Eminem Terrified As Daughter Begins Dating Man Raised On His Music

[Fawke Em]

ROCHESTER, MI—Hip-hop artist Marshall Mathers, a.k.a. Eminem, said he was left wholly terrified today after meeting his daughter Hailie’s new boyfriend Justin Denham, an 18-year-old who was reportedly raised on the rapper’s music.

Saying he could barely fathom the thought of Hailie, 17, with a man who ever enjoyed listening to, or was inspired by, his often misogynistic and violent lyrics, Eminem, 40, claimed he was disturbed from the second Denham said he was “a huge fan” of all of the rapper’s seven albums.

“Justin said I was his favorite artist when he was growing up, and now he wants to go out with my little girl,” said Eminem, telling reporters he didn’t even want to imagine what Denham’s views on relationships could possibly entail given his self-professed love of albums that include songs about mutilating women. “Honestly, I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do here. How am I supposed to let Hailie go out with a guy who says I was a huge influence on him and all of his friends?”

http://www.theonion.com/articles/eminem-terrified-as-daughter-begins-dating-man-rai,32989/

It's the Onion, but, the point is spot on!

[Demeter]

1. He's 40 and has a daughter?

Sigh. I must be 85, then.

[whatchamacallit]

2. Lol... n/t

[Kurovski]

3. LOL. Funny how that works.

Usual Onion greatness.

[iandhr]

4. The Onion often looks real these days.

[LonePirate]

5. That was funny!

I wonder how long it will take before some right winger misinterprets that as actual news.

[Fawke Em]

11. I'd give it half a day.

People are at home for Christmas vacations.

[Brickbat]

6. As a feminist, a parent, and an Eminem fan, I find this hilarious.

[Fawke Em]

12. Me, too.

Which is why I posted it.

[AAO]

7. Don't worry, Marsh, he was just trying to butter you up.

I'm sure he hates your music and listens to Daft Punk.

Oh, crap it's the Onion. But it sounded plausible.

[jmowreader]

8. Mad Magazine did something similar about 40 years ago

It was a children's tv show filled with blatant commercialism called Uncle Nutzy's Playhouse. The last panel showed Uncle Nutzy going off on his wife for letting his own kids watch his show.

[Jester Messiah]

9. Interestingly enough, he admits the double standard.

In the first track, "Bad Guy" on his new album, he lists the double standard he applies to his daughters among the demons that plague him. He's still not in the running for Nicest Guy in America, but he's grown a lot more thoughtful and introspective in recent years.

[Jim Lane]

10. It reminds me of an actual song by Loudon Wainwright III

"Talking New Bob Dylan" is about how Wainwright and many other musicians idolized Dylan and wanted to emulate him. The last verse is:

Yeah, today is your birthday -- have a great one, Bob!
Bein' the new you is one hell of a job.
My kid cranked up her boom-box to almost grown
When I heard you screamin'
From her room --
"Everybody must get stoned."
Thanks a lot, Bob -- happy birthday, Bob.

Full lyrics here.