Couldn't he have called off the engagement before the wedding invitations were delivered

[malaise]

Good effin'grief!
http://www.theguardian.com/sport/2014/may/21/rory-mcilroy-caroline-wozniacki-engagement-called-off
<snip>

Rory McIlroy has dramatically announced that he has called off his engagement to the tennis star Caroline Wozniacki, just days after sending out invitations for the pair’s wedding.

McIlroy and Wozniacki confirmed they were to marry on New Year’s Day in Sydney. They were expected to become husband and wife in a ceremony in New York later this year.

However, in a completely unforeseen development on Wednesday morning, McIlroy admitted matters in his personal life had been moving too quickly for his liking. McIlroy had spent time in London last week with Wozniacki, with the golfer tweeting a photo of the view as he dined with his fiancee in Monte Carlo on Sunday evening.

“There is no right way to end a relationship that has been so important to two people,” McIlroy said. “The problem is mine. The wedding invitations issued at the weekend made me realise that I wasn’t ready for all that marriage entails.

[JI7]

1. based on this, no

"The wedding invitations issued at the weekend made me realise that I wasn’t ready for all that marriage entails. "

that's what i took for him to realize it. at least he didn't wait until the day of the wedding or during the actual ceremony when asked "do you take this ...........................to be your ................"

[malaise]

2. Rational men think about that before the proposal

Still as you say, it could always be worse

[tblue37]

27. Often people feel *pressured* into saying they will marry. I know

one young man who was pressured into an engagement with a live-in girlfriend of 4 years. He gave her a ring and everything, even though he really didn't want to marry her. But many people stay in relationships from habit, or because they don't know how to end them, or because they fear an ugly break-up scene, or because they are just afraid of not having someone.

This fellow stayed engaged for a year, trying to persuade the girl not to insist on the whole big, fancy wedding thing. If she had said OK to a small JP wedding, he actually would have married her, but her constant complaints about wanting a big wedding finally gave him the courage to break the engagement.

I am glad that they didn't get married--it would have been a disaster. But he lacked the will to get out of the relationship until they'd been living together for 4 years and engaged for one year beyond that. He told me later that part of why he stayed in the relationship and even bought a ring and got engaged was that he couldn't face the inevitable scene that a break-up would lead to.

[malaise]

29. Valid point re the big wedding circus n/t

[IdaBriggs]

30. Plus having a live in girlfriend and all the benefits

without having to make a commitment was probably pretty good.

Wasted five years of her life - sympathy to his victim.

[tblue37]

35. Actually, she was working in a call center, but always wanted to be a nurse.

He pushed her to apply to nursing school, helped her with her homework to get the 6 credits in lab course she needed to be eligible, and helped pay for her nursing school education. He also co-signed for her car. (Her job paid poorly, but his paid well.)

After she got her RN, she got a great job, and after they broke up, she signed with a company that places nurses wherever they want to go int he US. She has now bought a house in Texas, and she has been having a great time since they broke up. She told him afterward that she didn't realize how unready she was for marriage, either, but that she was really glad they didn't go through with it.

She was hardly a victim. They both stayed in a relationship that wasn't right for either of them, and they both ended up doing much better when they finally broke up. Meanwhile, rather than being a waste, her 5 years with him gave her a chance to travel, to live well, and to get an education that would allow her not just to support herself, but also to be able to find a job pretty much anywhere she wants to go. She also got a nice car out of the deal.

[tblue37]

37. BTW, do you think he was the only one enjoying sex?

Women also get "all the benefits" of a live-in relationship without marriage.

And since he made more money than she did, she also got the benefits of a nice car, a nice apartment, and an education she would probably not have gotten without his prodding and willingness to help pay for it.

BTW, he is married now (he was never against marriage--he just sensed it wasn't quite right between them), but she is not married, because after they broke up she discovered she really enjoyed being single with a good job and enough money to do what she likes. She dates, but doesn't want to get tied down yet. She is still young enough to be having fun being single.

[Corkscrew]

38. Sounds like she wasted his time with her nagging and complaining...

Good for him getting out before becoming legally bound to her...

[FSogol]

3. Mulligan. I call Mulligan.

[malaise]

5. A golf one?

[FSogol]

9. Tennis doesn't have Mulligans too? Just weddings and golf?

[malaise]

11. Never heard of a tennis mulligan

but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist

[FSogol]

14. Maybe you have just never seen me play...

[malaise]

17. Bwaaaaaaaaaaah hahahahha

[1000words]

4. What does it matter?

In the end, there are only two people this concerns.

[malaise]

6. Tell that to all the media across the globe who think it's news n/t

[1000words]

15. My access is limited ...

to those who feel these "news" items are worthy of an OP.

[City Lights]

7. I feel bad for Caroline.

She's already slipped in the rankings, and this shocker hits her right before the French Open.

[Niceguy1]

8. ouch..poor girl.

[JustAnotherGen]

10. He did her a favor

I called off a wedding two weeks prior to the day to a man that was well known in our community. It was the kindest thing I ever did for another person.

My motto - better single than sorry.

And I eventually got taken back to the cave by someone I could never walk away from - as did that ex.

[malaise]

13. I guess it's easy for ignorant observers like me to

feel sorry for her -maybe she's the lucky one.

[JustAnotherGen]

23. Trust me

She is - and as usual - you are such a kind and sweet old soul.

I got married for the first time at 39 - I was a singleton for many years - some would say a smug single. if you don't have a few bruises around your heart . . . You haven't really lived.

I bet she ends up with someone who thinks she's perfect!

[msanthrope]

19. Having cried off, I agree. It is the best thing your can do. nt

[Cleita]

16. As bad as this is, it's preferable to a bad marriage and a

perhaps costly divorce. I hope she finds someone more worthy. He's just a loser who deserves to be alone.

[malaise]

20. Yep

True

[1000words]

26. So we've determined McIlroy is an "irrational loser who deserves to be alone."

Does that same assessment hold true for those in this very thread who have called off their nuptials?

[malaise]

28. I said rational men would think about whether they were ready for marriage before

proposing.

[tblue37]

31. The young man I mention in the reply to your earlier post is NOT

a "loser who deserves to be alone." He is wonderful, brilliant, and successful, and he is now married to a young woman who is right for him. He and the other girl simply were NOT good together, but a lot of people end up in relationships with people they are not well-suited to, but since they haven't yet found someone they are suited to, they don't realize how wrong their current match is.

It is quite possible that the man in the OP was, or perhaps both of them were, pressured into getting engaged because of the expectations of others that their relationship had to go there after a certain amount of time.

[malaise]

32. Agreed

I know similar situations

[City Lights]

21. I agree that this is preferable to bad marriage

and costly divorce. I like her a lot from what I've seen of her. I don't follow golf, so I really don't know much about him.

[unblock]

18. heck, people have called it off on the wedding day itself!

[GeorgeGist]

22. Great reason to get married ...

the invitations have gone out.

[malaise]

24. No one suggested that n/t

[kwassa]

25. I did the same thing. One of the smarter decisions I've made.

The actual process of engagement to get marriage brought up a lot of relationship issues in terms of unspoken expectations on both our parts. We ended up in therapy because of that, and discovered that we really weren't meant for each other. Better that than a bad marriage. I've been to some expensive weddings that didn't last more than a couple of years before the couple filed for divorce. Too many, actually.

It was too bad in one sense: we had a bitchin' cool wedding invitation that we had created ourselves.

[malaise]

33. LOL for the last sentence

[anneboleyn]

34. Excellent point. You did the right thing. I left a bad relationship too

and was criticized by some (now former in-laws) because they had stuck out miserable marriages. I knew that was the wrong way to go, there were no kids involved, and I am very happy I left. Your points are great -- issues can come up as the relationship changes into an engagement, with all of the pre-wedding pressures. It is definitely better to call it off before lawyers have to get involved.

[kwassa]

36. The wedding process can be a real test, in a way.

The traditional wedding process is a very big deal, involves many people, lots of money, often, and commitments by many not in the relationship to show up. Plus, big costs for those others, either in terms of travel expenses, gifts or matching outfits for bridesmaids or groomsmen.

My extended family, instead of coming to the non-existent wedding, had already made the time commitment and ended up renting out a beach house in the Outer Banks instead and had a big family vacation. I went, too.