It's not sexist to prefer doctor of the same sex for certain things, is it?

[penultimate]

Basically I've been seeing a doctor who is a female, and she's been great. She's professional and competent, all the things someone would want from their doctor. Now, I've been having some problems that I find kind of embarrassing and I can't see myself bringing these up to her. Would it be wrong to request to see a different doctor who happens to be male? Although, to be honest, even if it was an older female doctor I would probably be less uncomfortable with bringing it up. I admit, my current doctor is fairly young and very attractive, which I think also plays a role in my feelings.

I asked a couple other people about their feeling and they said they'd probably feel the same way. Only one person called me a sexist ass who needs to get over it. Part of me agrees with that sentiment. Maybe not the sexist part, but at least the part that I should be able to just get over it and act like an adult.

[onehandle]

1. It's not sexist. Dealing with a doctor is much about communication.

Your comfort is critical.

[Whisp]

2. listen to your friend. n/t

[mythology]

3. If you get small enough

most of what the human body does is kind of gross.

But I don't think it makes you sexist. You said you were embarrassed, not that you thought she wasn't a capable doctor because she's a woman. I imagine if I were a woman, I'd probably prefer a female ob/gyn.

[liberal_at_heart]

7. I have had a male technician give me a transvaginal ultrasound. The whole procedure

is a little weird but I never felt uncomfortable having a male technician do the procedure. He was very professional and discrete. I was covered and he wore gloves and there was always a female nurse or technician in the room as well.

[gvstn]

37. Discreet is the correct spelling for your meaning.

I only point it out because I have seen it misspelled 3 times today and was beginning to doubt myself.

Discrete means individual, separate.

[quinnox]

4. NO. It is a little unusual you have a female doctor

if you are male, in the first place. I once saw a female doctor about something, and it was a bit awkward. For both of us.

[Scuba]

21. I'm a male and my doctor is female. I don't think it's all that unusual.

[LisaLynne]

36. I don't think that's unusual. I've had a male general practitioner

my entire life. I really doubt the female doctor you saw felt it was awkward, unless she could sense that you were uncomfortable.

[liberal_at_heart]

5. I had two male doctors do my breast surgery. I never did feel uncomfortable though.

I do feel uncomfortable with my general physician but for a different reason. I'm not always the best patient. I go see him for a problem(anxiety), he prescribes a medicine, I take it for a few months and then I quit taking my medication. Then after a couple of years I feel like trying to tackle the problem again and go back to ask for more medication when I never should have stopped taking it in the first place. Are you sexist? I'm not sure I can tell you that. You are certainly free to chose any doctor you want. It might be a good exercise in personal growth to try and get over the feelings you are having and see if you can talk to her about your medical needs.

[Greybnk48]

6. Of course it's not sexist.

Go to whomever you feel comfortable with; someone you will share all relevant information with without feeling embarrassed.

Years ago I realized I was holding back info from my male gynecologist because I didn't want to feel "ugly." That's dangerous! As soon as I realized what I was doing, I switched to a female Doc. My previous Doc understood fully and was fine with the switch (I worked with him at a hospital which added to my stress).

The other added benefit was, and is, that my current female Doc has much of the same health experiences I have so it's easy to talk to her about women's health issues.

[elleng]

8. No, its not.

Its a matter of privacy and personal comfort. Its never mattered to me, but has to my daughters. Don't know about men.

[Warpy]

9. Ask her for a referral to a urologist and tell her you're bashful.

That will get you the right specialist for what likely ails you with minimum embarrassment, although you can be sure she's heard it all and will not sit in judgment.

[BainsBane]

10. You have every right to see any doctor who makes you feel most comfortable

and if you are more comfortable with men, that is entirely your right. I am more comfortable with women for many things, such as an OB GYN and primary physician.

[Liberal_in_LA]

11. no

[XemaSab]

12. Interesting article and subsequent discussion

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/25/when-the-patient-is-racist/?_r=0

(For the record, there are some things I would prefer to see a female doctor for. There's avoiding being sexist and then there's being comfortable with your provider.)

[Rowdyboy]

13. Can only speak for myself. My doc for the last 10 years has been opposite sex....

I can talk about ANYTHING with her, I'm far more comfortable talking to her without any of the male bullshit to worry with. I'm far more at ease with her than I've ever been with a male doc-especially discussing sexual issues.

[Adsos Letter]

14. No, you should feel free to go with whichever doc you're most comfortable with.

[Riftaxe]

15. Do what ever you need to do and don't worry about sensibilities

Now my physician is an older woman (or young fox depending on your point of view) and I am comfortable telling/showing her anything.

To my thinking if she has not seen it or heard it before, I probably do have the wrong one.

My biggest complaint outside of her accent is her poor math abilities that make me call 3 weeks before the next appointment to "emergency" refill Rx's even when I have previously explained it will run out.

In 20 years you will likely laugh at your doubts, but in the mean time get it taken care of as comfortablely and quickly as you see fit....the important part is to get it dealt with.


*Intellectually you suspect you are wrong for finding her attractive, there is no shame or helping that, and you know it does not inhibit her abilities in any way, yet still....most guys have been in that position early on, it gets easier when you figure out even attractive women fart after that it's the roller coaster of lowered expectations and increased appreciation if you're doing it right*

[MADem]

16. You should see the doctor you are comfortable seeing, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. nt

[Skittles]

17. nope - it's whoever you are comfortable with

[Luminous Animal]

18. Do what you need to do but there is also value in challenging yourself...

[pnwmom]

19. Many women prefer a female ob/gyn. It's not sexism, it's more a matter of privacy.

It just is more comfortable with a woman --- not because I don't think a man can do the job.

[JI7]

20. no

[Sheldon Cooper]

22. Not sexist at all, provided it's a matter of your personal comfort

vs the belief that a female doctor is inherently incompetent due to her gender. I have no qualms about seeing a male doctor for my gyno needs, but my teenage daughters would rather die than have a male doctor poking around in their lady regions.

One thing I noticed many years ago, while getting a mammogram, is that I had never seen a male nurse/tech administer this test. I asked the nurse if they ever had any guys go through this training, and she said they probably wouldn't be allowed to do it. I guess because most women wouldn't want a man to be manipulating their breasts in this fashion. It seems a little discriminatory for them to be forbidden to do it, but if 95% of women patients would refuse to let you do it, I suppose you wouldn't have a job anymore. Personally, it wouldn't bother me but I've always been a bit different.

[treestar]

23. I can't judge your for it

My GP has always been a female. I ain't having a male doc do the pap smear or the breast exam.

Probably if they do it now they have to have a nurse in the room at witness. I went to one male doctor who brought a nurse in to listen to my heart with a stethoscope!

The fortunate thing is that there are, at least where I live, tons of female doctors.

[tanyev]

24. When I first looked for a gynecologist I only considered female doctors

because I was uncomfortable with having a male gyno. That lasted until I started having some problems and I would have had to wait awhile to see my female doctor (she had lots of patients and worked reduced hours when her kids were young) and I felt like she was rather dismissive of my concerns when I called in about this problem. (Yes, in hindsight it was a fairly common problem and turned out to be nothing major, but it was the first time it had ever happened to ME and I was freaking out.) They offered me an appointment much sooner with one of the male doctors in the practice and I gladly took it. He was very understanding and reassuring and I have stayed with him ever since.

So...I don't think it's sexist, but keep in mind that a same sex doctor doesn't guarantee you'll like the doctor more.

[penultimate]

25. lol... I don't remember I posting this.

I think I woke up in the middle of the night and sleep posted on DU.

[Union Scribe]

26. I'm going to rec the thread now

because your sleep posting was more coherent than a lot of people's awake posting

[Atman]

27. You should see a doctor about that.

Maybe one who is sleeping.

[a la izquierda]

28. No.

I'm a female and I prefer female gynecologists. For other matters, I really don't care

[madaboutharry]

29. No, it is fine that you feel that way.

This is what I would do; Call her office and ask for her to call you back. Tell her what the medical problem is that you are having, tell her that you would feel more comfortable with a male doctor for this issue, and ask for a referral. She will completely understand, I guarantee it.

[davidpdx]

30. I think you go with whomever you feel most comfortable with

There are things that I feel more comfortable talking to a female doctor about because I find them more sympathetic and understanding. Sometimes I have a choice in who I see and sometimes I have to take whomever I get. When I can I stick with the doctors I like.

[jessie04]

31. Yes, its disgustingly RW sexist and it makes me sick.

100% joking.

[magical thyme]

32. not sexist; normal...

I suppose next some people will start calling you a prude. Meh.

They're wrong. You need to be comfortable with your doctor and with yourself. Many of us weren't raised to be totally comfortable with ourselves and that's not something you just "get over" because somebody else tells you to. Just because someone else is comfortable in a situation doesn't give them the right to judge you or call you names.Frankly, somebody who calls you names because you aren't like them isn't much of a friend.

Someone upthread told you to "listen to your friend."

I'll say the same thing, and clarify a bit. You are your own best friend. Listen to your gut. If it tells you it's not comfortable with a situation, believe it.

[pipi_k]

33. You know...

if you find something embarrassing enough to want to see a same sex doctor, then that's how you feel, and nobody should have the right to judge you for it.

I remember years ago when there weren't as many women doctors, and the only choice was to see a man, even for female stuff. OB/GYN stuff especially embarrassing, and I hated going, because I would feel dirty and violated for a long time afterward.

And the attitudes sucked...embarrassment was met with contemptuous statements like, "Please...I do this every day!"

My thought...though I never expressed it was, "Fuck you!! I don't do this every day!! That's why it's embarrassing, you asshat!!"

Don't let anyone judge you for preferring one sex over the other for things that make you uncomfortable...

[Bunnahabhain]

34. Who cares if it's sexist?

This is your health we are talking about. If the gender of your physician is creating a personal barrier to patient/physician communication that is the more immediate problem. You are there to receive a service and the most critical service all of us can get in our lives. Do what you need to do to get the care you need.

[liberalhistorian]

35. As a woman, I don't think I'd call that sexist.

You need to be comfortable with your doctor, and it helps to have one that understands issues your sex deals with. That's not to say that your current doctor wouldn't be understanding, but it's more a matter of your needing to feel comfortable enough to be able to fully and completely communicate. Full communication is critical in relationships with doctors and most understand that.

It's why I, and most women, prefer a female gynecologist. It's nothing against men and I've had several male gynecologists (I have one now because there's no woman available currently in my rural area). The difference between a male and a female gynecologist is like night and day. Not that the male docs I had were bad or incompetent, they just didn't truly get a lot of female "issues", were often dismissive of them, and were rougher in exams than the women were and are. I wouldn't call it sexist that I prefer a woman gynecologist over a man, and I don't think I'd call you sexist either.

[MadrasT]

38. Reading the responses in this thread, I find it odd that so many people care about the gender

of their doctor(s). It has never made any difference to me.

I don't think it's sexist unless someone just thinks that women are incapable of being competent physicians and it sounds like that's not the case with you.

(I truly find it bizarre that so many people care, but I do seem to view the whole gender thing through a completely different lens that most of the rest of the world.)

[geek tragedy]

39. Your body, your choice, your business alone. nt

[LiberalElite]

40. Do what makes you feel more comfortable n/t

[ZombieHorde]

41. I don't think so. nt

[newcriminal]

42. It's not sexist,but

if she is your primary doctor it might be wise to tell her what's going on. I would just be honest with her.

[AtheistCrusader]

45. Precisely.

You didn't mention the specific nature of your issue, but if it's what a man would normally be embarrassed about, it might point to a more important health issue you haven't discovered or thought about yet.

Her knowing, and knowing any other symptoms or issues, could go as far as to save your life.

[TheKentuckian]

43. Heh...more likely I'm sexist because I almost always prefer a female doctor.

My rationale is why, I feel like women listen better and tend to be more engaged in the conversations while many men have already formed their answer before we communicate at all and often seem agenda driven rather than problem focused.

[AtheistCrusader]

44. I prefer whomever is qualified.

I note that if I do word substitution of race for gender in your premise, it gets really awkward to defend, really quick.

Before bailing on a (in your words) professional and competent doctor for another that is simply a different gender, keep in mind, if you bring up your problem, whatever it is, there is nothing she hasn't heard before. There is no reason to be embarrassed. Like most doctors, her mission is to help people, including you. Give her a chance, you might be surprised. If not, if she's uncomfortable or not knowledgeable, she'll refer you to a specialist.