General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI found my Dad dead this morning
went to take him his coffee and found him face down on his keyboard. Coroner left about 30 minutes ago...
seabeyond
(110,159 posts)take care of you.
Ohio Joe
(21,756 posts)RIP
treestar
(82,383 posts)for your loss and that experience.
My Good Babushka
(2,710 posts)My deepest condolences on your sad loss.
ananda
(28,866 posts)Condolences.
deutsey
(20,166 posts)sharp_stick
(14,400 posts)I hope you have people with you to help.
LiberalEsto
(22,845 posts)and for the way it happened.
Ichingcarpenter
(36,988 posts)hope you get support to process your shock and grief.
gwheezie
(3,580 posts)n/t
hobbit709
(41,694 posts)PasadenaTrudy
(3,998 posts)How horrible for you. Please keep us posted. You must be in terrible shock
el_bryanto
(11,804 posts)woodsprite
(11,916 posts)Take time for yourself to work through the grief process.
cyberswede
(26,117 posts)Please take care of yourself.
RedRocco
(454 posts)But that's how my relationship with my Dad was. When I was a teen, he always told ppl in public that I was his brother.
PasadenaTrudy
(3,998 posts)to not feel anything, too. I lost my mom 3 yrs ago and I don't miss her or mourn for her, really. She was mentally ill and abusive so in many ways it was a relief when she passed. There's no etched in stone way that we have to feel.
RedRocco
(454 posts)to wrap my head around it.
I have no idea what to do about funeral arrangements. He was a veteran though. If anyone could tell me how to go about getting a funeral for him I would surely appreciate it. We really don't have the funds for anything else.
Lochloosa
(16,066 posts)PasadenaTrudy
(3,998 posts)Also notify social security. Do you know if he had a will and life ins. policies? It can take some sleuthing going through a person's paperwork. We did cremations for our parents and sister. It is less expensive. But, the VA may help with the expenses, so I'd start there.
enlightenment
(8,830 posts)Yes, you should contact the VA - they are very helpful. Here is a link to the Office of Survivor Benefits:
http://www.va.gov/SURVIVORS/Contact_Us.asp
One step at a time. Regardless of what your relationship was with your father, this is a shock and it will take some adjustment. If you are "in charge" there are many steps you'll need to take to get his affairs sorted out - but for today, don't try to do that. Just sit down and try to start absorbing this change in your life.
I lost both my parents within 7 months of each other and served as the executor of their estate (sounds fancy - it's just a term for "person in charge of doing all the things that need to be done" . It isn't easy and it isn't fun, so take this bit of time to give yourself a mental respite.
RedRocco
(454 posts)I think the horror of it is how damned ordinary everything else is today. Hell, there's a county work crew putting a water line in in front of my house. Life is both changed and unchanged for me. I'm just glad my girlfriend was able to leave work to be here.
eShirl
(18,494 posts)somehow it was a shock that our town continued to exist and go on without him. how can it be?
so sorry
PasadenaTrudy
(3,998 posts)It always seems so surreal that the world just goes on as usual. I remember this pissing me off especially after losing my sis. It seemed so unfair.
japple
(9,833 posts)my parents were WWII veterans. VA furnished the cemetery markers. It's nothing fancy, but it is what they both wanted. They both chose to be buried and it was not cheap, but their estates paid for it. My husband chose to be cremated and that will be my choice as well.
Ditto the advice to call social security and VA. VA is very helpful. Call his lawyer if he left a will.
RedRocco
(454 posts)No Vested Interest
(5,167 posts)You may want to make sure your Mother has received/opened your FB message to her.
Some people do not read or open FB for days.
If the relationship was strained, it would still be hurtful to her to have to find out via the newspaper or people outside your family.
Did your Dad have any living siblings, nieces, nephews? Again, people always appreciate being informed.
Others will help you through this. Glad your girlfriend is there with you.
Peace.
uppityperson
(115,677 posts)best wishes to you
ColesCountyDem
(6,943 posts)When my aunt (a veteran) passed recently, the funeral director was incredibly helpful, as were the American Legion and Veterans of Foreign Wars. Don't be afraid to ask for their help.
kag
(4,079 posts)I lost my mom when I was sixteen. It was the worst day of my life, and I remember thinking "Why is there a cereal commercial on the TV? Don't they know my mom just died?"
Surreal.
I am sorry for your loss.
Solly Mack
(90,771 posts)They set up and authorize money for funerals, military funerals, as well as offering guidance and advice.
Casualty Assistance can also tell you if survivors receive any benefits.
If you live a long way from a post/base, the VA will give you the necessary information about who to contact.
Chaco Dundee
(334 posts)Mom had Alzheimer disease for over ten years.went to europe for 2 years to take care of her.sadly she is still with us.
mrmpa
(4,033 posts)I know about burials only. If there is a VA cemetery near you, your father can be buried there at no cost (burial only) with headstone. I am so sorry for your loss.
RBStevens
(227 posts)If he was receiving benefits that is. They will just keep sending the checks (or doing direct deposit) and if any of those are cashed you have to pay it back. It can be a real nightmare and that's the last thing you need.
I'm sorry that you had to find him suddenly like that.
Nay
(12,051 posts)in the fact that it happened fast.
Please make sure to get 8 or ten certified copies of his death certificate; you'll need them for the various agencies (SS, VA, etc.).
Feral Child
(2,086 posts)I don't want to start a controversy or threadjack with an argument about religion, so I won't respond to any argumentative posts here.
IF you are not religious (and I mean no disrespect if you are) you should consider cremation. My mother's "funeral" cost $500 in the late '70s.
In actuality, she wasn't religious (a disenchanted Catholic) and cremation was her wish, but the cost of caskets, embalming, etc would have been about $10,000. I always considered that kind of thing a macabre waste of money the living could use better, but some folks need the closure of the ceremony and I wouldn't deny them that.
BTW, in Missouri at that time an urn and a burial plot were still required, even w/cremation; your state may have different regulations. She had already purchased a plot, the $500 included the urn.
I believe that the VA will allow internment of cremains in a national cemetery, in fact, I believe it's easier to find space for cremains.
Respect to you and your family and I hope this doesn't offend.
rbrnmw
(7,160 posts)or local churches.
Common Sense Party
(14,139 posts)They will want to be there for the funeral.
abbeyco
(1,555 posts)My father was a WWII and Korea vet and while we paid for his cremation, his burial plot, my mother's burial and their headstone are all courtesy due to his service. If you have a national cemetery close to you, your funeral home can help make the arrangements. They'll need his SSN, service dates and the ability to get his discharge paperwork, a DD something - I can't remember the exact name.
If you need anything at all, please feel free to PM me as we went through this for my Dad several years ago, we just went through with my Mom a month ago.
My deepest condolences to you - losing a parent without any forewarning or notice is damned tough and while I'm still grieving, I'd like to reach out to you and help in any way you need it.
Peace and hugs
Feral Child
(2,086 posts)My experiences were similar. I felt nothing when she passed, not even relief. It was as if a stranger died.
My father was her enabler, by absenting himself as often as possible to avoid her.
calimary
(81,313 posts)There is no one single "correct" way. No one-size-fits-all. Everyone's situation is different.
msanthrope
(37,549 posts)A bit of advice--focus on the practical duties that face you over the next week or so. They are tasks to get done.
Do not judge yourself. Do what you think is right, and what you think will give you peace and closure. Do not accept the judgments of others.
When the practical tasks of your father's death are done, make sure you recognize that you have a task that remains---the care and feeding of you. Grief and loss are real. Do not be shy in asking for help. Be gentle on yourself.
DU is here 24/7.
jeff47
(26,549 posts)First, I'm sorry.
Next, the thing to remember is there's no "right" way to feel in this kind of situation. You feel what you feel.
And it is very likely that you will be "not really sure how you feel" for quite a while. It's a very large change, with large and complex effects on you. Rushing to a conclusion is only good for being wrong.
giftedgirl77
(4,713 posts)that had to be a shock for you. But don't feel like there are any preconceived notions on how you must deal with this loss. Your mind & body will deal with it the best way for you. I wish you the best in the days & months to come.
Skittles
(153,169 posts)losing a parent is tough no matter how the relationship was
lumberjack_jeff
(33,224 posts)MoonRiver
(36,926 posts)MineralMan
(146,317 posts)warrior1
(12,325 posts)Adrahil
(13,340 posts)jwirr
(39,215 posts)polly7
(20,582 posts)bigdarryl
(13,190 posts)May he rest in peace
The Blue Flower
(5,442 posts)Very, very sad for you. Sending love and thoughts of peace to you.
opiate69
(10,129 posts)MerryBlooms
(11,770 posts)msanthrope
(37,549 posts)that you are able to find some peace and comfort.
hedgehog
(36,286 posts)aikoaiko
(34,172 posts)My condolences.
xchrom
(108,903 posts)NaturalHigh
(12,778 posts)My condolences to you and your family.
MADem
(135,425 posts)Now, the mind-numbing stuff kicks in; notifying relatives and friends, making arrangements for a funeral or memorial service, etc.
It won't hit you fully for awhile. Keep family and friends close, it helps.
City Lights
(25,171 posts)Mz Pip
(27,451 posts)It not what one expects. So sorry for your loss. Sending good thoughts your way.
malaise
(269,054 posts)That's hard for you and the rest of the family but it must have been quick for him.
oneshooter
(8,614 posts)RKP5637
(67,111 posts)myrna minx
(22,772 posts)Brigid
(17,621 posts)Jackpine Radical
(45,274 posts)fadedrose
(10,044 posts)Computer first thing in the morning, still enjoying coffee, and a great kid to bring it in to him.
I hate to sound callous, but he probably died happy, on his computer. Years from now as you see more and more old people die, attached to machines and tubes, kimo, dialysis, etc., you will be happy that he went as he did. How old was he?
I am so sorry that you have to deal with his loss. It's something that takes a lot of time to get over, not to mention the mundane and financial aspects - a busy time, funeral/cremation, friends, cards, forms galore to fill out, and the grieving will start in earnest after all this stuff is taken care of. You will be busy as well others in your family. This sounds like it was quite unexpected.
I feel for you....get it all cried out. It helps.
RedRocco
(454 posts)and had moved in with us 6 months ago after his living situation became untenable.
glinda
(14,807 posts)a good life. Bringing him coffee was very sweet of you. I am so very sorry for your loss and also how you found him this morning. If you need advice and help give us a yell!
Chorophyll
(5,179 posts)Please take care of yourself, too.
uponit7771
(90,347 posts)Iwillnevergiveup
(9,298 posts)Your dad was beginning the course of a normal day in his (relatively) new home - at his keyboard, anticipating his morning coffee. My 92 year old dad has lived with me for 3 years now, and it's not inconceivable I could experience what you have. Of course, your dad was 20 years younger, and so definitely more unexpected.
But still, probably due to your good care and consideration of him, he was not in a hospital hooked up to machines, or in a board and care or nursing home. He was home, with his family and passed on peacefully. You can take a lot of comfort in that.
I wish you all the support and love you need in the coming days, and please accept my condolences on the loss of your father.
Sheldon Cooper
(3,724 posts)So sorry for your loss.
libodem
(19,288 posts)And the unexpected shock of finding him.
gopiscrap
(23,761 posts)there is not much one can say...just know that I have been there also and in some way, understand the pain and loss! May you heal and good memories of him!
hrmjustin
(71,265 posts)Tuesday Afternoon
(56,912 posts)arthritisR_US
(7,288 posts)My thoughts and warm vibes go out to you and your family, what a horrible shock for you
TBF
(32,064 posts)will be keeping you in my thoughts today. ((hugs))
Glorfindel
(9,730 posts)Peace and love to you at this time of loss.
Proud Liberal Dem
(24,414 posts)So sorry
mercuryblues
(14,532 posts)your loss. Please take the time you need to relieve the incredible amount of stress and grief you will feel over the next few weeks.
berni_mccoy
(23,018 posts)Bettie
(16,110 posts)That had to be really hard. I'm so sorry.
BrotherIvan
(9,126 posts)Everyone here, myself included is willing to help in whatever way they can. I just lost my mother and it was hard, but it is a process. Lean on any friends and neighbors that offer to help. Be gentle with yourself as you process what is going on. I wish you all the best.
ChisolmTrailDem
(9,463 posts)I lost my mother in October. Dad had just left the kitchen where she was mopping and returned to his room. He had just spoken to her and there was no indication she was about to go. A couple of minutes later he heard a thud in the kitchen. She had a history of heart issues and it finally just gave up.
My thoughts and prayers will be with you today, RedRocco.
Sissyk
(12,665 posts)That is very hard to deal with. Take time to think of you.
DU will be here when you need us.
polichick
(37,152 posts)CFLDem
(2,083 posts)We're here for you if you need us.
NikolaC
(1,276 posts)My condolences to you on your loss.
peace13
(11,076 posts)My heart goes out to you! I send you love and energy to get through this. Peace, kim
Mira
(22,380 posts)Even if anticipated a death of a parent is horrible. I don't know his condition or age, but isn't that how we ultimately want to go, since we must?
I'm happy for him, and so sad for your loss.
TDale313
(7,820 posts)Sarah Ibarruri
(21,043 posts)Blessings to you, my friend, and to your dad. There are no words to say, except I'm with you in your grief.
My mom and dad passed within 2 days in November 2013, and I'm mourning as well.
sheshe2
(83,790 posts)democrank
(11,096 posts)May he rest in peace.
intheozone
(1,103 posts)badtoworse
(5,957 posts)It sounds like he didn't suffer - take comfort from that and celebrate the time you had to together.
AllyCat
(16,189 posts)Mojorabbit
(16,020 posts)I found my husband dead in Dec. Having all those people invade the house on top of it all was such a shock. Sending you a huge hug.
RedRocco
(454 posts)then 2 cops while we waited on the coroner's truck
Mojorabbit
(16,020 posts)RedRocco
(454 posts)RebeccaBeasley
(7 posts)Peace to you and your family RedRocco.
UtahLib
(3,179 posts)It is good that you have someone to comfort and support you through such a traumatic experience.
GeorgeGist
(25,321 posts)meegbear
(25,438 posts)LoisB
(7,206 posts)riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)question everything
(47,486 posts)This is frightening.
All I can hope for you, that as time passes, this will not be your lasting memory of him. That you will cherish happier memories.
If coming here helps, do so. Most of us will look forward to your visits.
one_voice
(20,043 posts)peace and strength to you and yours.
Solly Mack
(90,771 posts)MadrasT
(7,237 posts)joeybee12
(56,177 posts)brett_jv
(1,245 posts)Any idea what it was? Did he have heart problems or the like?
RedRocco
(454 posts)he had a heart attack several years ago while undergoing a procedure at Dorn, but nothing since then.
daleanime
(17,796 posts)sinkingfeeling
(51,457 posts)JaneQPublic
(7,113 posts)And hoping peace comes to you very soon.
villager
(26,001 posts)...but that came at the end of a two year process so we were expecting it, as much as you can "expect" these things.
Yours sounds even more wrenching, and shocking.
Take good care of yourself. Keep checking back here as needed.
RedRocco
(454 posts)I kinda feel bad that his last meal was a sloppy joe
villager
(26,001 posts)Was asking how old your dad was, but you answered that elsewhere in this thread.
Yeah, 72 is much too young. My dad was just shy of his 82nd birthday when he passed, and that was too soon.
Again, please keep taking care, and checking in as much as you need to to deal with the shock, grief, etc...
progressoid
(49,991 posts)Once I eat one, Im in a good mood.
Mix some ketchup, onions, and meat;
Put it in a pan and turn on the heat.
Cook it, stir it, put it on a bun,
Serve it on a plate, and now you're done!
-Molly, Grade 4
Jesus Malverde
(10,274 posts)Triana
(22,666 posts)Faygo Kid
(21,478 posts)This will take time.
malthaussen
(17,204 posts)That must have been a terrible shock.
-- Mal
MinneapolisMatt
(1,550 posts)Nika
(546 posts)KitSileya
(4,035 posts)You have my deepest sympathies, and I do hope that you have somebody there with you, that you are not alone.
loudsue
(14,087 posts)Viva_La_Revolution
(28,791 posts)peace to you and your loved ones.
AgingAmerican
(12,958 posts)It's hard losing a parent. I sure miss my dad.
Chaco Dundee
(334 posts)barbtries
(28,799 posts)what a terrible shock for you. how old was he?
niyad
(113,336 posts)be good to yourself, take care of yourself, and then deal with everything else.
dembotoz
(16,808 posts)per your mom
does not sound like you two are close but unless you know she checks facebook often it might be a good idea to call her.
kairos12
(12,862 posts)mwrguy
(3,245 posts)Please accept my condolences.
freshwest
(53,661 posts)magical thyme
(14,881 posts)and yet, as others have written, it sounds as though he left peacefully. While it's hard for you now, may that be comforting to you to know.
Peace to you and your family. Of course you don't know what you feel...you are still in shock. You will feel what you feel -- there are no right or wrong feelings.
RedstDem
(1,239 posts)Was it something expected, or out of the clear blue sky?
William769
(55,147 posts)handmade34
(22,756 posts)CherokeeDem
(3,709 posts)I lost my mother recently but it was expected and still hard to deal with. To lose someone unexpectedly is very difficult.
My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
Rod Beauvex
(564 posts)...everthing gets squared away with Little fuss. My condolences.
Sunlei
(22,651 posts)840high
(17,196 posts)mckara
(1,708 posts)At least, our dads died peacefully, at home, around people who loved them.
I'm sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, we'll never stop missing them.
Keep in mind that your most memorable times with loved ones have an everlasting quality that keep their presence in your heart for the remainder of your life. His grace, dignity, compassion, courage, and love will never fade from your life.
bigwillq
(72,790 posts)TM99
(8,352 posts)I am sorry.
N_E_1 for Tennis
(9,734 posts)the niggley little details, please take time to mourn. Cry, cry your eyes out.
Your situation takes me back to my Dads passing. He went in for a heart by-pass, never recovered.
I saw him 20 minutes before he died. As I was leaving his hospital room I felt something.
It seemed like his hand reached out and went into my back and made me turn towards him. I went back and kissed him, told him that I loved him. He was out of it heavily sedated. It seemed impossible, now, and at the time.
He was supposed to be fine, fixed, healthier than ever. That was not to be.
My mother, bless her, could not handle his ashes in her home. I could never understand that, so I was in charge of his ashes. I thought it was an honor. We talked every day till his eventual burial, three months later.
One day when I thought I was in complete control do the situation, my Dad and I went for a walk.
We walked, his ashes and I, along one of my favorite paths. He a city person, me an outdoors lover.
We went to a place that I considered sacred. One of the highest points in the county we lived. I always wanted to take him there to show him just why I was like I was.
We sat, we talked, we remembered. And I cried. I left my heart and soul out on that bluff, I left my grief out there.
Over thirty years ago that happened, it seems like the day before yesterday now.
Sorry for the screed, sorry for your loss.
It will get better, your feelings of immediate loss will subside, but never lose the memories, that's immortality.
Take time for yourself. Grieve as you deem appropriate. But please take time to mourn.
another_liberal
(8,821 posts)No words . . .
lunatica
(53,410 posts)I went to see if he wanted something to eat and found him dying. 911 medics did CPR for 12 minutes and they sent for a cardiac machine to get his heart going. The police came and the Coroner came and took his body. The reason they took him was because he was relatively young and hadn't been to a doctor since 2007.
I'm sorry for your loss. I know how painful it is.
adirondacker
(2,921 posts)I'm dealing with a bit of survival guilt from the death of my sister from cancer and my mother being near death from dementia. We were all very close and it is indeed painful losing part of yourself.
PasadenaTrudy
(3,998 posts)too, to pancreatic cancer. Right on the heels of losing my mom. So hard
lunatica
(53,410 posts)When my brother died (a long time ago) my reality came crashing down and I felt it was so unfair to cut his life short. My mother died of Pancreatic cancer and she had Dementia. She died at home under the care of Home Hospice. It took a huge burden of me and my son who had been her primary caretakers for 5 years.
roguevalley
(40,656 posts)lunatica
(53,410 posts)They truly help and I appreciate them more than you can imagine. Thank you.
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)Losing parents is at least in the normal scheme of things. Losing kids is not.
I can only wish for you that the good memories cast some light through the grief.
lunatica
(53,410 posts)I've had to call people who were his best friends and a man who was like a father to him and they said such nice things about him after the shock and grief that came out of them when they heard he died. Invariably the conversation eventually turned to experiences they had with him. We were able to even laugh a little. It does give peace to talk to those who know and love him.
Rider3
(919 posts)Peace be with you and your family.
Glimmer of Hope
(5,823 posts)LibDemAlways
(15,139 posts)I'm sure that was quite a shock. I hope memories of good times shared will provide comfort in the days ahead.
ctsnowman
(1,903 posts)MrScorpio
(73,631 posts)Worried senior
(1,328 posts)I am glad your girl friend was able to come be with you.
get the red out
(13,466 posts)gademocrat7
(10,659 posts)virgdem
(2,126 posts)May your Dad RIP
Cleita
(75,480 posts)May he rest in peace. Could you tell us something about him?
sibelian
(7,804 posts)All best wishes and well... I guess what happens next is what happens. It never really feels right, no matter what...
(((RedRocco)))
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)Except that I'm so very sorry for your loss.
DFW
(54,405 posts)It happens to most of us sooner or later (happened to me sooner), but there are still no adequate words.
Hope you're OK when the shock wears off. Don't hesitate to come and and talk about it (or to anyone in real life) if you feel the need.
crim son
(27,464 posts)May he rest well.
WheelWalker
(8,955 posts)One day you wake up, like every other day; but this day, your life is forever changed. Blessings to you in your grief.
I cared for my terminally ill mother for four years in her home. One Sunday morning she was having pain... really the first bad pain she had to endure. She asked for a cup of coffee before breakfast. I went to the kitchen to pour her a cup. I returned less than two minutes later and she was gone.
And the wheel turns.
Third Doctor
(1,574 posts)B Calm
(28,762 posts)rury
(1,021 posts)Pakid
(478 posts)Blue_In_AK
(46,436 posts)lillypaddle
(9,580 posts)So very sorry for your loss.
DreamSmoker
(841 posts)I too have been here just two months ago..
Two days before Christmas.. I found my Wife on the Couch about 10am..
I over slept. I always wake to her making the morning coffee around 9am...
She was cold.. She had passed hours before I found her..
She appeared as if she was still asleep comfortably..
No sign of any Pain what so ever...
Her name was Irish here.. A member for many years..
I said a Prayer for you.. I know well that life will change.. But in many ways it will be better..
Time is your Friend right now..
Use it to stay busy and working toward positive changes..
I am doing just that every day...
Nothing will make you forget.. But time helps deal with the loss and Pain..
May God Bless you...
VA_Jill
(9,983 posts)This happened to my son several months ago. He went to check on his father at his house and found him. It is always a shock. My condolences.
roguevalley
(40,656 posts)her in her most extreme hour. Maybe in time you will feel this too but until then I wrap you in all the love I can feel. Take care and know you are loved. It will get better. But not today or a while.
anneboleyn
(5,611 posts)the rest of us. You lived through such a painful situation, and I want to thank you for your wisdom.
Lebam in LA
(1,345 posts)in your memories of him.
Tom_Foolery
(4,691 posts)PumpkinAle
(1,210 posts)I was so sorry to read about your Dad you must be devastated. Speaking for those on DU, please know that we are with you and are here to give you strength when you need it.
Xyzse
(8,217 posts)I am so sorry.
cate94
(2,811 posts)What a shock for you!
RainDog
(28,784 posts)rbrnmw
(7,160 posts)I found my mom in full cardiac arrest I started cpr the squad came but it was really already too late. It is one of the worst moments of my life. We had watched my dad pass on hospice exactly 4 mos before. I hope you have lots of support around you.
bravenak
(34,648 posts)yuiyoshida
(41,831 posts)applegrove
(118,683 posts)defacto7
(13,485 posts)DesertDiamond
(1,616 posts)sakabatou
(42,155 posts)A Little Weird
(1,754 posts)Harmony Blue
(3,978 posts)ReRe
(10,597 posts)NEOhiodemocrat
(912 posts)Wht a terrible shock for you. Will be thinking of you and your family.
SaveOurDemocracy
(4,400 posts)Egalitarian Thug
(12,448 posts)azurnoir
(45,850 posts)may strength see you the coming days and may healing come in the days ahead
tavernier
(12,392 posts)You are surely still in shock!
Sorry.
grahamhgreen
(15,741 posts)Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."
- From an Irish headstone
steve2470
(37,457 posts)Chorophyll
(5,179 posts)nadinbrzezinski
(154,021 posts)Not Me
(3,398 posts)I was fortunate to be with her in her last hours. I am so sorry that you weren't able to share those final moments.
My deepest sympathies.
Dustlawyer
(10,495 posts)My dad was on oxygen for years and could not leave home except to go to the doctor/hospital. The bills ate them up, he suffered long and hard as did my mom. No one should have to go through all of that.
Peace.
Chellee
(2,097 posts)SummerSnow
(12,608 posts)westerebus
(2,976 posts)knitter4democracy
(14,350 posts)May his memory be eternal.
SalmonChantedEvening
(31,952 posts)Please accept my condolences. Love to you and all those who knew and loved him.
DonCoquixote
(13,616 posts)I wish you well.
radhika
(1,008 posts)toddwv
(2,830 posts)As a relatively young sufferer of severe congestive heart failure, it's one of my fears that my parents will find me like that.
My condolences. I don't know if anything more can be said.
liberalmuse
(18,672 posts)It doesn't matter how weird or extremely difficult a relationship with your family member may have been. You will miss them, and wonder how you can just go on without them. It's a shock to find a loved one dead like that, but having watched my mom suffer for so long, it seems dropping dead like that, doing something you enjoy would be the ideal way to leave this life. I was the one who got the call when my brother died and it was not even real, so I'm trying to imagine how less real it would have been being the one to find him, and to be honest, I can't. I'm glad you have a supportive girlfriend to help you deal with this.
anneboleyn
(5,611 posts)(and each other) during such a difficult time.
DainBramaged
(39,191 posts)May the next few days be kind to you, may you always remember the good things about him.
Ilsa
(61,695 posts)I hope his passing was quick and painless. Youll be in my thoughts.
IrishAyes
(6,151 posts)life long demo
(1,113 posts)That was a heart breaking moment for you. Prayers to you.
wildbilln864
(13,382 posts)Oilwellian
(12,647 posts)Denis 11
(280 posts)cntrygrl
(356 posts)kelliekat44
(7,759 posts)Lefta Dissenter
(6,622 posts)I hope you find good support and love to help get you through. And whatever you are feeling or NOT feeling is all part of the process and the shock. I sure wish I could give you a hug. I'm just so, so sorry.
calimary
(81,313 posts)who survive him.
Words are never enough. But just know you do not mourn alone. DU is here with you, and we will buoy you up.
Uben
(7,719 posts)....but most of us have to endure it sooner or later. So sorry for your loss.
brer cat
(24,576 posts)What a shock! I hope that you have support to get through this. You can always talk through it on DU if you need us.
pacalo
(24,721 posts)I wish you strength & comfort in getting through this difficult time.
MannyGoldstein
(34,589 posts)And to all.
phylny
(8,380 posts)I'm sorry for your loss.
joesdaughter
(243 posts)It was touching to read all the posts expressing sorrow and comforting thoughts. Some of your Dad's last thoughts had to be joyful- anticipating spending time and sharing a cup o' joe with a beloved child.
Response to RedRocco (Original post)
Th1onein This message was self-deleted by its author.
Warpy
(111,273 posts)Sudden death like this is the worst.
denbot
(9,900 posts)Peace to you and yours.
Lifelong Protester
(8,421 posts)So sorry for your loss.
Dorian Gray
(13,496 posts)how terrible. so sorry.
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)You must be very shocked and grieved.
BeatleBoot
(7,111 posts)Honor him by hanging tough everyday and remembering him everyday.
July
(4,750 posts)I've recently dealt with the estate of my beautiful brother.
You need to think of yourself first.
Do not give any personal information to creditors. You do not own your father's debt, if there is any.
You will probably need a few death certificates (from a town or city clerk, a few bucks apiece) to close bank accounts and credit cards. Do not be in a hurry to make any payments once you have notified cards/banks of his death, and do not pay them out of your own money.KEEP RECORDS OF EVERY PHONE CALL AND PAYMENT.
Find out if there is a will and consult an attorney before paying ANYONE.
I say this as someone who has seen just about every weird twist there could be in the estate of someone who had no money.
I am very, very sorry for your loss.
GigiMommy
(5,039 posts)I'm so so sorry.
lunasun
(21,646 posts)at the time
Condolences to you
RIP Dad
diabeticman
(3,121 posts)Aerows
(39,961 posts)I don't know what to say, because there really isn't. Peace to you, my friend. You have love and friends around you on DU.
cantbeserious
(13,039 posts)eom
Jasana
(490 posts)allan01
(1,950 posts)condolences .
WillyT
(72,631 posts)Peace...
lexington filly
(239 posts)I'm sorry.
When my father died, I closed his eyes and that stuck with me for a long time. But I was glad to have been there to do this last thing for him.
You aren't on a clock right now unless you're bound by a religious timing tradition. Questions about estates, taxes, and much of the business of dying can take second place to your loss for the time being. Nowadays, people can create death ceremonies in ways that are most meaningful to the loved ones. Big or small, private or public. Even the timing is up to you. Take a breath. Then another. It will all work out.
Again, I am sorry.
highplainsdem
(49,002 posts)Fearless
(18,421 posts)Maraya1969
(22,483 posts)DesertFlower
(11,649 posts)mahina
(17,668 posts)Really rough. Wishing you well.
Joe Shlabotnik
(5,604 posts)AverageJoe90
(10,745 posts)Sending some good vibes your way, my man.
mahina
(17,668 posts)and it takes some doing to get it.
Aloha RedRocco. I find the grief still moves through me like a wave sometimes, but it's easier. Wishing your heart healing and your Dad safe journey, if he believed in that sort of thing.
juajen
(8,515 posts)Surya Gayatri
(15,445 posts)Losing a close relative is extremely stressful physically and emotionally. Be sure to look after yourself with special attention right now.
pablo_marmol
(2,375 posts)johnlucas
(1,250 posts)I'm sure your Dad appreciated you looking out for him.
Something as simple as bringing him a cup of coffee shows your love for him.
He passed knowing you loved him & that is the most important.
John Lucas
Ghost in the Machine
(14,912 posts)Peace,
Ghost
colorado_ufo
(5,734 posts)Wishing you the strength to get you through this extremely difficult experience.
TxDemChem
(1,918 posts)Our condolences to you and your family.
irisblue
(32,980 posts)emsimon33
(3,128 posts)What a terrible loss--so very sad.
RoccoR5955
(12,471 posts)to you and your's.
Octafish
(55,745 posts)Love and peace to you and yours.
Stellar
(5,644 posts)So sorry to hear that. Lost my dad this past Christmas morning at home too.
Eleanors38
(18,318 posts)cinnabonbon
(860 posts)It sounds like it was really sudden.
RedRocco
(454 posts)reading the comments in this thread has helped me a lot. I started this thread because I couldn't think of anything else to do. I never expected such an outpouring of sympathy and support.