Man sends wife spreadsheet detailing the times she denied him sex for the last month

[davidn3600]

Last edited Sun Jul 20, 2014, 01:14 PM - Edit history (1)

A man decided to let his wife know that he was unsatisfied with their relationship – by sending her a spreadsheet detailing all the excuses she gave for not having sex with him.

In a post on the sub-Reddit /r/Relationships, a 26-year-old woman revealed that as she was driving to the airport for a 10-day business trip, her husband (also 26) sent her an email containing the offending spreadsheet.

I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since 1 June, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment.

“This is a side of him I have never seen before,” she added. “Bitter, immature, full of hatred.”

She said he has cut off contact with her since sending the email.

http://news.ie.msn.com/entertainment/man-sends-wife-spreadsheet-of-all-the-times-she-denied-him-sex


Here is the spreadsheet he made..






EDIT TO ADD...
I post a story I found to be somewhat amusing and I get attacked once again by a certain clique here

I thought it was a little funny a guy would be that immature about not getting any sex that he'd create a spreadsheet like that. And I thought I'd share the link (from msn.com).

And then I and a couple other DUers get attacked in here. Some people need a sense of humor. Christ almighty! The world has so much crap going on right now...take a break for a second!

[DURHAM D]

1. Do you have a comment?

This belongs in the Lounge.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

40. oh no. it belongs right here. Actually, it belongs on reddit but, you know ...

Look what the cats drug in ...

[redqueen]

54. There is a clear pattern. nt

[seabeyond]

58. yes. beyond the stupid OP, yes. a clear pattern. nt

[Tuesday Afternoon]

66. mos def. An agenda has been noticed and a pattern established.

and please God, this type of Shit does NOT belong in The Lounge. I don't care if this is a true story or not.

[DURHAM D]

67. Indeed there is.

I asked him for his comment because I am aware that he has an agenda.

[yeoman6987]

169. I have a feeling this marriage is soon to be over. I can already see many other issues involved.

[Turbineguy]

2. He needs to

learn how to format those cells better.

[CTyankee]

106. I was gonna say what a lousy looking spreadsheet he produces!

hmm, I wonder what else he can't do right?

[Aerows]

421. Not to mention the one

right below when she said yes, the next day she said "I'm still tender from yesterday".

[RKP5637]

251. Yep!!! No A+ for him!

[InAbLuEsTaTe]

256. That's what I was thinking; maybe that explains the REAL source of his problem?

[Iggo]

3. Lawyer.

[Zorra]

102. Yeh, no sense wasting any time and and life experience

fruitlessly trying to preserve mutual disappointment and passionless unhappiness.

"Enjoy the day, it's all we have"

[Duppers]

116. +10

Sad though.

[NCjack]

4. Never use a spreadsheet when a simple table will suffice. nt

[LiberalElite]

148. Yes - some people

use Excel for shopping lists.

[Darkhawk32]

302. I would've preferred to use a pie chart.

[Warren DeMontague]

321. Mmmm.

Pie.

[NaturalHigh]

332. Ohhh....you guys.

[Warren DeMontague]

334. What can I say? I like pie.

If that is a capital offense, I will gladly go to the gallows because I am guilty, guilty, guilty!

[opiate69]

522. I prefer cake, personally.

[Warren DeMontague]

525. That's not, technically, 100% true.

[opiate69]

532. Pics or it didn't happen!

[Warren DeMontague]

533. Oh, fine.

[opiate69]

534. lmao!

I was expecting something like this though lol

[Warren DeMontague]

535. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"FLESHY STARTED EVERY WAR IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!"

That's some quality privilege-checking, that is.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

549. I think that's what Jessica Lange said to Jack Nicholson once...

[Tetris_Iguana]

5. Well that relationship is likely done...

[DustyJoe]

7. lololol

This OP is useless without appropriate bar and line graphs.

[geek tragedy]

8. What a creep. nt

[DustyJoe]

10. welllll ...... EDITED

Last edited Sun Jul 20, 2014, 12:05 PM - Edit history (2)

At least he was requesting sex and obviously complying with the denials.
.
edited for furor caused
.
been married 46 yrs, not into rape anything .. sheeessh
ok

at least he requested, 'asked' instead of 'lets hit the sheets honey' or twerking at her
and
complied with the denial insted of whining 'oh cmon, its been 20 hours'

I showed the wife the responses and she laughed and said I deserved it for the 1 liner wording

[geek tragedy]

11. I'm gonna guess he wasn't very much into

making the experience about her.

[redqueen]

14. You mean at least he wasn't just raping her? Really?

Really?

[BainsBane]

348. Yeah, I guess we're supposed to give him credit for not being a rapist

Even though the story prompting this OP is probably complete fiction, the thread has revealed quite a bit.

[demmiblue]

15. At least he wasn't raping her?! Wow, that is a fucked up comment. n/t

[seabeyond]

21. ha. you give guys a pat for NOT raping. got it. nt

[CBGLuthier]

30. I do hope you have merely made a poor choice of words

and are not actually praising a man for not raping his wife. Surely, that must be the case.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

45. of course she laughed. you're a huge joke.

[DustyJoe]

56. okay

Well, she's stuck with me, not you.

[seabeyond]

57. it was a bad one liner. your wife was right, you deserved. and

thank you for the clarification.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

63. ok, thanks for the clarification. n/t

[DustyJoe]

75. Added by suggestion

My humor being somewhat dry, the 1 liner was a baaaaaadddd attempt, please note the duncehat at my wifes suggestion.
BUT
In my defense, what was in my mind when I did the off the cuff response was an episode of (everyone loves Raymond), he in the show is an expert at begging/whining for sex.
An episode hit me when I saw the OP of him and wife in bed after he went thru 5 minutes begging for nookie and her trying to sleep. She is rolled away from him and everytime he moves towards her even though she can't see him, she responds with 'NO'. At the end of the scene, he passes his hand a foot above her, passing it from head to hip and back with her responding with a long rising-falling nooooooooooooo the entire transit of his hand.
SO
No real defense other than to blame my wife for making me watch that episode. (I knew I could blame it on a woman if I tried hard enough ) Sorry Dear.

[uppityperson]

144. How do you know any of that about him? Do you know him personally or are you just

assuming all of that? I am serious, am curious as to whether or not you know more since the op didn't say that.

[NCTraveler]

418. "complying with the denials"

Well of course....at the very least.

[Harmony Blue]

347. Detailing his life

in data shows that he needs to move on as she is not compatible with him. A dead bedroom is not fun for both parties.

[bigdarryl]

9. Damn poor guy

I'm not condoning him with this spread sheet that was clearly wrong but wow there's nothing going on sexually u in that marriage.He needs to have a serious talk with his wife to see what the problem is

[tammywammy]

13. He should have had an adult conversation.

Instead he did something childish and has cut off contact.

[randome]

18. No, he shouldn't have married her unless he knew what he was getting into.

But then how many couples do that? Sorry, but divorce sounds like the next rational step.
[hr][font color="blue"][center]"There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."
Leonard Cohen, Anthem (1992)[/center][/font][hr]

[Erich Bloodaxe BSN]

31. I rather have to agree with this.

There is an obvious and LARGE mismatch in their libidos. If sex is that important to him, and not important to her, they really should have figured that out before getting married. They set themselves up for a lot of strife by not communicating clearly enough before taking the rather large step of marriage.

[PassingFair]

152. You don't think that desire and libido fluctuate over time?

You know nothing, Erich Bloodaxe.

[yeoman6987]

173. At 26 years old? Yieks!

[MillennialDem]

327. At 26 years old my libido was completely killed. It's still dead. I'm 34. Until I get a problem fixe

d.

Hopefully soon - it's a long story.

That said I am also at the same time completely fine with a dead libido, the dead libido is a symptom of something else wrong with me that I need fixed. Whether the libido comes back or not is irrelevant.

[tblue37]

363. She might just have been tired all the time.

Modern life is very stressful and exhausting. If she has a demanding job and also spends time in the gym trying to keep herself in shape, she really might just want to veg out in front of the TV. And it is also possible that even when she feels too yucky and gross to want to have sex, she might still feel too tired to get up and take that shower.

[alarimer]

388. He might just be bad at it or doesn't care about her pleasure.

So she looks for excuses to avoid it.

Okay, not how you want to communicate such a thing, but why is everyone blaming HER?

[Erich Bloodaxe BSN]

232. Sure I do.

But since all you want to do is post insulting graphics, I'll add you to my very short ignore list. You're #2!

[redqueen]

43. There could be so much more to it.

Someone down thread wonders about how he goes about initiating sex. If that's the only time he shows physical affection / intimacy... there could also be issues with household duties. I don't think men realize how resentful some modern women are when they discover they are are expected to both work outside the home and shoulder the majority of household duties.

There could be so much more to this story which might be helped by communication and even counselling, but this childish tactic didn't help at all.

[Ilsa]

158. Very true. As much as things have changed,

Alot have not. Many wives still have to put in another half day of work when they get home.

When my mother-in-law told me that my brother-in-law (her son) was having marital problems because his wife wouldn't have sex with him, I reminded her that her daughter-in-law was working full time, taking nine hours of difficult college classes at night, and working two part time jobs. I told my MIL, "Don't you think she might be a little tired"?

[Hekate]

258. Back in the day a friend of mine confided almost tearfully she thought she was becoming "frigid"

I had to pick my jaw off the table -- this was a couple who couldn't keep their hands off each other BEFORE the baby came, the in-laws all moved in, she went back to work full time in a business he started, and on and on and on. Oh, and her MIL, who was of a different culture, complained that my friend "didn't bring her tea to her room in the morning." And far be it that any of the in-laws pitch in around the house.



I said: "I think you're exhausted, is all." And she was.

I don't know what is going on in the marriage referred to in the OP, but at a minimum this couple needs a marriage counselor -- otherwise, I recommend the wife just move out and be gone when hubby returns. I don't find it as ha-ha funny as some of the guys do.

[Takket]

51. Agreed

These two don't seem to be on the same page.

[TheCowsCameHome]

76. ....or hoping to get in to.

[blueamy66]

89. Agree.

They are 26?

Something is seriously wrong here.

[whathehell]

104. You could say the same for her, although neither may have known how they'd feel later. n/t

[Warren DeMontague]

465. I wonder if they were graduates of one of these "abstinence only" approaches.

Just a hunch.

I think it's a good idea for people to have a very solid idea of their sexual compatibility, as well as their own and their partners' expectations, before getting married.

These things can change, of course, but I suspect they are less likely to contain drastic surprises when people have been together for a while before tying the knot.

[tarheelsunc]

546. I'm sure his wife was much more active earlier on. eom

[Jacoby365]

91. If his wife is more interested in reruns of Friends

it might be hard to have a series talk with her.

[randome]

108. Really. Who watches Friends any more? Geeze.

[hr][font color="blue"][center]If you don't give yourself the same benefit of a doubt you'd give anyone else, you're cheating someone.[/center][/font][hr]

[Darkhawk32]

290. I know. Really! n/t

[Jenoch]

125. You're right. This guy has no hope if her excuse is she would rather watch Friends.

[CTyankee]

196. well, if his wife prefers reruns of Friends, maybe he is no star in the bedroom either...

[jberryhill]

311. maybe it was an episode she never saw

[Warren DeMontague]

335. Yeah, that part is pretty damning.

Although if he can't compete with that, he may very well be the one with the problem.

[NaturalHigh]

340. At least it's not "Mad About You."

[Warren DeMontague]

341. Everybody loves Raymond

in the Biblical sense, even.

[NaturalHigh]

345. But does Everybody KNOW Raymond in the Biblical sense?

[Warren DeMontague]

371. yeah, good point.

you know, I never once watched that show. I'm not even sure how it is I'm aware of it. But if you google image search it, you come up with a series of pictures of cast members, and I guess... these must be "jokes" from the show. I put "jokes" in quotes because ... I don't know, apparently someone, somewhere must have thought they were funny. But it would appear that thing was even worse than I thought.

This one is the only one that came close to actually making me laugh, and I'm not even sure why:

[NaturalHigh]

378. I never watched it either, but I can totally hear her saying that.

[tblue37]

368. If, as I suggest above, she is simply exhausted, she just might need some mindless

veg out in front of the TV time.

[avebury]

490. Perhaps the fault does not really rest with the wife?

There may be a reason that there is no sex life.

[DetlefK]

12. He could have told her that he's dissatisfied and wants more sex in their relationship.

This is just cold and passive-aggressive.

[randome]

25. He can only communicate via Excel. It's a rare disorder he picked up from a brothel in Richmond.

[hr][font color="blue"][center]"There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."
Leonard Cohen, Anthem (1992)[/center][/font][hr]

[redqueen]

29. !

[randome]

69. Sort of borrowed from something Grant Morrison once wrote.

Credit where credit is due.
[hr][font color="blue"][center]“If you're not committed to anything, you're just taking up space.”
Gregory Peck, Mirage (1965)[/center][/font][hr]

[yeoman6987]

175. Actually as I am thinking about it, they both deserve each other

He for making a stupid Excel Spread sheet and for her for going public with it. They both seem immature. I can't imagine doing such a thing. Both made poor judgement calls.

[Darkhawk32]

305. You just won the internet tonight. :)

[blueamy66]

90. I don't agree.

A 26 year old wife with all of these excuses....she deserves a spreadsheet.

[Gormy Cuss]

141. I wonder what the husband's excuses look like

other than "my wife won't service me whenever I have the whim."

[yeoman6987]

176. Do you think more then 3 times a month is a whim or unreasonable?

[Gormy Cuss]

366. I think the spreadsheet, if real, shows that he seems to think she should have sex even when she's

not interested just because he's in the mood.

[Threedifferentones]

379. Or it reveals he wishes she were in the mood more than three times a month...

That's how a lot of relationships break down regarding sex from what I have observed. He is basically always horny, so there is no "in the mood" for him. She is not, so the sex happens when she wants. She only wanted it 3 times last month, and for him that does not seem enough.

Judging by this tiny sample I'd have to say this relationship is doomed.

[Gormy Cuss]

401. If this thing is real, I agree it's doomed

because you don't send an email like that to someone if you want the relationship to sustain.

[qazplm]

227. yeah I dont think

more than three times a month equals whim.

[HangOnKids]

552. You have spread your personal life all over DU

You want a spreadsheet about you Amy?

[hughee99]

481. Isn't this spreadsheet an almost daily account of asking for more sex in their relationship?

The spreadsheet is ridiculous, without a doubt, but I don't think the problem was that his wife wasn't aware he wanted more sex.

[AngryAmish]

16. And this is anyone's business how?

[Iggo]

24. She posted it on Reddit. That's how.

Kinda like when Elin was beating Tiger with his own golf club. When it spills out into the driveway, it's everybody's business.

[TeeYiYi]

84. !...

"When it spills out into the driveway..."

TYY

[DreamGypsy]

17. Could be an opportunity for a new Paul Simon song:

There must be fifty was to tell your spouse that he (she) is a lousy lover.

You move like a caboose, Bruce.

[edgineered]

52. Always liked this tune.

It seems like a long time ago that "would you please explain about the fifty ways" went over my head.

[KinMd]

19. Who says romance is dead?

[grahamhgreen]

470. lol

[sufrommich]

20. This is going to end up being a viral Reddit hoax.

My guess is there is nothing "real" about this.

[chrisa]

479. +1. The internet is so gullible.

They'll unthinkingly jump on the latest outrage-du-jour - especially Reddit.

[JaneyVee]

22. Seems like he was asking at all the wrong times.

[Darkhawk32]

191. If this is to be believed, not alternate times were given.

Like "Hey, I just got home. Let me take a shower, let's cook dinner and start with snuggling on the couch."

[JaneyVee]

239. Yeah, because scheduling sex is really romantic.

[Darkhawk32]

240. But you're condemning the man for asking for sex.

If you don't think many couples don't have to do this, you're delusional and naive.

[JaneyVee]

244. Not condemning him for asking, condemning his spreadsheet.

What next, revenge porn? Its stupid and obviously the 2 probably just have different emotional needs. Her body her choice.

[Darkhawk32]

247. He didn't try to force himself on her. It's also his choice to seek affection elsewhere through....

divorce.

[JaneyVee]

266. I agree. Divorce is probably best in their situation.

If he's this psychotic to go to this length she's probably better off without him.

[Darkhawk32]

268. If she's so psychotic to post this on the internet, he's probably better off without her too. :)

Either they divorce or get a reality show. lol

[Squinch]

281. From both of these actions, it is clear that these two people really don't like each other. It

isn't surprising that people who dislike each other as much as these two clearly do are not having a lot of sex.

[Darkhawk32]

282. Right, just divorce. Both acted stupid. n/t

[U4ikLefty]

23. I'm sorry, but as an engineer I thought this was funny as hell!!!

Can he charge this to a client...anyone!!?!! Bueller!!?!!

[Darkhawk32]

295. I would've used pie and flow charts.

I like pie.

[CBGLuthier]

26. Too bad he did not document whatever lousy technique he is using to "coax" her.

Is he kind? Does he cook? Does he talk to her about her life? Does he give her a back rub, with no expectations? Does he do anything worthwhile at all to make her want to be intimate? Does he, as we all suspect, suck in bed (and not in a good way)?

[Thinkingabout]

36. My thoughts also.

[Kali]

71. this ^

[ismnotwasm]

74. Good, now I don't have to post that

Exactly (almost) what I was thinking.

[blueamy66]

94. She married him.

Does one have to perform certain tasks in order to have sex?

Really?

Heck, all I have to do is look at my BF smile at me...don't need to have laundry done or the car washed.

[uppityperson]

97. Most of us find being treated nicely, caring and showing that helps. Does being married mean

a partner can treat the other with disdain, or be nasty, or ignore them and then complain at lack of intimacy?

[blueamy66]

114. But we do not know this to be the case

And if it is, get a divorce.

[uppityperson]

122. Indeed, all we know is that some person decided to keep track using their own system

and nothing at all about their relationship or the other party's side of the story.

"Is he kind? Does he cook?...Does he do anything worthwhile at all to make her want to be intimate?" seems to be good questions/advice and not as you put it, "Does one have to perform certain tasks in order to have sex? "

[blueamy66]

126. Okay. Sex is good. Sex is fun.

Making love is even better.

You either want to do it or you don't.

Dude needs to get out now.

[uppityperson]

131. I see only 1 side of the story and refuse to extrapolate based on my own experiences

I did not want to have sex with an abusive partner, I guess he should have just gotten out since punching me in the face didn't lead me to "want to do it". Poor guy. At the end, he held me down and raped me because, as you put it, "sex is good, sex is fun" and if I objected to all that? He should've just left me, right?

[Darkhawk32]

306. I don't think he meant any of that.

[redqueen]

127. Precisely.

"Is he kind? Does he cook?...Does he do anything worthwhile at all to make her want to be intimate?" seems to be good questions/advice and not as you put it, "Does one have to perform certain tasks in order to have sex? "

[REP]

257. She probably has more relationship experience than I do

As I recall, she was with someone who was being forced to support his children (she didn't approve of that) and now she isn't. So I guess we know why he left her.

[pnwmom]

568. Right, just like that. How simple.

Have you considered the possibility that this couple might have very young children? Who are the reason this wife needs help and is too tired for sex? And who might not benefit from a divorce?

[DebJ]

346. Consider this:

Woman works full-time job perhaps high pressure. Commutes up to one hour each way. Overtime.

Comes home, has to do every single chore: cooking, cleaning, shopping, preparing for guests,
pay the bills, mow the lawn, take out the garbage, do the laundry, get the taxes filed. He doesn't
even set the table or serve himself his own meals.

Then, he wants sex, which becomes in effect another chore because there is nothing left of energy
for enjoyment.

It happens. I married someone like that once.

That's when you need the man to get off his butt and do something. There are still many men
who just go to work, come home, and sit on their butts and want everything done for them; men
who need to understand 'wife' doesn't equal 'mommy', and if you demand 'mommy', there's nothing
left for wife.

On edit: the butt I married also wanted every meal brought to him in his chair. Then left the dirty dishes
by the chair on the floor. I tried leaving them there and he let them pile up until all the dishes were used
and I had to get them.

[grahamhgreen]

133. Maybe he should give her money every time, lol;)

[BainsBane]

280. According to some in this thread

That would make him a "gigolo." Expecting that he should take any part in running the household, whether helping out with housework, holding down a job, or paying any bills, is somehow expecting something in exchange for sex. I know it is completely devoid of logic, but it is stated by a member above.

I guess being male and married entitles a man to do absolutely nothing and expect sex as a matter of course, and if she doesn't like his idea of sex that can be accomplished in well under 20 minutes, she is "frigid," according to that same poster.

In other words, marriage is not a commitment of two people to share their lives together, including responsibilities, but hinges on the expectation that a woman must do anything and everything a man expects, including providing sex on demand, looking after the house, doing the remodeling, and supporting him: In other words, enslavement.


Edit: God help us all. I just realized that poster is a woman. I shouldn't be surprised, but I am disturbed by it.

[Threedifferentones]

380. Why are there so many posts in this thread about men who don't do housework?

Because it happens all the time, okay. But there is nothing mentioned in the OP about that, so all the people posting such are taking their own experiences and projecting them on to this one.

Is she doing all the housework while away on her 10 day business trip?

Either he pitches in his fair share or he does not. Yes or no, since we are ignorant it is a 50% chance.

I cannot help but notice that way more than half of the posts which inject housework into the discussion assume he is not helping.

Perhaps the reason I'm not so comfortable leaping to that conclusion is that both my dad and my step dad did at least 50% of the house work when I was growing up. Both parents worked, and so whoever got home first started on the cooking and cleaning and child rearing. In my experience plenty of men do their own cooking and cleaning, so it does not occur to me to assume that the husband is not.

[BainsBane]

395. Because the woman said as much in the part of the story left out by the OP

[redqueen]

398. "It’s Not Just Us: Women Around The World Do More Housework And Have Less Free Time"

In all of the 26 countries that make up the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD), women take on more than half of the unpaid work that needs to get done, such as caring for children or doing housework, according to OECD data reported by Shane Ferro at Reuters. That leaves them with less leisure time than men.
On average, women in these countries do 60 percent of the unpaid work, although it varies. In the U.S. it’s just over 60 percent, while in Japan and Korea it’s over 80 percent. Meanwhile, Norway gets the closest to equality at 54 percent, followed by Sweden and Denmark.

And while men spend more time in paid work — 5.42 hours a day, on average across OECD countries, versus 4.55 hours for women — they get more leisure time, finding 5.33 hours a day, while women get just 4.7. In fact, among these countries, women spend 40 minutes per day caring for family members and 168 doing “routine housework,” while men put in 16 and 74, respectively. Meanwhile, men get 21 more minutes for watching TV or listening to the radio and 8 more for watching sports. Here in the U.S., those disparities are also clear: Women put in 22 more hours on care and 44 more on housework, while men get 26 extra minutes for TV and 13 for sports.

...

In the United States, there’s also a disparity in the overall numbers of men and women performing these tasks. On a given day, half of American women will be found doing housework, while just 20 percent of men will do the same. Things have improved since the days of Ward Cleaver, as men do three times as much childcare and more than double the housework they did in 1965. But given that women are still doing the vast majority of this work — while a record number of them are supplying most of their family’s income — they are far more likely to be exhausted than men.

...

http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2014/03/14/3399641/oecd-housework-women/

But the thing is, you knew this.

Because it happens all the time, okay.

Why did you think it was necessary to act as if the people suggesting this very likely scenario were somehow being unfair? You know good and well that your experience was not the norm, so...

Why?

[Spazito]

424. To quote from "Mrs. Doubtfire"...

"Oh dear, Winston's idea of foreplay was "Effie, brace yourself.".

Given his spreadsheet, I suspect the above quote could apply to him as well.

[elehhhhna]

475. some men think saying "wanna do it?" is foreplay

[FSogol]

33. A grammar problem or a drinking problem?

Too much to drink once in a 3 month period isn't any indication of a problem. (She had a too drunk excuse too in that same time period.)

[SidDithers]

107. "I'm too drunk and I ate too much"...

Since we're playing internet therapist here, it sounds like she does too, as well as an eating disorder.



Sid

[hfojvt]

28. Why shouldn't he be bitter

if he's getting rejected 24 times out of 27?

Gotte be his fault though. He didn't beg enough or something.

Oh, and he's cut off contact? Why not? From her tone it does NOT sound like she wants to call and apologize or anything.

[lunasun]

32. Awkward unless she is an accountant or has an Excel fetish maybe

Not going to improve the situation dude

[edgineered]

34. Too bad he left out the other column.

She: "We need to talk"
He: "About what?"

next day.

"We really need to talk"
"Can it wait?"

next month.

"You know, we really should have had a talk, I've been trying for a month"
"Well I guess it wasn't so important then. Was it?"

[Darkhawk32]

189. You have no evidence that it was him not wanting to talk...

seems that the evidence points to an act of desperation into making the spreadsheet.

Your argument is baseless.

[edgineered]

233. My baseless argument is proof positive of its meaning. nt

[demwing]

381. What the hell?

Does that statement even mean anything?

[edgineered]

391. Yea, it does.

Thinking of it this way, I reason that the ability to understand more about others is much easier if there is a willingness to listen and discuss. Did he say, "Hon, I'm sorry we didn't talk about this before. Come to think of it, those weeks and all that time I spent creating this spreadsheet was really a waste of time. I now know that if we had talked about keeping track things may not have gotten this bad."

Hope that makes it more clear. There are a few bikes here that I need to fix today and only brought the laptop in to tune a PowerCommander, so I'm outta here for the day (or longer). Keep your ears open and have a good day.

[Hekate]

264. My ex: "I was in a good mood and you spoiled it." "I was in a bad mood and you're making it worse."

"What is there to talk about?" And finally: Silence.

That's about as far down Memory Lane as I wish to go.

[NightWatcher]

35. Of course he's bitter, he hasn't been laid in a month

Derp

[Tuesday Afternoon]

47. I take it your wife is more accomodating ...

Bless her.

[NightWatcher]

53. you people are killing the comedy here

DU: Where humor goes to die.

I don't really suspect this is the truth. I think it was made up for comedy.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

59. dude, you are killing Me over here ...

[CreekDog]

526. you were posting comedy? wow, thanks for telling us

otherwise we wouldn't have known!

[Thinkingabout]

37. Post mentioned she was driving to the airport for a 10 day business trip, never mentioned if he

worked. I can see this spread sheet probably is not going result in a large emotional deposit in the future.

[Nye Bevan]

38. As a mathematician, there is a clear, predictable sequence here.

Every "yes" is followed by precisely 9 "no"s. I predict that they will next have sex on Tuesday July 22.

[NightWatcher]

41. isn't that something they teach salesmen?

If you get a hundred no's before a single yes, get going on those no's and your yes will come.

He should've started asking 3 times a day....then he might increase the odds of some action. Although I'm seeing an abrupt end to this partnership.

[seabeyond]

46. i dunno night watcher, maybe if they had sat down and had a conversation what each needs were,

when the best times of the day is, what to increase desire/want, ect.... instead of more passive aggressive, continually asking all day, to make a point.

[NightWatcher]

49. where's the comedy gold in that approach?

Of course that would be the proper thing to do, but that isn't funny. I'm assuming that the whole piece is a work of fiction for humor's sake.

[seabeyond]

55. thank you nightwatcher.

i appreciate the clarification. i was a tad surprised, having in the past listened to you in this area.

[NightWatcher]

60. Thanks. Taken on its face, I think the guy looks worse in this story

I however don't believe anything I see on the internet these days. I suspect this too is a "joke"

[Tuesday Afternoon]

50. now now, sea .. it is all about quantity Not quality with these mathmetician types.

They don't care how sloppy it is as along as they see the math.

[seabeyond]

61. but is it fuzzy math.... nt

[Tuesday Afternoon]

68. !

no more mixed metaphors for me.

[Mother Of Four]

487. ......

[blueamy66]

118. I don't think that having a talk will help

You either want to make love or you don't. End of story.

[riderinthestorm]

177. Well that's not true. That's way too black and white....

"I'm too tired" has definitely been transformed by a massage that evolved...

Or "I'm too sweaty and gross" means a shared shower which leads to more fun...

"I've got too much work to do" will definitely provide results if my partner chips in and does the dishes, gets the kids to bed, finishes the laundry and rubs my feet....

Living in a long term relationship is definitely lots of shades of grey.

The two people in the OP have a big time communication problem and talking about it is probably the single best first step they could take.

[Skittles]

265. I WILL KICK YOUR MATHEMATIZING ASS, NYE BEVAN

YES INDEED

[AgingAmerican]

520. I noticed that too

Even though my bus careened off the mathematical cliff at fractions, I noted the 'every ten days' pattern too!

[PowerToThePeople]

39. Dude does not deserve a girlfriend

Super lame.

If he was not happy, there are over 3 billion other females on the planet. Maybe he can find one more compatible to him.

[seabeyond]

42. a month and a half. all while he was asking, he was expecting a no, an excuse, to go to his computer

and type out the excuse as a justification for his anger. for a month and a half he had been looking at his wife in this manner, while she was totally unaware. having conversation with himself about her in a really negative manner. looking for proof he has a reason to be angry.

how much of that bleeds into a relationship.

just thoughts that a partner would choose to address an issue in a relationship in this manner, rather than simply having a conversation.

[uppityperson]

100. Yup, eom

[Darkhawk32]

308. As stupid as a spreadsheet was, I don't think the problem started when he started making the....

spreadsheet. I believe they've been having problems for a long while and communications issues (both ways) for a while and it was a stupid and desperate act to get her attention.

Regardless, it's equally as stupid to air your dirty laundry in public like that.

[DireStrike]

414. You think this was just a month?

This just started and he said "I know how to fix this. I'll make a spreadsheet!" What an odd thing to assume.

Clearly, neither party in this marriage is capable of communicating well, and the wife appears to be tremendously oblivious.

[seabeyond]

415. youa re assuming i assumed that, which i did not and did not make that statement. how odd. right?

[DireStrike]

450. The assumption was applied by the fact that you only talked about that month

If you didn't assume that, and in fact took a more realistic view that this was a long brewing problem, the spreadsheet thing isn't even very strange. Your comment really doesn't make much sense if you didn't assume as I said. But that's possible, people fail to make sense quite a often.

[Codeine]

44. Who uses a spreadsheet?

In my relationship we do this sort of thing with a PowerPoint presentation, as sophisticated adults are expected to do.

[Darkhawk32]

303. Never thought about using PowerPoint!

I've been using pie charts. Thanks for the idea!

[aikoaiko]

48. Data driven performance evaluations provide clarity to linked qualitative comments.

[Warren DeMontague]

531. best post in the thread.

[SummerSnow]

62. No headaches?

[Generic Brad]

64. He has to ask??

Perhaps the problem is with his approach. If he is treating her properly, there should be no need to ask.

[demwing]

383. sex without consent? Isn't there a word for that? /nt

[Generic Brad]

498. That is not what I was implying

If someone wants to be loved, they should strive to be worthy of love. If he approached his relationship from a place of sweetness, caring and love, then he would be having more frequent sex with a willing partner. No one wants to sleep with a self entitled demanding jerk who maintains a spreadsheet on the subject.

[msongs]

65. he should divorce her and find someone more compatible nt

[Tuesday Afternoon]

70. Hit and Run.

Paging EarlG.

[pintobean]

73. Huh?

Do you think the OP should be PPRed for posting this and not replying? This thread seems to be doing just fine without him.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

80. well, well ... slow day at Discussionist is it? Didn't realize you are the arbiter of how threads

are doing over here.

naturally, I bow to thy better Manly judgement.

Thank you for showing me the error of my ways, O Mighty pintobean.

[pintobean]

83. Another wtf post.

Just a load of bs instead of an answer to a simple question.

I guess the peace efforts were bs as well.

[pintobean]

93. I have no idea what you are talking about

and I'm not part of any crowd. Maybe you should stick to facts and back off from the unfounded personal attacks.

ETA - I didn't alert on any of your posts in this thread.

[CreekDog]

527. sounds like you've been threatening her

while lecturing us on the rules.

[pintobean]

547. Total bullshit.

If someone thinks I've threatened anyone they need to show evidence. I haven't threatened anyone. It's pretty funny that you want to side with her after her after her attack on me.

[tkmorris]

115. Whatever your issues with Pintobean (and clearly you have some)

He has a point. The idea that EarlG should take any interest in this poster merely because they have not replied in the thread is ridiculous. I have no idea what all the gender specific sarcasm on your part is about, it seems wildly misplaced. I will assume it is due to some previous encounters between you two, though without that context it looks exceedingly rude here.

[CreekDog]

359. EarlG should take an interest in the poster because of what he posts about women

and there is plenty to be concerned about and this OP should be seen in that context.

[Logical]

518. So you are OK with Tuesdays locked post? nt

[Nye Bevan]

78. Really? Is there a rule that OPs have to post in their own threads?

What if you start a threat that garners a lot of interest and then you become busy with something in the real world and don't have time to participate further? What if you are not sure what your thoughts are on something and just want to see what DUers think? Why are you "paging EarlG"?

[Tuesday Afternoon]

82. No need to school me, Nye. pintobean has shown me the error of my ways.

I bow to you both. Thank you for educating me on how DU3 works.

[Nye Bevan]

85. For some reason EarlG took no action against *this* "hit and run" poster....

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018615644

[gopiscrap]

96. welcome to DU

[pintobean]

99. It was like a bottlerocket dud.

fizzz...pop. Done.

[gopiscrap]

101. lol

[TheCowsCameHome]

138. One more jury decision, this could have been a Triple Crown,

all in the same afternoon!

[R B Garr]

140. And there you have the real reason for this thread--

The agenda is so transparent.

[pintobean]

147. Really?

What is the agenda here?

[R B Garr]

151. Yes, Really.

Oh, and thanks for all the fish.

[pintobean]

161. But, you didn't answer the real question.

What's the agenda of posting the same story in hof? Is there a difference? Is one innocent and one sinister?

[R B Garr]

165. LOL, you've answered your own question(s) with your own observations.

That is, if you consider what you asked an actual "real question." I certainly don't consider it a real question.

[pintobean]

171. No, I haven't.

I have no idea what you are thinking. That's why I'm asking. You obviously don't want to answer the question. That's your right, but don't play games and treat people like they're stupid.

[R B Garr]

182. And there you go getting personal. Right on schedule.

Here's a clue: Some people post things to discuss issues. Some people post things as a means to discuss other posters. It's not that hard to tell the difference.

[pintobean]

201. And, who is discussing other posters?

Those answers are in the replies at the top of this thread.

[R B Garr]

219. LOL, is that what you got from the OP editing his comments to point fingers? n/t

[pintobean]

224. I got that before the edit.

It's there for everyone to see. The fact that he pointed it out doesn't change what's there.

[R B Garr]

226. ...and then you were the first to bring up HoF, and then...

It's very transparent.

[pintobean]

236. The same story posted in hof.

I think it's relevant to transparency. There's only outrage directed at the one posted here.

[R B Garr]

241. Why are you so obsessed with HoF? n/t

[pintobean]

242. Am I?

I had no idea. Thank you for your concern.

[R B Garr]

315. Well, this thread was posted by someone with no comments, and

that is what I first noticed about the responses, actually from the very first response. You, otoh, make it all about personal things - "concern," "HoF", "certain cliques". Strange, but not surprising.

[CreekDog]

369. have you posted to Skinner and the Admins about History of Feminism?

what was the response?

[pintobean]

477. You have some strange replies to me.

I'm wondering if there's something in the creek water.

[CreekDog]

484. I don't know why you can't answer a simple question

and why did you get blocked from History of Feminism?

[pintobean]

486. I don't know

I asked bostonbean via pm and got no response.

Happy now?

[BainsBane]

511. He went in there and trashed the group

The last of many times he did so. He had periodically come in there to lecture HOF about its SOP, as though that had anything to do with him. Get this, his complaint was "Meta." The irony is too much.

In this particular instance, which was his last, he complained about being called out for calling out HOF in the lounge.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/125542939#post31

Why he should care so much, I have no idea. He never once participated in the substance of a discussion, that I ever recall anyway.

[pintobean]

571. What a bunch of crap.

I made a joke in the lounge about someone giving mopinko a bunch of shit. I provided a link so my alert stalker ( ) couldn't make shit up about the post. It was the thread you linked to. Up to that point, only 2 people had participated in that thread. Intaglio (a man) was giving mopinko (a woman) a bunch of shit about her writing skills. TA took issue with the link to hof and called me out for it. I defended myself and got blocked for it.

I found it very interesting that no one in hof said squat to intaglio about his posts in that thread. Especially since so many in hof defend the poor writing skills of another hof member.

[CreekDog]

364. MRA's don't belong in History of Feminism or any feminist group

those are safe havens and MRA's who disrupt those safe havens don't belong there.

if a feminist or ally posts in those groups it will be interpreted as something to be discussed in the context of that group.

if an MRA posts it, it will be seen as disruptive, as it should.

[CreekDog]

362. to bait feminists and their allies

and many MRA's sit on the sidelines not posting in the thread hoping to sit on juries for it.

this is how it works.

it's how someone who posts against a female sexual assault victim, mocking what happened to them, has their post stand.

because MRA's.

[NaturalHigh]

374. You really like that MRA boogeyman.

[CreekDog]

372. why did you get banned from that group?

[CreekDog]

361. i think feminism is more closely aligned with DU's Terms of Service than opposing feminists

which are you doing at DU?

[CreekDog]

360. EarlG is an admin, surely you aren't asking us to NOT talk to Admins about DU things are you?

if you're telling us not to tell EarlG and telling us that EarlG couldn't possibly have any interest in what goes on in a DU thread so why bother...

nice try.

[Warren DeMontague]

337. You're paging Earl - presumably, to have this guy banned, right? ... over THIS?

Shit.



If hit and run OPs were a bannable offense, DU would be a fucking ghost town.

[CreekDog]

370. paging is not necessarily to ask for a ban, but to ask for Admins to keep an eye

and considering what the OP has posted about women and women's equality, as well as what he's posted about ethnic stereotypes in Asia, is absolutely warranted.

[Warren DeMontague]

373. Well hopefully there's gonna be more to the prosecution's case than just this thread.

...

[NaturalHigh]

376. MRA! That's all the evidence anyone needs, don't you know?

If I ever meet this MRA guy, I'm gonna make a run for it. He sounds awfully mean!

[BainsBane]

463. Go on over to the Men's Rights Reddit

and have a look. See what they argue. Then you'll be able to recognize it when you see it. You also will discover they do indeed exist, which for some reason you doubt.

[NaturalHigh]

556. I'll get right on that.

Just kidding. I won't. I've never even been to reddit, and I'm not going over there to prove someone else's point.

[BainsBane]

560. Then I suggest you quit mocking things

You make a point of not knowing anything about.

[NaturalHigh]

561. I'll think long and hard about your suggestion.

Thanks kindly.

In the meantime, I think the "MRA" boogeyman is pretty much a made-up concept used in the HOF. At least that would explain why I've never seen anyone else use the term.

[BainsBane]

565. Your thoughts are clearly uninformed

and false. I have a habit of looking into something when I haven't heard of it because as a matter of practice I think it better to be informed about whatever subject arises. Your refusal to do as much as a simple Google search and instead insist dozens of members of this site have invented something from whole cloth is a far more troubling revelation than whether you know about MRAs in particular. It cannot help but extend far beyond this issue to your approach toward knowledge and learning more generally. I will certainly keep that in mind when evaluating your posts in the future, should I decide there is a point to reading any of them.

I understand you don't care about anything as trivial as ideologies of hatred, but for the outside reader, they can refer to the Southern Poverty Law Center's Hate Watch entires: http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/intelligence-report/browse-all-issues/2012/spring/misogyny-the-sites
http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/intelligence-report/browse-all-issues/2012/spring/myths-of-the-manosphere-lying-about-women

[NaturalHigh]

569. Thank you for your concern.

I know you're truly concerned about my base of knowledge. Thank you for "educating" me.

As for my insistence that "dozens of members of this site have invented something from whole cloth," these are the same members that insisted that opening a door for a woman is sexist. You'll understand if I take their assumptions with a grain of salt.

[Violet_Crumble]

384. And it better be in a spreadsheet! With a pivot table! n/t

[Frustratedlady]

72. She should make a spreadsheet of how many times he refused to or didn't bother to:

Take out the garbage
Pick up his dirty clothes
Help clean up after meals
Help fix meals
Vacuumed
Took out the garbage
Did the grocery shopping

You get my drift....

[Nye Bevan]

92. Also.... does he practice basic hygiene? Shower regularly? Keep himself in fairly good shape?

There could be some excellent reasons for his wife wanting to avoid intimacy.

[Frustratedlady]

98. Amen! eom

[joeglow3]

297. Or, she could just be a denier

And he could be a decent husband who is hurt and trying anything to generate interest in his wife. There is not information to form an opinion, but that won't stop people here from claiming facts.

[blueamy66]

119. Really?

Is he a gigolo or her husband? He has to do chores for sex???!

Really?????!

[Frustratedlady]

121. He should do chores to help around the house if she is working, particularly.

That, and a little respect, would go a long way toward a Yes!

Sounds like a jerk, not a husband.

[redqueen]

128. Wow. "Frigid"

You actually went there.

[BainsBane]

318. No, by getting married

She sold herself into perpetual slavery. She must do all the work around the house, look after the children, support him financially and provide sex on demand with absolutely no concern for her own satisfaction. Failing to do so makes her "frigid."

[Bad Thoughts]

120. But she already did ***something***

She went to a public forum and published his record of their marital/sexual problems, exposing him to criticism and ridicule.

[Frustratedlady]

129. Looking forward to seeing her spreadsheet. Tit for tat! eom

[Bad Thoughts]

135. So long as you are ok with him posting it online. Tit for tat for tit for tat. eom.

[Frustratedlady]

139. He started it. In that event, payback is fair. eom

[Darkhawk32]

154. So sex is a payment for services rendered? ;) n/t

[Frustratedlady]

164. Absolutely not~ You missed the point of sharing in the chores/responsibilities.

How many times did she mention being tired and/or sweaty/dirty?

When a woman has come home from work, fixed dinner, caught up with some of the laundry, helped the kids with homework/put them to bed and all the other daily chores, the last thing she probably wants to do is have sex.

I just saw this on Facebook. Very interesting:

http://www.tickld.com/x/why-men-and-women-think-differently

[Darkhawk32]

170. How do we know he didn't do equal amounts of chores?

The story only gives the wife's side of the story.

[Frustratedlady]

178. I'm waiting for the "publication" of her spreadsheet, but I'll betcha I'm right. eom

[Darkhawk32]

186. How can we take it as truth but rather a vindictive response?

She already broke the third wall when it comes to privacy in her marriage.

[Frustratedlady]

192. Trust me, the women on this board will know just by the wording.

Trust me!

[Darkhawk32]

195. Oh ok. Great. Sure thing. Gotcha. You betcha!

[grahamhgreen]

460. That's exactly what they're saying ;) once you have kids the mans job is to make money and do chores

[Frustratedlady]

514. The correct word is SHARE chores. eom

[mythology]

180. I'm sorry, but Excel has a limit of 65,536 rows

I don't think there would be enough space to list all of the failures.

[Frustratedlady]

184. Bingo! eom

[jmowreader]

255. That's why you insert additional pages

[BainsBane]

202. Don't forget the stuff he doesn't do

in the bedroom.

[Frustratedlady]

209. Good point.

Quality in/quality out. No pun intended.

[BainsBane]

211. Someone on another site where this was posted made an observation

He, a man, has never been in a relationship--including his marriage--where women turned him down for sex. But then he's the sort of guy who doesn't consider 20 minutes adequate; nor does he consider sex not to have taken place if he doesn't get his.
I would suggest if the husband in this scenario took a similar approach (complete with the skills required to bring that to fruition), he would have no need for spreadsheets.

[Frustratedlady]

221. Exactly! eom

[grahamhgreen]

458. I will have sex with you if you do X, sounds like prostitution to me.

Last edited Mon Jul 21, 2014, 05:53 PM - Edit history (1)

[lunatica]

77. that spreadsheet should make her come running lustfully into his arms

[Orrex]

79. Wait--is she scorned?

[SidDithers]

109. Yikes...

Playing with fire, there, my friend.

Sid

[TheCowsCameHome]

81. Spreadsheet

to keep track of times spread on the sheets.

How weird is that?

[TeeYiYi]

87. I'd be curious to see her spreadsheet...

I'm sure this story has two sides.

TYY

[Lex]

143. Someone should make one from her point of view.

Seriously.

[riderinthestorm]

103. Am I the only one who picked up on the part where she's hurting the next day?

That part makes me wonder...

Does sex hurt her?
Does he hurt her during sex?
Does she have some kind of physical problem?

Yeah, the spreadsheet is all kinds of despicable and indicates some serious lack of communication between them but the fact that she's HURT the next day jumped out at me.

As a female, I can't recall that I've ever had sex so painful or plentiful that I'm actually too "tender" to go at it again the next day...

[Kali]

123. I caught it.

but to me it matches up with an utter lack of technique that seems to fit his whole persona as exemplified by the spreadsheet. (if this is even real)

guy seems to need a plastic doll rather than a human wife.

[gollygee]

188. That's what I first noticed

If she's in pain during sex, let alone for a whole day afterward, no wonder she isn't wanting it. But people assume she's mean or something? She's in physical pain still 24 hours after sex.

[qazplm]

230. you're assuming

that's truth, and not simply an excuse.

Folks are making a ton of assumptions in this thread (mostly against the husband) with very little info.

maybe she's overall a horrible person, then again, maybe he's an absolutely horrible person. Or maybe (the most likely answer) they both have serious issues in this relationship.

Some people have very low sex drives, no matter how wonderful their partner is, or how well they do it. Other people have very high sex drives, and plenty in between. this could be as simple as mismatched sex drives, or a plethora of combination of other things.

[gollygee]

243. I don't know why I'd assume she'd lying

and assume he isn't lying. Maybe they're both telling the truth.

[redqueen]

400. I don't know why anyone would automatically assume that she's lying but he isn't...

But that does seem to be happening in this thread, doesn't it?

[Jamastiene]

392. Not only that, his spreadsheet along with his comment about

not missing her means he only sees her as something for sex and nothing else. Otherwise, he would miss her. He's not very romantic, from the looks of it. She'd be better off out of that relationship. Both of them would, probably.

[redqueen]

426. Excellent, excellent observation.

Not only that, his spreadsheet along with his comment about not missing her means he only sees her as something for sex and nothing else. Otherwise, he would miss her

[TreasonousBastard]

254. I caught that, too, and...

while there are medical conditions that make sex painful, there are also some fierce B&D moves out there. Rough sex, or maybe he's just rough, will do that. (She didn't say just where she hurt, did she?) If she is hurting for any reason from sex, that does change the whole game.

More to the point, though, is whether this whole thing is true or just a big goof someone is having, none of us have any right to judge either of them. Even if some claim the right via the Net Nannies and General Busybodies Code, there's not enough information here to take sides.

[bluestateguy]

105. The sex is never good when one partner isn't into it

Quality, not quantity.

[stevenleser]

110. Doesn't take a couples therapist to diagnose that there are communication issues with this couple

and that is probably 80% of the lack of intimacy issue.

[Blue_Tires]

111. File this under

"Things that would be hilarious in a Woody Allen/Judd Apatow movie but don't quite work in real life..."

[99Forever]

112. Welcome to The Swarm treatment.

Last edited Sun Jul 20, 2014, 05:30 PM - Edit history (2)

One version of it, anyway. There's another that is equally humorless and bitter if you speak "disrespect" about their pet subject.

Those two self-appointed vigilante squads are what has made DU suck and why I barely ever come here or post anymore.

I'm sure they are very, very, very, very proud of all the people they have chased from this forum.


As if on cue, I give you:

[redqueen]

130. lol

[Starry Messenger]

146. Toodles! nt.

[Iggo]

207. Aw.

[Darkhawk32]

289. Oh you done did it now!

[NaturalHigh]

338. Don't you know that the word "swarm" is sexist?

I learned that on this board.

[99Forever]

396. Of course it is.

Any thought that doesn't agree with their agenda 100% is sexist.

Take a look at the other responses to my post...


... like moths to a flame.

[LanternWaste]

411. It must be a tough old world when people hold positions different than yours...

It must be a tough old world when people hold positions different than yours, and say as much... On the brighter side though, the cross you've constructed for yourself is a very imaginative and colorful one.

[Warren DeMontague]

444. Not if they do yoga

Not if they do yoga

Not if they do yoga

[Duppers]

113. well, i feel sorry for him and it sounds as if

He's letting her know how prepared he is for the upcoming divorce. This marriage was over.

[Lex]

142. Heh, I bet I know what most any Judge would think about that spreadsheet.

And it wouldn't be good.

[Darkhawk32]

284. In most states, that spreadsheet wouldn't even see the light of day in a courtroom.

No-fault divorces.

[Lex]

397. If it's a no-fault divorce, of course not.

That's dead obvious.

[joeglow3]

301. Ummmm, nothing.

You honestly think this would do anything in a divorce? If so, you have no clue how the law works.

[Lex]

399. Mr. Ummmmm, can you read?

I said I bet I know what most any judge would think about this spreadsheet idiocy--not if the spreadsheet would "do anything" in a divorce. However, the poster above me stated he thought it would have bearing in preparation for a divorce. Mostly it would be some bullshit thing that would be turned over in discovery.

[joeglow3]

404. Who cares what a judge thinks

Unless it has bearing on the decision. Otherwise, why did you not question how a marine biologist would react?

[Lex]

405. Yes, you make complete sense.

Keep posting so we can all enjoy your legal analysis.

[joeglow3]

406. Nice reply when logic is applied to your terrible attempt to cover up

Again, why would you question what a judge would think over any other profession but for the impact on a potential ruling?

[Lex]

409. I didn't "question what a judge would think."

Please keep up.

[MineralMan]

117. That trick never works, I'm quite certain.

Guy seems pretty much like a moron to me. He never appears to ask himself what he might be doing that is not conducive to making his wife interested in having sex with him.

It would be interesting to hear from her, I think.

[roamer65]

132. I'd recommend he'd just stop asking...

and see where things go from there.

The spreadsheet and his cutting off contact is immature and stupid, I agree with the wife on that point.
Major overreaction on his part.

[grahamhgreen]

134. ROFL! My GF's comments:

"I would get rid of her too. What's the point, if you're not having sex, then you're just freinds..... If I don't have sex, then I get very angry!"

[MillennialDem]

162. Wow very offensive.

[grahamhgreen]

452. Wow. VERY offensive. lol

[BainsBane]

358. Who is going to support him then?

According to the rest of the information the OP left off, the wife works overtime to support the family, does all the cleaning and laundry, looks after the kids, and is responsible for the renovations on the home--in addition to servicing Prince Charming on demand. If this story is actually about real people, if he leaves her the guy might have to actually get a job and start looking after himself. That would probably suck, given how he feels a woman's role in life is to do everything for him so he can sit around making spreadsheets. Naturally hundreds of women are just lined up for a winner like him.

[LanternWaste]

420. I imagine many idiots, among others of course, believe...

" if you're not having sex, then you're just freinds (sic)....."

I imagine many idiots, among others of course, believe that the husband with the severed spine and no sensation below his waist is then in a pointless marriage, and merely "freinds" (sic) with his devoted spouse who has stayed with him in the 37 years proceeding the accident.

Pointless, indeed...

[grahamhgreen]

453. Was his hands workin'?

I'm reminded of the scene from Born on the Fourth of July where the boys visit a brothel in Mexico to have sex.

They too were paralyzed, but found enjoyment in pleasing their women.

Sex should always be a joyful communion, not metered out in response to your partners actions, IMHO.

[KinMd]

136. Spreadsheet? There's a good dirty joke in there somewhere

[3catwoman3]

217. Indeed there is...

...and I have been resisting with all my might the temptation to tell one of them.

[taught_me_patience]

137. 3x in a month and a half? That's a lot. n/t

[Darkhawk32]

156. Toward the end of my marriage, that would've been a lot.

But that didn't stop my ex-wife from getting some on the side.

[uppityperson]

145. I appreciate all the Duers who did not assume things from this 1 sided story.

[Darkhawk32]

157. Yup, only see one side of the equation.

It's sad that a personal matter gets made into a public spectacle.

[LiberalElite]

149. I guess she's not into

him being into her.

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

150. (non-verbal)

[Iggo]

208. Or...

[Rex]

153. Access denied? Denial of service?

Seriously, if I was her I would have an excuse too...he sounds like a real 'winner'.

[Darkhawk32]

159. She doesn't sound that much better. Deserve each other? ;) n/t

[Rex]

163. 3 night of sex per month seems pretty okay to me.

I think he is making an issue out of something that would naturally work itself out, if he didn't hound her for sex all the time.

[Darkhawk32]

167. 3 times in 7 weeks actually.

[Rex]

172. 3 times in about a month period.

Is that not normal? The rest of the time hounding her for sex...and you know what is NOT on that spreadsheet? Where is the sentences like, "after a romantic evening together", "after a movie and a good meal", "after sitting outside and holding hands in the yard and talking"?

Yeah not there...just cold facts and not a single sentence that involves romance...but hey not my place to tell him what he is doing wrong. Just his to read his own dumb spreadsheet and figure it out, I did and it took me less then a minute to see his error.

[Mariana]

390. Once he started making this spreadsheet

his goal wasn't to have sex, it was elicit as many rejections as possible from her. I expect he deliberately hit on her at exactly the times he knew she was least likely to want to have sex, and that his "requests" were made in such a way as to almost guarantee that she'd say no.

Assuming this is real. I have my doubts.

[Dorian Gray]

440. Yep! Bingo.

[MillennialDem]

324. So?

[elleng]

155. Man stoopid.

[LeftyMom]

160. Poor guy, his vending machine is broken.

You'd think he'd at least figure out that she doesn't want to go at it after the gym or when she's tired. Try the morning, genius.

[BainsBane]

168. It's not that difficult

In someone wants their partner to participate in sex more often, they need only find a way to make sex enjoyable and satisfying for their partner. When someone thinks turning up 20 minutes early is evidence there was plenty of time for sex, that explains to me quite clearly why his wife isn't interested. I don't know why anyone would want to have sex with someone who thinks 20 minutes is plenty of time. I would appear that his entire focus is himself. Doing so is certain to make one a bad lover.

[gollygee]

190. He could help her find out why it's painful, and still painful 24 hours later

That would be a good start. Who wants to have sex if it's causing pain? It's supposed to be fun. Maybe a doctor visit would help here.

[cwydro]

166. I think it's a joke, number one

And if it's not...just another example of too much sharing on the internet.

Who gives a damn about some unknown couple's sex life?

[CreekDog]

174. I side with the person who doesn't keep spreadsheets

And posts details of their sex life on Reddit.

She can do better.

[tammywammy]

183. He sent her the spreadsheet, she posted it on Reddit. n/t

[Darkhawk32]

187. She was the one who posted it to Reddit, not him.

He can do better too.

[CreekDog]

193. I side with her, he's an asshole who thinks he's owed sex

He can't do better.

[Darkhawk32]

194. She's just as wrong, sorry.

[CreekDog]

212. Provoked, and not sorry

Thanks for playing though!

[Darkhawk32]

216. Then she's just as immature. Never sorry.

[joeglow3]

291. If he is a decent husband and she is a denier, don't be shocked when he strays

This is a complex issue in marriages and to assume one party is wrong in this scenario, with the available information, is ignorant.

[BainsBane]

310. Obviously he isn't a decent husband

The spreadsheet proves that.

[BainsBane]

214. Another point in favor of the hoax theory

But who knows. Seems like people are capable of virtually anything.

[sendero]

181. Assuming this isn't a prank or joke..

.... my advice to the dude would be "move on". She just isn't that into you, and this situation rarely ever turns around. Hopefully, they don't have kids.

[spanone]

185. i find it highly amusing and funny that someone would do that!!!

[jberryhill]

197. she's leaving on a business trip

This is going to be his excuse for screwing around when she's gone. Bet me.

[TheCowsCameHome]

200. Great chance for her to whip up a scorecard of her own.

10 days? Lots of potential playtime there, too.

[JustAnotherGen]

235. I hope it's her excuse too!

[BainsBane]

198. Jury results

"Attacked by a certain clique" his constant whining about DU and self declared martyrdom is tiresome. Put him out of his misery by hiding this OP.

JURY RESULTS

A randomly-selected Jury of DU members completed their review of this alert at Sun Jul 20, 2014, 02:40 PM, and voted 2-5 to LEAVE IT ALONE.

Juror #1 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No! I am not going to vote to hide. He added the stuff about the certain clique in an edit when this clique - and yes, it IS a clique - bullied him. I'm a woman, too, and I'm tired of this handful of bullies attacking anything on DU that doesn't adhere to their particular feminist values. There are REAL issues where women are disadvantaged and need fair treatment. Silly posts like this are not in that category.
Juror #2 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: I don't think it's funny at all. Sounds like a personal tragedy, and impending divorce. Sad.
Juror #3 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Grow up.
Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Why do som,e DUers want to silence contrary opinions than debating or ignoring?
Juror #5 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #6 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #7 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: I will not be a part of this crap on DU. Grow up.

Thank you.

Note the actual alert message is meaningless compared to juror 2's insistence on denouncing the horrible women of DU who do not stay silent on her command, whether it be about men who consider women by nature sexually deficient, the "unimportant" Hobby Lobby ruling, or "weak" women who think there is something wrong with PMs threatening rape and insulting women as "c...ts." But AS A WOMAN she insists women who speak in public without her approval are a nasty clique.

As for the actual alert message, never mind. It had absolutely nothing to do with sexism, but don't let that interefere with the more important mission of a juror to wield a grudge against "cliques" who refuse to acknowledge that men always know best and women must stay silent on her command AS A WOMAN. AS A WOMAN juror 2 says speaking about issues that don't meet her approval make you "a bully."

Whining about DU is justified as long as you are whining about the unimportant members of DU who don't stay in their place and refuse to defer to their betters, betters who insist what you care about is not "real." Now, if you devote yourself to something important, like impeaching Obama and working to undermine the Democratic Party, then that's okay. Just don't under any circumstances talk about anything as un-"real" as women's rights, the right to consent to sex, SCOTUS decisions establishing inequality under the law, or anything so trivial.

In the meantime, I owe another $50 to a certain candidate's presidential exploratory campaign.

[pintobean]

203. Post the full results.

Your selective editing aside, let DUers be the judge of whether the alert message is meaningless.

[BainsBane]

205. BTW

I don't see this particular discussion as about some major feminist issue. I frankly think it comes down to a partner who is likely lousy in bed and hasn't figured out that he needs to actually please his wife to get her to want sex. That some seem to think women owe them sex regardless, and that there is something sexually deficient about a woman who doesn't consent to sex she doesn't find satisfying speaks to their own particular issues that I don't think I need to characterize.

[redqueen]

218. Well it is a great illustration of male entitlement.

- he thinks getting off is more important than her desire to not have sex with him

- his apparent belief that since he's married, he has some right to her body

- calling her reasons "excuses"

[BainsBane]

220. Yes

True. And the fact it never occurred to him to focus on better pleasing her sexually is another example of entitlement.

[seabeyond]

287. sing it sistah... you speak the truth. i say. as a woman. ;) nt

[Inkfreak]

199. She needs to give him what he is owed...

A divorce.

[nolabels]

204. Then after a few years she will ask for a divorce because.......

She thinks they are not even romantic anymore, she says "he doesn't even try for any sexual advances anymore". Many women don't realize that most men spend little time trying to understand what romantic is and even less time practicing it. If women would get a video taped session with their man promising to try to be more romantic and willing to take lessons about that before and after the wedding from their man then there could be a lot less troublesome marriages

Sounds like some hidden agenda, some control issues and both not realizing that each of the parties in conflict are dealing with a party that is also human. So much could go wrong, i wonder why each of them haven't figured out that part yet

At any rate the idea of a spread sheet is more than a clue that somebody is totally clueless, probably both

[TheCowsCameHome]

206. davidn3600, thank you

for posting this story.

No matter who you think is right, it's nice to get away from the endless politics and all that crap for an afternoon.

[edbermac]

210. I call bullshit on this.

Sounds like a hoax.

[grahamhgreen]

471. Agreed. A troll hoax.

[LittleBlue]

213. He should get a divorce

I read on another site that he'd cut off contact with her. Really, when he's left without a word and you're putting up the spreadsheet on the internet, one would think it's time to end the marriage.

If you're not into the whole sex part of marriage, don't be surprised when your spouse finds what they need in the arms of another.

[BainsBane]

245. Somehow I think

with being responsible for renovating the house herself, supporting the family, doing all the housework and laundry, as well as looking after the kids, she'd find divorce a relief. http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=5267976

But yeah, I suppose if you think being male entitles him to be waited on hand and foot and provided sex on demand, despite the fact he obviously is lousy in bed and does nothing around the house, then you'd see her as at fault. I mean, there have to be just hundreds of Playboy centerfolds who have no desire to ever again be sexually satisfied and will therefore line up to snatch up a winner like him.

I personally dream of nothing more than a lazy, self-absorbed guy who who thinks 20 minutes is plenty of time for sex. What woman doesn't? Abolition was highly overrated.

I certainly do hope she has a decent lover on the side, not that she likely has much time in between supporting this winner doing all the work around the house, looking after kids and renovating the house while prince charming sits on his ass making spreadsheets. Still one can hope her life isn't as miserable as it would seem.

[redqueen]

215. This thread reminded me of one of Louis CK's bits that I found hilarious:

“We’re so bad at sex and then we wonder why women aren’t like, really aggressive about sex. We think it’s cause they don’t have as much desire as we do. That’s how stupid men are, that we think ‘they’re just weird, women are like fucked up in the head cause they don’t wanna just fuck all the time. If I was a women, I’d just fuck everybody. Why don’t they wanna fuck all the time? I do’. Of course you do, cause when you fuck, you get to fuck a woman! When she fucks, she has to fuck a guy! Wildly different experiences. For a man, 100% of the time, it’s the greatest thing that ever happened in his entire life. For a woman, about 40% of the time, when she’s being fucked by a guy, she’s thinking ‘I’ll get over this in a week. It’s not the worst thing. I’m not gonna cry this time’


“Another thing that proves how bad men are at sex is that after sex, you’re looking at two very different people. The man just wants to lay there, be cool and the woman wants to cuddle…’Why is she so NEEDY?’ She’s not needy you idiot, she’s horny, because you did nothing for her. YOU DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. HER PUSSY IS ON FIRE BECAUSE IT’S GONE UNFUCKED COMPLETELY. Of course you’re fine, you climbed on and went “KFHGSKG” and rolled off. And she’s on you because she’s like ‘WH-at SOMETHING ELSE HAS TO HAPPEN, THIS IS BULLSHIT!!” If you fuck a woman well, she will LEAVE YOU ALONE. ‘Thanks a lot buddy, zzzzz’”

[betsuni]

231. That is perfect.

[freshwest]

434. Yes,it is!

[riderinthestorm]

260. Hahaha!! Oh my gawd so true! As a connoisseur of many men before I married

THIS is truth....



I'm sooo glad my husband had as much experience as I did. Its been a blast from day one and a good part of why we "clicked" immediately.

[Warren DeMontague]

551. A "connoisseur of many men"?

...I hope fava beans and chianti weren't involved.

[Dorian Gray]

441. Ha

Nailed it.

And all those guys who think they're really great in bed? They also think they're nice guys.

[rock]

222. As Rodney Dangerfield was wont to say

Last edited Sun Jul 20, 2014, 09:43 PM - Edit history (1)

"You make love to my wife every Saturday??? She only lets me have it once a month!"

[betsuni]

223. Her problem is that she's not perfect.

From reading some of the comments on the Reddit OP, this young woman's house is being renovated and she might be doing all of it herself. She does all the housework, laundry, cooking. Has an increased workload at her job. Has gained weight and feels terrible about herself. Sounds like she has bitten off too much for her to chew. Maybe she had this vision of the perfect life like in a magazine. I'm going to assume they had a big expensive wedding. Maybe she watched too many rom-cons. Maybe HE should watch rom-cons. Reality is hard.

[redqueen]

225. "She does all the housework, laundry, cooking."

OK, Women of Du, how many of you saw that one coming a MILE away?!



Dudes...

[Darkhawk32]

238. According to her. She could be lying to garner support.

She could be telling the truth. We don't know much about anything since we haven't heard his side of the story.

[redqueen]

246. And *he* could be lying a about her "excuses", and you've been all over this thread

but I bet you haven't mentioned that possibility.

[Darkhawk32]

285. I concede that the husband could be just as full of shit as the wife. No doubt about it.

We really only have one side of the equation.

[BainsBane]

249. I think it likely he is telling the truth

He thinks 20 minutes is plenty of time for sex. No one is going to admit to that if they have even the slightest clue of what is involved in pleasing a woman. Why should anyone want to have sex with someone like that?

[Darkhawk32]

286. Perhaps she never cared to communicate what pleases her.

You're making a sexist assumption that if she don't want it, it's because he can't "perform". We only have her version on things, so to make statements like this is pretty outrageous.

[BainsBane]

293. I come to that conclusion based on his remark that they were 20 minutes early for dinner

Meaning they had 20 minutes time to spare and that was enough time for sex. I am basing it on his own words. Get it? I told you I believed him because I can imagine no man making something like that up. Why would he so openly proclaim his own sexual shortcomings if they weren't true?

I have no idea what she did or didn't communicate with him. That wasn't relevant to my comment. It was based entirely on his own notations in his spreadsheet, not her word.

[Darkhawk32]

298. So a husband a wife having a "quickie" at lunch MUST be because he can't perform.

Sure. Ok. Right on.

[BainsBane]

307. That isn't the context of this discussion

This is a man complaining that his wife doesn't want sex and then giving the fact they have twenty minutes left over as evidence for why her reason is invalid. If two people willingly choose to have "a quickie," that is their choice and a situation entirely different from what we are discussing here.

Your response about noting being able to perform leads me to believe you see this as all about intercourse, as in duration of an erection. It is not. Most women require clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm, and the clitoris is not located inside the vagina.

[Darkhawk32]

309. Do you have personally experience with her clitoral region?

Some women can reach orgasm in 20 minutes, some can't. How do we know if she can or cannot? We don't. Was it outrageous to expect it? We don't know.

We literally know next to nothing, but DU wants to execute the guy because he made an Excel spreadsheet. C'mon.

[NaturalHigh]

312. I don't think DU actually wants to execute the guy.

I think that SOME POSTERS here just want to vilify the guy instead of recognizing that both parties are immature jackasses.

[Darkhawk32]

314. I was being facetious with the "execute" statement.

But you're right, both parties ARE immature jackasses.

[NaturalHigh]

317. Yeah, I recognized that. Some people might not, though.

[Darkhawk32]

320. So true, so true. n/t

[BainsBane]

322. Truthfully

I don't think either party actually exists. One person pointed out that it's an old internet joke that has been knocking around for years.

[Darkhawk32]

323. That means I got all dressed up for nothin'!

[BainsBane]

325. You did

[Darkhawk32]

326. You did too! :P

[BainsBane]

328. No graphic?

Come up. Step it up.

[Darkhawk32]

329. LOL. What? nt

[BainsBane]

330. It's no fun if you don't play

Dressed for battle.

[Darkhawk32]

331. Oh. LOL. I get it. Hmmm...

[link:|

[BainsBane]

333. Oh, I followed the link and thought I was busted

Whew! Glad it's only the Hulk.

[Darkhawk32]

336. The Credible Hulk. ;)

[BainsBane]

313. I am the personal owner of a clitoris

and I know how they work. Her clitoris is not biologically different from my own.

I expect there are women who do climax in under 20 minutes, but we are talking here about time to undress, have foreplay, sex, and get dressed again, all in under 20 minutes. I seriously doubt there are many women who would climax in the ten minutes at most that in that scenario.

The fact she doesn't want to have sex clearly means she isn't enjoying sex with him. You can talk about hypothetical women all you want, but obviously this woman doesn't want to have sex with the guy. We have seen lots of reasons why. The question I have is why do you think she owes him sex? You seem not even remotely concerned about her fulfillment and continue to make excuses for why her wishes should not matter.

Men who are accomplished lovers find that women are more than eager to have sex with them. When I hear men complain their wives don't want to have sex with them, I conclude there is likely a good reason for it. Your complaint there is something "sexist" about that is ridiculous. It is not universal to all men. When I first saw this spreadsheet discussed, I saw a male member say he had never experienced such a situation in his relationships, including with his wife. He said he always wondered why men complained women didn't want to have sex, when he found the opposite to be true. He then disclosed that he didn't consider he hadn't have sex if he didn't "get his." He also found the 20 minute remark comical. The fact is men, like women, vary in their sexuality ability. Focusing on pleasing one's partner is far more likely to make one a better lover than focusing entirely on oneself, as this man with the spreadsheet makes clear is his concern. I find it not even slightly surprising his wife doesn't want to have sex with him. Moreoever, I expect that will continue to be the case in future relationships if he doesn't rethink his approach.

[Hippo_Tron]

493. During masturbation it only takes an average of 4 minutes for women to climax

So, it's totally possible that he could get her off in that amount of time if she communicates what that requires and he's able to follow through. From the sound of this relationship, though, I'm guessing that's not the case.

[uponit7771]

538. Yeap, communication has shut down somewhere... they should get to where this began

[JDPriestly]

228. The husband needs to negotiate.

He needs to tell his wife that he would like to have sex more often and ask her what it is that he could do to help her so that she is less tired, more affectionate and their lives can be good together.

My post is based on the concepts of Rosenberg in the book Nonviolent Communication.

http://www.cnvc.org/

I recommend that book to everyone but especially to people in relationships that matter to them whether at home or work.

[Prophet 451]

229. That's hilarious

and really, kinda pathetic.

[JustAnotherGen]

234. She needs to run

Ive got a feeling he's not that good at it.

[gejohnston]

237. Is it amusing or sad?

Can't decide.

[tavernier]

248. Did he leave a $20 bill on the dresser

the nights she said yes?

Oh, I guess being her pimp he gets it for free.

[Separation]

250. OMG people, this is a joke from like 10 years ago!

The second half of the joke was obviously left out. It's basically a response line by line why she rejected him.

[REP]

262. Shhhh! Don't spoil it. It's always September here on AOL.

[Phentex]

393. LOL!

[BainsBane]

272. It's okay

It serves a public service because it's the responses that are revealing.

[seabeyond]

296. th Op is whining cause we call out his predictable posting history, saying he just saw the funny, as

he leaves out the rebutting of this joke from the comment the woman makes.... because for david, it is all in the dissing of the woman.

am i getting this little subthread correct?

so, we were right, right?

[BainsBane]

304. Of course

Last edited Mon Jul 21, 2014, 12:31 AM - Edit history (1)

We all know his posting history. He's pissed off people pay attention. He himself has chosen to make clear what he is about. That's no one's doing but his own.

[Separation]

355. I can only imagine.

One of two thing since I'm not familiar with the OP author. 1. He actually believed it was the whole joke and posted it here because he knew he would get a rise out of certain people. 2. He knew that their was a 2nd half but intentionally left it out when posting it here to get a rise out of the same people.

Either way, it it was posted here knowing it would piss of people. I'll try to find the 2nd half which is her response back, which is pretty good.

[seabeyond]

356. I would be curious what the second half says. But thanks for shedding light to the OP. Nt

[Separation]

367. Can't seem to find it atm.

Like I said, first time I saw it was 10 years ago. I remember one of the responses was (date) you hadn't showered and smelled. Things like that. I was looking at the reddit thread and it seems like the initial post was taken down. My guess is it got to much attention as several online news has picked it up.

[seabeyond]

394. thanks for trying. nt

[seabeyond]

292. the Op put it up to diss women. now pretends just about being funny. though he specifically leaves

out the rejoinder as he defends himself when called out by his predictable behavior. interesting. thanks for letting us know there is more to it.

[BainsBane]

351. Come on. The woman's side can't be posted

That would be misandry.

[RKP5637]

252. Hmmm ... he needs one more column in his spreadsheet, like, "What type of sex he wanted!" He

might be a total turnoff because of his sexual desires for her to fulfill for his sex drive. That, could give a lot of insight.

[BainsBane]

273. My guess is this is a guy

with a limited repertoire.

[RKP5637]

275. Needs to pickup a book, "Sex For Dummies!"

[samsingh]

253. i don't think he was immature at all

if we want monogamous relationships what else is he to do.

I congratulate him for finding a way to express his frustration. And what about his physical needs?

btw - and I don't mean this disrespectfully. I would never turn the woman in my life down when she wants intimacy - and the times 'I have not been in the mood' were followed by a lot of anger and resentment on her part - why would there be a double standard.

[REP]

259. Maybe he's as bad in the sheets as he is in the spreadsheets

One of those guys who thinks foreplay is dinner. Has no notion of the motion in the ocean. All bat, no swing.

[samsingh]

417. how would this go over if it was said about a woman?

[Trillo]

267. So much for the traditional, monogamous marriage.

(you beat me to it)
If the discussion above from the various commenters is any indication, it is a structure designed to create tension and disappointment between the partners and, I'm guessing, provide divorce attorneys and/or counselors with lots of business.

[samsingh]

357. exactly

just like I can't stand repugs telling women what to do with their bodies

I'm always shocked to hear that men should not expect anything sexually, but be prepared to give and give with no expectation. Why would any male want to be in a monogamous relationship?

I don't know how someone can claim they love you yet completely discount what is certainly very important to most men and a lot of women.

[Trillo]

412. I'm guessing because of cultural reasons.

It's also something of a myth that there are no male asexuals, from what I've read, the populations of asexuals (folks who do not experience sexual attraction) are pretty evenly divided between males and females. It's not always the woman giving excuses, but males do this too, though it's hard to perceive that from the discussions of those with the loudest voices.

Most humans love sex, a few do not.

The idea that women should be chaste and virgins until they marry is also a kind of ignorant. How is that woman going to find out whether she likes sex, or not, and what frequency and sex drive she naturally has, unless she's tried it a few times with different partners? Instead, her first marriage partner gets to be the "guinea pig"?

[samsingh]

419. i've gone through phases where i've been too busy to be interested in sex

my partner (female) was getting very frustrated with me - and I mean very frustrated. I felt bad for her and changed my thinking so that she would be satisfied. I didn't say to her 'it's your problem - how can you expect me to show interest'. she actually said that she was finding other men attractive because I was not giving her what she needed. I appreciated what she was going through and changed myself.

[seabeyond]

423. she talked to you, made you aware. he stomped off and wrote it on a spread sheet. see a difference?

you had an opportunity to address the issue. it seems this woman was surprised and then the hubby cut off any further communication

[samsingh]

425. how do you know he didn't talk about and got no where?

[seabeyond]

429. i did not declare i did know. i did say, she appeared surprised.

hardly the point. the point is, you are making assumptions and you nor i know.

[samsingh]

435. why assume he didn't?

[seabeyond]

442. I am not assuming he did not cause I do not know. I stated the wife

Sounded surprise/unaware

[samsingh]

456. that surprise/unaware is the problem

how could he spend a month building this table and his wife is unaware of his needs or thoughts? if the role was reversed I would expect to hear that he was 'ignorant', 'disinterested', 'uninvolved'.

[Trillo]

438. Not all folks are so able, to do what you did.

There are so many problems related to sexual drives and mismatched frequencies. Sometimes, like in your situation, you are able to adapt by changing yourself to have more frequent sex. Others with high sex drives may choose other strategies like having a mistress, polyamory, or open marriage, also changing themselves. Every sexual relationship situation is unique, and it seems short sighted to presume the only solution is found in the traditional, monogamous box.

It's curious to note that there are dating sites devoted to and accepting of both homo- and hererosexuals, but so far as I know, none that are designed for asexuals, when it appears two asexuals would make ideal partners. They'd NEVER demand sex of each other!

[LanternWaste]

413. Express patience and understanding rather than keeping petulant score.

"if we want monogamous relationships what else is he to do..."
Express patience and understanding rather than keeping a petulant score.

Thinking about it though, I realize it may in fact, be simply far too difficult for the undisciplined mind expecting to grasp and comprehend.

[mackerel]

261. I think they both eat tooo much meat and need marriage counseling. Preferably by a vegan.

[LeftyMom]

270. Uh, ooookay.

???

[rug]

263. July 12 was a good day.

[Niceguy1]

269. poor guy

I can sympathize. ... definitely not enough

[Beacool]

271. Well, maybe he just stinks in bed.

Many men think that they are great in the sack, when in reality their women are just staring at the ceiling waiting fir the whole damn thing to be over.

[Darkhawk32]

288. So she should communicate what she likes...

Or is that beyond the realm?

[DebJ]

349. Sometimes there is communication and it goes like this:

She talks.
He says um humm
Nothing changes.

[Jamastiene]

408. Lol, according to the reddit replies, he expected oral, but

didn't give her any oral. I don't know of very many people, male or female, who don't want that, at bare minimum. I see what a big part of his problem is, if that is true.

[steve2470]

274. Score: marriage 0, divorce lawyer 1, yay !

Last edited Mon Jul 21, 2014, 02:17 AM - Edit history (1)

[Eleanors38]

276. "Spreadsheet?"

[Warren DeMontague]

277. Spreadsheet?

Hardly.

[Darkhawk32]

316. I see what you did there. ;)

[NaturalHigh]

319. NOW I get it.

Took me a minute.

[MannyGoldstein]

344. Awesome.

LOL.

Ooops, I offended some group.

[marshall]

278. Did he cut cut off contact before or after she went public?

The spreadsheet is a somewhat clinical way to make his argument, but why did she feel the need to broadcast it far and wide to prurient strangers? Granted it's not as bad as posting nude photos of him, but it is taking what should be a private matter and making it extremely public.

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

279. What we have here is a failure to communicate

Instead of directly talking to his wife to get to the bottom of the problem, this guy harbors grudges for days, jots down memos, and then finally sends her written notification of the problem and tells her he won't miss her. The wife obviously is inventing excuse after excuse like needing to shower and then not taking one, watching TV, not having time, etc. There is obviously some resentment on the part of the wife about something or maybe she's simply tired of her husband. Maybe she's interested in someone else at work. She owes it to him, I think, to give him the truth. Meanwhile, he needs to develop some sensitivity in dealing with his wife's feelings and expressing his own to her instead of sending her a ridiculous spreadsheet. I've always hated the expression that a "marriage is a partnership" as it sounds so cold and business-like. Sending his wife a spreadsheet to discuss the marriage is treating it like a business, too.

[thucythucy]

283. Assuming for a moment this isn't a hoax

(and I strongly suspect it is) the fact that she experiences pain 24 hours after sex is a real problem.

Who wants to do something that's painful? And who wants to be with someone who, evidently, lists pain during sex as just another "excuse"--as opposed to being an issue HE should be concerned about as much as she is?

That response just jumped right out at me.

But basically, I think this is a put-on,

[NaturalHigh]

294. These two will either be on Jerry Springer or Dr. Phil.

[Darkhawk32]

299. My guess would be Dr. Phil. No punches have been thrown and he can pseudo-analyze them

and pretend to care.

[fadedrose]

300. Halitosis

makes romance possible only if one has a broken nose, and not the one with the halitosis.

[MannyGoldstein]

339. This thread is a wonder to behold

Let's posit, for a moment, that the Reddit posting is not just trolling (which it probably is).

Man makes dopey attempt to get some more bedroom action. Partner broadcasts dopey attempt on Reddit.

These two deserve each other.

And this thread... So much speculation, wailing and gnashing of teeth over two dopes.

[Warren DeMontague]

342. Whaddaya want? It's not like there's any actual news happening in the world right now.

[MannyGoldstein]

343. You suck.

That gif will haunt my dreams.

[RainDog]

350. ...

nice to see you.

this is like a rorschach's spreadsheet chart thread.



It's the Eiffel Tower at the end of the Champs Elysees!

It's a seafood platter at nouvelle Red Lobster!

It's an artist's rendering of the song and dance, "At the Codfish Ball," mediated by the Mad Men episode of the same name where Sally sips a Shirley Temple, but downs a Dirty Manhattan.

It's a regurgitation of a thread making fun of Christian anti-porn with the same squiggly figures. Now I get it!

[NaturalHigh]

352. I have no idea what all you just said.

You obviously put some thought into it, though.

[RainDog]

353. if you have to explain a joke

it loses something in the telling.

Actually not much thought at all - just riffing on an old song and dance.

[NaturalHigh]

354. True.

[Warren DeMontague]

365. I see bananas and carrots battling with green beans

The giant beets are winning, though.

[Violet_Crumble]

386. I think the UN needs to call a special emergency session on the spreadsheet situation at DU

I mean, there's some other stuff going on, but compared to this they fade into insignificance. Planes and bombs? They can wait. This can't!

[Warren DeMontague]

422. Heh. Or how about a spreadsheet of all the threads like this in GD, over the past 3 years?

Along with a statistical analysis documenting the inverse relationship between the complete and utter shit-losing by some folks contained therein, versus the actual global importance of the subject matter.

[seabeyond]

427. lets highlight those that consistently participate in threads as they gripe about threads and the

posters in the threads.

ya. lets

[Warren DeMontague]

428. We could!

Does that sound like fun, to you?

You know I'm all about fun.

[seabeyond]

431. i have little interest in the thread, let alone playing the game you two are getting such a giggle

over, at the expense of snark toward other posters. just threw it out for another addition to the spreadsheet you two discuss, you participation while calling out others participation.

[Warren DeMontague]

432. Right.

Little interest, right.

[opiate69]

436. ...

[Violet_Crumble]

478. Little interest? I've got a macro in Excel that calculates that!

It must be broken though, coz the numbers just aren't adding up when I tried to calculate the lack of interest...

Now I'm off to get a macro happening to calculate lack of humour!

[Warren DeMontague]

530. Although, no one in the thread has blamed Bill Gates, yet. Odd.

Oh, well, give it time.

[CreekDog]

375. you say the "world has so much crap going on right now", chiding DUers

and you posted that as an OP?

[NaturalHigh]

377. You've really done it now David.

Over 375 replies so far. Someone must be having fun, and you know how mad that makes some people.

[Vinca]

382. Back to the topic at hand . . .

maybe studly hubby needs to consider the possibility he's lousy in bed and the wife is being kind with her trite excuses.

[Enrique]

385. reminds me of this quote

“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Leo Tolstoy, in a book.

[alarimer]

387. He's not entitled to sex, even from his wife.

No matter how much she refuses. And she probably is just avoiding telling him the truth- that he's lousy at it and she doesn't like it.

Which is pure speculation on my part, but having been around the block or two, this kind of whiny, entitled asshole is probably clueless in the bedroom. They usually are, in my experience.

[Jamastiene]

389. I found this thread by following the huge plume of angry

looking, ominous, billowing smoke. It was so far off in the distance, miles away, actually, but easy enough to spot.

Was it as much of a train wreck as it appears it was? I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I can imagine. Gonna go read the rest now.

[cbdo2007]

402. My wife sent me a similar spreadsheet for all the times I denied listening to her talk

about her feelings and complain about her friends, therefore our spreadsheets cancelled each other's out.

[maddezmom]

407. Both are idiots

[leftyladyfrommo]

410. Why on earth do people get married?

This whole thing makes me kind of sick to my stomach.

[DireStrike]

416. Oh, not a spreadsheet! Data in arguments? How childish!

Obviously the way it was used was childish, but many people in this thread demonstrate a clear lack of empathy and understanding.

[snooper2]

430. So nobody has figured out this is fake yet, except one person above?

DU got trolled LOL

[SomethingFishy]

433. Not only got trolled but embarrassed itself fully...

This had to be one of the stupidest threads ever..

[Warren DeMontague]

448. No, it's not even at 20% of Moon Bombing Stupidity level, yet

However, it does have potential.

[SomethingFishy]

519. LMAO.. I forgot about the "moon bombing"

Hey when DU goes off the rails we do it right

[BainsBane]

462. Whatcha doing here?

Trying to ruin a perfectly good ten round bout of poutrage with reality?

[Warren DeMontague]

466. ten round bout of reality poutrage ruined round about ten, then run out for runied poultry porridge

I never shoulda summoned the spirit of Dr. Seuss with the ouija board, I tell you what

[LanternWaste]

437. I'm guessing a handful of people on this thread prioritize sex to such a degree...

I'm guessing a handful of people on this thread prioritize sex and instant gratification to such a high degree, they would lack both the character and the integrity it may take to be married to someone who is unable to have sex due to injuries or health issues...

Rather self-centered.

[opiate69]

439. And I'm guessing....

And I'm guessing if DU seriously cracked down on childish passive-aggressive insults, some posters wouldn't have much of anything to contribute.

[BainsBane]

443. Oh, so true

In fact, I wager to say some would be rendered speechless.

[Warren DeMontague]

445. All they'd have to do is turn down the reverb

All they'd have to do is turn down the reverb

All they'd have to do is turn down the reverb

All they'd have to do is turn down the reverb

and we'd see something like a 50% reduction in content

[opiate69]

446. !

[Warren DeMontague]

447. Hmmmm. Wet Reverb

If that doesn't spice up your excel spreadsheet friends rerun marriage, nothing will.

[opiate69]

449. For reals

[Warren DeMontague]

451. Ah, the old "popcorn bowl in the lap" trick

I suspect our hapless spreadsheet husband already tried that gambit.

[opiate69]

455. Few can lay claim to the smoothness that is Ross.

[Zorra]

454. Anyone who is married, and can't have sex, who loves their spouse, would

have the character, integrity, and decency to tell their spouse to have fun and go out and get laid, guilt free.

That would be the kind, human, loving thing to do, instead of expecting the person you love to suffer deprivation for the rest of her or his life.

Self-centered is selfishly depriving the person you love of fulfilling a basic human need when you can't fulfill it.

I'm polyamorous and my most frequent lover and I sleep together under this type of arrangement, and it is all up front and transparent and mutually satisfactory for everyone involved.

[redqueen]

457. Here's the thing, though: Sex with a partner is not a need.

Some partners are not interested in having sex with anyone they're not in love with, and that is perfectly fine and healthy.

The important thing is to make sure that your partner is on the same page, communication is clear and honest, etc.

[Warren DeMontague]

464. IF this story is true- and I kinda doubt it is- then arguably that's what the dude was doing, no?

albeit in a ham-handed and rather tone deaf way...

He's communicating honestly that maybe they aren't on the same page.

It's not "perfectly fine and healthy" if the marriage isn't working, and like it or not- for lots of people, a sexual relationship (not to mention being in love with one's partner) is a big part of a working marriage.

I agree it's perfectly fine and healthy for this woman not to want to have sex, or not to want to have sex with the guy she's married to, or to decide she's not attracted to or in love with him anymore- but then it's also perfectly fine and healthy for him to speak up about it... and if it's not resolvable, to choose not remain in the marriage.

[redqueen]

467. Given that most women are burdened with an unfair division of labor

I don't know why most marriages aren't over

There is a basic lack of respect or even contempt involved in those situations, and that describes most male-female relationships, not just marriages.

Combine that with the amount of 'hectoring' (hurr durr) so many men subject their partners to in order to get sex, despite her being exhausted / his just not being very good in bed, and it should make anyone wonder why most women cohabitate with men at all.

[Warren DeMontague]

468. It's a mystery!

Someone, somewhere must be doing something right.

Imagine that.

[chrisa]

480. Such bigoted garbage.

"There is a basic lack of respect or even contempt involved in those situations, and that describes most male-female relationships, not just marriages."

That's bullshit, RedQueen. You know you would call someone out for saying the same thing if they were male and talking about women, and rightfully so. Some men are like this, yes. Not "most."

[redqueen]

491. LOL! Wow! Really? Read it and weep:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=5270071

[chrisa]

496. I don't dispute the article, nor do I think it's relevant.

I did, however, learn from your post that most men range from not caring about their wives to outright hating them, and that men are just too awful to ever live with. You understand how silly that sounds, right?

[redqueen]

499. I don't know how you got that from what I wrote

At least you now know that it is indeed a fact that most women in relationships with men are burdened with more than their fair share of household labor.

[Warren DeMontague]

536. Hmmm. I don't know how YOU got from the division of unpaid labor statistics you posted

to "most male-female relationships" involve a "basic lack of respect or even contempt", your words.

That seems like a bit of a strech.

[redqueen]

537. Seriously?

FFS. I guess I need to spell it out.


"most male-female relationships" (yes, in most male-female partnerships, the female is DOING MOST OF THE UNPAID LABOR) involve a "basic lack of respect or even contempt" (yes, taking advantage of someone that way, being a lazy fucking asshole and expecting your partner to pick up your slack SHOWS A LACK OF RESPECT AND EVEN CONTEMPT, YES!)

JFC it is sad to have to spell shit out here, but, well... anyway.


"your words." ... No shit! I said that shit?! Whoa man its a good thing you reminded me cause I already forgot!


I gotta put you back on ignore, this shit is just ... No

[Warren DeMontague]

539. You seem tense.

Anyway, I disagree that any situation where one person does more of the housework, etc. inherently involves a "basic lack of respect or even contempt". How do you know what sorts of mutually agreed upon arrangements people you've never met, in good working marriages come to? You don't.

You've laid a whole boxcar full of your own, totally subjective interpretation upon one particular data point.

[opiate69]

540. lol

[Warren DeMontague]

541. Well, crap, man. In my house, *I* do most of the housework.

I'm I'm bein' disrespected and contempted, I want to know.

[opiate69]

542. Didn't you get the memo?

You can't be disrespected... because patriarchy, or something...

[Warren DeMontague]

543. The Patriarchy looks just like the tunnels under Castle Wolfenstein!

Weird.

[BainsBane]

548. because the wife said so in the part of the exchange the OP left out.

The amount of time you've spent in this thread, you should have seen that much.

[Warren DeMontague]

550. Well, I multitask.

Anyway, I was addressing a broad and ridiculous generalization-- not this specific situation, which as we both realize carries more than a strong whiff of urban legend/joke/hoax.

Certainly there are several aspects of the particulars or alleged particulars which make the situation make more than a whole ton o' sense from the alleged wife's alleged perspective- no dispute here, and I certainly wouldn't want to venture into TMI territory but alleged dude sounds like a crap alleged lover, to allegedly boot.

Above and beyond that, though, this ....whatever-it-is is currently making the rounds of stuff like FB, in not too different a form than which it was posted here; so perhaps reading nefarious intent into the OP's decision to put it up, or put it up in the format he did, may be premature.

[BainsBane]

553. I can't claim to divine intent

Besides, the part of the OP that is objectionable is not the story but the woe is me whine he edIted in. Plus far be out from me to object to a rock-em, sock-em poutrage war about what in all likelihood is nothing.

[Warren DeMontague]

563. Yeah, it's nearing like what, 600 replies now?

this place is funny.

[BainsBane]

566. And how many from you?

30? 50?

[Warren DeMontague]

567. 51, now.

Anyway, I've been accused of many things, but hopefully taking myself way too seriously isn't one of them.

[NaturalHigh]

570. Close anyway.

It will be 600 or so before it finally dies. Then someone will post something about opening doors, Olive Garden, porn, breast feeding, yoga, MRAs, or pitbulls, and a new skirmish will break out.

[RiffRandell]

572. Those and more should tide DU over until February

when the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is in the supermarket checkout lines.

Lest we forget the upcoming elections...something that truly can have a devastating effect on our country.

[NaturalHigh]

573. LOL...I forgot Sports Illustrated!

[Violet_Crumble]

580. I hope this thread never dies. It's my go-to thread now...

Sometimes I just need to get away from all that unimportant noise about global conflict and politics that fill up GD and get to the stuff that really matters. I think I'm going to page EarlG and demand that he delete all those other threads so we can focus on the good stuff!

[NaturalHigh]

581. Alas, VC, it will die eventually.

Don't fret, though. There will be another source of entertainment right around the corner.

[Zorra]

472. OK, it's true, people can survive without being sexually intimate with another person.

But I don't believe that is generally a desirable state of being for most people, and it does appear that most people seek sexual intimacy with another human being. Pretty much every one I've ever known has, or does, except for this one man I know who appears to be asexual, and (purportedly) some priests. And judging from the ever increasing population of the planet, well, ya know...

It's also true that some people are not interested in having sex with anyone they are not "in love" with, or at least believe they are "in love" with. And some people can love, or "be in love with", more than one person at the same time.

My partner told me it was not necessarily the sex, but the intimate caring, loving touch of another human being, that she had missed the most in the years of her "enforced" celibacy.

And I agree, clear, honest communication, and in particular, clear and honest behavior, and being on the same page, is very important, at least in any intimate relationship I want to be a part of. Anything else very often harms someone in some way.

[stevenleser]

562. I think if we were going to have a serious discussion on the subject...

... most people need sexual intimacy to be happy/actualized individuals. Can you 'survive' without it? Perhaps. You can survive without ever showering too. You can survive without having permanent shelter. Humankind survived thousands of years without HVAC (Heating, ventilation and Air Conditioning) systems and without indoor plumbing and sanitation and without refrigeration for food. We can pooh-pooh the 'necessary for survival' part of all of those things. No they aren't necessary for survival, but lack of those things puts existence into a pretty wretched state for the vast majority of us to the point that arguing whether they are 'necessary' is a silly exercise.

[LanternWaste]

459. I'm going with the loving marriage rather than entertainment-by-proxy.

I'm going with the loving marriage a family member of mine, whose wife, injured in a car accident and prevented from having sex, joyfully stayed in rather than entertainment-by-proxy.

Many who choose marriage do so for far more reasons than sex alone... else my grandfather wouldn't be getting re-married this summer

[BainsBane]

461. I'm going with not taking spreadsheet on Reddit.

as gospel truth.

[Zorra]

473. My partner is still married, except now she's participating in a

a fun, loving, and satisfactory sexual and romantic relationship/adventure with me.

She's happier, her spouse is happier, and I'm having fun.

[moriah]

474. I was with a guy who had issues that way, or at least that's what he said the problem was.

Strangely, it's no longer a problem in his new relationship, and wasn't in the first two years of ours.

But I dealt with it. and didn't feel the need to make a chart.

[LTX]

469. He proved his point. After all, would you fuck anyone who keeps spreadsheets on how often he fucks?

[Skittles]

504. my initial thought was, I cannot imagine why she doesn't want to f*** that loser

yup

[Dorian Gray]

554. Yep

that about sums it up.

[meti57b]

476. Maybe he was into spreadsheets when she was into bedsheets.

[Ohio Joe]

482. So... This turd was just a hit and run...

Fling some more shit at the women of DU, sit back and enjoy... What war on women?

[davidn3600]

483. Ridiculous...

First off, how is this story an attack on women? The man looks like the immature fool in this.

Second...this same thread exists in HOF... Is that tread anti-female too?
http://www.democraticunderground.com/125547736

[Ohio Joe]

485. Your reputation precedes you

Nobody is fooled.

[davidn3600]

488. I dont have a reputation with anyone here other than a particular clique of DUers

No one here has a problem with me but them. And from what I can see, they have a problem with a lot of people here. And many have a problem with them. How many times have their regulars been in time out? Look at the banned list of that group...it's a mile long.

Yet, Im out of touch? OK.

[Ohio Joe]

489. The MRA pizza list is even longer...

Poor men being hunted by the mean women

[davidn3600]

492. I never said they are mean

They twist people's words and antagonize everyone's opinions for what seems to be the purpose of starting a war here.

Nothing about being mean. It's just not a good way to get more people on your side. When you attack rather than engage, people will just dig their heels in deeper. Attacking people is a poor debate tactic.

For example, if they post a topic about sexual harassment, they get VERY angry when I mention that it happens to men too. And I don't know why that angers them. Men experience harassment too. When I was 16, in my first job, I was sexually harassed by my female boss. To make matters worse, I was a minor and she was an adult. And it was very confusing because I knew it was wrong. But society is also telling me I'm supposed to enjoy the attention. And now as an adult many years later...that very well may be the reason I tend to get irritated these days when women who commit sexual crimes get handed lighter sentences than men, routinely. And feminists get angry when I bring that topic up.

And that is my biggest gripe about feminism. They only focus on the woman-side of gender problems. MRAs only want to focus on the male-side of the problems. On the other hand, I want to focus on BOTH. But that apparently still makes me a misogynist.

[BainsBane]

497. Twist words?

The only words that are necessary is what you yourself say. You have accused me of twisting words when I quoted you, and let your own words do the talking. An example: http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=4833133

When in fact my response was to quote you:

Star Member BainsBane (24,836 posts)

3. THIS is rape culture

For all those who deny it's existence. Stories that show short sentences, cops not bothering to investigate, or serial rapists being released from jail to reoffend crop up all the time.

davidn3600 (2,729 posts)
10. Our recidivism is nearly 60% across the board of practially all crimes

The problem isn't just rapists...its the whole system. Our prison system does not fix people, it only makes them harder criminals. Our recidivism is among the worst in the modern world.

And please don't bring up this crap about men serving light sentences...it's been shot down.. Studies show women get up to 63% lighter sentences for the exact same crimes....
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/11/men-women-prison-sentence-length-gender-gap_n_1874742.html

You want men to serve even longer? Where are you going to put them? We already have 5 times more prisoners per capita than China! And our state governments are out of money. In fact, California is now be ordered by the feds to release 10,000 prisoners because their prisons have reached 170% of capacity.

Im sorry...but prison is not going to solve your rape culture.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=3223344
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=4833056

Above you write:

Nothing about being mean. It's just not a good way to get more people on your side. When you attack rather than engage, people will just dig their heels in deeper

On our side? There is no part of this universe where you are on the side of the feminists you so regularly malign. You have made that abundantly clear. You don't even make the slightest effort to pay attention to what feminists here write. You instead repeat arguments by anti-feminists. One clear example:

And that's where feminism loses me. Because I don't really feel like it's attacking what needs to be attacked. The focus seems to be simply to put women into male roles and then call that equality. That strategy will not crush the patriarchy. The only way to crush the patriarchy is to make femininity equal to masculinity. And when you look at JUST THAT...we really haven't moved much from the 1950s. But in the future, if we make femininity and masculinity equal...the categories cease to exist. That's when you have true gender equality.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024924066#post35

I responded by telling you that you have no understanding of feminism and haven't even paid attention to the arguments made by the certain "clique" you so revile. Radical feminism seeks to uproot patriarchy and undo gender conventions altogether. Naturally you ignored that because you have no interest in listening to what any actual feminist says (or any woman, from what I can tell). Instead, you will repeat what men who despise feminists say because it fits your own political agenda.

Above you repeat the complaint frequently sited by MRAs that feminists only work for women's rights. The very purpose of feminism is to work for women's rights. We don't need to work for men's rights anymore than Occupy needs to work for the rights of the Fortune 500 or Civil Rights activists need to work for the rights of white people. You see, having power and privilege means one already has rights. It is not the responsibility of the subaltern to serve the dominant groups. When did a SCOTUS Justice announce that men are not protected under the 14th Amendment? Never. That you continue to willfully perpetuate the false equivalency between gender-based oppression of women and men shows precisely where you stand ideologically. There is one group that makes that argument and anyone who has browsed their websites knows who they are.

[DanTex]

500. This post was alerted on.

On Mon Jul 21, 2014, 11:48 PM an alert was sent on the following post:

Twist words?
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=5273591

REASON FOR ALERT

This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.

ALERTER'S COMMENTS

Over the top, filled with personal attacks and, in true Baines style, misconstructions.

You served on a randomly-selected Jury of DU members which reviewed this post. The review was completed at Mon Jul 21, 2014, 11:52 PM, and the Jury voted 0-7 to LEAVE IT.

Juror #1 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Sorry but not over the top.
Juror #2 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Give me a break.
Juror #3 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Gee, her "misconstructions" as you say seem like direct quotes. No hide from me.
Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #5 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #6 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #7 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given

Thank you very much for participating in our Jury system, and we hope you will be able to participate again in the future.

[BainsBane]

502. Thanks. Good jury

[davidn3600]

505. I'm not doing this again

I'm not going to sit here and argue about this with you again. First, feminism was never the point of this thread. Yet it's been hijacked (in several ways). Second, I dont have the time or the energy to go post after post of you twisting the meaning of what I say, taking things out of context, and throwing bankhanded insults and accusations.

If you can't have an intelligent conversation without the condescending attitude, I am just simply not interested in replying to your posts anymore.

[R B Garr]

506. You have no one to blame but yourself for this phony charade.

Posting threads with no comments will always get questions from other people. Deal with it. I've seen it plenty of times here that people are requested to post some type of commentary about the reason for the thread and to start an actual discussion.

How disingenuous to point fingers at a thread in HoF. That OP posted plenty of commentary with their original thread for discussion. You, otoh, -- not only did you not post the entire story, you never bothered to comment on it. Then you edited your thread to point fingers at a "certain clique". Now you're playing the victim. What a farce.

[davidn3600]

509. This wasn't even supposed to be a serious thread

It was supposed to give people a little chuckle but apparently that went over everyone's head.

My god.

I'll stick to the pessimistic news from now on...

[NaturalHigh]

557. I kind of picked up on that.

Hence my responses. I see some are outraged about the humor and others' lack of outrage, though. Predictable as the sunrise.

[BainsBane]

510. The jury didn't buy the twisting words argument

as the results above clearly show. In fact, at least one juror noted that what I was doing was quoting you. You apparently don't like to be reminded what you say. Typically I might say that if someone finds that objectionable, they should probably think more carefully about what they post, but you are consistent in your arguments. What you object to is being called on it. Well that's too bad because I'm not concerned about whether you respond. I don't document this for your benefit but so that others understand the context for your posts.

Besides, you rarely have responded to me in the past anyway, or to others who shows your arguments to be unsound. You didn't respond when I showed your claim that Sweden and the US were the same in terms of the gender gap, an argument you made to suggest their was something immutable about the gender gap in pay: http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=4868023

Most revealingly, you refused to respond when I and another member caught you red-handed trying to deny what you had just written. (This will be a bit long winded because I need to provide adequate evidence so as to not distort your words.)
I and others have seen thread after thread in which you showed great concern for the legal rights of accused rapists whose victims were girls or women.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024138718#post187
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024138718#post189
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=4238613
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024899575
Or that there should be no prosecution of those who cyberbullied a 14 yr old rape victim who attempted suicide, whom you compared to George Zimmerman. http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024296858#post5
Or that rape is an "individual" rather than a "societal problem" http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024706865#post43
Or the version of consent you insisted was the only one that mattered:

The way the law works is that if the woman is sober and awake, she needs to give some type of indication that she doesn't want the act to occur. If she's screaming "no," that's rape. If she's trying to push the guy away, that's rape. But if she's a willing participant and gives no indication of trying to stop the act, every court and jury in the land will consider that consensual sex.http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=1905247

(The OP was in fact not talking about the law but how decent men treat their partners. The standard for legal prosecution and being a decent human being rather the opposite are not the same. Decent men do not take the absence of screaming as sufficient to have sex with a woman).

Given a long history of such responses, we could not help but notice your response differed in the case of a male victim. When confronted on that, you claimed:

I dont know anything about this case
I dont even know the sex of the victims. The article in the OP doesn't really give much information.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024458073#post13

The article did in fact give the sex of the victims, which is why you had previously said this before posting a South Park cartoon:

If the victims are male, she'll probably get a slap on the wrist and the victims will be told that they are supposed to like it and were crazy to say anything.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024458073#post1

That was the moment I knew without doubt exactly what I was dealing with.

BTW, YOU made this thread about feminists when you decided to edit the OP to whine about how mean a "certain clique" were mean to you. Be certain this member of said clique pays attention. I know your posting history, and I will continue to provide it when I think appropriate. I need not twist your words or even characterize them. Quoting them is more than sufficient. Readers can come to their own conclusions about their meaning.

[davidn3600]

512. Welcome to ignore. You're the only one on it.

The idea that I hate women or that I don't support equality is FUCKING RIDICULOUS. The idea that I support rapists is FUCKING RIDICULOUS. Just because I support a person's constitutional rights to a fair trial and presumption of innocence does NOT make me a rape supporter. The things that you say and accuse me of is hurtful beyond what you can possibly understand. You are so paranoid of this place and of the world around you that you attack anyone that doesn't fully agree with everything you say. I have never in my entire life been accused of the things that you have accused me of being here.

Just so you know...I am a victim of sexual assault and harassment. I don't talk about it, especially to strangers online. It's no one's business. But the idea that I support the actions of such perpetrators is completely unbelievable. How dare you judge me! You do not know what I have experienced in my life. You presume to know everything about me based on a few cherry-picked quotes I've made on the internet.

I am done with you. I will never speak to you on this forum ever again. You can believe whatever the hell you want about me. I don't require your approval to live my life. All I ask of you is that you leave me alone!

[BainsBane]

513. I accused you of none of that

I linked to your own posts with very limited comment. You have accused yourself. You will find no where in my posts where I make the charges you claim I do. You appear to be upset by being confronted with your own posts. I did not write those posts.

[ReasonableToo]

501. what this guy has to say is well worth 20 minutes...

Give him a chance. He does acknowledge that violence is not always men against women...

[Warren DeMontague]

523. "paging Earl!!!!!"

All I can say is, if I was Earl, and I actually had a pager, I'd be like "why the fuck are you paging me over a post-and-run OP in GD? Don't you know that post-and-run OPs are positively a tradition, around here? Oh, and what am I even doing with a pager?
Does anyone even have pagers, anymore? What am I, a 1990s-era coke dealer? No one uses pagers anymore; so stop paging me!"

[opiate69]

524. You rang?

[Violet_Crumble]

544. Try to keep up with new technology. I'd be snap chatting EarlG...

It'd be this with 'EMERGENCY!!!! GET HERE RIGHT NOW EARLG!!!! EMERGENCY!!!!!'



I bet Skinner still has a pager, though...

[Warren DeMontague]

564. I hear "Tinder" is good.

[RiffRandell]

559. Well, maybe he's a member of The Wolfpack.

"

[BainsBane]

495. We know your posting history

and you omitted the woman's side of the story, as anyone would expect from you.

You seem pretty pissed off that people pay attention to what you post. Isn't that the point of posting? You've been carrying out your cause for as long as I've been here. Why be pissed off that people have noticed?

[NaturalHigh]

558. Oh but that's different David.

You know it is because...well, just because.

How anyone could see this OP as an attack on women is beyond me. That slant could only be there if one looked for it really hard and with a jaundiced and outraged eye.

Oops...shouldn't have said outrage. Hope I didn't offend anyone.

[Ino]

494. I wonder about his approach...

Here are some possible scenarios:

1. During a commercial break, he matter-of-factly says "Why don't you give Mr. Winky a kiss?"
2. While she's falling asleep, he "pulses" Mr. Winky against her, like a form of drip water torture.
3. While she IS asleep, he does the same.
4. He laughs when she says she wants more romance. That's too hard, and he shouldn't have to since they are married.
5. He prefers to sleep on the couch unless he's cold or horny. Then she comes in handy.
6. She feels like a toilet. Just something for him to "take care of his needs" in.
7. He expects to be waited on, doesn't do anything that needs to be done because he knows she will do it, takes her for granted, and she feels used physically as well.
8. He belittles her, is otherwise psychologically abusive in a million subtle ways, but expects her to want him anyway.
9. Entitlement, anyone?

10. It's the whole "I want sex. Give me sex." thing. It's not sharing, or togetherness, or making love. It's just sex. It means nothing.

[Howler]

503. well now

She can divorce his ass!

[Sognefjord]

507. It seems an awkward way to go about things.

To say the least.

[In_The_Wind]

515. His chance of hearing a Yes just decreased by 100%.

Dumbass!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

516. i dont understand why anyone would do this. it makes no sense in a healthy relationship

to document why someone says no.

[JHB]

517. Well, that's pathetic.

Him, I mean, not his situation.

[Warren DeMontague]

521. He should have gone down to see a Gypsy woman one ol' day, instead, yes indeed.

In a situation like this it's best to exercise a bit of caution.

[0rganism]

528. a spreadsheet? for THAT? he may never have sex again

Creepy enough that he kept a log, but the spreadsheet approach is double-creepy with a topping of stinknerd.

[TygrBright]

529. Strong whiff of "L'air du Sous Pont" about this one... n/t

[tarheelsunc]

545. Would you all prefer the guy make the spreadsheet or fulfill his sexual needs with other women? eom

[Blue_Adept]

555. It's a lose/lose situation

Until you're actually in one of those situations, which has all sorts of other baggage attached to it usually, it's hard to understand it.

I went through several rough years with my wife where we had intimate relations to what boiled down to a few times a year. She simply wasn't interested in me in that way any longer. After we went a year without any intimacy - because the lack of sexual intimacy makes just the cuddling and more basic physical intimacy harder to do - we ended up getting to the point where it was done and over with.

Having been in that situation, it's easy to keep a "mental spreadsheet" of what's going on, because you realize how long it's been since you were last intimate. And you can get sad, angry, confused, confrontational, withdrawn and all these other things. And you find ways to try and express that to your partner. It may not be the best way, but it's a reaching out kind of thing.

But it's easier just to say "stupid man" and move along, as many have done in this thread.

[NaturalHigh]

574. One other thing I would like to point out.

If this marriage lasts (and assuming this whole thing isn't a joke, it won't), this guy is going to have some problems when they get a little older and his sex drive wanes as hers starts to pick up. She might churn out a few spreadsheets of her own (no pun intended).

[Sognefjord]

575. Some Silly TV talk show just featured this, spread sheet and all.

And they seemed to be taking the man's side though playing it a bit for laughs. I just caught a section of it since I am not much a TV watcher.

[NaturalHigh]

576. Have they verified that it's real?

A lot of people (me included) have had serious doubts that it was real, thinking it might just be an internet hoax that went viral.

[Sognefjord]

583. I suspect they had no clue.

[liberal N proud]

577. On the up side, he got sex 3 times

Maybe his approach was the problem.

[NaturalHigh]

578. I'm guessing there are lots of problem to go around in this mess.

[customerserviceguy]

579. How do I love thee? Let me count the lays...

That said, it was the wife who made this public, before that, it was a private conversation (however ineffective) between a couple about a subject that concerns only that couple.

At least she warned the next guy after she and this guy get a divorce...

[NaturalHigh]

582. This is on Headline News now.

I'm still not convinced this is real, but it's sure making the rounds.