Psychiatrist Patiently Listens To Obama Complain About Every Single American
WASHINGTON—Carefully jotting down notes as the two sat in his small second-floor office on K Street, psychiatrist Dr. Thomas Eccleson patiently let President Barack Obama angrily voice his complaints and grievances about every single American in the nation, sources confirmed Tuesday.
While conceding that the president has “made some decent progress” over the course of several months of therapy, Eccleson told reporters that Obama still has many deep-seated issues with each of the 313 million members of the U.S. populace.
“This week we continued exploring Barack’s resentment about being constantly judged by others,” said Eccleson, noting the president’s reliance on unhealthy defense mechanisms to distance himself emotionally from the American public. “Again and again I hear things like, ‘No matter how hard I try, nothing is ever good enough for Seattle resident Bryan Harrison.’ But I keep stressing that, at the end of the day, Barack is a human being and can’t expect himself to be perfect.”
“A lot of his feelings of inadequacy—thinking that no matter how successful he is, he can’t live up to people’s expectations—stem from his relationship with his father,” Eccleson continued. “That’s also at the core of his trust issues with not only Bryan, but also Gail Shaughnessy, Eric Corker, Amy Bergin, and more or less the entire population of Worcester, MA.”
Eccleson, who has been seeing the president weekly since April, said Obama spends much of his 45-minute sessions fretting over the lack of communication between himself and the nation’s citizenry. Obama was reportedly overheard claiming that Nebraskans such as Dorothy Perez, Clay Jones, Keith Uriahson, and Heather Conelly “don’t know what the hell they want,” and accused residents of Iowa, Ohio, and Michigan of “not even listening when [he’s] talking half the time.”
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