The Parable of the Talents updated for modern times
There was once a Republican man who had three sons. Before going on a journey he distributed money to them - five talents to one, three to the second and one to the third. Five years later he demanded an accounting.
"Father," said the first, "I invested your money in speculative real estate. When the bubble burst I was left penniless."
"Fine, my son, I'll call the senator I own and get you bailed out. We'll be better off than before."
"Dear father," said the second, "I invested your money in a hedge fund that turned out to be a ponzi scheme. Not only am I penniless but I spent a year in jail for bringing other investors to it."
"Ouch! Sorry about the jail time, but we own a couple of congressmen. They'll bail you out."
"Dad," said the third, "the people who run those frauds won't talk to you if you only have one talent, so I started making microloans at five percent interest. Since I was careful about creditworthiness I got it all back. Here's your talent."
"You fool!" said his father. "If you would have given your talent to one of your brothers, they could have lost it for you and the government would have bailed you out. How can I show my face at the country club again if I have a do-gooder son? Begone from my sight!"
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