More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, No. 13
It's October, and you know what that means: time for all the stores to put up their Christmas decorations. It also means Halloween, with ghosts, goblins, witches, and vampire bats.
Speaking of bat shit, it's also time for another look into the world of conservative doublethink
Previous editions are available at my journal page:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=journals&uid=171954
Sadly time to update this one:
* Rush Limbaugh playing "Barack the Magic Negro", signs depicting President Obama as a witch doctor, postcards featuring the White House lawn filled with watermelons, and protestors marching on the White House with Confederate flags have nothing at all to do with racism, and are instead valid criticisms of the President's health care policies.
The sentencing of Bradley Manning recalls this one:
* The Wikileaks release of classified documents is a crime that enrages you. The activities detailed in those documents don't bother you at all.
And another update:
* You were revolted by the thought of degenerate perverts Anthony Wiener and Elliot Spitzer returning to public office. You support Mark Sanford's return to public office, and are a fan of David Vitter.
Hey...Phil Gingrey spoke up again. From More Things No.4:
* A teacher's salary of $50,000 a year is extravagant. A congressman's salary of $172,000 means they're "struggling".[/url]
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* "Walking While Black" is now a capital offence.
* You aren't racist; you're just sick of all African Americans being lazy, violent criminals who milk the system and refuse to be literate and speak proper English.
* Having a "strong belief in minority rights" means palling around with a John Wilkes Booth fan and opposing federal laws prohibiting businesses from racial discrimination.
* Spending money on disaster relief is bad, because it takes money away from building bombs to blow shit up.
And also because of the Manning verdict:
* The people who ordered and condoned the use of torture on terror suspects are heroes who kept America safe. The people who let us know all about the torture of terror suspects are vile criminals and traitors.
* Muslims can't write books about Jesus, but men can write legislation about women.
* If it weren't for that Kenyan Muslin Nazi Communist N****r President there would be no racial divisiveness today.
* A man born in Canada to an American mother and a foreign father is eligible to be President; a man born in Hawaii to an American mother and a foreign father is not.
* The piss-poor FEMA response to Hurricane Katrina was the fault of newly-elected Illinois junior Senator Barack Obama.
No, I'm not making that shit up:
http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/poll-louisiana-gopers-unsure-if-katrina-response-was
(Facepalm)
These must be the same dumbasses who thought Mitt Rmoney was somehow behind Osama Bin Laden's death. Of course, they’re also the ones who turned over control of their party to the newly-elected Texas junior Senator from Canada, so maybe it almost makes sense. If you’re taking either way too much or not enough of some powerful narcotics.
* A government database of all gun owners is the first step to tyranny and confiscation. A private database of all gun owners is a necessary defense of freedom.
One for jerkbag Ken Cuchinelli:
* "Small government" means outlawing no-fault divorce and prohibiting consenting adults (even heterosexuals) from engaging in anal sex.
* There is no easy answer for the crisis in Syria. One approach lets a lot of brown people go unbombed, the other means supporting the Kenyan Nazi Communist Muslin N****r President.
* Vladimir Putin is a horrible, evil Communist dictator who oppresses his people and should never be trusted. Vladimir Putin's stand against gays is moral and commendable.
* India is an Arab country.
* Don Siegelman belongs in jail; Tom Delay doesn't.
* The way to prevent future acts of shocking violence using high powered firearms is the aggressive and systematic regulation of video games.
* An outspoken atheist who collected Social Security has the moral authority to write books about "leeches" who collect government checks, and be the exemplar of Good Christian(tm) morality.
* The death of a hostage in a hostage standoff is clearly the fault of the police negotiators who didn't give the hostage taker everything they asked for.
* When Republicans refuse to negotiate with Democrats, they're resolute and principled. When Democrats refuse to negotiate with Republicans, they're stubborn and arrogant.
* Republican congresswomen need their paychecks. Head Start teachers and capitol police don't.
* A 16 year-old girl is mature enough to bear and care for a child. A 16 year-old girl is not mature enough to decide to have an abortion.
* America is like Nazi Germany and should be destroyed by God's wrath. Liberals hate America.
* The Affordable Care Act is worse than Slavery, Jim Crow, the genocide of the Native American populace, World War 2, the Great Depression, Vietnam, and the time the Death Star blew up Alderaan.