Who the hell wrote her speech?

[Hayabusa]

Horatio Alger?

[SummerSnow]

1. Victoria Jackson maybe

[shenmue]

4. Ding ding ding

[Fred Sanders]

6. Obama hacked her TelePrompter? Breadbags?

[dhol82]

8. Perfect

Now she just has to tap dance.

[lunasun]

10. Won't fare well with bread bags on her feet

[dhol82]

11. Yeah, that really blocks the sound of the taps.

But, on the bright side, she can go dancing in the rain without worrying about ruining her shoes.

[dhol82]

2. surprised she took the school bus

From the way she waxed poetic about the privations of her childhood I was really expecting her to carry on about how she walked 5 miles to school. Each way. In the snow. While leading the blind children who depended on her.

[Laffy Kat]

5. Uphill, both ways. nt

[GoCubsGo]

7. In a blizzard with 6 foot snow drifts. n/t

[misterhighwasted]

12. and flung over her shoulder, only a Lard Sandwich in an old sock for lunch.

[dhol82]

17. Obviously scraped off a castrated pig

with the sock wrapped in a wonder bread plastic wrapper.

[misterhighwasted]

18. Haaaha.. no shit!

Can't wait for SNL

[Autumn]

16. Fighting off a grizzly with her three ring binder

[spockeye]

3. John Wayne n/t

[IDemo]

9. -

[JaneyVee]

13. KOCH BROS.

[trueblue2007]

14. jonie is a liar and a whiner

BOO HOO . JONIE IS A WHINER. i only had 1 pair of shoes too and all the girls laughed at me because they were saddle shoes.

[hatrack]

15. "And then I put on the Red Shoes - and I couldn't stop dancing!! God, help me!!!"

AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Got, just when you think it couldn't get any worse in a post volcano-monitoring, post-bottle-swilling world, it somehow does.