..."(as a woman) as I struggle for others' acceptance - you see, I don't want children..."

[Sarah Ibarruri]

...In the wake of the Supreme Court decision that struck down key portions the Defense of Marriage Act, I celebrated this historic milestone like many Americans as a step toward acceptance of all people. Even though I'm straight, I relate to my LGBT brothers and sisters as I also struggle for others' acceptance. By all accounts, I appear to be a completely average 27-year-old female. I was never the kind of person who thought I'd champion for individual rights or equality. Sure, I believe in it, but I'm not the stereotypical "Occupy" protestor or gay rights advocate.

On the outside, I look like many of my peers; I wear skinny jeans and Abercrombie. I play on my iPhone, Facebook and Twitter. I tend to blend seamlessly into the background of average female faces. However, I realize that my life as a typical twentysomething will not last long. As time goes on, I will start to become more and more isolated from my peer group as my secret comes out.

You see, I don't want children...

http://www.cnn.com/2013/08/01/living/parents-irpt-zorka-no-kids/index.html?hpt=hp_c4

[The Straight Story]

1. I can certainly respect that, my own personal feelings are

I am glad I had kids (even the one who posts on here....)

To each their own, I am a big believer in freedom of choice and I hate to see others beaten down for their personal choice.

The writer is honest about how she feels on the subject.

All of that, and a BUT:

I want people to know that writing this essay is the boldest thing I have ever done in my life. I realize that by publishing it, I run the risk of being ostracized and alienated by many people. That's OK. It is a risk I am willing to take.

Like the equal rights crusaders before me who have challenged the beliefs of society with regard to race, gender and sexual orientation, I realize that my views will not always be popular.

I just wish to do my part in creating a society that allows everyone, regardless of personal choices, to be accepted and able to express themselves freely without fear of judgment.

Personally I don't see her choice as being nearly as difficult as the ones she listed that others face (though to her, and in her situation they might be on a personal level). I respect how she feels though.

I don't think there are many choices in life you will make that someone is not going to rip you over

[Sarah Ibarruri]

2. You're right there are worst things - The Holocaust, slavery, etc.

As someone who never wanted children, however, and has been on the receiving end of shocked looks and interrogations re why I wanted no kids, do I not like them, who will take care of me when I'm old, what do I do with my life if I don't have kids, and many other rather rude questions of that type, I understand her perfectly.

[The Straight Story]

3. Yeah, I get what she is saying

but she sounds kind of young (and yes, I admit I am biased here).

I *do* feel for her and folks like her that made that choice and the crap they have to put up with, but if I were to write a post a day about the crap I have to put up with that people don't like I would have more posts than (some du'ers I won't name)

But again, I sympathize, and it is a DAMNED shame that people are so judgmental (including myself at times).

[Sarah Ibarruri]

4. Thing is this - women are expected to have kids

It's not merely that we have the equipment. By the comments and outrage of others when we say we aren't interested in kids, those of us who are women and refuse to have kids, are being held to a completely different standard than men who refuse to have kids. Some people are hostile to women who refuse to have kids, others simply outraged, others try to figure out what is "wrong" with a woman who refuses to have kids (and that "wrong" is generally assumed to be that we hate kids), and so on.

[The Straight Story]

5. You are correct, but allow me to add this:

us who are women and refuse to have kids, are being held to a completely different standard than men who refuse to have kids

The difference is that us men can never really have kids. We can contribute to someone else who can have them, so the pressure is different.

I cannot, personally, ever understand the woman side of it (I can try, and I do try).

Having read a slew of books from the 1800's I can say I get where you are coming from (women were supposed to 'breed', if you will, and I hate that term) as part of a social norm in some segments of society, but in other societies across the world it was seen as women helping a tribe/group continue on (there is no hope for that without women and child bearing).

Our society is partially predicated on that instinct for survival and that puts pressure on women, whereas today we do not need that for every woman - before it was a crap shoot, kids died, etc, and the more that we born the better chance of survival - so to some it still seems like it 'should' be a natural instinct and they marvel when it is not.

[Retrograde]

6. Sounds fine to me

IMHO, overpopulation is going to cause a lot of problems down the road, and I'm doing my part not to add any more people.

[pipi_k]

7. Some women I've known who

Didn't have kids because they didn't want them have never said they felt a great amount of pressure to have any. Oh, sure, there's always the occasional nosy interfering asshole, but in general I think people are a bit less judgmental than they used to be years ago.

Having said that, however, if I hadn't had kids sort of by accident, I wouldn't have chosen to have them, really. And had that been the case, I don't think I would let the nosy judgmental assholes off the hook if/when they asked their idiot questions. No...I would have been a nasty asshole myself and embarrassed the hell out of them by getting all weepy and claiming that I couldn't have children

Hopefully that would cure them of ever asking questions that are none of their goddamned business

At least that would be one less asshole who would hurt people like my youngest stepdaughter and her husband who suffered through two miscarriages in the space of one year

Nobody else's business why someone doesn't have kids...

[HiPointDem]

8. as a female boomer who never had children, by choice, i say, get over yourself.

[MadrasT]

9. Is this really that big a deal these days?

I am more than 20 years older than this person, have never wanted children, never had children, and no one has ever said "boo" to me about it. Everyone has always had the attitude of, "Oh, OK, not for you, that's cool."

And I sure have lived around some judgmental assholes when it came to other topics, but I have never been hassled about my choice to not procreate.

This just doesn't seem like a big, audacious, shocking revelation to me.

[enough]

11. You know MadrasT, I think things are actually regressing on this front for women.

I have two adult daughters in their mid thirties. I am 69. I feel that pressures on women are MUCH stronger and more pervasive than they were when I was in my 20's and 30's. It is one of the most surprising things I have observed about the changes between generations, one of the things I did not expect to happen.

I actually think the social pressures on women to conform are harder to deal with now than they were in the past generation. I attribute it to the total saturation of mass media and social media. It is much harder now for women to decide not to conform to all the expectations than it was in our generation. This is in spite of all the progress made by women in work, sports, politics, etc. etc. I feel that this is one of the most insidious developments in our current culture. Many young women do resist these pressures, but it takes a much higher toll on them than it did in the previous generation.

[Arkansas Granny]

10. I just don't see someone not wanting to have kids as being a big deal.

I've never regretted having mine and I know people who have never regretted having none. I feel like it goes along with being pro-choice.

[enough]

12. Absolutely, this is is part of pro-choice, but not one given much support in these times. (nt)

[Generic Brad]

13. You have my acceptance

The ability or desire to reproduce had nothing to do with the value of a person in my eyes.

[ohheckyeah]

14. I never had any and didn't want to.

I have 3 close female friends who never had children. Anybody that gave me a hard time about it, I made them feel like shit by looking sad and telling them I had a hysterectomy. (which I did) The always apologized and never brought it up again. If she thinks it's tough now, she should have been in my shoes in the 80s.