. When my younger sister was way into baseball, my father rented a box or whatever is you do, at Shea Stadium and kept it for 20 years.

In some sort of a probably lame seeming defense of this, my parents were unlikely, fairly liberal dems. My dad supported Jimmy Carter early and donated quite a bit as well as throwing him a fund raiser. (Ever hear my drunken trip over George Wallace's wheelchair at one of the Inaugural balls story?) My parents also tended to judge people more on whether they were smart and interesting, then on where they came from. And that meant that I didn't care what background someone came from. I've wondered if they came to regret that.

I'm not going to go into what happened or how it happened or why it happened, but it happened and I'm poor. I never, ever held disdain for poor people or counted them as less, but I can't say I understood being poor until I was poor. I didn't understand the frustrations or the sickening feeling that people judge you or the sheer tedium of thinking about every fucking penny. I didn't understand- really understand- about worrying about health care coverage. (thank goodness I live in VT). I knew that people felt that way and I sympathized, but I didn't understand. I didn't understand how much time poverty consumes.

I understand all of that now.

Poverty is pretty soul crushing as well as terribly limiting. I know I'm fortunate still. I didn't grow up in poverty. I'm educated, etc.

I'm sure there are other people with a similar experience, but I don't imagine there are a lot so I thought it might make for an interesting take on both privilege and poverty.

[leftstreet]

1. What's your idea of 'poor?'

Are you willing to contrast any of the conditions then and now?

[cali]

3. Look, I don't mean to brush you off but I think it's pretty clear both where I come from

and where I'm at. By any standards, I'm poor. I'm on food stamps and Medicaid. And yes, you have to pretty poor to qualify. I don't have enough money quite often for fuel for my car or to have work done on it. and that's just one example. I hope that information suffices for you to understand that I'm poor. not a little bit hard up, but flat poor.

[leftstreet]

17. Fair enough

It's clear. You have a wide range of experiences to draw from then

[reusrename]

33. It probably comes down to how many meals you miss.

If you've never really wondered about where your next meal might come from, then you haven't been poor.

[RadiationTherapy]

2. Add to this that wealth is often the consequence of leveraging others into poverty

and the whole "game" becomes particularly cruel.

I hope things are well with you. Thanks for sharing some of the outlines of your story.

[cali]

4. That's very nice of you to say.

[adirondacker]

5. That's pretty courageous. Speaking from experience, it's harder to fall than it is to climb.

best wishes and thanks again for adding critical thought to the DU boards.

[cali]

7. thanks. it actually did take my screwing up my courage to write and post this

[Bunnahabhain]

6. I grew up dirt poor in a rural area

and stayed under the poverty line until I was done my undergrad degree. Between work and school I was doing probably 100 hours a week. If you think heading into poverty is soul crushing you should try being born into rural poverty. Turkey on TG and Xmas was possible in the years after my father died only because our local church gave us a turkey and a few inexpensive gifts for my mother to give us. I could go into more detail but I'll tell you two things. First, I appreciate my life today more than anyone born into wealth could. Second, I do not begrudge people for achieving financial security (nor do I look down on those without it but that's another story). I think the best way I've ever heard my second point expressed was by the band Everclear in their song "I Will Buy You a New Life:

I hate those people who love to tell you
Money is the root of all that kills
They have never been poor
They have never had the joy of a welfare christmas

It probably resonates with me so much due to my several welfare Christmases.

Cali, hope you get back on your feet and thank you for your OP.

[cali]

8. Oh, man. I don't mean to compare my experience with yours and I apologize

if it comes off that way. I so agree with you that being born poor is worse than falling into poverty.

[Bunnahabhain]

10. No apology needed!

I should watch how I express my commentary sometimes.

However, I too think being born poor is way worse. The lack of access to social capital is so limiting. I mean, it's hard to ever become an Ivy League lawyer when you've never heard of the Ivy League! (Not a lawyer, just an example). I honest to god had a close friend growing up that quit school in grade 10 as his father quit in grade 10 and "look how good I did." He was a garbage man...could not make that one up if I tried.

[truedelphi]

15. It is so essential for our young people in HS to understand everything possible & available to

Them. And so sad to think of what lives are like when possibilities available were never explored, because the knowledge was not offered up.

My son received a full four year scholarship to Northwestern Univ, in part because of a very devoted school counselor who kept on him (and on me) to do what we needed to do to get a scholarship.

Now I live in the boondocks. It is so troubling when people here talk about their gifted children, and then add, "But this household doesn't have the money to send the kid to a four year school."

So often, no one is telling families about SAT's and National Merit Programs and so many other venues of possibility.

[PETRUS]

20. Not only that.

But what the hell is wrong with the idea of a society structured in such a way that would allow a non-gifted or even below average person to make a decent life for themselves and a family.

[truedelphi]

21. ivery much agree.

And I have to say, ther e are geniuses that don't make it through to acceptance, as they're simply not good at taking tests, or displaying knowledge they have that doesn't fit inside today's classroom.

Many HS's no longer even offer "shop" - so a whole segment of kids don't understand the gifts they have.

[Fumesucker]

9. ...

[DebJ]

25. Thanks. I loved Joe South, forgot about him. n/t

[Blue_In_AK]

11. I've been comfortable

and I've been very, very broke, and I too can attest to the fact that being poor sucks. The only good thing I can say about it is that it confirmed to me that I can survive on very little, so I know if my finances again go south, I'll make it somehow. You get pretty creative when you don't have much.

[snot]

12. I for one won't hold your long-gone "privilege" against you!

Whatever brought you to where you are today, I'm grateful for all the good you do on DU and, I suspect, elsewhere.

[Hydra]

13. Thanks for posting this Cali

You really don't get it until it happens to you. I've had a few positive bumps here and there, and I've had the privilege of living in some amazing places and even spent a day among the 1%, but I spend most of my days fighting to survive in a world that doesn't think of you as a person once you get down here to the bottom.

It's a blessing and a curse. Being comfortable makes you blind to what's wrong in the world, while being poor takes away your ability to do anything about those wrongs. Ironically, it isn't the things I can't have that hurt- it's when someone I care about needs help and I can't be there for them except as shoulder to lean on.

I suppose it would upset me more if I didn't understand how our system works and bought into the guilt/shame of not having a better job and not living a "worthwhile" life. I might never have learned objective economics if I hadn't had such a blunt firsthand perspective, but in learning it, I understand that more and more people will fall off "comfortable" section of the strata to end up down here.

What is the cost of truth? If this is the cost, I'm not sure I would ask for a refund...even though some days I'm sure I'd be tempted.

[alterfurz]

14. John Gorka's musical meditation on the theme

[canoeist52]

28. Thanks for this post -very thoughtful lyrics.

Ignorance & Privilege by John Gorka

I was born to ignorance, yes, and lesser poverties
I was born to privilege that I did not see
Lack of pigment in my skin, won a free and easy in
I didn’t know it, but my way was paved

I grew up a Catholic boy, in a northeastern state
A place when asked ‘Where you from’, some people tend to hesitate
Reply a little late, as if maybe you didn’t rate
I was born to privilege and ignorance.

My dad ran a printing press, a tag and label factory
I may have seen it as a child, now a distant memory
Almost too faint to see, dark red brick factory
I didn’t know it but my way was paved

We moved from a city street, shortly after I arrived
To a house on a gravel road, where I learned to be alive
Crawl, walk, run and ride, that’s where I learned to come alive
I didn’t know it, but my way was paved

If the wind is at your back and you never turn around
You may never know the wind is there
You may never hear the sound

Got to grow and go to school, work at home and dream at night
Even be a college fool, like I had any right
Never went through a war, never Great Depression poor
I didn’t know it, but my way was paved

Nose to the grindstone, shoulder to the wheel
Back against the wall, maybe you know how it feels

If the wind is at your back and you never turn around
You may never know the wind is there
You may never hear the sound

I was born to ignorance, yes, and lesser poverties
I was born to privilege that I did not see
Lack of pigment in my skin, won a free and easy in
I didn’t know it but my way was paved
I was born to ignorance and privilege.

[Cali_Democrat]

16. THIS is why it's extremely important to make sure the Republicans do not make gains in 2014:

http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/08/01/us-usa-congress-foodstamps-idUSBRE97012420130801

House Republicans to push $40 billion cut to food stamp program

(Reuters) - House Republicans plan to seek a $40 billion cut in food stamps for the poor, the head of the House Agriculture Committee said on Thursday, double the amount previously sought by conservatives.

The plan was quickly condemned by Democrats.

Chairman Frank Lucas said the legislation on food stamps, formally named Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), would be the second part of any talks with the Senate on a new U.S. farm law costing $100 billion a year.

Food stamps, the largest U.S. anti-hunger program, are the pivotal issue for the farm bill. One in seven Americans received food stamps at latest count.

Republicans say the program, whose enrollment soared after the 2008-09 recession, is unbearably expensive at $78 billion a year. Democrats such as Rep. Jim McGovern of Massachusetts say food stamps mitigate hunger in a still-weak economy.

Lucas, an Oklahoma Republican, told lobbyists in a speech that a Republican working group agreed on cuts expected to total $40 billion. The provisions would include drug tests of applicants and tougher work rules, Lucas indicated.

Republicans want the poor decimated.

[pitbullgirl1965]

18. Thank you for this post!

I would have had a solid middle to upper class (liberal) upbringing if not for my parents divorce and my fathers death a few years later when I was 9. Those two events had a global effect on my life that took years to overcome. I still try not to resent my cousins much easier in many ways life. Being poor sucks doesn't it?

My parents also tended to judge people more on whether they were smart and interesting, then on where they came from. And that meant that I didn't care what background someone came from. I've wondered if they came to regret that.

This is an interesting comment. ^^^^^^ What do you mean?

[Evoman]

19. Interesting. I'm sort of curious how you managed to fall out of affluence.

We often talk about social mobility being hard.....going from being dirt poor to rich is rare. I'm not sure how rare or common the reverse is. Just making it clear that I don't expect you to answer, and I'm definitely not judging you, just curious.

Me, I was the son of a single mom, immigrant, who could barely speak english. I wasn't dirt poor....couldn't afford the dirt. lol. Somehow I managed to get two degrees and climb out of poverty, only to semi-fall back into it now that I have cancer and can't work. I say semi-poor because my fiancee does very well....we just have so much student loans and stuff that needs to be taken care of before we are "well off".

[zentrum]

22. Picasso said...

...it was best to be born poor and become rich.

He thought being born rich and staying rich was not a good thing for actual development. Or for the artist.

And of course, your observations do not go both ways. Poor people, servants, cooks, nannies, waiters, chauffers, sales clerks---they know all about rich people. It's the rich people who don't see the work and workers taking care of everything, all around them.

[LiberalLoner]

23. Thank you for your post, Cali. I hope you will find better times ahead.

[tblue]

24. You're so cool, Cali!

It's like you 'came out' to us on DU. You are a very dear human bring with a huge heart. Going from very rich to very poor is a story you don't hear everyday. I know you don't want to share the details, but it could not have been easy.

I wish you health, happiness, and prosperity, sweetie.

[Octafish]

26. Poor in money is one thing.

Poor in spirit is another.

A person's greatest treasures are within.

Thank you for sharing from yours.

[LWolf]

27. I come from the other side of the tracks.

I grew up poor. I'm the first person from either side of my family to attend college, and it took me until the age of 34 to get as far as I got. Which wasn't as far as I'd have liked; I had a living to make. I've spent most of my life, with the exception of about 15 years, poor. Living from paycheck to paycheck. I thought, once I'd escaped, that I'd never be there again, but I am. Not poor relative to some, but barely scraping by, 53 with nothing ahead of me but SS.

I believe you. I've always known, working with people who were born into the middle class, that they could not relate to me. So I have a lifetime of not sharing my roots, or my experiences, because it makes people uncomfortable, and it makes people feel sorry for me. It makes people see me differently.

That's why I'm a leftist/liberal. Because I know that we need to focus on things that will eradicate poverty. And yes, I'm still that defiant idealist who wants a utopian world where poverty does not exist.

The likelihood of reaching utopia? It probably won't happen. But if we hold that vision, if we work and fight and sweat for it, we'll get a lot further than we would if we give up and compromise all of our safety nets away.

I don't hold it against you for not understanding before it happened to you. That's true for most of us: we don't completely understand what's outside our experience, no matter how much we might care. And I'm so sorry that you are having to experience it now.

We're going the wrong direction, adding to the population of poor, instead of moving all of us up.

[JaneyVee]

29. I've lived the complete opposite life, grew up in soul crushing poverty,

Worked since I'm 14, public education, studied to the point of falling asleep on open books, scored college scholarships, went to the college of my dreams, now earn $90,000/yr working in tv/film and in a private sector union. I empathize with you, poverty is absolutely frightening. Stay strong.

[bhikkhu]

30. Interesting. I wonder about different perspectives often

I grew up in poverty myself, though we had an extended family and plenty of interdependent support. To the point that I never thought of us as poor until I was a teenager. Poverty was being raised by a single mom, and having my grandparents live with us (and one of my aunts) to economize. So, with my siblings, that was 8 of us in a 700 sf house. We kids played outside mostly anyway, and had a great time. And then poverty was hand-me downs. I hardly ever got a new shirt or jacket, but I got my brother's when he got a "new" one. Which was usually a hand-me down from an uncle or a cousin. For school I had two white shirts and one pair of pants, and they had to last until washing day (sunday). Play clothes were easier - more hand-me downs that I didn't get in much trouble if I messed up. My grandma patched and mended anything that needed it, and my grandpa fixed anything around the house that needed fixed. If we needed anything, we'd probably find someone to borrow it from rather than buy it. We bathed once a week, and to save water and soap us four kids would use the same tub of water until it was grey.

Lots of habits like that sound pretty out of place now, but probably went back to the depression and an earlier generation. My grandparent had been raised on a farm, in what we'd probably call desperate poverty now. The farm went away in 1958, sold by my grandpa's brother finally.

One difference - I would never call poverty soul crushing. Life can be soul crushing, but poverty is what you make it. As a kid we had a great time and never thought much about it, and my family stuck together well. I remember more laughter than anything else - my grandma was always quick to laugh, and she sang as she worked around the house. Pretty much my entire extended family kept a good work ethic, and valued education and thrift highly, and steadily did better as I grew up. My grandparents have passed but my aunts and uncles and cousins are all either well-retired or well-employed now.

Incidentally, currently we're living fairly comfortably right n the edge of the poverty line. We're pretty frugal, but also our area has a very low cost of living, so we're probably above the average income here. Its not bad, I find that I have many habits my grandma would approve of, and I don't feel at all like I'm living out on the edge of a cliff, like the ground could fall away at any time. Which is probably how it would feel to have a big fancy job and a big fancy house...

[snooper2]

31. It's easier to grow up poor and become wealthy

than be wealthy and end up poor..

I think Eddie Murphy did a movie along those lines?

[cali]

32. Of course I don't know, but I suppose

I think the best way to grow up is have enough, and more importantly to have decent parents.

[1-Old-Man]

34. I don't think that's true. Its nearly impossible to grow up poor in the US and end up rich.

But there are people out there all over the place that will take a rich man's money from him in a heartbeat. Rich people suffer from predation too you know and of course even the rich can get stupid or just unlucky and lose it all, its happened many a time. Just ask those who invested with Bernie Madhoff (sp?) - virtually all of whom were well to do.