The Terror Of Catcalling, Ctd

[MrScorpio]

A reader writes:

You struck a nerve with this one, as I was just discussing this very thing a few weeks ago with a group of high-school freshmen in my English class. We were discussing homosexuality because of an allusion to it in the book we were reading, and several boys made comments such as, "That's disgusting." We got into the debate and eventually a boy admitted that he was terrified/disgusted when he was once sharing a taxi and the other male passenger made a pass at him.

The lightbulb went off. "Oh," I said. "I get it. See, you are afraid, because for the first time in your life you have found yourself a victim of unwanted sexual advances by someone who has the physical ability to use force against you." The boy nodded and shuddered visibly.

"But," I continued. "As a woman, you learn to live with that from the time you are fourteen, and it never stops. We live with that fear every day of our lives. Every man walking through the parking garage the same time you are is either just a harmless stranger or a potential rapist. Every time."

The girls in the room nodded, agreeing. The boys seemed genuinely shocked.

"So think about that the next time you hit on a girl. Maybe, like you in the taxi, she doesn't actually want you to."

http://andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com/2012/03/the-terror-of-catcalling-ctd-1.html

[freshwest]

1. Interesting that the other half of the population is clueless on this.

Sexual assault, just like the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy, and especially from rape, is a fact of life. A guy I knew told me how when he was 18, hitching rides cross country in the rain, an old man picked him up.

Since it was cold, he was grateful when he took him out to eat and offered him to stay at his hotel. Unfortunately, he wanted him to pay for the room 'in kind.'

He exclaimed to me angrily 'After that I never trusted anyone ever again!'

I started to say something regarding the age of 18 being a bit late to consider such a thing, but then, men have always had the freedom to travel alone, be out at night, and do many other things that women must avoid. Rather than lecture, I let it go and just listened to his story.

Any woman who could arrange her life so as to not be hitchhiking, would not. Any woman who was not desperate for a place to sleep, would not take the offer. Because even if an assault has not yet happened, women learn even earlier than 14 that they must restrict their life to avoid kidnapping, assault and murder.

I'm glad this woman had a chance to enlighten these students and help them realize just how heavy a burden this is.

[Arugula Latte]

2. Fourteen is being conservative. I started getting harassed at age 11.

[gaspee]

3. I've been saying this for years

Whenever men have the nerve to say being gay is icky in my hearing range, I explain why to them. They never like to hear it.

[intaglio]

4. What frightens me

is how little empathy men, in general feel for women and this observation carries across to other areas such as racial interactions.

FFS we all have mirror neurons why don't we use them more!

[BlancheSplanchnik]

5. kick and rec

that's what's so......infuriating and frustrating...the general cluelessness among most men, and no interest in even trying to empathize.