What are some "modern" rules of workplace etiquette that MUST be addressed?

[Frank Cannon]

Here's one: When you are on a conference call that is hosted external to your company, DO NOT PUT YOUR PHONE ON HOLD. No one wants to sit around listening to a Muzak rendition of "The Girl From Ipanema" or some obnoxious eight-bar guitar loop while the meeting organizer frantically attempts to find and drop your call. MUTE your phone if you don't want anyone to hear that you're actually playing Candy Crush on your iPhone and trash-talking the other participants, but DON'T put it on hold.

This happened to me twice this week. One time the hold message even mentioned the name of the offender's company, opening them up to well-deserved ridicule. The other time the jackass actually called back and complained that his call had "mysteriously" dropped out.

[mythology]

1. That's one of my big ones

My cube neighbor also starts off every day with a rather loud phone call discussing what movie or tv shows she watched the night before. Which wouldn't be a huge problem, but I regularly have meetings first thing since half our testers are in India and we are implementing a product from a Dutch company. So I'm trying to listen and contribute to meetings while my neighbor is being very loud and about obviously non-work topics.

[JustAnotherGen]

2. You've opened the flood gates

The Gross Girl this morning - I walked by her as I do every day and here's my list -

If you eat at your desk -

Do not chew with your mouth open (apple flicked on me on Wednesday - right in my face).
Do not talk with your mouth wide open eating a banana.
Do not burp loudly.
Do not slurp your food, and make a lot of noise chewing with your mouth open.
Do not fart loudly.
Do not wear a short skirt and sit with your legs wide open while burping, farting, talking with food in your mouth or chewing and smacking/slurping with your mouth open.

It's gross.

ETA - My admin just reminded me that she gets super grossed out ALONG WITH ME - as does everyone else in our section when she clips her finger nails and toe nails at her desk on Monday morning. It's just disgusting.

The building 'reset' cannot happen fast enough for me.

I feel worse for the guy in PR that sits on the other side for her than I do me - he bears the brunt of the loud farting every day after lunch.

[Frank Cannon]

4. "Do not fart loudly."

Good Lord. Has life in the semi-semi-private cubicle world come to this?

[JustAnotherGen]

7. Yep!

In spite of several HR Office Etiquette blasts this year.

In all of my years on cubicle land - I've never experienced anything as bad as having an office but having the grossest person out of 200K people sit right outside of my door.

You gotta be fucking kidding me!

My admin/coordinator told me that if the reset doesn't happen in the next month (this would move this woman who is gross down the hall) then she is posting out for a new job.

[elehhhhna]

16. our group shares a restroom with a gal who consistently generates smells that cannot be

described, nor can they be cleared from ones nostrils for literally five minutes. WTH do you do with THAT? She guts the joint 3 times a day like clockwork and it is unbearable. It's clearly a hygiene and diet combo offense. Can't exactly ask a person to not use the office loo.

[JustAnotherGen]

29. I wish she WOULD

Go stink up the restroom!

True story - I brought in bagels and coffee for our pod one day - and we were all around the copier in the morning - and one of our co-workers was telling us about his biz trip to Hong Kong - odd things he saw.

She proceeds to tell us that it's common in her hometown for people to pull their kids pants down (like toddlers) and let them defecate in the streets. She's from rural mainland.

Hence why I posted my rant here - I did a little digging into etiquette and learned - she's not doing anything wrong. And it's not my job to teach proper etiquette in New Jersey - since I'm from the foreign land of Western New York!

[tblue37]

34. Take in matches to burn away the leftover methane after she goes in there. nt

[3catwoman3]

14. If you wear a short skirt...

...do not sit with your legs wide open. Period.

[smirkymonkey]

20. Ugh! All those, and how about do not chew gum and snap it!

I work with someone (and she is 50 years old) who chews her gum and snaps it all day long! It's like fingernails across a chalkboard to me. Drives me f***ing insane!

[tridim]

3. Mine would be, less conference calls.

And no meetings that have no point.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

9. Too many people think meetings ARE the point.

They're lost when they actually have to accomplish something constructive on their own so meetings make them look busy and involved.

[ProfessorGAC]

5. That's Happened To Me Too

And, the person who did it the first time it occurred was on hold for a really long time.

[elehhhhna]

6. gastric bypass etc. alumni, after eating

Excess sweets or fatty foods must conduct the inevitable dryheaving in the restroom (or wherever) versus at their cubes.
I am not making this up.

[Frank Cannon]

8. Maybe the blanket rule should be to inform people at orientation...

that despite the illusion of privacy, anything they do in their cubicles can be plainly heard (or smelled) by their coworkers whether they choose to or not. So basically don't do anything you wouldn't do in a truly public venue like a restaurant or a movie theater.

But, then, that won't stop some people.

[elehhhhna]

15. this came up when one membe rof our cube farm did her usual

I ate cake and started heaving (no barfing, just dry heaving. For ten minutes.) This very nearly jumpstarted a sympathetic barf by one of the partners in our company.

Did I mention we're headhunters and on the phone all day?lol

[Trekologer]

10. I was on a conference call where someone fell asleep and was snoring loudly

It was internal and late at night (an overnight deployment bridge). No one figured out who it was, though.

[KatyMan]

11. How about not chatting in conference calls?

You dial in and find the host and some other person talking about vacation or something vacuous and can't even announce yourself. I hate unnecessary chats in calls.

Signed....Grumpy Gus

[smirkymonkey]

22. Grrrr!

And it's always the loud ones!

Yes, I have had a very long, annoying week at work. However, I am grateful to have a job.

[Orrex]

12. I wish they'd standardize the "no pants Friday" rule once and for all

Would a little consistency kill them, for heaven's sake?

[smirkymonkey]

23. Yeah, I hate pants.

I hate clothes for that matter. I just think of the money I would save on dry cleaning.

[aikoaiko]

13. I love muzak's girl from ipanema

(4 sec then skip ad)

But you're right -- not on a conference call.

[Blue_Tires]

19. +1

[Initech]

17. My biggest pet peeve: people who don't clean the damn kitchen after they use it.

Seriously how hard is it to rinse out the sink or empty the microwave after you're done? The administrative people are not your maids.

[smirkymonkey]

24. Some people are really disgusting.

I would hate to see what their homes look like. Seriously, no concept of the fact that other people share space with them at all.

[Initech]

26. I have found some unbelievably disgusting shit in the kitchen at work.

Seriously one time I found an entire bag of frozen vegetables in the microwave - several hours after lunch. And don't get me started on how many times I've had to remind people about washing the sink out after they use it.

[smirkymonkey]

35. Ugh! There are people that I work with that put their dirty dishes in the sink

and just leave them there, expecting the cleaning staff to take care of them. However that is not their job and they don't do it. The rest of us have to deal with dirty dishes in the sink until the rude offender decides that nobody else is going to clean their f***ing dishes and I suppose they eventually do it themselves.

I would love to catch someone in the act and tell them off. I can't imagine what their homes look like. It's really piggish. Grrrr!

[Quayblue]

18. *2 is our friend

I learned this the hard way myself *cringing*

[zappaman]

21. Do not walk around in just your underwear.

I saw a dude get fired for just casually hanging out in his jock strap in our office!

[smirkymonkey]

25. That would actually be one of the least offensive breaches of etiquette in our office.

[arcane1]

27. No perfume or cologne!!

Though I guess that's a timeless rule

[llmart]

28. I lived in the South years ago.....

moved there from Ohio and had never in my life had a guy walk into my office and pick up my trash can and spit his chaw in it. I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. Next time some guy did that, I was ready and told him "do not come into my office with chewing tobacco in your mouth and spit in my trash can."

Don't know if they still do that in the South, but haven't had that happen since I moved North.

[Violet_Crumble]

30. Don't send me meeting invites for 4pm on a Friday afternoon...

And doing it on pay week when happy hour's on is the worst breach of work etiquette I can possibly think of....

[smirkymonkey]

36. Oh, yeah! We have something called "Come Alive at Five"

There are these inconsiderate jerks that think you have nothing better to do than take care of their shit at 5pm on a Friday afternoon. I have made a point to get in early on Fridays so that I can leave early and completely screw them.

Ok, very annoying week at work. And I left early on Friday. Bwahahahaa!

[tammywammy]

31. Oh the mute thing...

How do people not know to automatically put their phone on mute during a conference call? Add to the list don't cook microwave popcorn or reheat stinky fish for lunch. If you use the last of the office coffee start a new pot.

[titaniumsalute]

32. I love when you can hear the

tappity tappity tappity click click bing of someone not on mute typing their life away.

Or the person who's on a conference call outside with the fucking WIND blowing.

So basic to MUTE the phone.

[Frank Cannon]

33. This and the hold thing happened to me AGAIN yesterday.

It sounded like someone was in a bowling alley. After that stopped, someone's hold music started playing and made the presenter sound like they were on Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

[AnnieBW]

37. NO PROSELYTIZING!!!

If people want to have religious stuff all over their desks, fine. Just don't push it on me!

[tabbycat31]

38. The office fridge is not a free for all

With the exception of previously agreed upon communal items (ie milk for coffee) if it is not yours, don't touch it. Nobody likes a lunch thief.