Dear Santa
Dear Minister Flaherty:
You and your Conservative colleagues have again confirmed Santa’s Canadian citizenship. But, do you know the United States is also claiming Santa as theirs?!? They insist he lives in Alaska—despite his red and white suit and his HOH OHO postal code in Canada’s North Pole.
This is typical of the Americans. They are determined to turn as many people in the world as they can into “US persons.” So they snoop around like kids before Christmas, trying to find loot for U.S. Treasury and Internal Revenue Service.
Don’t let the Americans claim Santa. Don’t let them claim up to one million other Canadians and their families either.
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Left here by the Ancients and thawed out of a glacier by some early Scandinavians. He taught them to raise reindeer which he then used to help him deliver the presents. Those are made by an ancient race of elves he saved from a clan of cave bear worshiping people who wanted to either eat them or sacrifice them to the giant alien bear living in a natural cave 'labyrinth' below their village.
How does he get the reindeer to fly you ask?
Well, they didn't at first. They only started to fly in the last few centuries. The flying ones have been genetically modified from the original stock and fed special mushrooms that make some of their kind noses glow red.
Now you know some about the real Santa. Perhaps, if you all are good, I'll tell you how and why Santa is tied to the Dark Ages and the fall of the Roman Empire.
