Dear Daughter: I Hope You Have Awesome Sex

[wyldwolf]

There’s a piece of twaddle going around the internet (Neal Boortz loves to roll it out) called 10 Rules For Dating My Daughter, which is packed with “funny” threats like this:

“Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilising some kind of ‘barrier method’ can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.”

All of which boil down to the tedious, “Boys are threatening louts, sex is awful when other people do it, and my daughter is a plastic doll whose destiny I control.”

Look, I love sex. It’s fun. And because I love my daughter, I want her to have all of the same delights in life that I do, and hopefully more. I don’t want to hear about the fine details because, heck, I don’t want those visuals any more than my daughter wants mine. But in the abstract, darling, go out and play.

Because consensual sex isn’t something that men take from you; it’s something you give. It doesn’t lessen you to give someone else pleasure. It doesn’t degrade you to have some of your own. And anyone who implies otherwise is a man who probably thinks very poorly of women underneath the surface.

Yes, all these boys and girls and genderqueers may break your heart, and that in turn will break mine. I’ve held you, sobbing, after your boyfriend cheated on you, and it tore me in two. But you know what would tear me in two even more? To see you in a glass cage, experiencing nothing but cold emptiness at your fingers, as Dear Old Dad ensured that you got to experience nothing until he decided what you should like.

More... http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/brand-dear-daughter-i-hope-you-have-awesome-sex/

[Socal31]

1. I really really want a son.

Which means I know I will have a daughter. Maybe two at once (twins in my family).

Dads have it rough :/

[wyldwolf]

2. I really had no preference but watching my daughter learn and grow has been incredible

[Socal31]

3. Oh I believe it.

But I was a 16 year old boy at one point, and I would not let the 16yr old me around my 15yr old daughter.

[wyldwolf]

4. I remember being 16 and my daughter will be prepared for cads like me. :)

[phylny]

11. We had no preference, either, and have three daughters.

Nothing could have prepared us for the joy and happiness they've given us, and neither I nor their father worried or obsessed about their sex lives. We simply explained to them that:

1) Boys generally weren't thinking about choosing curtains and china patterns for marriage at age 16, and they shouldn't confuse boys or men wanting sex with loving them or wanting what was best for them. (At age 16, they shouldn't confuse it, either). It's normal and natural to want sex, but they needed to use their smarts when choosing to do so, and not think it meant everlasting love and commitment.

2) They were responsible for their own birth control, and should never count on the boy to have it all the time. A condom was a non-negotiable must. When they wanted to be put on the pill, they got it.

3) Neither I nor their father wanted to raise a grandbaby while they finished high school or college. They had to be financially secure and emotionally ready to have a baby, and they needed to be certain to protect themselves against an unwanted pregnancy unless they met those requirements. See condoms and pills (above).

4) By having a baby before the goals they'd set for themselves, they would be missing out on some really great times and opportunities. And really great times.

5) Finally, sex is really fun (MOM!) and really great (MOM~!!!!!) and they should enjoy it with the right person at the right time, and not a moment before they decided it was the right person at the right time.

We have two college graduates who are employed in their field of study, and one senior in college. Our eldest just got married this past weekend. No threats to boys necessary.

[Just Saying]

5. I only have sons but I completely agree.

The entire way we approach sex is off for both genders. Some people think I'm crazy when I say that I'll be giving my boys condoms before I think it's necessary. I plan to teach them to respect their partner and themselves and that sex is fun but there are serious emotional and physical consequences that go along with it. Why wouldn't I teach them to be safe?

[HockeyMom]

6. As a 64 year old woman,

that stuff about the Pill is a load of crap. I took it in 1962 to regulate my very periods. That was the high dosage one. I then took it for almost 15 years; before marriage and after marriage until my husband got a vas when we didn't want any more children. During all those years it was all the high dosage Pill.

I am still here, alive and kicking. I did not die of hemorrhaging or breast cancer (sic). Teach your daughter well and look for advice from us old women who have been there, done that, and are still ALIVE. BTW, I would do it all over again because children should be wanted and planned for. If taking BC meant I would die, well I would take that chance all over again.

[RebelOne]

7. Ditto. I am a 74-year-old woman

and had an IUD for a few years when I was in my late 30s and then experienced hemorrhaging. Got that taken out and went on the Pill for another few years and had bleeding problems again. Had to discontinue that, but by that time I was in my middle 40s, so just didn't worry about getting pregnant any longer, and fortunately, I didn't, and then went into menopause. That is the good thing about getting older, no pregnancy worries.

[Squinch]

9. Menopause rocks.

I always had trouble with the pill and circulation. Menopause doesn't seem to be the nightmare I have been fearing, and no more birth control!! Lovely!

[Ms. Toad]

12. It isn't hemorrhaging - it is clotting

And as the owner of bilateral DVT (big ugly clots), living with vertigo for nearly a year now (working about half time) as a consequence of the surgery to fix the big ugly clots - don't be quite so dismissive of that particular risk.

(My DVT didn't happen to result from BC - but that is the first question every doctor who's treated it for the last 30 years has asked.)

[tularetom]

8. They're going to do it regardless of what you do

So you'd be well advised to make sure they are doing it safely and without fear of unintended consequences.

It will usually turn out OK if you just butt out. It will probably work itself out even if you don't butt out, but why get yourself into a snit over something you have no control over.

Voice of experience speaking here.

[liberal_at_heart]

10. I have an 18 year old daughter and I couldn't agree more.

As any parent does I worry about the bad things that can happen, but that is life. In life good things happen and bad things happen. If you never experience any of the bad things, it also means you have not experienced any of the good things either.