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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsGoldman Sachs Chairman Honors Smith, Introduces New Investment Vehicle
SATIREResponding to fallout from a New York Times op-ed piece in which outgoing director Greg Smith described the firms environment as toxic and destructive, Goldman Sachs chairman Lloyd Blankfein not only publicly praised Mr. Smith while thanking him for his contributions to the firm, but also credited him as the inspiration for Goldmans newest, and according to Blankfein, most innovative investment vehicle in many years.
Disagreeing with Smiths allegations that Goldman has developed a culture which puts profits ahead of clients interests, Blankfein told reporters, I was of course shocked and saddened when I read Gregs piece this morning. All I can say is and his stellar performance might bear this out I think the poor guy was probably just working too hard. We at Goldman could not agree more with his sentiments as to how we should operate, not only because its good business, but because its the right thing to do for our clients as well as for our long-term bottom-line. Remember, we are the one Wall Street firm that takes pride in doing the Lords work.
Mr. Blankfein also used this afternoons event at 666 Fifth Avenue to introduce his firms latest investment vehicle, claiming it was actually inspired by the outgoing director who this morning blamed the Chairmans lack of leadership for what he described as a decline in the firms moral fiber.
Greg wrote that he always took pride in advising his clients to do what he believed was right for them, even if it made less money for the firm. That is why he was so successful, and in his 12 years with us, became one of our top executive directors. And fortunately for us and our clients, Greg mentored many of our best people.
With that in mind, we have had our most successful analysts scour our ranks seeking out our best and brightest employees who share not only Greg Smiths ability, but also his values. Our investors deserve only the best, most trustworthy advisors we can provide. And combining this principle with the long-held standard that diversity minimizes risk, we are pleased to announce the creation of a new AAA rated investment vehicle that allows our clients to capitalize on the combined ability of many advisors as opposed to one.
What we have done is taken all of our Greg Smiths, broken them up into little pieces, and bundled those pieces into what we call Winning Mixture Derivatives. These WMDs will provide our investors with the security of knowing they own a piece of paper that will track the combined performance of hundreds of our best and brightest, as opposed to just one eliminating the risk of an underperforming quarter or the uncertainty of having to move your portfolio because some disloyal, ungrateful bastard thinks hes too good for the firm that made the top 1% of the top 1% who they are today.
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Goldman Sachs Chairman Honors Smith, Introduces New Investment Vehicle (Original Post)
ThisThreadIsSatire
Mar 2012
OP
GopperStopper2680
(397 posts)1. Winning Mixture Derivatives..
Or WMDs. Could it be that Goldman's just discovered a newer and better form of economical Weapon of Mass Destruction?
longship
(40,416 posts)3. Not that one. It's the Nigerian scheme
My dear friend,
I beg your indulgence. I have inherited 20 million dollars...
That's it.
(obligatory anti-lawsuit protection)
ThisThreadIsSatire
(786 posts)4. We can turn your $20 million...
into really impressive paper...
banned from Kos
(4,017 posts)2. Goldman has no consumer clients at all - the CFPB does not effect them.
Anyone doing business with Goldman does so with extreme caution.
GopperStopper2680
(397 posts)5. I personally would not do 'business' with them.
More than business it's like allowing yourself to be robbed. Shake their hands, better count your fingers.