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I just came back from my mail box. There was a nice card from a man I know casually, sending kind words of support regarding last weeks road rage shooting that seriously wounded my cousin, and killed his son. Ive been acquainted with this fellow for over twenty years; we share an interest in local railroad history. His father used to work with my father.
His father had died as a result of choking on food. I went to the funeral, and found my general belief that American society has great difficulty in dealing with death reinforced -- though death, of course, is always difficult under any circumstances. I remember the pastor leading the ceremony, saying that she knew the deceased always loved dessert, and that in heaven, God provides a never-ending variety of sweet desserts which grow as fruit on a tree. Perhaps its just me, but that seemed a tad too close to Santa God for me.
I remember when my friend Lee died. It was unexpected. Several people said to his brother, Onondaga Chief Oren Lyons, that Lee had died too young. I remember Oren saying that Lee had died on exactly the day he was supposed to. It was still equally sad, of course, but in my mind, Oren was correct.
My childhood best friend stopped by the other day. We remain very close friends, now that we have become the Elders of our valley neighborhood. My friend said that when the gunman got into his vehicle that day, he was going to kill someone; it was my cousins bad luck to be the first people he encountered. Id have to agree that a man who flew into a homicidal rage and shoot two human beings, because the vehicle ahead of him was going the speed limit, could just as easily killed someone else.
My cousin was released from the hospital. Physically, he has aged at least 20 years in a weeks time. I visit him for short periods of time, usually twice a day. In between, we talk on the phone, or by e-mail, to discuss thoughts that come to him when he attempts to rest. I take care of business with the insurance and the bank. On Tuesday, my cousin was upset that, if he didnt get to the poll, it would be the first time in 48 years that he hasnt voted. I assured him that he has a valid excuse.
I voted, of course. And I attempt to take care of other business. My youngest daughter, for example, had basketball practice yesterday afternoon, followed by the areas senior soccer game. Earlier in the day, I went to a medical appointment. It was re-scheduled, as I forgot it last week; the doctor said I had a valid excuse.
Im more tired, sore, and worn-out than I can ever remember being. Even though I was awake in time, I didnt get the trash and recyclables down the driveway this morning for pick-up. Im finding it difficult to keep up on housework. A couple nights ago, when I went grocery shopping, a republican official from my town keep approaching me, asking questions about possible support for her economic development plan. I couldnt follow what she was saying the first time she cornered me; I didnt bother to try the second and third time. It was like she spoke a foreign language. I was just too tired.
But the vast majority of people I encounter -- in person, on the internet, or on the telephone -- are good and decent folk, who are horrified by what happened. Senseless violent outbursts such as this not only damage the families involved, these events damage the community. I often speak about systems -- family, workplace, community, etc -- being like a mobile that hangs over an infants crib. When the worst of human potential is inflicted upon one family piece, the others shift in response, in a manner that truly shows the best in humanity.
In our way, when a young person loses their life in such a tragic way, we recognize them as messengers to the larger community. Their lives had a special meaning. At the same time that it causes an almost unbearable pain of separation for the family and friends, and shifts them into the suffering described as the wilderness, identifying that lesson is essential. It is as opposite to the life is cheap message of that thug, as that higher potential that the community displays.
Its interesting to me, to consider the very different manner that people tend to behave in the contexts of dealing with tragedy versus politics. One unites people, and the other divides us into opposing groups. One recognizes that we are each part of a connected whole, while the other creates divisions. This isnt to suggest that there shouldnt be different opinions in things political -- surely, there should be -- but just as we benefit from having mutual respect in the realm of the socio-political debates, our society is being harmed by the harshness of the culture wars.
Its that harshness that creates the atmosphere of anger, anxiety, fear, and hatred that saturates our nation. It builds a momentum that vicious thugs, such as the one who shot my family, mistake for license to unleash violence on an unsuspecting public.
It shouldnt be this way. And it doesnt have to be this way. With conscious effort, we can change the direction our culture is moving in.
Peace,
H2O Man
panader0
(25,816 posts)In our way, when a young person loses their life in such a tragic way, we recognize them as messengers to the larger community. Their lives had a special meaning. At the same time that it causes an almost unbearable pain of separation for the family and friends, and shifts them into the suffering described as the wilderness, identifying that lesson is essential. It is as opposite to the life is cheap message of that thug, as that higher potential that the community displays.
When I was young and strong, I was used to boxing three minute rounds, with a minute's rest in between. Now it's more the opposite. (grin)
At the calling hours/ funeral, I was thinking that I hope this is the last generation of my family that has to deal with this type of thing. I looked at the little children, and remembered being that age, and being at another funeral, under similar circumstances. Curious thing, life is.
I like that phrase.
freshwest
(53,661 posts)Yes, you are tired, but you are not finished. Best wishes to you and yours.
H2O Man
(73,559 posts)I figured this fellow would attempt a "blame the victim" defense. Earlier today, an associate contacted me; he had information confirming this. So, over the next three days, I'll get out four op-eds, to regional newspapers, on the general topic of the impact of violent crime on a family and community, and add a thought or two on what this thug will attempt to do at trial. I told my cousin that this is a bit like inoculating the community from a disease.
H2O Man
(73,559 posts)jtuck004
(15,882 posts)everyone has a such a problem with death. "American society has great difficulty in dealing with death" < So something else we brought, or developed.
In the move "Real Genius" one actor explained to the other about a student, Lazlo, who was brilliant, but one day found out the work he was doing was for bombs and he withdrew from everyone, built himself a secret room under their dorm.
"He thought science had the answer for everything. All science, no philosophy".
That's what we brought to this land, all science, and we killed the philosophers who understood, and could have taught us, that life has a rhythm, and that while people have a innate need to "do", life and the earth have a pattern that is stronger than anything we have figured out yet.
We are just too arrogant to listen. But our attention will drift that way, I have no doubt. Perhaps just before it ends us.
And you are right, it can be different, but the adults have to fix themselves before anything else will get fixed.
Thank you for that, and I am glad to see you are doing ok and taking care of them.
H2O Man
(73,559 posts)Thomas Merton's introduction begins by paraphrasing Laurens Van Der Post, who described western civilization as a one-eyed giant. That eye only focused upon science/knowledge. The cultures from the east (more accurately, traditional societies) had wisdom, but far less science. We need to balance that, and focus our vision with both of those eyes.
By no coincidence, that is exactly what I believe you are saying -- so well! -- here. And I agree completely. Plus, I thank you for motivating me to get Merton's book out! ("Gandhi on Non-Violence"
oldandhappy
(6,719 posts)H2O Man
(73,559 posts)I appreciate it, very much.
TygrBright
(20,760 posts)The strongest, most beautiful people I know, with the most spiritual power and the deepest resources, have all been broken, in some cases catastrophically.
Our hearts, minds, and bodies write to each other like hard drives in a computer, a constantly changing and updating archive of pain and joy.
It can't be hurried.
Acceptance, and then love, are the driving forces that patch the breaks and make them stronger.
Be well. You and your cousin, your neighbors and friends, are in many hearts.
hopefully,
Bright
Eloquently stated as always and I can only hope that someday, even if I'm dead and gone, that this culture that we are experiencing now rights itself so that more people see what is truly important in life.
You are a treasure, H2O Man. Bless you.