Best police report ever:

[Are_grits_groceries]

Last edited Thu Feb 19, 2015, 05:56 AM - Edit history (1)

http://fluxbuzz.com/5-hilarious-police-reports-about-animals/4/

Hahahahahaha.....

[Control-Z]

1. That's actually adorable!

K&R

[jberryhill]

2. Surprised they didn't come out to shoot it

[malaise]

3. They would have outrun the hare

for that one

[jberryhill]

4. A Grimm tale all around

[Demeter]

5. That was Aesop!

(I don't know why I even bother trying to uphold classical education)

[jberryhill]

6. I feed pedants to my pedaardvark

[Demeter]

8. Petard!

I'm going to have to follow you around with a cushion...to protect that schnoz while you keep falling on your face.

[jberryhill]

10. Le Pétomane!

[pinboy3niner]

16. We shell take that under aardvisement. nt

[jberryhill]

17. Figures you'd start snappering away

[Aerows]

30. Don't put

everyone in a box!

[malaise]

9. ROFL

Come on a fairy tale is a fairy tale

[Demeter]

11. It was a fable, not a fairy tale

Fable: a short story, typically with animals as characters, conveying a moral.

[malaise]

12. Bwaaaaaaaaaaah fugging hell, let me get some more BM coffee

It's too early for this - but you're right - Aesop wrote fables.

[jberryhill]

18. No, those were parables

And how much is a pound of Blue Mountain there?

[msanthrope]

28. I don't want to tell you how I read "BM coffee. " nt

[jberryhill]

29. It's Chock Full O' Nuts!

[malaise]

46. It's blue mountain

best on the planet

[msanthrope]

47. I know, hon....it's just that I read it before my morning coffee. nt

[malaise]

49. LOL

[Hassin Bin Sober]

24. I'm staying out of this.

I only know Cheech and Chong and Benny Hill, but not my prayers, according to my mother.

[Glassunion]

36. Why would they shoot it? It had no hands to put up over its head.

[eridani]

7. You haven't seen hilarious until you've seen Arcata, CA police reports

http://www.sfgate.com/books/article/Arcata-police-log-gets-writer-s-poetic-caress-2733710.php

If that's not an option, now you can curl up with an armchair edition of the experience, a collection humbly titled "The Police Log: True Crime & More from Arcata, California," by Kevin L. Hoover, editor and publisher of the Arcata Eye.

Here's a taste of the lighter side of crime in the Redwood Empire:

Oct. 30, 2001, 6:41 a.m.: "One had a hat, one a hood/ And both were way up to no good/ Four cars fell to ravage/ Now were they just savage/ Or lonely and misunderstood?"

Aug. 24, 2000, 1:19 a.m.: "The delicate fluorescent ambiance of a 24-hour doughnut shop was either shattered or enhanced, depending on your perspective, by a public he-she frisson. The feuding fuss-budgets took their leave."

Sept. 8, 2000, 1:38 p.m.: "Cows made it out of their pasture onto Bayside Cutoff, but proved too stupid to take their liberation from enslavement any further."

Jan. 22, 2001, 3:19 p.m.: "The sound of that bongo was like a searing needle plunged into the cerebellum of a Plaza business-person. The artist ceased his bonking and left."

Nov. 16, 2001, 1:05 p.m.: "A man at the front counter said/ An antenna's been placed in his head/ Is it yours? he asked cops/ And with that, wandered off/ To get back, one would hope, on his meds."

[bvf]

13. Arcata definitely has limerick talent.

But I winced at the rhyme of "cops" and "off" in the last one here. (Rap limericks?)

And I loved all the other items as well.

[Orsino]

14. And that's the story of Iraq, children. Good night! n/t

[giftedgirl77]

15. & that folks is what life is like dealing with my sister...

[ColesCountyDem]

19. *gigglesnort*

[Cooley Hurd]

20. This is a good one, as well:

Ne'er-do-well squirrels!

[FSogol]

25. And of course:

[Cooley Hurd]

26. Ha!!

[hifiguy]

38. i wonder if the wind whistling this guys skull

gives him the chills.

[Demeter]

31. Obviously, the squirrels are taking after the local nuts

[hifiguy]

40. The Place Where The Nuts Hunt The Squirrels

[PotatoChip]

21. This entire thread is a hoot!

Thanks AGG!

[bigwillq]

22. Bwah!

[lame54]

23. That's how bad police response is...

they couldn't beat an upside down turtle

[jberryhill]

33. brilliant observation

[pinboy3niner]

41. Maybe it had an accomplice and they ran away and are now...

...Happy Together.

[Cal Carpenter]

44. Aaargh earworm

Darn you!

[HappyMe]

27. How does somebody that stupid

find their way out of bed in the morning.

[jberryhill]

32. Not everyone is a wildlife biologist, you know

If I went to Australia, I might see a kangaroo doing something I think is very unusual, but for all I know it might be some normal everyday kangaroo thing.

Like, "OMG, there is a kangaroo over there with another little kangaroo sticking out of its belly! Does it need help?"

[HappyMe]

34. An exotic animal - okay.

But this was a dang turtle.

[jberryhill]

37. Exotic is a relative term

For example if you are used to European swallows, then you might see a pair of African swallows carrying s coconut and think it was odd.

[snooper2]

35. I hope you never come across a Chupacabra then

[hifiguy]

39. At least it wasn't a stump turtle.

[SickOfTheOnePct]

42. Made me smile n/t

[lpbk2713]

43. Someone found their missing army helmet.

And took it home.

[OilemFirchen]

45. In the late 70s I was a dispatcher for the Volusia County (FL) SO.

Cassadaga was just down the road from HQ in Deland and we were constantly deluged with calls from within the spiritualist camp and, more commonly, the tourist strip. Wiccans had set up shop across the street and complaints were typically that one or the other had spirited away porch furniture or pets.

Then there were the crazies...

[Liberal_in_LA]

48. lol