Ebola to Republicans: “Thank you!”

[riqster]

http://bluntandcranky.wordpress.com/2014/10/15/ebola-to-republicans-thank-you/

Source info at the link.

Mr. Ebola Virus held a surprise press conference yesterday, as you all know by now. Speaking and secreting to a room full of reporters, many of them sketchily covered in makeshift protective gear, Ebola lauded the American “Republican” party for their assistance in spreading himself across multiple countries in a short period of time. But enough of me yakkin’, let’s hear what the Virus himself had to say:

“Thank you all for coming on such short notice, I appreciate it. I gotta say, I am getting too much credit for the death and mayhem I have wrought upon West Africa, and now America too. It’s unfair of you to not give props to those awesome Teapublicans in America. Their budget cuts in the past helped degrade the world’s ability to fight me, and even better for me, they are still refusing to spend money to fight me.

It’s helping me, no question about it. They throw money at terrorists and such, but leave me free to murder and terrorize at will. It’s not bragging to predict that I will kill thousands more people this year than those pathetic loons in ISIS and Al-Qaida put together, and I couldn’t do it without pig-ignorant, medieval morons like Boehner, Inhofe and Vitter shafting the CDC, NIH, WHO, and everybody else who needed resources to prepare for my assault on the human race.

That’s am I had to say, really. Please keep ignoring me, don’t listen to experts, panic all you want, I live for that. And vote Republican, they are my biggest supporters!”

Sounds like “mission accomplished” once again, doesn’t it?

[malaise]

1. But but but

They are blaming Obama

[riqster]

2. Water is wet, too.

[KittyWampus]

4. and the CDC.

[riqster]

7. How dare they ask for resources?!

[malaise]

9. Yes the same CDC from where ReTHUGs cut the funds

That why I love this

[riqster]

11. Best ad of the year.

[KittyWampus]

3. Thanks for posting. I forgot about BluntandCranky! And the satirical piece strikes

just the right notes, IMO.

[riqster]

5. Thanks. I don't post there as often these days.

[Triana]

6. You betcha...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025667981

[riqster]

8. Nice graphics!

[FailureToCommunicate]

10. "...pig-ignorant, medieval morons..."

Well said Mr Ebola Virus!

[riqster]

12. Yeah, he is pretty direct.

[Shemp Howard]

13. True that, but a quarantine is still needed.

This will be a very important penny-wise-pound-foolish lesson for the future.

But now, we are where we are. In any infectious outbreak, a quarantine is only common sense. And often it is the only thing that works. We need to rush help to western Africa. Obama seems to be moving in that direction.

But the entire region must be quarantined. I'm really having trouble understanding why that isn't being done.

[harun]

16. They don't do that because it doesn't help matters and makes it harder to get help

to those areas.

If everything is closed off the environment becomes more conducive to outbreaks, not less.

If it was another type of disease it could work but ebola doesn't work like the flu.

[riqster]

19. Just so. In fact, that is already occurring in areas with closed borders.

And other impacts. Closed Liberian borders are endangering the Ivory Coast chocolate harvest, for one example.

[world wide wally]

14. How rude!

He didn't say a word about how we keep as many people as possible without health care.
.

[riqster]

18. Well, he's a bit of an egotist. Only cares about the people HE kills.

[TRoN33]

15. EbolaPAC reserved for the Republican-only!

I can imagine Ebola's face goes like this during press conference;

[riqster]

17. Yep, that's about what he looked like. Eerily accurate.

[B Calm]

20. It doesn't hurt when the Texas Governor fights ObamaCare too, thus denying

medicaid health care to the poor.

[riqster]

21. And millions of dollars to hospitals. That is a direct cause as well.

[hugo_from_TN]

22. Are Republicans blocking a travel ban for people that have been in plague zones of Africa?

[riqster]

23. What has that to do with funding cuts?

[BlancheSplanchnik]

24. kick. rec. !!!

Not sure whether to laugh or barf, though.

[riqster]

25. Felt the same way when I wrote it.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

26. great job writing.

Have I mentioned how much I hate pukes?

[riqster]

27. Thanks. And it really goes without saying.

But say it anyway.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

28. ...

ok. I HATE PUKES!

Fucking repukes. Hate 'em.

[riqster]

29. Fuck them, those fucking fuckers.

[Sparkly]

30. Watch out, Mr. Ebola.

Texans got guns and they're fixin' to shoot ya.

[riqster]

31. I think he is feeling pretty good about his chances in that contest.

I mean, a "good guy with a gun" can't keep killing after he's dead. Mr. Ebola can.