I heard this tip for not forgetting your baby in the back seat.

[pnwmom]

Last edited Fri Jul 25, 2014, 02:15 PM - Edit history (3)

When you get in the car, if your baby's in the back, remove your left shoe and toss it in the back with the baby. You won't be able to walk off without remembering -- unless it feels normal to you to walk with one shoeless foot.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html

The defendant was an immense man, well over 300 pounds, but in the gravity of his sorrow and shame he seemed larger still. He hunched forward in the sturdy wooden armchair that barely contained him, sobbing softly into tissue after tissue, a leg bouncing nervously under the table. In the first pew of spectators sat his wife, looking stricken, absently twisting her wedding band. The room was a sepulcher. Witnesses spoke softly of events so painful that many lost their composure. When a hospital emergency room nurse described how the defendant had behaved after the police first brought him in, she wept. He was virtually catatonic, she remembered, his eyes shut tight, rocking back and forth, locked away in some unfathomable private torment. He would not speak at all for the longest time, not until the nurse sank down beside him and held his hand. It was only then that the patient began to open up, and what he said was that he didn’t want any sedation, that he didn’t deserve a respite from pain, that he wanted to feel it all, and then to die.

The charge in the courtroom was manslaughter, brought by the Commonwealth of Virginia. No significant facts were in dispute. Miles Harrison, 49, was an amiable person, a diligent businessman and a doting, conscientious father until the day last summer -- beset by problems at work, making call after call on his cellphone -- he forgot to drop his son, Chase, at day care. The toddler slowly sweltered to death, strapped into a car seat for nearly nine hours in an office parking lot in Herndon in the blistering heat of July.


SNIP

What kind of person forgets a baby?

The wealthy do, it turns out. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are just as likely to do it as fathers. It happens to the chronically absent-minded and to the fanatically organized, to the college-educated and to the marginally literate. In the last 10 years, it has happened to a dentist. A postal clerk. A social worker. A police officer. An accountant. A soldier. A paralegal. An electrician. A Protestant clergyman. A rabbinical student. A nurse. A construction worker. An assistant principal. It happened to a mental health counselor, a college professor and a pizza chef. It happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist.

SNIP

[In_The_Wind]

1. Great idea!

[hollysmom]

2. if they remember to do it.

but sure, good suggestion. so simple.

[awoke_in_2003]

43. It takes just a few weeks to build a habit...

this could never happen to me, because since I started driving I am in the habit of visually seeing the car keys in my hand before I lock the door, and looking over the interior to makes sure something worth stealing isn't visible. Once the habit it formed it is second nature.

[Scout]

3. good idea, also try putting your purse, briefcase, lunch, etc

in the back with the child. anything you don't normally leave the car without.

also, do Day Care places make it a policy to call home/work if a child is supposed to be at day care, but is not brought in without the parent/guardian "calling them in sick"?

i don't have kids, so don't know day care protocol...

[PowerToThePeople]

4. How about look?

I mean "is it that difficult to take a look in the back seat?"

[pnwmom]

5. If a person is distracted s/he can forget to look.

But s/he won't forget that she needs two shoes.

[treestar]

17. It's the distraction

that is the problem.

I would say be extra careful in cases where routine is broken. These seem to be the case often when this happens.

[pnwmom]

23. That's what I've heard, too.

[whatchamacallit]

6. Or how about loving and caring for your kids enough to be responsible for their care?

[spanone]

8. BINGO!

[hlthe2b]

11. I can understand distracted, but in reality, I worry about my dog throughout the day....

She is genuinely on my mind every moment of the day when she is not with me. I plan any car travel that will involve her around her and climate conditions. I can not imagine not doing so with a child.

Distracted, I do understand... but so much so that one's child is not at the top of the list? I really can't.

[whatchamacallit]

14. I relate

People parent differently I suppose. Maybe I'm overly cautious, but whenever I had my son he was continuously present in my mind.

[SixString]

15. +1

[Lancero]

19. It can still happen.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html

Some parts of it

“Memory is a machine,” he says, “and it is not flawless. Our conscious mind prioritizes things by importance, but on a cellular level, our memory does not. If you’re capable of forgetting your cellphone, you are potentially capable of forgetting your child.”

Fennell has met or talked with many of the parents in the hyperthermia cases, and some now work with her organization. She doesn’t seek them out. They find her name, often late at night, sleeplessly searching the Web for some sign that there are others who have lived in the same hell and survived. There is a general misconception, Fennell says, about who these people are: “They tend to be the doting parents, the kind who buy baby locks and safety gates.” These cases, she says, are failures of memory, not of love.

“Some people think, ‘Okay, I can see forgetting a child for two minutes, but not eight hours.’ What they don’t understand is that the parent in his or her mind has dropped off the baby at day care and thinks the baby is happy and well taken care of. Once that’s in your brain, there is no reason to worry or check on the baby for the rest of the day.”

[pnwmom]

24. This is a good article. Thanks.

[pnwmom]

20. Easy to say when you're not the one waking up every two hours at night

with a baby or teething toddler.

Sometimes parents get exhausted and make mistakes. It's not that they don't love and care for their kids. I've read enough of these stories to know that exhausted parents whose normal daily schedules get disrupted are susceptible to making these kind of mistakes.

[Arugula Latte]

25. I think in the vast majority of these cases, that's not the issue.

The intentional recent toddler killing is another matter, but for most of these people, this is a nightmare they never, ever intended.

[aikoaiko]

7. I think that is an impractical idea.

[alcibiades_mystery]

9. Our daughter was very colicky her first three months

Screamed non-stop, slept a little. It was brutal.

We were exhausted. It was like sleep-walking through life for three months.

We never left her in a car. But I can see how it happens.

I wish these people saying "how could you possibly do that???!!??" would just stop it. Seriously, people: stop it. It obviously happens.

Your solution, pnwmom, of providing constructive prevention is much better than the bile-drenched judgment so many feel so free to throw in. Thank you.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

12. Agree.

[madinmaryland]

18. +1000

[pnwmom]

21. That's how I feel, a.m. Exhausted parents make mistakes.

Feeling superior to them doesn't do anyone any good except for the smug person, I guess.

[laundry_queen]

42. I've dealt with that too

My second daughter was very colicky until she was 3.5 months old, but thankfully she would fall asleep at 3 am once she was done screaming and sleep solid until 9 am.

I didn't have to work, I was a stay at home mom, so I got enough sleep with her.

However, my first daughter, though not colicky, was a sleeping nightmare. She didn't sleep for longer than 45 minutes at a time until she was 18 months old (except for once when she was 6 weeks old she slept for 8 hours and I woke up in a panic thinking she had died of SIDS. Same daughter is now 17 and doesn't sleep more than 5 hours a night). I was like a total zombie that entire time. I remember putting her in the swing (the old fashioned 'crank' kind) and praying I could get 15 minutes of sleep while the swing stayed swinging because the second it stopped she woke up. I slept on the floor while she crawled over me. I slept while I breastfed her. I did a lot of crying just from being tired. I didn't work, but I did do some childcare for friends who had to be at work for 8 am, so I was up early and I had to stay awake during that time and it was hellish. I felt nauseous from being so tired all of the time. My brain was a mess. I can't even imagine if I would've had to drive to work every day, I would've been a danger on the road. I can imagine that people who have accidentally forgotten their kids have had to deal with these types of stressful situations.

When I got divorced and went to school full time while being a single mom to 4, there was one time I was up with one of my daughters all night because she was barfing and I had a final exam the next morning at 9. I think I got 20 minutes of sleep that night. That morning, I had to arrange for alternate childcare for the sick child, take her to a different place and then take my other kids to school. I took the wrong turn and forgot to take them to school...I was going to MY school, LOL. Luckily, the kids were old enough to shout at me, "hey! You took the wrong turn!" I imagine if I had an infant who fell asleep in the back I might have forgotten all about them. It really bothers me when people think it can't happen to them - I think those are the people that are most at risk of doing it because they don't bother to take precautions. I always used to put my school briefcase with my laptop in the backseat because I knew I would need that and see my child if I forgot her. The reason I did that is I was never in denial that it could happen to me.

[sharp_stick]

10. I used to only take my

daughter to daycare occasionally when she was a baby and in the morning she'd fall asleep in the car before I hit the end of the driveway.

Because of this I was afraid of forgetting she was back there so I made a habit of putting my lunch and my laptop on the floor of the car in front of her carseat. I'd have to open the back door and look right at the car seat to get my stuff and I couldn't work without the laptop.

I never forgot to drop her off but it seemed like a good idea in any case.

[pnwmom]

22. Another good idea. Thanks.

[Swede Atlanta]

13. I'm not for taking off your shoes while driving.....

Depending on the driver, their age, etc. the shoes and their soles might be critical to controlling the clutch (if applicable) the brake and the accelerator.

I agree this is an idea that would prevent leaving children (or animals) in the car but we need to find something else like leaving your purse, briefcase, etc. or even setting a timer on your mobile phone for 15 minutes after you expect to arrive at your destination to check for the baby, dog, cat, spouse, etc.

[pnwmom]

29. If you have an automatic, what do you use your left foot for?

Mine just sits there.

[awoke_in_2003]

44. My left foot is for the air bass drum

[NM_Birder]

16. Tips for not forgetting your kids in the car ? Really ?

This is what it has come down to ?
When the I-phone AP comes out for that we'll know the bottom has been reached.

[LanternWaste]

27. I imagine many people minimize useful tips and tools...

I imagine many people minimize useful parenting tips and tools... one may guess too the first perambulator was roundly criticized for enabling the laziness of parents.

[NM_Birder]

41. "useful parrenting tips"

Like the one up thread, take a shoe off and throw it into the back seat to remind you when you walk off to get your kid ?

LOL, "useful tips to help parents remember they are parents" I think they have that already, "parenting for Dummies" and it's second volume for the kid when he can read...., "Good luck kid, you drew a dud for parents"

"useful parenting tips"..... it's a shame what passes these days for "tools" parents need to raise a kid.

[MineralMan]

26. How about cutting back on the Xanax?

That will work. Situational awareness is a good thing. Far too many people are completely unaware of their surroundings, and for many reasons, but if you have a baby with you in a car, it's crucial to be aware of your surroundings. Sheesh!

My own situational awareness shows me how distracted many people really are. Either they have a cell phone stuck to their ear or earbuds through which they're listening to some vacuous music to keep them from hearing their own thoughts. Or, they're under the influence of some medication that dulls their senses to the point where they can focus on nothing. I cannot imagine going through life like that.

[pnwmom]

31. Have you completely forgotten how exhausting it is to have a baby or toddler

waking you up every couple hours?

Or maybe you never were a parent? You don't need Xanax to be spacey when you're the parent of a young child.

[MineralMan]

33. So here's the deal.

Before you leave in your vehicle, you put the child in a safety seat. That is an activity that requires several steps and pretty much requires some attention. How far does one have to drive before forgetting that they did that?

One is either engaged or disengaged in life. Exhausted? Well, OK, but you still put that kid in the car seat, then got into your car and drove somewhere. How disengaged to you have to be to forget something like that? Yes, the kid went to sleep and wasn't making noise, but you did put the child in the car seat not all that long ago.

Being engaged in life is always better than being disengaged. I recommend engagement, especially when the safety of a child is involved. Sorry, but forgetting a child in a car goes way beyond any excuses I've ever heard. If you're that disengaged from your daily life, changes are in order.

Have you ever forgotten that there was a child in your car?

[jeff47]

39. They didn't forget the child. They forgot that they hadn't dropped the child off

In the parent's mind, they dropped the kid off at daycare. They're misremembering from a previous day.

[pnwmom]

45. So you don't have children and/or you've never been exhausted.

I never left my child but I don't feel superior because I haven't. I realize that anyone can make a mistake, especially when that person is tired or distracted.

[hedgehog]

28. The people who think that it's impossible to forget that you have a child in the car -

what you are saying is that all of these parents are guilty of murder. Either they forgot the child was there, or they deliberately left the child in the car.

For you, I have this question -

Did you turn the stove off before you came to work this morning?






Are you sure about that?

[hedgehog]

30. My children are grown, but I have many repetitive tasks.

Depending on what I'm doing, I have to leave town and head south on either the east or west side of the river. I can't tell you how many times I have found myself on the wrong side of the river because I automatically made the turn at the bridge or else forgot to make the turn. I'm sure many here have gotten up on a Saturday morning to do errands, and found themselves on the route to work. We operate on multiple levels, and sometimes the top level is pre-occupied.

[pnwmom]

32. Right. Everyone can be preoccupied at times. I don't understand

all the smug people who are sure nothing like this could ever happen to them.

[MineralMan]

34. Really? I can't even imagine that.

If I'm in a car, I'm paying attention to what I'm doing. If I'm so distracted that I cannot, then I do not drive anywhere. It's a matter of safety. If you are driving on autopilot, then you are endangering yourself and everyone around you. Please don't do that. I might be driving nearby, and would rather not have you run into my car. Truly!

[LanternWaste]

35. I guess I shouldn't have come to work yesterday, as I was distracted enough in the morning

I guess I shouldn't have come to work yesterday, as I was distracted enough in the morning to the point in which I forgot to bring my reading glasses with me... and didn't even think about it until I at down sat my desk.

[MineralMan]

36. A pair of reading glasses is distinctly different from a

child. It really is. Focusing on important things is important. And driving is one of those things. If you are unable to focus on driving a vehicle, then you should most definitely not be driving that vehicle. You're a danger to everyone around you.

If you're unable to focus to the point that you forgot you put a kid in a car seat before driving to wherever you are going, then you should not be driving a vehicle, either. Life takes focus. It takes focus on the thing you are doing at the time you are doing it. If you lack that focus, you're not doing a good job at whatever it is you're doing, whether it's driving, working, or caring for a child.

Live is complex, to be sure. But sometimes it's essential to direct one's focus on what is happening right now.

If you put a child in a car seat, then drive somewhere, there is no possible excuse for forgetting that you put the child in the car seat. If you are able to forget such a thing, it's time to re-examine how you go through the day. If voluntary things are distracting you to that degree, then you need to put those things aside until you're done with whatever it is you're doing.

Focus is essential and can save your life or someone else's life. Focus!

As for your reading glasses, they aren't that important. Buy another pair and leave them at your office, if you are in the habit of forgetting them. I wear reading glasses, too. There's a pair wherever I use them. Usually, I don't need that pair, but if I do, they're there. No lives are endangered by me forgetting my reading glasses.

[LanternWaste]

37. Your measure was on distraction in and of itself rather than degree of distraction.

Your measure was on distraction in and of itself rather than degree of distraction-- I simply responded to that, lacking your additional post-qualifiers.

Possibly you lacked focus and were distracted, hence the lack of inclusion of the necessary qualifiers.

[MineralMan]

38. I see.

No.

[angstlessk]

40. I recall, one day I was supposed to drive my son to school and got distracted.

It was not usual, and he was sitting right beside me.

I worked as a salesperson about 20 miles from his school, and was about halfway to my 'territory' before I realized I had not dropped him off...of course HE never said a word...turned out we spent the day together, while I worked, a very enjoyable day indeed.

Distraction can be a very profound thing. Or is it force of habit?

[pnwmom]

46. My mother used to have to drive her 4 kids to three different schools.

One day she arrived at my school with my sisters and I asked her where my brother was. Oops! He was still waiting, patiently, in front of the school. Somehow both she and my sisters got distracted and forgot about him. Even loving parents can screw up.