Obama Uses NSA Database to Find Man; Just Wanted to Hang Out

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-(Washington DC)-As a result of recent revelations from a local man, it would seem that President Obama has used the NSA database to find specific individuals to meet in person.

The man told media sources that, on the evening of July 25th at approximately 11:30 PM, he responded to a quiet knock at his door only to realize that the stranger standing in front of him was none other than President Obama.

“He was wearing a jogging suit and aviators. And he was sweating a lot. Kind of like he might have been running for a while,” claimed the anonymous tipster. Obama reportedly stated out of breath that he thought he’d “hopefully lost secret service a mile or two back.”

When the man asked the President why he was at his house, Obama responded by sheepishly admitting he was surfing the web on his computer and noticed the man enjoyed Hitchcock films and was eager to watch “one two or maybe three” of the director’s classics since his “schedule was cleared for the evening.”

Afraid of displaying discourtesy toward the leader of the free world, the homeowner brought Obama inside, set a pot of coffee and prompted Rear Window in his DVD player.

However, curiosity and confusion finally overcame his desire for hospitality. The man again asked the president why he had come to his house.

It was at this point that the president seemed to have a nervous break down and began aimlessly talking about “unbearable pressure” from an “overly-tanned man-child and an angry Vietnam vet with bad knees.” He also spilled the beans on “an immense, mostly-autonomous security and defense structure” that possessed “zero meaningful accountability” to himself or any other elected official.

“He kept going back to the cover of The Dark Side of the Moon,” said the homeowner. “He kept telling me David Gilmour was a prophet. I didn’t know what else to do so I just started the movie.”

The two finished Rear Window and were halfway through North By Northwest when Obama seemed intent on asking a question.

“I paused the film and he pondered out loud if I had any of the kush left I’d recently purchased from my friend Todd. After a couple bowls, we finished the film and the president left around 4 in the morning.”

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2. What a strange piece of spam.

[Swamp Lover]

3. There is an upside to Obama's behaviour in this regard....

I had made the classic Facebook blunder and foolishly mentioned, on-line, that I was away from home for a couple of weeks, and was worried about what would happen to my recently planted vegetable garden, without care. I realized, immediately upon posting, the danger of letting people, including potential burglars, know that I was out of town and that my home was unattended.

I guess the NSA was monitoring my transmissions and when I returned from my business trip, my neighbor let me know that Barack and Michele had visited regularly to water and weed my small garden. My tomatoes are bigger and tastier than ever before and the jalapenos are kick-ass. The four votes I cast for this man at four different polling places, both election cycles, were certainly worth the time and effort!!!!!!

Downside. I think they took some of my mail...including my Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes entry form!!!!!!!

[Fumesucker]

4. Did the pipe/bong have the presidential seal?

That would be so cool.

[BainsBane]

5. I'd don't like when people posts these stories without indicating they are satire

and you haven't provided a link.

[intaglio]

6. Considering that Google nor other search engines ...

... can find any trace of this text except DU I suspect it is Just the OP having fun

Either that or it is trying to set up unsourced internet buzz.

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7. I wrote it myself.