5 Bizarre Ways the Brain Links Sex With Shame

[IronLionZion]

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-bizarre-ways-brain-links-sex-with-shame/

How shameful is your sex life? More or less than you're comfortable with? What about your fantasy life? As is patently obvious, I have severe sexual dysfunctions that amuse me to no end, so recently I thought to wrap up some of you, my readers, in my own depravity by way of a sex survey and see if there's anything we can learn about sex, fantasy, and shame together in a friendly yet uncomfortable way. Does everyone feel the same way about their sexuality and sexual past? Surely not, but there must be some interesting similarities men and women share among their fantasies and reactions to them. If not, this'll be a way short article, and maybe all the ensuing paragraphs are just rants I wrote about the shoddy state of modern snack foods. When is someone going to invent a beer-filled Hot Pocket, for God's sake?

Toward the end of 2012, a curious article was published online, in various media outlets, about how sexual arousal suppresses disgust. Just hearing the words "arousal" and "disgust" was more than enough to get my attention, and the article was pretty fascinating, and also, if we're being honest with ourselves, oddly obvious. You will do things and say things in the heat of the moment that you probably are not cool with when you're riding on a city bus, or attending Mass.

The gist of the article was that, statistically speaking, there is a correlation between arousal and your willingness to do things you would otherwise deem gross. Sexually gross. Regular gross was statistically irrelevant, but sexually gross was a big deal. This no doubt explains why Gene Simmons has a sex life at all.

So what does that mean, anyway? In the test, it meant women who were sexually aroused were more willing to put their hands in a bucket of used condoms than women who were not aroused, and, speaking as a currently not-aroused man, that's pretty gross and disturbingly creative. Good job, scientists! But obviously, for the purposes of my article, I couldn't very well carry a bucket of used jimmy hats around to see if any of you wanted a feel. Instead, I wrote a little survey, and about 90 people replied, which is a pretty decent number, I suppose. The survey asked your opinion on a number of different sexual fantasies ranging from what I felt was pretty commonplace to what was pretty insane. (Fact: Almost none of you are into bestiality. Or at least very few of you admitted it. The ASPCA thanks you.) And then I asked you about shame. Have you ever had a sexual experience you were ashamed of? What was it, and why? Let's learn some stuff together.

This is a very interesting article connecting the psychology of arousal and shame for the exact same thing. Nature wants us to be turned on by gross things. Otherwise, humans would end up like pandas who are too fat and lazy to make baby pandas on their own without help.

Just because someone tries to shame you, is no reason to be ashamed. Many of the shamers are trying to repress their own guilt. Just look at the family values conservatives who get caught in compromising situations.

[IronLionZion]

1. I can't be the only one amused by the 50 threads of DU

This Cracked piece has a lot of interesting analysis of human psychology for anyone who is curious about the "Why". It also makes some sense of why folks are drawn into those threads with strong opinions on the issues under discussion.

[kickitup]

10. I am curious about the why. Very curious.

Because I have fantasies that make me stop and go "Hey, wait a minute." I don't think that's abnormal and is probably healthy. But even the suggestion of exploring these areas of our sexuality was met with a bit of outrage and people assumed I was judging when I brought it up on the 50 Shades threads.

I write erotica (porn - I'll admit it) and sell on Ebay and believe it or not both of these ventures have made me aware of certain fantasies people have that I would just as soon not be aware of. Some readers like fantasies involving incest and I just can't do that. Some fine folks on Ebay are afraid to list their little girls heavily used ballet shoes because they are afraid someone with a fetish for little girl's heavily used ballet shoes will buy them. So I think one's sense of ethics plays a part in all of this and not just shame.

I also don't think curiosity about "why" should be conflated with shame. I have no shame about my sexual practices but I do have curiosity about why I want what I do.

I skimmed your linked article and will read it again in depth - thank you for posting it.

[IronLionZion]

13. I'm astonished that more are not interested in discussing the Why

since liberals are an open-minded and curious bunch who tend to question everything, yet DUers are too busy arguing without much of a purpose.

I'm sure we all fantasize about any number of scenarios, that's human nature. Someone is obviously consuming erotica and other types of materials. Being ashamed of or shaming others for it is a common cause of conflict, secrecy, and negativity.

[IronLionZion]

2. Shameless kick

[appal_jack]

3. I'll join you in a k&r. Good stuff. nt

[IronLionZion]

4. Morning after walk of shame kick

This is a good topic. Discuss it!

[Trillo]

5. It is sad that the shamers project their shame onto children.

I wonder what a sexually healthy world might look like. The article was based on a series of questions, so in a healthier world, a more sex-positive one, the answers would, I'm guessing, be at least somewhat different.

[IronLionZion]

6. intentional communities (hippie communes)

might be what a healthier world would look like. Depending on their policies, they often tend to be sex-positive and welcome all types without shaming.

And depending on what one is into, there may be groups out there of like-minded people to find support and explore safely.

[NaturalHigh]

7. Unfortunately, there are still lots of people...

who are on a mission to convince others that sex is only for decent married folk who want to make babies. I personally think we would live in a much healthier society if everyone would just accept that sex is a natural part of our psyche.

[IronLionZion]

8. I suspect many of them are aroused and ashamed of it

and think the best way to deal with their guilt is to make others feel guilty too. We all know how much we all collectively think about it all the time. Sex sells everything, people seek out sexy media to view or read. Sex articles get tons of clicks online. People constantly talk about it and some of the most bizarre "stories" written are often the product of someone's fantasy.

It is unfortunate that our culture is still a bit more repressed in many ways.

[NaturalHigh]

9. Oh, no doubt.

America still has a significant Puritan streak that convinces some people that enjoying sex is sinful.

[alp227]

11. I was thinking that too.

I wonder how many of those anti sex types act out of guilt/jealousy rather than sincere belief?

[IronLionZion]

12. Hypocrisy is written about quite extensively in the bible

Where the hypcrites shouting and preaching for all to see are the ones who are trying to hide their bad secrets. I'm wary of those who are too strongly against what consenting adults do. They must be feeling guilty about something.



Matthew 7:5 - Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

Romans 2:3 - And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things, and doest the same, that thou shalt escape the judgment of God?

Matthew 7:15 - Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

Romans 16:18 - For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.

Matthew 6:2 - Therefore when thou doest [thine] alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

and many more: http://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Bible-Verses-About-Hypocrisy/