Nurse tells the Top 5 regrets of the dying.

[FarLeftFist]

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

[rustydog]

1. I have the highest admiration and respect for pallliative care professionals

I have contact with them through work. They seem to be the most content, pleasant people in the healthcare setting. I could not work so closely with the dying and have their positive attitudes.

[Ikonoklast]

2. "I wish that damn nosy nurse would stop asking me so many questions."

"Fer cryin' out loud, I came here to die in peace and not to play 20 Questions!"

[Cal33]

5. It's not that these nurses ask the dying patients these questions. It's when they

show real interest and support, many of the dying are glad to open up to someone
who is open-minded enough and is there to listen to, and be there for them.

[RKP5637]

3. Excellent list!!! I bet many people go thought life leading their life for others, peer

pressure, childhood programming and a host of things stuffed into their heads as to what is the "right" way to live - and a lot of it's probably driven by mostly "fear" and "fear" of being ridiculed.

[Morning Dew]

4. "I wish I'd spent more time at work.

I'll see my family again on the other side but I may never scrub toilets again."

[left is right]

6. I am glad that I wasn’t drinking a soda when I read your post

I fund that the bubble s burn when spewed from the nose while laughing

[countryjake]

7. Worrying...

When my dad passed away ten years ago, he told me two things that he thought that I should take to heart, regrets of his own that he had discovered during his terminal illness (which he chose not to treat), feelings of "if I had it to do over again".

The first, which we discussed at length during the few months prior to his death, was to try and stop worrying so much. He was fond of the saying, "you might as well wish in one hand, and shit in the other", tho he had dealt with many things in his life that were ultimately impossible for him to fix or change, often with sky-high decks stacked against him. But, he had never stopped trying. Or worrying about his inability.

The second kernel of wisdom which he wasted many of his last breathes imparting to me was simple and true...stop smoking.

[dixiegrrrrl]

8. I feel very lucky after reading that list.

There are very few and very small regrets on my list, and none of the biggies, above.

[Mumble]

9. The dying should be thinking about all the joys in their life.

Too late to dwell on regrets. Die happy. Many don't recognize the good they accomplished and joy they experienced because they spend too much time on regrets.

[bvar22]

26. Addressing the "regrets" is a thouroughly natural process.

It is called Finishing Business, or Closure,
and I pray that I have that opportunity before I die.
It is an essential step on the path to Peace,
but only a step.
Not good to get stuck there.

In fact, addressing the "regrets" (or grieving) is a natural, healthy part of daily life,
though on a smaller scale. Saying "goodbye" is necessary before moving on.
Honoring the Losses brings wholeness,
though getting stuck in grief is not a healthy thing.
Balance is the key.

As a culture, we Americans never say "Goodbye" to anyone or anything.
and pay a price for it.

"He who grieves well, lives well."

[spooky3]

10. What is the source of this info? Link?

It's interesting.

[NNN0LHI]

21. Here is a link to a published source

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

[spooky3]

30. thanks!

[woo me with science]

11. And the one percent are moving aggressively to ensure

that the rest of us work longer hours, for less pay, for more of our lives, just to tread water.

We need to reevaluate our values as a society. We have been brainwashed for far too long.

[Edweird]

12. I am all but #4.

1) I live as I choose. I chase my dreams.
2) I work hard - but I enjoy what I do immensely. Every day is an adrenaline rush and I will soon be able to pick and choose my assignments.
3) I'm a little too good at that. I wish I was a little more reserved. I am the classic 'over sharer'. For better or worse I'm completely open about how I feel about everything.
4) I'm kind of a loner. I have a few long term friends that I maintain contact with on an intermittent basis, but I tend to isolate myself when I have a mate. My partner has my undivided attention so my friends end up drifting off. It's just how I am and I wouldn't have it any other way.
5) I'm as silly as they come.

Unfortunately, all this means is that I have essentially zero in common with women in my own age group.

[Festivito]

29. At end of life, some things become more clear.

Over-sharing with others can be a symptom of trying to avoid sharing your own thoughts with your own self.

And, any mate not concerned for your welfare in the face of life's fragility is of questionable value, unless you truly believe yourselves to be islands, needing no one. In which case, what are you doing here.

[Edweird]

40. What I believe about myself counts for little in my relationships.

In fact, holding the belief that I am 'universally beloved' and 'the life of the party' - despite all evidence to the contrary is actually delusional as I understand it. I'm more-or-less a loner due to who I am as a person. No amount of 'Stuart Smalley-esque' affirmations can change that. I am a terrible liar so any attempt at deception is wretchedly transparent and ultimately unbearably creepy. I am who and what I am.

You're clearly over-analyzing what I've said. I 'over share', for example, by saying what I really think instead of what I 'should' or talking about my sordid, perverted sexually deviant private life with my co-workers when more discretion is certainly wiser. I'm not doing it out of some 'need to avoid my own thoughts', but because I really don't give a f@ck what they think. I am who and what I am and I'm big enough to own it.

"And, any mate not concerned for your welfare in the face of life's fragility is of questionable value" I have no idea what you are referring to. You're right, of course, but I don't understand what that is a response to. Was it just an independent thought?

[Festivito]

41. I hope you are as happy as I read.

There is something in what you had said that gnaws at me still, but, it could just be indigestion. Worse, it could be psychological projection that I am placing upon you -- scary. After all, this thread is about things people did not think about enough in life, ourselves included.

Over analyzed, under analyzed, I don't know. I'm just yapping at someone I don't know thinking I might do some good in the world. Then, again, that might just be a grandiose delusion.

What catches my eye this time is your statement of how you do not care about what others think. I question: do you care about ... others? We keep things to ourselves not only so we do not feel uncomfortably exposed, but also, that we do not make others feel uncomfortable. I'm glad you are comfortable with who you are, but, jeepers, I have my own perversions and do not enjoy hearing about other perversions. As an example, Santorum comes to mind. Eww.

Oh, that ending statement I made before, I made because of your number 4 answer. The undivided attention and the drifting of friends. It's just that life is fragile and I would not want my mate to be so solely dependent on me that they would be without friends after an untimely demise. That was all.

Okay for now my quick friend, from whom I might drift away any second now. Take good care.

[Jim Lane]

13. I wish I'd had more sex. You can keep the bungee jumping. (n/t)

[a kennedy]

14. These are my signature line at another site....

love them, and they are so true.....

[AcidBlack]

15. #6: I wish I hadn't voted for George Bush.

It's not there yet, but trust me, it will be.

[Festivito]

31. For me it was my errant vote for Ronald Reagan. Oh, what a mistake.

Error noted, let's move on. Join in more.

[AcidBlack]

34. I should clarify.

I was speaking in generalities. Though I've done my share of stupid/foolish things, voting for a Bush has not been one of them.

A lot of people were fooled by Reagan, though, from what I recall.

[Festivito]

38. Glad to hear you didn't. I wish I could say the same. /nt

[Uncle Joe]

37. Even worse and more specifically, will this man have regrets?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theodore_Olson

"Olson argued a dozen cases before the Supreme Court prior to becoming Solicitor General;[3] In one case, he argued against federal sentencing guidelines, and in a case in New York state, he defended a member of the press who had first leaked the Anita Hill story.[2] Olson successfully represented presidential candidate George W. Bush in the Supreme Court case Bush v. Gore, which effectively ended the recount of the contested 2000 Presidential election.

(snip)

Olson has been married four times. Olson's third wife,[8] Barbara Olson, was a passenger on the hijacked American Airlines Flight 77 that crashed into the Pentagon on September 11, 2001, his birthday. The following year Olson met Lady Booth, a tax attorney and native of Kentucky, and the two were married on October 21, 2006, in Napa County, California.[8]"

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

That's some cosmic irony.

[Dead_Parrot]

16. Sir John Betjeman, Poet Laureate:

"Looking back on your life, do you have any regrets?"
"I wish I'd had more sex."

My hero.

[pennyfor]

17. FarLeftFist

It makes me to consider my life and my priorities...

[Javaman]

18. do you have a link? or was this just a mass email? nt

[Javaman]

19. Here is a link...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2093810/Bronnie-Ware-The-regrets-dying-revealed.html

'I wish I'd hadn't worked so hard' and other great regrets of the dying... as revealed by former nursing home carer


It is something none of us wants to contemplate - lying on our death bed worrying about the things we should have done.

Now a former nurse who cared for the terminally ill has revealed the five most common regrets of the dying.

Bronnie Ware spent several years working in palliative care in Australia, looking after patients in the last three to 12 weeks of their lives.

more at link...

[NNN0LHI]

20. 58 years old in a few more days and I have none of these regrets

Not one.

I could die in my sleep tonight and I would feel like I got my moneys worth.

True story.

Don

[KurtNYC]

23. A good friend died of cancer when we were both 23 years old.

He had already lost both parents to cancer so he knew what was coming. His advice to me and everyone he met in last 3 months in the flesh:

"Don't postpone joy."

If you know what will make you happy (and it doesn't hurt others) -- Do it!

[mntleo2]

22. I try to live by Erma's Bombeck's regrets ...

When she found out she was dying of cancer she said:

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.


© Erma Bombeck

[Yooperman]

24. Yep!

100%...



YM

[Beacool]

33. Great advice.

I like Erma and have read this before, but it's always good to remember what is really important in life.

Thanks for posting.

[SunSeeker]

42. When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said,"Later. Now go get washed up for dinner"

Ouch. That one got me.

[Yooperman]

25. Thanks for posting!

I needed to read them....

Happiness is a choice.... I forget that one sometimes.

YM

[jonthebru]

27. Don't forget:

I wish I had spent more time at work.




Just kidding' that is one of the things no one says on their death bed. You remind over-workers about that to try to get them to take some time off.

[bvar22]

28. DURec...and a kick.

Here is the link to the article excerpted by the OP.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

My chief regret will be for the time wasted watching TV.

[Evasporque]

32. "I wish I lived my life with traditional family values."

Did not make the list....

[Blue_In_AK]

35. Well, I think I should be good to go then

since I'm fairly well satisfied with my life to date in those categories. I'm not in any hurry to depart, though. I think I've got another 25 or 30 years left barring an unforeseen accident...at least that's what the psychics, the life-style life expectancy tests and my genes tell me. I plan to live into my 90s and die happy.

[B Calm]

36. Getting rid of that Ball and Chain

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

That's my favorite. .

[R.Blue]

39. I don't have the mentioned regrets

I am wondering if the dying in their last moments forget that there are many things in life that can't be changed. Things that influence the direction of someone's life to one way or another.

[SunSeeker]

43. K & R