Just in case you weren't sure, Baby Do's and Don'ts

[A HERETIC I AM]

I figured this forum needs some humor now and then.

[elleng]

1. Thanks, Heretic, I needed that!

Hope daughter recalls these, as she's due in December!

[Warpy]

2. I needed that, too!

Great tips for all of us.

[malaise]

3. ROFL

[Blue_In_AK]

4. I have to figure out how to send this to my son-in-law

who is Daddy Daycare. too funny.

[A HERETIC I AM]

5. Right click on any of the photos....

then click on "View Image Info"

Copy and paste to your Notepad.

The images have the exact same URL except they are numbered sequentially from 1 to 28.

So you don't have to copy each one, just copy one 28 times and manually alter the sequence number.

Then you could copy all of them, place them in the body of an email or even a PM on Facebook, for instance.

Your son-in-law could then just view them by placing the URL's in a browser.


ORRR!

I could give you the website! How about that?

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/17gpdh/:Iw
I used the website "Stumbleupon" to find this, so that's why it has that extension at the front of the URL

[Blue_In_AK]

8. Thank you for that link

MUCH easier. .

[ajk2821]

38. Daddy Daycare

You surely are not using a derogatory term for being an At Home Dad? Would you call a At Home Mom a "daycare provider"? Would you call a mom who works outside the home "Mrs. Dad"?

As an At Home Dad, being called "daycare" is offensive.

[Blue_In_AK]

42. It's a private joke.

He would laugh.


And I just want to add -- again -- that people around this place need to get a sense of humor. This is the second time in two days that I've gotten chewed out for what is obviously a joke. Get a grip, people. Not that I need to explain this, but I adore my son-in-law, and he does an amazing job with the three kids. Good grief...

[ajk2821]

44. What that sounds like is

People like Richie Incognito talking about Jonathan Martin. Get a sense of humor is what bullies like to say to people.

If your son-in-law is on DU, great make the private joke to him in private messages. If not, keep the private joke private.

Oh and if you get mad about this, get a sense of humor.

[Blue_In_AK]

47. I'm not mad,

I'm just wondering why you're so defensive.

Whatever. Have a nice night.

[A HERETIC I AM]

50. Oh, for fucks sake.

Lighten the hell up already.

If you don't think it's funny, fine. But I did and I started the thread. You have no business telling others what they can or can't post or what they should or shouldn't think is funny.

That's what the Alert function is for. If you are that wound up about it, alert on it and let a jury decide. Be prepared for a 6-0 drubbing, though.

[ajk2821]

62. Good to know that A HERETIC I AM is okay with racist and woman bashing jokes!

Cause who are you to tell anyone what they can or can't post or what they should or shouldn't think is funny?

So if I think a joke at your expense is funny, then I should post it and you will defend that joke to the fullest right?

[A HERETIC I AM]

63. How fucking dare you and how in hell did you get all the way from there to here?

Last edited Mon Nov 18, 2013, 09:12 PM - Edit history (1)

"Racist and woman bashing jokes"?!? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

You responded to "Blue in AK's humorous, INSIDE HER FAMILY, joking use of the term "Daddy Day Care" in reference to her son-in-law who is ostensibly a stay at home father and whom I am quite sure loves her very much, with the statement that the term is somehow "derogatory".

Then you asked her "Would you call a mom who works outside the home "Mrs. Dad"?"

Well, what if she did? How in the name of great Caesars Ghost is that ANY GOD DAMNED CONCERN OF YOURS? And why is it any big deal at all if it is said with affection?

Then you make the Grand Canyon crossing, giant leap of all time by going here;

What that sounds like is People like Richie Incognito talking about Jonathan Martin.

You are equating a known asshole of an NFL player to a harmless inside joke from a family you don't even know? Are you out of your fucking mind?

If you are a stay at home dad and find the term "daycare" offensive, fine. The fact is, if you are caring for a child during the day, IT IS DAYCARE, god dammit. But outside of you and anyone else gullible enough to be convinced by you it is offensive, WHO GIVES A FUCKING, FLYING, SLOPPY TINKERS CUSS?

So if I think a joke at your expense is funny, then I should post it and you will defend that joke to the fullest right?

Knock yourself the fuck out, pal. Go right ahead. If it's funny, I'll laugh. If it isn't, I won't. Either way, it isn't any skin off my nose.

This thread was meant as a harmless diversion for this board that very often gets heated and goes off the rails. It is a JOKE THREAD and Blue in AK was responding to ME, not YOU. For you to suggest to her that she is being a bully to her son-in-law because of what she wrote, it indicates to any rational person that your perspective is seriously flawed.

You've been a member here just shy of 8 months and have less than 100 posts and you picked THIS SUBJECT to complain about? Really?

Dayum, bub. Lighten the hell up already.

[spooky3]

61. FWIW, I agree with you.

When we get to a point as a society where a lot of the -isms and stereotypes are a thing of the past, then the advice from people who aren't unfairly targeted (that is my nice way of putting it) will be, Er, better received.

[SummerSnow]

6. I know this is going to sound eww.

Iam 12 years older than my baby brother. One day my mom had to go out. So I babysat my brother, he was about a year old. He had really bad cold and his nose was really congested. I couldn't find the nose aspirator,looked everywhere for it. So I sucked the snot out his nose, spit it out of course. He looked so relieved. When mom came home I asked her about the aspirator. She forgot she had it in her pocket . I said mom ....never mind. My baby brother is 38 now and tells people I saved his life. My hubby might never kiss me.lol

[A HERETIC I AM]

7. LOL...Well, if nothing else, that is resourcefulness!

You apparently love your brother very much.

[bobclark86]

9. Why the hall can't a baby bench 180?

Why can't you hire a homeless guy for a babysitter? You could be a job creator!

No chess or Jack Daniels, either? I want my kids to get to Harvard, not be a paste eater like your children...

[A HERETIC I AM]

11. I'm thinking coffee first, then the bourbon! n/t

[Jamaal510]

43. This baby can bench 180:

[IMG][/IMG]

[intaglio]

10. On the "Calming Baby" one

the original formulations of Gripe water contained 3.6% alcohol - stronger than some beers

[progressoid]

12. I bought that book for a friend a couple months ago.

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/safe-baby-handling-tips-david-sopp/1007228499

He's actually a grandpa, but it still works. He loves it.

[A HERETIC I AM]

14. lol... Too funny.

I like the description;

"Now incompetent parents everywhere can benefit from this indispensable guide, which also includes a unique Wheel of Responsibility™ to help moms and dads negotiate baby chores (and shirk diaper duty!) "



Reminds me of this hilarious review of a dopey fundy child raising book - "To Train up a Child"

The book is, of course, controversial as hell (and rightly so) because the author suggests CHASTISING INFANTS, but the review at the following link is a hilarious, sarcastic slap down;

http://www.amazon.com/review/R3RECCYL48EYWJ/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt#R3RECCYL48EYWJ

[progressoid]

16. Yeah, the spinner on the front cover is great.

And the book is made like one of those "chunky" books they make for kids.

I'm ordering another for a nephew and wife who are about to become parents.

[giftedgirl77]

13. Lesson #1

Always make sure the handle to the car seat is securely locked in the upright position. We learned this & many other things the hard way... Thankfully, my son who was the first born was safely buckled in at the time by his aunt who was carrying him. That was 15+ years ago.. .

[A HERETIC I AM]

15. How the hell did I ever survive childhood?

I remember the day, as if it was yesterday, that a guy from a local GM dealership CAME TO OUR HOUSE to show my mom and dad the benefits of these newfangled seat belts. They were going to install them in the Buick for free, if I remember correctly.


I was 4!

Prior to that, we sat on huge, slick, restraint of any kind lacking bench seats.

[giftedgirl77]

17. My aunts gave us kaluha to help us sleep

at some point my mother left my sister on the roof on the car in the car seat (not sure if if that was where it went), there is actually a pic of me wrapped around an old wine bottle sucking on the quark & to top it off my aunt talks about the day she went around the corner & the door flew open & all she could do to save me was grab me by my braid.

I grew up on 3 Dog Nite in Western Colorado to say I was raised by hippies is an understatement.

[A HERETIC I AM]

19. LOL...A lesson in Newtons laws at an entirely too young an age, eh? n/t

[giftedgirl77]

22. Word, granted we were rough & tumble my boys

are also. I saw no problem with my oldest riding his tricycle down the playschool slide at 3. He had a helmet on and the slide was like 2 feet long & it was in the grass. He never broke a bone until last Dec & then of course it had to be a damn skull fracture playing basketball, but you definitely from your parents silliness.

[pipi_k]

39. We got the good stuff

At my house, back when parents could get paregoric for teething infants

I guess the idea was to rub the stuff on the kid's sore gums

My father would mix some of it up in a small glass of water with a bit of sugar. It knocked us right out. All night.

[giftedgirl77]

41. and somehow this all made sense..

I won't lie when my kids were 7,6, & 5 & we had to take long flights with them about 30 minutes before boarding I would slip all of them benadryl. They would be out from Seattle to Atlanta. It made traveling so much easier on everyone.

[libdem4life]

26. I was a teenager and legally driving back then, 1 and 2 year old neices I looked after a lot

and already had the automatic right arm across the seat. It was brake with left foot, swing out the right arm. Any trip further than the grocery store was a nightmare. They both had to ride in the front because I couldn't stop them from falling or crawling around in the back seat...huge Buick. How did we ... or they ... ever survive.

Memories

[Nye Bevan]

36. I have fond memories of laying across the back bench seat to sleep, totally unrestrained.

Of course I was totally unaware of the risk to my life.

[Art_from_Ark]

49. I remember riding in my grandmother's car when I was 2 years old

She had to brake quickly for some reason (I even remember the location, 2nd and Poplar streets, in front of the old Texaco station), and I went flying against the dashboard. I remember her freaking out, but I don't remember anything after that. Apparently, it did not cause any lasting damage

[A HERETIC I AM]

51. That's probably because there was more steel in that dashboard...

than there is in an entire Toyota Corolla!


Oh...you were probably referring to your head, right?


LOL

[Art_from_Ark]

56. I'm pretty sure her dashboard was none the worse off from that incident

'59 Chevy.

My head, on the other hand... Come to think of it, maybe that's why I was considered "weird" in school

[TlalocW]

18. Like most things in my life, I go to Batman for child care info

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7901085184/h8DADFF1E/

TlalocW

[zeemike]

20. Now what is so wrong about drying baby in the dryer.

Isn't that what they are for?

[A HERETIC I AM]

21. Yup.

You can tell they're dry when the tone of the thump, thump changes.

[zeemike]

23. I prefer the auto dry cycle.

It shut of by itself when they are done and does not interfere with my TV watching.

[A HERETIC I AM]

31. And none of that annoying buzzer noise when it stops, either. n/t

[ErikJ]

34. It is better than the microwave. nt

[TheDebbieDee]

24. Well, I did all the Don'ts and my two daughters turned out just fine, thank you!

[A HERETIC I AM]

28. By any chance.....

Did you happen to video the lifting by the top of the skull maneuver?

Your daughters must be excellent chess players by now, not to mention able to hold their liquor with the best of em'!

[TheDebbieDee]

32. The long, narrow neck resulting from lifting the girls by the top of the skull

is considered a trait of beauty in our family! We ALL have long, narrow necks!

[LiberalEsto]

25. How did I raise two (now adult) daughters without this handy guide?

What was I THINKING?

[A HERETIC I AM]

29. You can always start with any grandchildren, yanno. n/t

[Spitfire of ATJ]

27. The waking one would work.

[A HERETIC I AM]

30. Needs a bigger canister than the one pictured.

[Lizzie Poppet]

33. I tried that one once...

...and look what happened:

[yodermon]

35. male lactation , google it! n/t

[jtuck004]

37. I just follow one rule. "Baby. Don't." That removes a lot of complexity. n/t

[A HERETIC I AM]

52. LOL...I had one rule too....

"Uncle Don't"!

(As that is what I am - just an uncle)

[tavalon]

40. Did you find this on 4chan?

Some of it's funny, some, well, hmmmm.

[A HERETIC I AM]

53. Nope.

Link in post #5

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=4044845

[nyquil_man]

45. Aww, look at the junior Jacques Cousteau in the aquarium.

Adorable!!!

[JustAnotherGen]

46. Military family abroad

But we saw a French immigrant Pediatrician in West Germany in the early 1970's. He had my mom put bourbon on my gums when I was teething. So who says you can't calm a baby with booze!

[LostOne4Ever]

48. Got to disagree with number 3

You are never too young to play chess at a competitive level!

[A HERETIC I AM]

54. LOL...

Except for the drooling part, you are probably right!

[Logical]

55. Maybe Lounge crap?? n-t

[A HERETIC I AM]

58. Little late on that complaint, aren't ya?

If you think this thread shouldn't be here, alert on it.

[Logical]

59. No, no need to alert. The admins should move it on their own. But they never do. n-t

[A HERETIC I AM]

60. Seriously?

Is it really that big of a deal that a humorous thread is put up in GD? Really?


Sheesh.


You know, THAT is the exact reason why this forum needs a few more laughs. People take this shit WAAAAAY too seriously.

[Ms. Toad]

57. My first bed was a drawer -

Very small apartment, little money, and the drawer didn't cost anything or take up much space.