Manning's gender switch is confusing and disturbing to me, and I'm the problem.

[TekGryphon]

Manning switching genders evoked an immediate negative gut reaction from me. Even thinking about it creates feelings of confusion and distrust.

Because of this, I've avoided participating in conversations on Manning in my social circles. Why? Because I'm disappointed with myself.

Logically all I need to do is switch pronouns and call it a day, yet I'm having a strong instinctual aversion to the subject. I'm disappointed with myself because I recognize where this is coming from - the fear of the unknown. Ignorance, to put it a less kinder way.

I am ignorant of transgenderism and the issues surrounding it. My ignorance is the source of my lack of empathy, and thus my distrust and confusion.

I would like to correct that.

I am asking those of you who have knowledge of transgenderism and empathy with those who live that life to share links to articles or resources that you believe are valuable.

I'd like to one day get to the point where I can have the same instinctual empathy with transgenderism as I do with sexuality and race, to the point where I don't have to even consciously acknowledge that empathy it's so instinctual.

[Tien1985]

1. I can't give it

A good look through right at this moment, but try looking through this page for good links and resources. They have good resources here. http://www.mainetransnet.org/links2.html

Aversion to gender-bending us built into our society and can be hard for people to break free of. Some people *are* naturally good at going with the flow and just accepting it, others need help. As long as we always choose respect, always try to understand instead of accepting our first (maybe not so nice) reaction, peace will win.

[Wait Wut]

2. I've had a crappy week.

You just helped make it better.

Your honesty is refreshing. For people born heterosexual, I think it takes time to understand anything else. I never learned Japanese, and my son married a beautiful Okinawan woman. I don't understand the culture or the language. I care enough about her to try.

You obviously care enough to want to try, as well. That's awesome.

I've been blessed with a full rainbow of friends and relatives, so accepting all the varieties of people always came easy to me. All I know is that everyone is capable of good, evil, love, hate and the only thing that separates us is space and attitude.

All the links and resources in the world won't do nearly as much as knowing someone personally. There are plenty of people right here on DU that I'm sure will chime in. They have incredible stories to tell. Happy and heartbreaking. I think both will help you understand.

Thank you for the shot of humanity.

[CBGLuthier]

3. Well, as they always say, the first step is admitting you have a problem

Although I felt reasonably enlightened I do have to admit to learning a lot from this blog by Stephen Ira

http://supermattachine.wordpress.com/

[bunnies]

4. DUers have provided links in other threads. And...

I hope they will repost them here. Your honesty is breathtaking. I admire you for it. That took guts.

[panader0]

5. Good for you

As hard as it is for some of us to understand, I believe it is much harder for those involved directly.
Love everyone as much as you can.

[agent46]

6. There may not be a problem

Maybe it's more a matter of finding a foothold of empathy with a human experience that's been, up to now, simply beyond yours.

I'd like to recommend a great book by a good friend of mine. Max Valerio is a bright, iconoclastic, colorful, opinionated and gifted poet/writer. He is also transgendered and has written a vivid account of his transformation from female to male.

I enjoyed reading it. As a male heterosexual it opened my eyes to many perspectives I'd never stopped to consider about being a man and my respect grew for the transgendered people who have, against the grain of conventional society, had the courage to transition to a life more in alignment with their own sense of themselves and their sexuality.

Max is a gifted poet and uniquely qualified to put his experience into words and vivid images. If you decide to read it, I think you'll enjoy it too.

All the best.

46

The Testosterone Files: My Hormonal and Social Transformation from Female to Male Paperback
by Max Wolf Valerio
http://www.amazon.com/The-Testosterone-Files-Hormonal-Transformation/dp/1580051731

[Hydra]

7. Thanks for asking

One of my hobby subjects is psychology and human behavior. We're taught to box our gender and sexual preference(and have it all be the same as everyone else), but I'll let you in on a little secret: we're all born with the same equipment to start. Things happen to make us different from each other from that point until the day we die, but we're all human first and foremost.

[liberal_at_heart]

8. Those stuck in their denial of their prejudice don't deserve much patience, but those willing to

acknowledge it, be open to learning, and work on acceptance I think there is room for patience.

[Bryn]

9. I learned about it back in 1960's

when I was a teenager. When visiting with my grandparents, my cousin invited me to stay with her for a night..there she introduced me to her friend, a guy named Len. She told me that Len was born a girl and was named Lynn. He didn't feel like a girl as a child, kept telling his parents that he was really a boy and was having problems so his parents got help and he switched over from Lynn to Len. I couldn't tell that he once was a girl and he seemed to be happy and very comfortable with being who he was. He was well-liked by other teenagers and they were accepting of him. Since then I've understood it. Looking back I am amazed that his parents helped him to switch over. I recall him wearing a brace on his chest as he was taking hormones therapy, but I don't know if he had sex change operation.

Perhaps you should read a book by Chaz Bono about his transition from being Chasity to Chaz. He says he's very happy.

[NuclearDem]

10. Welcome to the party

Sometimes the best way to deal with uncomfortable things is to just shut up and listen.

[Rex]

11. Takes a big person to admit they have faults on a public forum.

[Emit]

12. I posted a trailer to a movie that provides so much insight into the subject

my only regret is that I have no way to show the entire movie, only the trailer

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10023522144

[Bjorn Against]

13. Thank you for being honest and sincere

You may be wrong, but you know you are wrong and you seem to have a genuine desire to educate yourself. That is very admirable and something I don't see very often.

I recommend you watch the movie Milk with Sean Penn, it is not about gender identity specifically but it is probably the best movie ever made about the gay rights movement and I think you would find it very valuable and relevant to what you are seeking.

[Ms. Toad]

19. I actually wouldn't call it wrong.

Emotions are - emotions. Neither right nor wrong. How we respond to those emotions is what is important - and this response is spot on. I am uncomfortable, I don't want to be, help me move from here to there.

[Ratty]

14. Yeah, me too

I hate to admit it but my first reaction was along the lines of oh no, we don't need this right now. I've never had a problem being asked to switch gender pronouns in my personal and professional life - it hasn't happened often but once corrected I never get it wrong again. But I had the same gut reaction as you.

It reminds me of a college roommate. Very, very gay. He was bonkers over a certain arty female vocalist, constantly lending me her CDs, describing what each of her songs secretly meant. So once I told him, very earnestly but not truthfully, that I had heard that she was a lesbian. Oh the look on his face. He got angry at me as if I was insulting her and really chewed me out. I told him I was kidding and we had a good conversation about societal pressures and self-loathing. He was just as ashamed as I am now admitting my reaction to Chelsea's announcement.

[sarisataka]

15. Ignorance is a good thing

it can be remedied with education and understanding. Stupid is a cycle that cannot be broken from the outside.

I am less ignorant today than when I woke up. I dare say you are finding yourself less ignorant as well. You just have the bravery to come out and admit it.

[Brickbat]

16. Here is a PDF from PFLAG for people who have had someone they care about come out as transgender.

http://community.pflag.org/Document.Doc?id=202

It answers a lot of questions, I think.

I will say that my thinking has evolved a great deal over many years.

[backscatter712]

17. I have a couple friends who are transgender.

One of them is MTF, the other is FTM.

When they've talked to me about their experiences, or when I just see the look in their eyes, what I see is pain.

All their lives, people have demanded that they act and dress to pretend they're someone they're not. They've had to live their entire lives fighting the stigma, at times, fighting themselves, feeling shitty about themselves, and wishing they could be themselves without risk.

They feel a tremendous sense of relief after they have come out of the closet, switched to dressing as the gender that they truly are, rather than the gender of their pointy bits, figured out who their true friends are, and who are the bigoted douchebags they can do without, and can simply be themselves.

I imagine for Chelsea Manning, it's the same experience.

[dixiegrrrrl]

18. You might also consider posting this in the LGBT group.

Just a thought.....

your candor is refreshing....good luck on your path of understanding.

[Ms. Toad]

20. Here are a few:

http://www.wikihow.com/Respect-a-Transgender-Person

http://freethoughtblogs.com/zinniajones/2013/08/why-i-keep-records-of-my-transition/

http://www.friendsjournal.org/we-think-he-might-be-a-boy/

Courtesy of the many people I love who are trans* - including a foster child and my high school sweetheart. I'll add more once I scroll through more articles we've shared.