John Kerry Costs U.S. Defense Industry $400 Billion

[Nye Bevan]

WASHINGTON—Responding to initial reports that Syria may relinquish its stockpile of chemical weapons following Secretary of State John Kerry’s assertion that doing so would decrease the likelihood of American military strikes, representatives for the domestic defense industry complained to reporters Tuesday that the top-ranking diplomat may have cost them $400 billion in revenue. “We were ready to produce and sell tomahawk missiles, advanced combat systems, and more unmanned predator drones, but instead our Secretary of State had to run his big fat mouth about options for averting war, and now we’re out hundreds of billions of dollars,” said a visibly upset Lockheed Martin CEO Marillyn A. Hewson, who along with her fellow executives at Northrop Grumman, Raytheon, and General Dynamics complained that because the initial invasion would have more than likely led to a protracted, wide-ranging international conflict, Kerry might have even cost them trillions. “With thousands of new munitions and logistical support contracts, Syria would have been a goldmine for us. I swear to God, if this doesn’t work out John Kerry owes us half a trillion dollars".

http://www.theonion.com/articles/john-kerry-costs-us-defense-industry-400-billion,33815/

[djean111]

1. Sad to say, I would not have been surprised if this was NOT The Onion. n/t