Oklahoma pastor says he accidentally flooded Texas by praying too hard

[Ichingcarpenter]

An Oklahoma pastor this week said that his attempt to remove demons from the United States had worked a little too well, causing a severe drought to turn into massive flooding.

In an appearance on the Christian Internet broadcast Generals International, Church on the Rock Pastor John Benefiel recalled how he had used a “divorce decree” to severe Baal’s hold on drought-stricken states like Texas and Oklahoma.

“There was no rain in sight, no rain forecast at all,” he said. “But literally the day after we first used this Baal divorce decree in 2007 — we declared it in a meeting together — the rains came. And we ended up having more rain between February and June of 2007 than any other 12 month period in history.”

Benefiel said that the ceremony was repeated in Texas, Kansas and Missouri.

“And at one point and every lake of Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri were at or above flood stage,” the pastor noted. “And that’s what Chuck [Pierce] had prophecized, that when you see this happen, those are areas targeted for a Holy Spirit invasion.”

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/03/25/oops-oklahoma-pastor-says-he-accidentally-flooded-texas-by-praying-too-hard/

[Scootaloo]

1. Or it could be, you know, science...

Baked-out dirt simply not being able to absorb all the sudden water, and all that.

naaaah, it's got to be some Bronze-age canaanite deity disguised as a pseudochristian demonic spirit, that's the fucking ticket.

[Ichingcarpenter]

2. I've notified homeland security on this terroist

22 deaths and millions of dollars in damage caused by overpraying.


I have a timer, he should get one.

[LumosMaxima]

3. He should have collaborated with Pat Robertson.

If ol' Pat can turn back a hurricane, he should have no problem controlling floodwaters.

[Downwinder]

4. Sorcerer's Apprentice?

Trying to be God?

[malaise]

5. The worst part of this story is that he actually

believes this shite.

[Turbineguy]

6. Loahhd have mercy!

Send me your address pastor, so I can send you my Social Security check!

[Skidmore]

7. Baal???

In Oklahoma???

Yeesh.

[cloudbase]

8. It's Oklahoma.

That would be Baaly-Bob.

[justhanginon]

14. That is sooooo bad. Loved it! Still laughing. N/T

[Warren DeMontague]

9. seems legit

[hobbit709]

10. Evidently he hasn't been praying hard enough since.

"If you pray hard enough you can make water run uphill"
"How hard to you have to pray"
"Hard enough to make water run uphill of course"

Ambrose Bierce said it best: “PRAY, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.”

[a la izquierda]

11. Hey, thanks jerk.

I remember that summer in Oklahoma. The mosquitos were as big as bald eagles and all my plants had root rot.

[xfundy]

12. I'm praying for his spontaneous combustion.

[The Magistrate]

13. There Are Wheels Within Wheels On This One, Sir

He believes Ba'al has a hold on North America because he believes an alternate history tale that Egyptians regularly sailed to the Americas, and further that Egyptians worshiped Ba'al, and so by engaging in religious practices here deeded the continent over to Ba'al....

In short, not even a trace of real Bible in the nonesense.

[Eleanors38]

15. Nah, he was preying in a Dallas whorehouse & pissed his undies.

[Tanuki]

16. The headline truly sounds like something from the Onion! n/t