Polyamorous Oakland family finds parenting easier with two moms and a dad

[KamaAina]

http://blog.sfgate.com/sfmoms/2015/03/11/polyamorous-oakland-family-finds-parenting-easier-with-two-moms-and-a-dad/

An Oakland family has found what they think is the key to a happy household: three parents.

Two women named Melinda and Dani Phoenix and the man they both consider their husband, Jonathan Stein, are in a polyamorous relationship and parenting two babies together under the same roof.

Melinda and Dani began their relationship as a lesbian couple and became domestic partners in 2010. A year later, Jonathan joined them as the third partner and the three married last summer in a ceremony that is not legally recognized.

Now they’re sharing their story to raise awareness about polyamorous families and hope that some day these arrangements can be widely accepted and legally recognized. With children entering their picture, they feel gaining support from the community is more important than ever.

What has he got that I haven't got?

[HappyMe]

1. If it works for them,

it's fine with me.

Definitely not something I would consider.

[cilla4progress]

2. I totally agree.

I don't know what the uproar is about bigamy. If consenting adults go into it willingly, it's no one else's business!

I say many times to my husband that I need a wife! I guess I could make that "we"!

[Lurks Often]

4. The uproar is that certain hard core Mormon families

abuse the concept, marginalizing the younger men and coercing, if not out right forcing the young women into arranged marriages with the older and more powerful men. Obviously that should be unacceptable, although it is rare that anyone can be convinced to file charges when it does occur.

Then there is the more selfish fear that all the rich or attractive men and women will take all the best prospects leaving the rest of us with the ones they considered unsuitable.

I have no objection to polyamorous families with multiple partners and other non-conventional methods for partnering, marrying or otherwise constructing a family group.

[Xithras]

3. My FiL has been in a poly relationship for over 20 years.

I've had some "colorful" discussions about it with some DUers over the years who see no moral difference between polyamory and the polygamy practiced by the orthodox Mormon sects.

Basically, my FiL married a bisexual woman and maintained a semi-open relationship with her for several years (she could sleep with other women, but not other men). Eventually, she found a partner who was attracted to them both, and it didn't take long for their twosome to become a permanent threesome.

After two decades, the biggest problems they've faced have come from disapproving naysayers who think they know his relationship better than he does. All three of them also have family members who essentially wrote them off over it, and still won't speak to them because they are "living in sin". Other than that, their relationship has been great by all outward appearances. Of course, back when this started they were all already beyond their childbearing years, so they didn't have to deal with that particular complication (my wife was in high school when he married the first of his two partners, and in college when he announced his poly relationship with the second).

[cilla4progress]

9. Very cool!

Love is good, in every shape, size, and form!

[Blue_Tires]

5. He can get TWO but I can't even get ONE?

If this trend catches on, there won't be anything left for me!

[LittleBlue]

6. Interesting

They seem like any other couple, except with one more person. Also seems like they don't have to work as many hours individually with 3 incomes, so the kids get more time with their parents

Sometimes I wish I'd been born bisexual. How freeing

[DreamGypsy]

7. What's he got that you haven't?

... two wives apparently.

I have no experience with this type of situation, but I wonder if the model this presents is a more likely way for a polyamorous relationship to succeed. When two same sex partners love, trust, and respect each other then it can be a mutual decision to expand the relationship with someone of the opposite sex and neither partner has to give up part of their "place" in the existing scheme. They can discuss the characteristics they desire in the new "addition" and find candidates in their existing friends or engage in a search of the new spouse.

Anyway, just speculating. I wish the triad much happiness with their current family and with any others, children or spouses, that join.

Can't end without this:

Triad David Crosby Band 2.24.13:

[Nye Bevan]

8. "Hi Honeys! I'm home!" (nt)