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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsThe Politics of Family Dysfunction
Yesterday I posted an essay titled Family Violence, that focused on one type of domestic violence, child abuse. Although my rants and ramblings are no longer high profile on this forum, I was pleased with the thoughtful and insightful responses. Quite a few people agreed that there are alternatives to physical violence for teaching discipline to children and youth. Here is a link to that OP/thread, for anyone who might be interested:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025538723
I thought that it might be of interest to follow that up, with an essay on family systems. As I noted yesterday, the family is the basic building block of the community. Thus, family systems have a significant impact upon the larger society. Although I retired from a career in social work more than a decade ago, these are among the things that I think about when I watch the news on television
..and not just with the ugly events associated with the NFL, but everything from war to the economy to Robin Williams.
As a social worker, I dealt primarily with what are inelegantly known as dysfunctional families. And not the average, every day, all-American dysfunctional family that manages to get by, and is able to deal with problems as they arise. Rather, I worked with families that, for a variety of reasons, became entangled in the legal system.
Before going on, I want to say that I believe it is better not to view these issues in a judgmental way. As a general rule, my focus was always to help families identify options to improve the quality of their lives. And that wasnt a result of some Polly Anna, rose-colored glasses view of human nature. I encountered some violent individuals who deserved the prison sentences they got.
There are a number of dynamics that can cause dysfunction in a family system; some of these may be temporary, while others tend to become entrenched. It is the entrenched ones that tend to create multi-generational difficulties. Domestic violence (against spouses and/or children), addiction, poverty, and serious illnesses and death can all cause dysfunction. Family violence is, of course, in the news now, and hence is my focus today.
Years ago, a model was created that maps the general roles that children living in dysfunctional families tend to take. It is based upon a four children family system. A good movie, The Breakfast Club, illustrated those roles -- and showed both the positive and negative potentials of each of those roles. (Families, like individuals, are fluid, living entities, and so such roles are not life sentences.)
These roles tend to go in order of birth. They include:
-- The family hero, who tends to be a high-achieving individual, who tries to get perfect grades and to be a top athlete;
-- The lost child, who tends to attract relatively little attention to him- or herself;
-- The wild child, who creates tension at home, in school, and in the community; and
-- The clown, who uses humor to relieve family tensions.
A person who inhabits any one of these roles will find ways to get their needs met. There is, of course, a very real potential that the ways that, say, a teenager in a dysfunctional family gets his/her needs met will not be skills that translate well into the larger society. Hence, while I definitely believe that parents have the right to decide how to raise their children, I understand that family dynamics have consequences for the larger society.
Family dysfunction is not limited to any one economic class. However, the system does tend to focus more on low-income families. While the concept of foster care was intended to protect children and youth who were at risk of being seriously harmed, it has sadly become, far too often, a pipeline to the prison-industrial complex. On the flip side, in wealthy families, such dysfunction can produce a George W. Bush, who as an adult has the force of law to enable his personal pathology.
I mention Bush, not simply to take a jab at the man who led the effort to destabilize the Middle East, but to make another point. This is a political forum, by and large. When we think about the world of politics, and view it in the context of a high school classroom, using those four roles, we can see clearly who is getting their needs met, and who is not. Which kids become political and business leaders. Which kids are more or less likely to see the connection between voting, and the reality of their every day lives.
Uncle Joe
(58,459 posts)Thanks for the thread, H2O Man.
H2O Man
(73,637 posts)lapislzi
(5,762 posts)Your experience and insights are a tremendous asset to this community.
H2O Man
(73,637 posts)I'd like to think that I contribute something of value to DU. So I very much appreciate your kind response!
After I first posted the OP, I was wondering if it would get any response. It's not an exciting topic, but I do think it is important, as it applies to our society. Still, I remember my family and friends telling me that a lot of the things that fascinate me, are of little or no interest to the majority of people.
Scuba
(53,475 posts)H2O Man
(73,637 posts)I appreciate it!
TBF
(32,111 posts)about the level of dysfunction in some homes.
I come from a low-income family in the rural midwest - currently middle aged. I saw an incredible amount of domestic abuse growing up (not in my own home but those of friends/neighbors). It is very difficult to get those images out of your head. And it's interesting that in the families this occurred you'd see it across the board - abuse against spouses, children and even their pets.
I decided when I was an adult there would be one rule in my house - no hitting. Imagine if everyone felt that way. My husband and I have spoke some on this topic from time to time and he can see the spouse issues but doesn't seem to really understand the child abuse issues. He came from a suburban household in which it seems he didn't see the types of situations I witnessed. He agrees with my no hitting rule but has this general idea that parents should have some leeway in how they raise their kids. This seems to be a typical response from people who don't really understand the level of dysfunction that exists in some homes and what it does to those children over the long-term. Maybe it's more prevalent in black households and/or religious and/or southern - but from what I've seen it could be anywhere, any income level.
I appreciate the work you're doing on this topic. It's a difficult area.
kmlisle
(276 posts)In 20 plus years of teaching I saw all 4 characters. It always interested me that two children from the same family could respond so differently to the same situation although often birth order is important and children who come into the family at a more difficult time can experience more negative situations but personality and just plain luck - what kind of support system you have outside that family and if you are the kind of person who can find those support systems to meet your needs definitely play a role.
Thanks for a great post!
No Vested Interest
(5,167 posts)the children came into the world with distinct personalities.
Personality traits can be modified, and hopefully will, but some of it will always be present in that child, later adult.
It's a parent's job to mold each child into a kind, productive, responsible family member, and eventually, member of society.
Because of the different personalities within the family, there will inevitably be differences, even clashes as each personality works its way through childhood to adulthood.
The child's natural personality often clashes or works against the parent's personality, and, unfortunately, all adults are not wise enough or flexible enough to work through the differences to cope with the clashes in the best way.
Gender and birth order are often at play in the final result of how the family dynamics work, and it is a continuous task of parents to d monitor, direct and oversee the family in its growth.
A mighty task, indeed.
OnlinePoker
(5,727 posts)No hero or clown. I was lost until 15 at which point I became wild.
Dont call me Shirley
(10,998 posts)And The Mastermind, the opportunist who capitalizes on other family members to get their way.
We each would be courageous to see where we fit into these dynamics. Sometimes we may fit into more than one category. Once we become consciously aware we have these behaviors, we can begin to heal our minds/emotions of the damage caused by our family traumas. The healing of one individual can cause a snowball effect with others.
Thanks for your honorable service to humanity H2OMan, we need so many more of you in order to shift the mass consciousness of humanity.
There is only one correct path to take, and that is the healing path.
Unknown Beatle
(2,672 posts)the enabler.
Dont call me Shirley
(10,998 posts)Thanks for the reminder.