Something different on a Sunday afternoon, giving away a bride...

[hootinholler]

First I want to say that I've tried all of my daughter's life to foster confidence and independence in both thought and deeds. I'm so very proud of her as a woman of integrity and strength, I fear my heart will burst when she exchanges vows.

When she marries next Sunday, I will be giving her away and I'm having trouble reconciling the implied notion that one has to own something to be given away and when something is given in ownership, it is received likewise.

What to do? What can I say that won't feel trite or sound like an anti-misogynistic diatribe?

Her mother and I give our blessings?

[Brickbat]

1. Did your daugher ask you to do this?

What does she want you to do?

If you're just walking her down the aisle, give her a hug when you get there, and then give her partner a hug.

[hootinholler]

3. Indeed she has asked

It is a not very religious ceremony (if anything it will be wiccan), but she wants to be observant of tradition. The party will be in highland attire and the bride piped in to the ceremony and the couple piped into the reception.

I talked to her about it a little and surprisingly she hadn't thought about the implications, but she feels the ceremony needs something at the point where the bride is given.

[Voice for Peace]

5. It's not about ownership any more.

It's the father's acknowledgement that it's his
time to let her go.

A poignant crossing indeed. You might want
to cry your head off between now and then.

[cbayer]

7. +1 - this post made me tear up.

[hootinholler]

10. Might want to? ROFLMAO

The people on my commuter bus have been wondering why I'm tearing up on the ride.

Thanks for that affirmation though, it really does help.

[Voice for Peace]

17. I thought if you get it all out this week

you might be able to keep it together next Sunday.. wishing you great joy

[hootinholler]

23. It's a strategy then.

Thanks for your wishes!

[winter is coming]

19. As to what you say when asked who gives your daughter to be married,

I suggest, "Her mother and I."

[Arctic Dave]

12. +1

It's about seeing her go to a new chapter of her life.

[leveymg]

2. Congratulations, Dad!

You'll always have her love. That was earned many years ago.

Here's to Proud Dads and Beautiful Daughters!

[hootinholler]

4. Thank you Mark!

I owe you a phone call, I kinda got overtaken by events. We'll have to have a scotch in September.

[leveymg]

6. Looking forward to that.

Enjoy the wedding and all that goes with it!

[cbayer]

8. I will be the mother of the groom next Spring, and I start

crying just thinking about it.

I do feel like I am giving him away, or more accurately, letting him go.

It is amazingly poignant for me and I'm not sure how I will get through the ceremony.

[hootinholler]

11. I was totally cool until last week

Then it all sort of hit me. This has hit me harder than the birth of my granddaughter.

I know you are a strong woman and you may be bleary eyed, but you will enjoy the moment, I'm sure.

[cbayer]

15. I will think of you next week and want to send my best wishes to

your daughter and her intended.

I adore my incoming daughter in law (and her family, who I have gotten to know over the past year).

It will be a tough contest over who cries most - her father or me.

[hootinholler]

16. Thank you very much!

I really do have good feelings about the match.

[coffeenap]

9. Here's an idea:

She walks in alone, you and her mom meet her in the front, kiss her, then send her on her way alone to meet her groom.

Hope it's a wonderful day for you!

[fizzgig]

13. my folks raised me the same way

but i still wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle and 'give' me away, there was no implication that i was property to be passed on.

if that is what she wants, then that is what you should do. it was a very special moment for me and if she's a daddy's girl like me, it will be the same for her.

congratulations to the happy couple.

[winter is coming]

20. +1. My brother gave me away (my dad was dead). To us, it wasn't a property thing, either.

I think how you feel about this is probably related to what sort of relationship you've got with your family. Not everyone draws a lucky number in the family sweepstakes.

[hootinholler]

21. My goal with my kids has been

To screw them up in completely different ways than I was screwed up

They're always amused when I point that out.

[winter is coming]

22. And then they tell you you're doing a great job. n/t

[LWolf]

14. The last time I got married,

my sons walked me down the aisle, one on either side, and then stood at the altar (no attendants at that wedding,) one on either side.

They weren't there to "give me away." They were there to witness, to participate, and, most of all to support me.

Eleven years later when the marriage ended, they were there again. They were there to move all of my stuff out, to fix up the new place, to hold me when I cried, and to help me get up and move forward.

It's a quaint phrase..."to give away." We never, though, give away those we love. It's time that the phrase, and the intent, evolves.

You can say that you are there, as always, to love and support her, and to walk forward into the next stage of her life with her.

[pnwmom]

18. I think your wording sounds just fine. The other thing you could consider

is having both you and your wife walk in the procession with your daughter (and the same for the groom and his parents). This is how it's done in the Jewish tradition, and it's also strongly encouraged in Catholic weddings.

[Chiyo-chichi]

24. I was at a wedding last weekend. The father of the bride's answer to "who gives this woman..." was

something like: "She comes of her own accord with the blessings of her mother and me."

[MadrasT]

25. I *really* like that

Thanks for sharing that

[hootinholler]

26. I like that.

Well done.