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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMy Dad Passed Away This Morning
He was in the hospital and really bad off a few weeks ago when I flew to the East Coast to see him. I feared it would be the last time I ever saw him alive, so I made sure we got a chance to talk one on one.
He had surgery, it went very well, and I was filled with hope that at 80 perhaps he wasn't done and might live another 10 years. It wasn't meant to be.
My family has never been really close, but I certainly love my Dad and I cherish all that he did for us five kids. I never missed a meal growing up, the mortgage got paid, so I got to grow up in the same house and neighborhood and school district. During dark times when my parents were apart, but never separated or divorced, my Dad was the Ted Kramer (Kramer Versus Kramer reference) who took care of me, my younger brother, and one older sister still at home.
I can even remember a couple of trips that summer to visit my maternal Grandmother. She was an odd woman, and for several reasons--not the least of which was that she was an unabashed Republican and would probably be a Teabagger were she alive today. It was a very strained set of visits with her daughter astray and her son-in-law whom she clearly never liked bringing the Grandkids, but my Dad endured it to let her see her Grandkids. My Dad was a Democrat through and through, but he never confronted her for her wacky ideas, and she had some truly wacky ideas.
My Dad retired from Amtrak, and before there was an Amtrak he worked for Washington Terminal Company. He worked a couple of different jobs for Washington Terminal and Amtrak, but he was a ticket agent at Union Station in Washington D.C. for as long as I could ever remember. My Dad, my Mom, and us kids at home got to ride the trains for free, along certain routes. Got to ride all the way up to Boston once, out to Cincinnati and back, and Baltimore, Philly, New York a number of times. Really developed a love for the trains, but I'm not one of those train nuts who videos trains going by. My Dad and I chuckled at train nuts, but on some level I get why they love to video trains.
In a weird roundabout way, during a Bring Your Kid To Work Day, he introduced me to computers and perhaps unknowingly planted the programming bug that led me to go into IT and become an application programmer. 30 or 35 years later, and I still vividly remember it and the impact it had on me. This was one of the things I made sure I shared with my Dad when I saw him. I told him how much I appreciated it, whether accidental or intentional, and it was very much a gift that I cherished. Sending five kids to college just wasn't going to happen, but for at least a time three of us were living at home while attending college. I still feel the gift of doing something I love to do is perhaps the greatest gift I could ask.
After being adopted, then going to school at a Catholic Military School in the 30s and 40s, I know my Dad had a really rough childhood. Over the years, there were some things he shared with me. Other things he shared with my brother. Probably other things I didn't want to know.
My Dad was a smart aleck who always made me laugh, and that is definitely something I either inherited or developed from him. Another precious gift from him.
I was anticipating his passing, but I wasn't prepared. I don't think anything can prepare you. When I got the call from my sister, I knew. Had to let it go to VoiceMail, listen, and call back. Could not even function the rest of the day, so I had to leave early. Felt I was in a daze just floating through the day. Spent the day with my wife and kids.
At 80, with health issues he'd been battling for years, I think my Dad fought hard and beat the odds against him.
hrmjustin
(71,265 posts)Arctic Dave
(13,812 posts)NYC_SKP
(68,644 posts)PoliticAverse
(26,366 posts)villager
(26,001 posts)My dad is also 80, and at the end of his long fight with the disease that's withered him...
Thanks for sharing these gifts/memories, Kennah...
niyad
(112,433 posts)villager
(26,001 posts)...with youngest son in tow.
No way to tell what will happen with the "endgame," each time I'm there...
jzodda
(2,124 posts)I liked reading his story so to speak in your post. I lost my Mom a year ago and its still hard to deal with today.
I am glad you got to say goodbye. I didn't get that with my Mom and its something I wished would have happened.
I posted here the night before my Mom was taken off the machines and died naturally. The responses were great and I never will forget that. DU is a great community.
Just Saying
(1,799 posts)TDale313
(7,820 posts)applegrove
(118,014 posts)like a great father.
alittlelark
(18,886 posts)I dread the day I will make a similar one.
pnwest
(3,265 posts)your loss, and thank you for sharing him with us. My own Dad is turning 74 this year, and he's still robust and healthy, and in my mind he's not old at all, will never be.....but I'm just starting to begin thinking things like he's reaching the age where health can go south real quick. I can't even fathom my father passing away, let alone imagine the possibility of that being a mere six years away.
Thank you for reminding me to start making the most of the time left. May you find solace in your memories.
Control-Z
(15,681 posts)I lost both my parents while still a child. Every now and then I allow myself an imagined glimpse of what might have been had they lived. Ideally, mine would have been a story much like yours.
Peace be with you. Your father's life sounds like it was a life well lived.
Samantha
(9,314 posts)but in an effort to console please let me say, one day you will realize that your Dad will always be with you. You had a great relationship and his influence is inside you. That influence will never be lost to you and will serve to comfort you at some point in time. Peace be with you.
Sam
sheshe2
(83,334 posts)So sorry for you loss.
Suich
(10,642 posts)What a nice tribute you wrote...sounds like he was a terrific person.
Peace.
TexasTowelie
(111,292 posts)I went through the loss of my father last year and it was very difficult because of all of the fighting within my family.
UtahLib
(3,179 posts)demosincebirth
(12,518 posts)defacto7
(13,485 posts)Union Scribe
(7,099 posts)And like everyone I'm very sorry for your loss.
jwirr
(39,215 posts)Warpy
(110,903 posts)I just want you to know it will get better over time.
mwrguy
(3,245 posts)Demo_Chris
(6,234 posts)Lint Head
(15,064 posts)area51
(11,868 posts)enlightenment
(8,830 posts)You're right. Nothing prepares you. You just learn to live with it.
Hugs.
murielm99
(30,656 posts)My dad died on June 17th of this year. He was 87. It was also my 35th wedding anniversary on that day.
It is hard to deal with, no matter what your dad's age and health issues. I wish you the best.
niyad
(112,433 posts)Firebrand Gary
(5,044 posts)Solly Mack
(90,740 posts)bearssoapbox
(1,408 posts)Thanks for the stories. I read them with a smile and tears.
He sounds like a good man.
Condolences to you and your family.
Raine
(30,540 posts)DontTreadOnMe
(2,442 posts)Keep strong
Paka
(2,760 posts)You are never prepared to say the last goodbye.
AverageJoe90
(10,745 posts)Granny M
(1,395 posts)Thank you for sharing your memories of your Dad. He was a good man and a good father. I hope your memories and your visit with him will be a comfort to you. Peace to you and your family.
jtuck004
(15,882 posts)We will have some good thoughts for all of you...
emsimon33
(3,128 posts)xchrom
(108,903 posts)denbot
(9,894 posts)Peace to you, and yours.
Joe Shlabotnik
(5,604 posts)Wishing you and your family fond reflections, healing and peace.
leftynyc
(26,060 posts)I lost mine last year....it's a loss like no other. May he rest in peace and may you find peace in your heart and your memories of him.
malaise
(267,806 posts)Deepest sympathy to you and yours
steve2470
(37,457 posts)newfie11
(8,159 posts)Your Dad sounds like a great father. I am so sorry for your loss. Bet your Dad is still keeping an eye on you.
randome
(34,845 posts)[hr][font color="blue"][center]There is nothing you can't do if you put your mind to it.
Nothing.[/center][/font][hr]
DesertFlower
(11,649 posts)reflection
(6,286 posts)In the days ahead. He sounds like a wonderful guy.
sunwyn
(494 posts)May your memories be filled with joy, love, and healing
ucrdem
(15,512 posts)dembotoz
(16,737 posts)RKP5637
(67,031 posts)LiberalLoner
(9,761 posts)deutsey
(20,166 posts)and please accept my condolences.
peace13
(11,076 posts)I am so sorry.
BeyondGeography
(39,279 posts)My best to you as you make the transition to living with him in your heart.
Broken_Hero
(59,305 posts)demwing
(16,916 posts)but time will soften the loss. I know this from experience.
You should write more about your father. Not only is it therapeutic, but it help you lock down some of those memories before your mind and time drops a gauzy curtain over the past.
Stay strong, count on tomorrow, and find peace.
pintobean
(18,101 posts)MineralMan
(146,192 posts)My own parents are 89 years old. I call them daily. I dread the day when I get a different kind of phone call, but know that it is coming. Take care of yourself in this difficult time.
Denis 11
(280 posts)I lost my father in 2004. It was a very hard time for me. I will pray for you and your family.
Savannahmann
(3,891 posts)Phentex
(16,330 posts)May he rest in peace.
kiawah
(64 posts)n/t
myrna minx
(22,772 posts)TBF
(31,921 posts)there aren't any words that will make it easier. Thank you for sharing him with us.
Bobbie Jo
(14,341 posts)I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is like losing a part of yourself.
spooky3
(34,302 posts)joeybee12
(56,177 posts)City Lights
(25,171 posts)Peace to you.
kentuck
(110,950 posts)Sorry to hear of your Dad"s passing.
dionysus
(26,467 posts)gopiscrap
(23,674 posts)a la izquierda
(11,784 posts)I hope you find peace in the coming days. My grandfather died last year, and my mother was a total champ through the whole ordeal. My father-in-law passed away 10 years ago this October, and I am worried about my husband on this painful anniversary.
Your tribute to your dad is quite touching. Thank you for sharing it.
qanda
(10,422 posts)I'm sure he will be sorely missed. You and your family have my condolences.
Worried senior
(1,328 posts)It is good that you were able to see him and tell him how much you appreciated what he gave you.
benld74
(9,888 posts)Faygo Kid
(21,477 posts)You have better memories of your Dad than I do. I didn't see him from the time I was 10 until I was 22, when he called out of the blue. Then six months later I got a call from the morgue to come identify him, which I did.
Mom was a saint. My childhood memories are of the cops coming to rescue Mom when she was beaten, as my little brother and I cowered behind the couch.
Sorry to vent. Your Dad led a successful life, and obviously raised a good son. Congrats, and sympathy.
livetohike
(22,084 posts)silvershadow
(10,336 posts)It sounds cliche, but I really am truly sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts.
riverbendviewgal
(4,251 posts)you wrote so wonderfully of him.. He sounds like he was a wonderful man.
You are so lucky to have these wonderful memories. It will be sad for you but in the days to come you will have the good memories in your heart.
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)nolabear
(41,915 posts)magical thyme
(14,881 posts)Lifelong Protester
(8,421 posts)and bless those great memories!
Hamlette
(15,388 posts)You might not see it now, but you showed me the "sweet" in "sweet sorrow". The loving memories. And you made me think of my Dad's death. Sweet sorrow indeed.
Botany
(70,291 posts)I wish you well.
RiffRandell
(5,909 posts)Beautiful and emotional post.
handmade34
(22,755 posts)freckleface
(57 posts)Triana
(22,666 posts)niyad
(112,433 posts)Enthusiast
(50,983 posts)nadinbrzezinski
(154,021 posts)Mnemosyne
(21,363 posts)medeak
(8,101 posts)What a wonderful tribute you wrote. Your Dad's generation was the best and the colorful stories! Know what an enormous loss.
Lost 97 yr old Dad in June and still grieving despite his age. He was orchestra leader and when I watch video of him playing piano for the last time this year...I play this video as makes me feel better. Hope it makes you feel better as well.... also planted a lot of seeds and healing to see things growing
niyad
(112,433 posts)healing indeed. and thank you for sharing what has become one of my favourite videos.
LukeFL
(594 posts)Your dad was a good dad. You are a very lucky man. Sounds like you are on your way to pass on and continue his legacy with your kids, which leads to a estable humane society. Sounds like he was also a good husband to your mother which in the end contributes to emotionally healthier kids and adults.
cherokeeprogressive
(24,853 posts)mazzarro
(3,450 posts)Agnosticsherbet
(11,619 posts)live love laugh
(13,002 posts)Saturday
(3,744 posts)Buns_of_Fire
(17,119 posts)lunatica
(53,410 posts)My mother passed away in 2010. She was at home being cared for by Home Hospice. Her last months were quiet and dignified. I was the one who had to call everyone and write them and take care of business. I was very busy for a week or so after she died. I'm grateful for that.
Call Me Wesley
(38,187 posts)May he be free from suffering. Peace and comfort to you and yours.
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)No, you can never be prepared. I'm thankful you guys got so many years together. I'm thankful you got the last visit, and the chance to let him know some of what you had held in your heart.
Andy823
(11,495 posts)RainDog
(28,784 posts)efilon
(167 posts)When you lose your last parent you are and feel like an orphan, no matter how old you may be. I lost my dad when he was 54 to a massive heart attack and my mother was only 63. I was 32 and really felt lost for a long time. I know my brothers and sisters felt the same. Dad's death was unexpected and Mom had been ill for quite some time. It hurts just as bad either way.
kelliekat44
(7,759 posts)mecherosegarden
(745 posts)Supersedeas
(20,630 posts)Stellar
(5,644 posts)...for you (((Kennah))) and your family. I lost my mom two years ago this past Saturday and the time still seem to creeps by slowly. And let me tell you it will get easier to bare, even though I felt (or wanted to feel) she would live forever. BUT, you and I both know they are in a better place and there is nothing more we could do for them. So praise God!
Liberal In Red State
(442 posts)Millions of other dads who went to work each day, took care of their own and persevered. So sorry for your loss . . . But happy that you had a dad like him in your life . . . Count yourself among the fortunate!
TheDebbieDee
(11,119 posts)And I still miss him like crazy. Now that I'm older, I feel as though I understand him better and the things he went through. I'll ALWAYS love him and I'll ALWAYS miss him.......
washnwmn
(28 posts)I read your post after remembering earlier that my own dad passed away exactly 1 year ago today. Some of your story is like mine. My dad worked most of his life to make sure his family was taken care of. Even as a kid in the northern reaches of Minnesota, according to my grandmother, he would hunt or fish and never came home empty handed, making sure there was always food on the family table.
He loved and cared for his family, was an honest and faithful man.
I still miss him every day. God bless you and your dad, and all the dad's who have loved and cared for their families. History doesn't write of the everyday working man as a hero, but they are the heroes who keep the world turning.
niyad
(112,433 posts)senseandsensibility
(16,713 posts)go west young man
(4,856 posts)Sounds like he raised you guys well. My condolences.
dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)No one can ever be prepared for that final shock, I know.
Auntie Bush
(17,528 posts)He obviously must have been a wonderful person.
life long demo
(1,113 posts)Having lost both my parents I truly feel for you. There is no easy way thru it. You are among friends here at DU. A lot of us have been where you are now. You know you can lean on us at any time. I hope your family can keep it together during this time. I will say a prayer for you for strength.
hue
(4,949 posts)Some things that are intangible, unprovable, invisible are those things that cannot pass away. Your Father's love for You is with You always.
Mr_Jefferson_24
(8,559 posts)Best to you, and very sorry for your loss.
niyad
(112,433 posts)loved ones. thank you so much for sharing a bit of your father with us, he was obviously a wonderful human being.
cate94
(2,797 posts)classof56
(5,376 posts)I am so sorry he is gone, and as I and so many can attest, there will be a hole in your heart that will never be filled. Another DUer shared this poem awhile back, and I found it so moving and heartfelt, I have shared it many times since. Blessings to you.
ASCENSION
And if I go while youre still here,
Know that I live on, vibrating to a different measure
Behind a thin veil you cannot see through.
You will not see me, so you must have faith.
I wait for the time when we can soar together again,
Both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to the fullest
And, when you need me, just whisper my name in your heart.
I will be there.
--Colleen Hitchcock
liberal N proud
(60,300 posts)Our thoughts and prayers.
GoCubsGo
(32,061 posts)budkin
(6,691 posts)So sorry for your loss. The pain recedes after a while but never goes away. Mine passed 7 years ago and I still think about him every day. Just think of all the good times, but grieve as much as you need.
ladyVet
(1,587 posts)You can truly never prepare for this moment, no matter the circumstances. But it's good you got to talk with him, and share good memories.
I'm grateful for every day I have my daddy, it's a true gift. He's 83, and was diagnosed with a terminal illness earlier this year.
whathehell
(28,969 posts)Losing a parent is very tough.
We are the fortunate ones, those of us who had solid dads and had them 'til such an age.
The void is painful for a long time, but they are with us for our lifetime through the gifts they gave.
Hugs.
sueh
(1,818 posts)lucca18
(1,238 posts)He sounded like a wonderful person......
phylny
(8,353 posts)LiberalEsto
(22,845 posts)peace eventually comes to you again. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm glad you have great memories of your father.
roguevalley
(40,656 posts)that generation isn't there? I wish you peace and the hope of happiness again. Time is the best friend you have, honey. I hug you from a rainy Alaska tonight. I wish you peace.
mia
(8,356 posts)Best wishes for you and your family.
MannyGoldstein
(34,589 posts)Sounds like you and your dad shared a lot of warmth.
Bryn
(3,621 posts)I am sorry for your loss. I know it hurts. My Dad passed away when he was 66 from pneumonia.
My mom left Dad when I was nearly 2 and my brother 4. Dad was very good to me and my brother. I loved riding on trains. He was a conductor then later worked in an office, first for Seaboard Coastline then Amtrak. I would LOVE to ride on a train once again but so many of them have been taken away so where I am, there's not one nearby. My grandfather and great-grandfather were also railroad men. Grandfather, my Dad's father, was an engineer, drove trains. Great grandfather was a yardman for railroad.
When my mom died last November, I came across her personal stuff and found 3 love letters from my Dad begging her to come back to him. That made me so sad. Mom married another man who was horrible, abused me and my brother and their children by him. She finally divorced him. I wish she had stayed with Dad as he was a good man, always made sure me and my brother would be safe. I will always miss him. Last December after Mom's death the movie "Polar Express" came on..reminded me so much of Dad.
When Dad was sick in the hospital and then after his death .. at graveside service, railroad men showed up to pay respect to him.
A big hug for you ... us railroad kids..so sorry for your loss. Heart for you ...
rppper
(2,952 posts)You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
CarrieLynne
(497 posts)my dad turned 75 today and I called and talked to my step mom as well who said I REALLY need to get out there to see my dad...and I do....but its going to be hard to go out there knowing its probably the last time
Gonna try and do a parental tour around turkey day...my parents then hubbys parents...
onlyadream
(2,159 posts)Hugs to you
Eleanors38
(18,318 posts)Sounds like he did a great job, just as my Dad did. The memories will be good ones.
Akbar
(307 posts)Losing your dad is a life-changing experience. My heart goes out to you.
I think your dad sounds like someone I would have liked to have known. You were lucky to have known him.
And, if your experience in life is like mine, some day, you'll be doing something inane like looking in the mirror and find that your dad still lives on.
madrchsod
(58,162 posts)Sand Wind
(1,573 posts)westerebus
(2,976 posts)Zen Democrat
(5,901 posts)countmyvote4real
(4,023 posts)I'm going through that now with my Dad. He wants to die since my Mom passed two years ago. And that's where I'm jumping off:
My mother remains a vivid and recurrent character/participant in my dreams (when I can remember them.) I, too, was lucky enough to have some heart felt one to ones before she passed, but was not there when she did.
I'm sorry for your loss on this plane or dimension.
I only share this to say that your Dad will long be with you.
Peace
NEOBuckeye
(2,778 posts)geomon666
(7,512 posts)My condolences.
Kennah
(14,115 posts)When I come back to read the comments, I start to tear up again. I shall continue to read the words as I work through this.
Thank you all again.