Help me out guys; how to YOU counter stupidity from RW relatives?

[dorkzilla]

I just had to listen to my mother yelling about how Obama “clearly hates America” and is a “racist”, how he “hates Israel” and how the letter from the 47 Senators was justified because “Obama did it first” and all this nonsense. I kept asking her to give me CONCRETE EXAMPLES of Obama’s hatred for the US, or what Obama did to violate the old rule that politics stops at water’s edge. She stammered through the entire conversation and then told me I should just not talk to her anymore.

She’ll be quiet for a while but she’ll eventually come back around, and this stupid cycle will begin again, where we agree not to talk politics but SHE will bring it up again, then I will try and get her to quantify shit she allegedly believes (only because Fox told her to) and she’ll give me a non-answer and shut down.

My mother is 73 and I know she’s not going to be around forever, I love her and want to have a relationship with her but I cannot ignore shite like “the President hates America”. I don’t know what to do to get around or through this.

Any suggestions/advice apart from putting her on ignore?

[pangaia]

1. Throw out her TV.

[Fred Sanders]

5. Remove Fox from her cable package and buy her a DU subscription.

[Sherman A1]

2. Well,

it is Mom. So that makes the ignore thing pretty much out of the question.

I would simply tell her that before she starts on one of her rants to be sure that she has examples along with facts and figures at hand, because you will indeed call her on it.

[HERVEPA]

8. Won't work.

[Sherman A1]

14. Might be worth a try

one never knows.

[dorkzilla]

25. HERVEPA is right, it won’t work

because I’ve tried it. She know she can’t say stuff and I’m not going to ask her to back it up. After all I am her big-mouthed, opinionated, liberal daughter.

[Sherman A1]

51. Then I have

nothing else to offer as a suggestion and wish you well.....

[underahedgerow]

79. She may be trying to push your buttons, so the best way is to change the subject. Have some ideas

and subjects ready, even something mundane, for when she starts pushing again. Get her all worked up over something else! Don't even say you're changing the subject, just do it.

It's a diversion technique type thing. You're not ignoring her, or making her a victim but you're refusing to engage in a discussion that only pleases her.

It's like managing a dog that's barking. Rather than just yelling 'no no no' at the dog, you make him come over to you and give him something else to do, to sit, or chase a ball or give him a treat or cuddles. Not necessarily rewarding the behavior, but exchanging the behavior for something more enjoyable.

Good luck. These kinds of behaviors make me crazy but using simple techniques puts the control back in your hands and saves your sanity.

[dorkzilla]

89. You’re right of course

Since I cannot keep quiet it seems the sensible thing to do.

[Bandit]

127. Ask her if she feels the same about you and at least fifty one percent of Americans.

Actually Obama got more than fifty one percent of the vote but you get the idea.

[salib]

3. Probably worth while to remind yourself that love requires respect

If your love for her is going to be a strength here, be sure you have and show her respect.

[HERVEPA]

10. Respect is earnerd

[dems_rightnow]

132. It shouldn't be

It should be your default position in interactions with human everywhere.

[HERVEPA]

143. Default doesn't apply in this case. Default assumes lack of bad interactions.

And that is not the case here. She is being disrespected, no reason to show respect back.

[Duppers]

136. that's a two way street

Last edited Sun Mar 29, 2015, 01:40 PM - Edit history (1)

I've a difficult time respecting anyone whose opinions are formed from rumors and an illogical thought process and that includes my own mother. Why should she be exempt?

I'm very close to my 28yo son and though we've had a few big disagreements, we've always managed to show the other enough proof based on facts. It has never worked that way with my 89yo, I'm-always-right mother. She doesn't respect anyone who's not a bible-thumping, RW, backward peer of hers.

Respect is a two way street in healthy relationships.

[HERVEPA]

4. Simple

"Mom, you can believe what you want, but I don't want to listen to it. I will walk away if you start.

[betsuni]

21. I agree. Walk out, hang up.

Explain the rules and why (angry rants are bad for her health, bad for everybody), then enforce them. Reward good behavior.

[Mariana]

61. That's what I do with my dad.

It took a long time, and I had to hang up or walk out many times, but it has worked.

It is worrying how the Faux addicts et al. obsess. This bullshit is on their minds all the time, day and night. It's literally bad for their health to be so angry and upset all the time, it raises the blood pressure, among other things.

[Tom Ripley]

101. Fox is contributing to the deaths of its audience

[smirkymonkey]

135. That's what I do.

It's funny how they are always the ones to start in on this bullshit, even though they know it is going to lead to a fight. The more liberal side of my family never instigates, but the Fox News watching conservatives always start in whenever we are together.

Fortunately, we all live in different states so it's not an every day thing, but it's unfortunate that our infrequent gatherings have to be marred by this immature bullshit.

[Mariana]

139. They always start in on this bullshit

because they never think about anything else. They have Faux or Limpballs or whatever on just about every minute of every day.

I also think they get the idea, from listening to those clowns on TV and radio, that the rudeness and disrespect the performers exhibit toward liberals/Democrats during their shows is acceptable behavior in real life. I think they're a little shocked when we actually talk back - they don't have a cut-off switch for us like the TV and radio hosts have for their guests and callers!

[smirkymonkey]

141. So true, it's like they are addicted to hate.

I really do think a lot of them model their behavior on the Fox News pundits, because I never see liberals go on the attack (unless attacked first) quite as abusively and disrespectfully as they do. The sad part is that most of them are dead wrong and rather stupid.

[elleng]

6. You've already done what I would have suggested,

asked her for concrete examples.

Agreeing to 'ignore' the subjects is a good idea. If she reads, maybe find some more useful sources for her to read than the faux blather?

SORRY you're going through this.

[dorkzilla]

41. Thanks for understanding

I’m trying hard to be a good daughter and a responsible citizen at the same time. I’d love to enlighten her but she is, as most Fox addicts, impervious to facts.

[elleng]

54. Very sorry about this,

and glad I had no such.

You are, clearly, both, a good daughter and a responsible citizen.

[leftofcool]

7. Just say okay, Mom what ever you think.

At that age it is pretty hard to convince the old gals of anything and you know mom is always right. Just let her have her rant and smile and keep moving along.

[dorkzilla]

28. Would that I could!

How can I smile when the hate is seeping out of her? Its very difficult.

[antigop]

59. "at that age it is pretty hard to convince the old gals"... HRC is 67

only 6 years younger

[dorkzilla]

67. Except one is an accomplished woman who keeps herself stimulated and the other is watching Fox

There IS a difference. If you don’t keep your mind occupied and learn things all the time your brain turns to mush. Watching Fox isn’t challenging, engaging and you certainly aren’t enlightened by new information.

[antigop]

74. BWAHAA! You made a blanket statement. nt

[napi21]

115. Sooo true! I'm 72, and I read all the time, and play challenging games on my computer.

I know keeping you brain stimulated is the one thing that will ward off dementia,, and I've been scared of that since my mom had it over a decade ago. At least I THINK I will know if I get it because I won't be able to play those games any more.

Now I do listen to Progressive radio all day (stream it), but I even question those on the left if they start saying things that don't make sense.

As for your Mom, I suspect she is one of the "unchangeable" minds at this time of her life. Your best answer to what to dfo is from the person who said to change the subject. You'll never change her mind, but it should stop the arguments, and that's what you really want anyway.

[valerief]

9. Avoid the relative. nt

[SheilaT]

11. Other than throwing out her TV

or fixing it so she can only watch Rachel Maddow and Amy Goodman, my suggestion is to be VERY firm about the not discussing politics rule. Every time she brings it up or just makes some snarky comment about Obama, repeat the rule, and if she persists in the topic, walk away from her. Eventually she will get it that you won't engage with her on the topic.

Unfortunately, people who listen to a lot of Fox news are impervious to factual information.

You might want to bombard her with information about how it's *Republicans* who want to cut Social Security and turn Medicare into a voucher program. However, as I've already noted, facts don't seem to get through the wall of Fox.

[haikugal]

12. To keep the peace..

You might remind her about your agreement to not talk politics and change the subject. I used to have to say the same thing over and over when my Mom used to feel she was "right" about something. Just kept saying it and change the subject. She probably watches RW programs on teevee and she won't change so if you want to continue to have some kind of relationship you need to improve your boundaries.

Good luck to you, I know it isn't easy.

[dorkzilla]

22. Its excruciating...

we nearly lost her to cancer 6 years ago too, so that colors my interactions with her.

I know she thinks she’s right all the time. When I was asking her for concrete examples she said she couldn’t think of any but she knew they existed because “I don’t just pull opinions out of my ass” to which I replied “apparently you actually do”.

I hate being like that but I couldn’t stay quiet. The Obama hates America thing really pisses me off though - does she really think the guy would put his very life in jeopardy every day because he hates his country? I’m sure if I asked her that she would say yes because she is completely convinced its true.

[haikugal]

40. Your mission, should you choose to accept it.....

Is to develope a thicker skin, well defined boundaries and appreciation for a strong willed, opinionated woman (I'm guessing she passed that along) whom you love, even when she's very, very wrong.

It's not easy...are there other things you can do together that get your minds off the differences? Just a thought.

I'm working in the other direction now, with my adult son. We're getting there...LOL actually we've made great progress over the last few years and I'm so glad.

Be well and keep us posted.

[dorkzilla]

43. HA! I tell her that all the time “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree"

We’re all very passionate people...it would be fantastic if we all had the same general leanings politically but we’re ALL over the place. Mom and Step-Dad are Foxites, dear older brother is an Alex Jones (read: brainwashed) devotee and younger sister is still hoping that Ron Paul comes out of retirement. Dad and I are the liberals. Suffice to say I spend a lot of time with Dad.

[beam me up scottie]

56. Hey haikugal...

[haikugal]

58. LOL...

So do you!!!

[jwirr]

50. I am 73 also and she probably has trouble understanding a lot of things about what is going on

around her. This world has changed and is a mess. We have been through a lot in our 73 years. Then along comes faux news and gives her what she considers a good explanation of what is happening.

The idea of her finding facts is almost a foreign idea to someone my age. If I had not gone to college I would not know how to go about finding facts and knowing if they come from a reliable source. And the internet as google is finding out has both real facts and the propaganda.

I really don't know what you can do but to me getting faux news away from her sounds good. However she is going to want it replaced with something. Set down with her and watch some of the news from more reliable sources and talk with her about what you are seeing. Try to make her feel less afraid.

As to hating President Obama - point out what he does good when you are watching news with her.

I am do glad that I have DU and MSNBC in the evening.

[Fiendish]

68. Unfortunately...

You're not going to reason her out of a position she didn't use reason to arrive at. The "Obama hates America!" thing is poisoning a lot of families just now, I think.

There's an unspoken (but very real) agreement between my parents and the rest of my family not to talk politics. My parents are pretty conservative (not to the point that your mother is, though). They don't agree with some of the things Obama does, but at least they're coming at it from a position of "I don't agree with him, but I think his heart is in the right place."

The rest of my family is much further left, myself included. And even with reasonable objections like those from my folks, dinnertime discussions of politics can be very tense and strained. I can't imagine what it'd be like if they were saying the sort of things your mother says.

Really, though, it's sad that it's come to this. Our families are a microcosm of our society at large. Rather than being able to discuss things in a civil manner, or even being able to politely agree to disagree, it seems the left and right sides of the American family only know how to scream at each other and throw things. No wonder nothing gets better.

[dorkzilla]

78. Interesting point about not using reason...

I think the reason she can’t articulate the “why” she feels a certain way is because she’s merely been told to feel that way and, being the good little FoxBot that she is, she accepted that is her way of thinking without thinking it through. She’s spent her whole life shooting first and asking questions later so its par for the course.

[Fiendish]

81. Yeah...

I think we all know people like that. It's easier just to agree with someone else's thinking, no matter how suspect it may be, than it is to analyze the data and come to one's own conclusion. That probably has a lot to do with her frustration at your questioning her. She's not prepared to answer, and is suddenly put on the spot and made to defend someone else's thinking. Rather than question her assumptions, and feeling that you're attacking her rather than what she's saying, she attacks you in return. I don't mean to say you /are/ attacking her, just that she perceives it to be so.

That sort of groupthink isn't just a right-wing phenomenon, either. There are people like that of every political stripe and persuasion.

[dorkzilla]

83. Oh, I TOTALLY agree about it not just being a right-wing thing

but it does seem a lot more prevalent there. How else can you explain all the science deniers? I mean they’re handed proof on a plate and they just shake their heads and say “no, its not true”.

[Fiendish]

93. Well...

Yeah, that happens a lot. The couple of times I've engaged in debate with them about it, though, it seems that they're not so much "No, it's not true" as they are "It's true but I'm not sold on the idea of it being because of human activity." Anecdotal, sure, but that's just my experience.

I know that there are a looooooooooot of folks on the right who flatly deny that climate change is a thing, though. I guess they figure all those scientists are making it up. The hilarious bit is that some of these folks will tell you, practically in the same breath, that MMR vaccines cause autism. Now that's comedy.

[Snarkoleptic]

113. I read "The Loudest Voice in the Room" unauthorized biography of Roger Ailes.

One of the big takeaways is Ailes statement "I don't want to tell people about the news, I want to tell them what to think about the news.", which pretty well explains Fox-Newz psychosis.

[Duppers]

140. I can see a parallel

In why people go to church: the need to be told what to think.

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

[Cleita]

13. I ask them where they got this information and usually it goes back to what some

beer buddy of theirs said down at the local, who probably heard it on FoxNews, but I don't go that far. I just state that "beer buddy" is lying to you. Next time ask her where she heard it from. Usually, that ends the conversation. It doesn't change anything but it does shut them up until the next time. The fact is that all the Obama slamming comes from pure racism and if you can't do something about ending that, you aren't going to end the slander or the slanderer.

[dorkzilla]

16. I don’t even have to ask her - FOX is ALWAYS on in her house!

And its blaring loud too. When we speak on the phone I have to ask her to turn it down because I can’t hear her at all.

Fox really is a dangerous hell hole of propaganda and misinformation. But they eat it up!!!!!!

[Cleita]

23. That's because all Fox and the RW pundits like Rush Limbaugh do is bait people's

hidden prejudices and bigotries. That's why all the lunacy makes sense to them. They are hearing what they want to hear, that there shouldn't be a black man in the White House who is called Mr. President.

[dorkzilla]

33. Oh but don’t you know? OBAMA is the RACIST!

In one breath she goes from saying "he sees everything through the lens of a black man” to criticizing him for not "empowering black people to do better”.

Its so breathtakingly stupid I can’t take it, nor can I just take it lying down.

[Cleita]

35. You got my sympathy.

Try not to let it get you down.

[appalachiablue]

42. Switch her to MSNBC & Ed Schultz at 5:00 or change to Dish/Direct for the Free Speech TV

Channel and other news outlets, even BBC.
*Dorkzilla, who is your familiar Avatar?

[dorkzilla]

45. My avatar is (look away people that said not to tell you!!!!)

Samuel Pepys!!!

I’m a history nerd and he is one of my absolute favorite figures. His diary, Oh! his diary! is so full of wonderfully candid and fascinating details that its been basically a lifetime hobby to read through all of his writings.

[appalachiablue]

53. Like I thought, thanks. Does your mother like 17th English diarists & history? I mean as a

break from Fox-

[dorkzilla]

64. No, unfortunately

She has an interest in Irish history (she was born there) but only in the most basic sense. The only thing we really have in common is gardening...except I do my own and she has gardeners do it for her. She seemed to have a interest in one of my other hobbies - painting/repurposing old furniture - because I told her I find it therapeutic (apart from the recycling aspect and the fact that it yields wonderful results, but it really is like therapy for me) and one day she excitedly called me to say she had found a piece she was going to try to do over. She asked me a bunch of questions, seemed really keen and several days later she told me that it came out really well. Through the course of the conversation I learned that she had her handyman do all the work.

She won’t read because she’s been complaining that she needs to have her prescription changed...and she’s used that excuse for years. She won’t go for a walk because she says she is afraid she’ll fall (?). She literally sits all day on the internet and watching Fox.

[appalachiablue]

134. With her fixed habits setting limits for conversations might be the only way. Good luck-

[beam me up scottie]

15. Can't you just walk out?

Every time she starts going on about it explain that you will not listen to it anymore and leave the room/house.

If nothing else do it for your own sanity.

[dorkzilla]

18. Fortunately she lives on the other side of the country

but we speak every day and I do visit her often. I hate hanging up on her though.

[beam me up scottie]

34. Yeah, that's tough.

Maybe you could run the blender or some other noisy appliance while she's at it...

[dorkzilla]

46. Heehee, time to grind the coffee!!!! nt

[uppityperson]

44. If talking on the phone is the issue, establish a boundary, tell her consequences of her action and

stick to it. For example, tell her you will no longer discuss politics with her and if she continues you will end the conversation.

Then do so. Which is difficult.

Call her back a while later, pick up the conversation you were having before the politics began and talk. Don't say "I told you I would hang up" unless she asks. Just pick up what you were talking about before, pretending in your mind it was like the phone call got cut off.

Eventually she will learn to not talk politics if she wants to continue the conversation.

A friend did this with her mom, it took a week before mom figured out the phone call would be cut off whenever a certain topic came up, which she'd been told would happen.

It is hard though, hanging up, but sounds like it does neither of you any good to talk about it. Good luck to you.

[beam me up scottie]

49. I use that tactic when disciplining my mare.

She's very stubborn and I don't want to break her spirit so instead of being too harsh or arguing with her I'll just quickly correct her and walk away. She craves attention more than anything and she HATES it when you turn your back on her. Eventually she gets the idea.

Her manners have improved considerably.

[haikugal]

57. I do that with mine too..

Don't want to be caught fine...walk away...look back and she's following me. Ha! It doesn't work 100% but often enough to rely on. We've been together for 24 years so we know each other pretty well. I learned early on that I should NEVER have a fight with her...ever! She's very smart. We've learned to find positive ways to overcome our differences.

I had to chime in, horse people are rare anymore.

[beam me up scottie]

60. You know it!

Stella is such a diva, our gelding Jack is much easier - although he does weigh the consequences before he does something he knows is wrong. With him it's more of a "I know I can steal 3 gulps of Stella's oats before she gets here..."

[haikugal]

62. My girls name is Haiku...

Her brother Frisco ( both came to me at 3 months old) was put down a year ago last November...he was like your guy. I can't ride anymore due to my back but she's learning to live without him...she's a talker and has definite ideas about things, tells me all about it. Ha..gotta love em.

[beam me up scottie]

63. So that's where you got the name!

Very creative.

So sorry you both lost your boy, I can't even imagine how difficult it was.

Stella's still young and just learning how to talk. Their personalities are so big it's impossible to explain to non-horse people.

[haikugal]

72. Yeah...that's how.

Frisco was my beautiful bay and gaited, smooth. 'The big guy'...it was hard but necessary.

I don't want to hijack the thread so will go for now...hugs to you and your youngster!

[mercuryblues]

55. Gotta go

Ma, you're not respecting me and the limits we agreed upon. Talk to you tomorrow.

For gifts send her DVD's of movies she will enjoy, mostly the big hits when she was growing up. At least to start breaking the faux cycle for a few hours a day.

[Arkansas Granny]

17. I still have contact with my ex at family gatherings.

He is an avid Fox News watcher. When he starts regurgitating rw talking points, I just announce that I'm not going to listen to that shit and leave the room. It pretty effectively shuts him up.

I understand if you want to be a little more tactful with your mother, but you really don't have to listen to that crap and trying to counter their arguments is generally useless.

[Cleita]

24. That's sounds like the best way. I'm sure there is a tactful way to do it around

his mother.

[davidsilver]

19. As quite a few of my relatives are, unfortunately RW...

I take more than my far share of good natured ribbing and abuse at family get togethers.

I have been patiently working on a couple of them who were once reliable Dem voters but who have now moved toward the Teapublicans.

Jewish activists have, historically, been at the forefront of progressive social change in this country and the Teapublicans are an unnatural place for any Jew to be.

[arcane1]

20. It infuriates me how they frighten and anger elderly people who should be ENJOYING their last years

They got to my parents too

[dorkzilla]

39. Ailes certainly seems to know what he’s doing

I just don’t understand why we can’t reinstate the Fairness Doctrine. They’re truly dangerous.

[Mariana]

66. As I said upthread

it's literally bad for their health to be so angry and upset all the time.

When President Obama won the election in 2008, I honestly thought my mother was going to land in the hospital over it. I could tell talking to her on the phone that she was totally freaked out. I called my stepdaughter, who is a nurse and lived near my parents at the time, and asked her to go over there and check on my mom, take her blood pressure, and get her to the ER if she needed it.

[Adrahil]

26. Honestly MOST of my RW relatives are beyond reaching.

I've tried the rational approach, but their opinions are not based on rational thought, so they just reject any argument which appeals to reason.

For the most part, I've adopted a "no politics" rule around them. One time a relative started in on that crap, and I reminded him how the last time he did it, I embarrassed him so bad by correcting his bullshit, he got mad and left the gathering. I asked if he wanted a repeat of that throw down and he shut up. That's the closest I get to talking about politics anymore. They cannot be reached.

[allforone]

27. I would agree that right about now he hates his job

and can't wait until 2016

Also when he talks about racial issues you can see he is greatly bothered
by the injustice system for many blacks in this country.

Hate? no but if I was black I wouldn't feel over joyed with the U.S so
yeah...I will agree with her he's not doing back flips over the state of our country .

[handmade34]

73. that, my friend, is where you just may be wrong...

I believe President Obama loves his Country and fellow citizens so much that he is willing to go through the obscene hell that the Republicans and far extremists cast towards him…

truth is, there is very little that anyone should be doing "back flips" over in regards to present day United States… there is much work to be done and it needs to be done with tough love, pragmatism, critical thinking and a clear head… all the things I admire our President for...

[Wella]

29. Well, for my right wing relatives who support the UN, despite its bullying of Israel:

http://www.democratsagainstunagenda21.com/

[pretzel4gore]

30. a tremendous amount of money spent using mass media to promote rightwing fascism.

your man needs to know the argument is between a) rightwing 'privilege of the few' versus b) leftwing 'needs of the many' and the obvious problem in a democratic society that 'mob' rule was a certainty- chaos disaster etc, because democracy just could not work. Loudmouth tyrants would exploit stupidity of the mob to get elected, then steal the gold. That was Aristotle's opinion, and he is founder of our western political tradition. Your mom needs to know the Fascist are winning the war, but the cost is very high, a dying planet, filled with enraged thugs all heavily armed and determined to destroy the enemy- tactical nukes be used in small scale firefights, within a few years...by then the fascist will run away, disappear (no more foxnews!) and leave planet earth to the lefties, most of whom will realize it's just better to....

[Nye Bevan]

31. Don't talk about politics.

When she mentions Obama say "hey, did you hear from Uncle Bob recently?"

[hobbit709]

32. Luckily I don't have any RW ones.

[seveneyes]

36. The counter to stupidity is intelligence

The ability to deliver the cure is as important as the desire to do so.

All it requires is a little Perfection ...

[GoneFishin]

37. Nearly identical situation. She's too old to change. I tell her she needs to get her news from

somewhere besides Fox because they lie. Then I drop it.

It is a bizarre country we live in which allows what is basically a 24/7 inspirational lecture for the KKK to be broadcast under the guise of news.

The most dangerous aspect of it, of course, is how they have slowly drained the capacity for independent thought from the hosts' brains and replaced their opinions with their own, like some kind of a goddamned alien parasite from a StarTrek episode.

[Warpy]

38. Tell her anybody who posts that shit to you online will go on block, including her.

Then do it. You can remove the block if she promises to behave herself, put it back if she doesn't.

You can walk away from a conversation, you can hang up a telephone. Online is a little more intrusive and frustrating since you can't answer in conversation.

Yes, I've put people on block. Some have stayed there and some have promised to behave and have done so and remain off block.

Tell her you will not tolerate impolite conversation, and that means sex, religion, and politics. Then stick to it. She might not respond to logic, but an appeal to basic manners might work.

Then again, you might also need to restrict her to telephone and face to face. Or spending money on stamps.

[cherokeeprogressive]

47. With silence and patience. n/t

[dorkzilla]

80. I think that’s going to have to be the way to go n/t

[treestar]

48. I have this happen. I usually simply state a fact.

Though I get more specific criticisms, so it's easier.

Those two maybe just laugh. It seems best not to debate them or ask them for facts. They have no facts and no arguments.

Obama hates America - maybe a good one for that would be "wow, and he took the trouble to become President of it."

Obama hates Israel - and yet we still send them millions in aid and Obama hasn't done a thing about it!

Obama violates water's edge rule - at yet Boner had Bibi talk to Congress without Obama being in on it.

[juxtaposed]

52. how do YOU counter stupidity from RW relatives?

Hit then with a stick and make it count and start running!

[dorkzilla]

65. Hahahahahaa! nt

[tabasco]

69. I disowned the assholes.

I have a low tolerance for stupidity and that includes my biological family.

[Cali_Democrat]

70. Unfortunately it appears she is too far gone

I would suggest you avoid talking politics.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

71. Speak to them in French.

[dorkzilla]

84. Ah, zee languasssshh of zee cheese eating surrender monkeys!!!

It pisses her off to no end that I am part French (from my dad) and have spent time in FRANCE around those SOCIALISTS!!!!

Like a lot of good right wingers when France wouldn’t go along with us re: Iraq - “They’d be speaking German if it wasn’t for us” - which puzzles me, her being from Ireland never being naturalized and all.

ETA - Our Irish family are just as puzzled as I am. They don’t get her new-found jingoism for a country that isn’t hers.

[IsItJustMe]

75. I tell my right wing relatives that I enjoy talking about politics

as much as I enjoy talking about Venereal disease. They seem to respect that.

[handmade34]

76. you counter the type of

thinking your Mother has with patience and love… listen quietly, disagree nicely, and state that you are disappointed that she mistrusts you so much that she is not able to discuss differences in a respectful way…

and nicely maintain that Fox is merely an entertainment station that makes huge amounts of money doing what they do…

http://www.forbes.com/sites/kenrapoza/2011/11/21/fox-news-viewers-uninformed-npr-listeners-not-poll-suggests/

"Because of the controls for partisanship, we know these results are not just driven by Republicans or other groups being more likely to watch Fox News," said Dan Cassino, a professor of political science at Fairleigh Dickinson and an analyst for the PublicMind Poll. "Rather, the results show us that there is something about watching Fox News that leads people to do worse on these questions than those who don’t watch any news at all."

[Inkfreak]

77. I just "unfollowed" my fundy gay-hating cousin from my feed.

He posts alotta that billshit. I'm not into family confrontations and unfriending is one of those passive aggressive things I can't stand.

So off my feed he goes and harmony is restored on my facebook account. People who post drama, politics or share posts all day ususlly get unfollowed.

[Aerows]

82. I don't attend functions

where they are present if I can at any point refuse to do so. It's just not worth it to me.

Everyone knows why I don't attend, and my decent cousins don't attend, either.

[Skittles]

85. I instructed an aunt to never email me anything political ever again

she had asked if I was accusing her of being racist (she is a Fox News-induced racist) and I said YES - I do not tolerate such bullshit from ANYONE

[dorkzilla]

86. Oh, Skittles!

Why the racism...the overt, never ending racism? Its disgusting and intolerable. It makes me equal parts angry and sad.

I need you to kick some ass for me.

[Skittles]

87. not really sure

I'm very shocked how Fox News can induce such ugliness - I don't remember her like that back in the day

[bhikkhu]

88. I change the track of discussion to how people are basically good

At the core of every RW argument and policy lies the belief that people are basically dishonest, lazy, hypocritical, stupid.Its usually not that hard to derail a conversation that's hatefully beating around the bush and get right to the core.

If some people choose to hate people in general, that's their prerogative, but its not something that leads to mental or social health, and all the anecdotes that might be dredged up to support that viewpoint are easily countered.

[mountain grammy]

90. My husband told his brother and wife

we will not talk politics or we can't get together. We are willing to avoid it if you do the same. The last time my brother in law said "Obama's a Muslim" we laughed like it was the best joke we ever heard. I think that really took him by surprise because he even laughed. My brother in law is one of the few right wingers I know who is genuinely funny, and he likes to be around us because we appreciate his humor more than his sourpuss right wing friends. We all make the effort to avoid politics and get together a couple times a year.

Good luck with your mom. It's tough when it's a parent. My husbands dad was a rabid Obama hater too, but he was so unlikable and no one had a close relationship with him anyway. He died in 2012, a week after I had the pleasure of telling him Obama had been re elected.

[greytdemocrat]

91. Just be a good son

and listen to her. Enjoy your time with her while she is alive.

[dorkzilla]

94. daughter :) But your point is well taken

I don’t know why everyone assumes i am a guy, but I’d love to know!

I do enjoy my time with her mostly, but its SO hard when she launches into Foxville. Her father was a dyed-in-the-wool Reagan fan (also an Irish immigrant who had never been naturalized so ) and somehow I could listen to his BS without reacting. I feel like maybe I was more tolerant then. Why could I do it for her dad but not her? It makes me feel bad.

[greytdemocrat]

100. Oops! Sorry.

LOL, dorkzilla just sounds like a guy.

[Cha]

99. dorkzilla's a daughter. :)

[DUgosh]

130. My Mother died last year

Her Fox driven RW nastiness tainted any and every nice memory I might have retained from my childhood.

[Cha]

92. Sorry, to hear this, dorkzilla. It's really sad about fox "news" brainwashed victims.

I hear my ex-husband is one out in California.. the father of my kids.. unreal. My kids are not and tell him he has to turn it off when they're there. He says "it's all true.".. they say "No, it's not."

Ask her to please not let fox do her thinking for her. They lie for a living. She's missing out on history.

[dorkzilla]

97. I have; she says “stop watching MSNBC”...and I don’t even watch MSNBC

BTW Maui was ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. I know why you live there now. We’re going back for our first wedding anniversary. I adore it.

[Cha]

102. You honeymooned on Maui! Wonderful.. and that you're going back for your first Anniversary! I'm

on Kauai

Have you seen this.. sad.. Interesting comments under the Vid on youtube.. and interesting question in the Trailer.. can these rw brainwashed people be deprogrammed?..

[dorkzilla]

104. I will watch in the morning

Very very busy (happily) at the restaurant and I need to get up at 5 (gadzooks!) but wondering if I have your permission to pick your brain in a few months about the best place to do a proper honeymoon? We only had one day alone and want to go back. We don’t like crowded or stuffy.

[Cha]

106. So happy you're busy at your restaurant! Yes, please do ask.. don't know about honeymoon places

on Kauai specifically but I bet I could come up with some potential choices.

[dorkzilla]

108. I’m so relieved...

I have the most amazing devoted customers that have made it a mission to make the place a success. I am SO blessed!!!!

I don’t care where we go, as long as its quiet!

[Cha]

111. I was just looking out at the Ocean in my studio loft window.. so peaceful.. It's 3 blocks away

but I have a patch of moving waves from my window!

[dorkzilla]

112. Okay then I’ll stay in your studio!

LOL!! Seriously though, it sounds beautiful.

[Cha]

114. It is.. even with all the challenges(yes there are even when retired living on Kauai).. I'm glad I'm

here.

[LiberalAndProud]

95. Maybe if you are prepared with other topics of conversation that she has an interest in.

"Mother, I love you and I don't want to argue," then ask her for gardening advice, or cooking tips, or have photos to share. Anything to change the subject without engaging the diatribe.

In my opinion your mother is the victim of a disinformation campaign that is designed to enrage. And it does, regardless of your political persuasion.

[dorkzilla]

98. That is the most compassionate explanation I’ve ever heard...

And you’re 100% correct, she really is a victim of disinformation. And she deserves to be treated as such...with compassion and not derision. Thank you for the reminder.

[edgineered]

96. It is time for the nuclear option

Damn it! You're right. I am so sick of this shit that its time to go out and buy a gun. A couple of guns. And start killing all of these people. Everytime someone makes a mistake ...

To clarify - Get yourself really worked up and start ranting about things that you would never consider doing. Take her bigotry and hatred and raise it threefold. Don't forget to mention that you are going to get so-and-so's help - use someone she knows you really detest, like Zimmerman for example. Explain that he knows how to get things done. Really go off the rails. Shock some sense into her.

Just a suggestion - since doing this myself a few weeks ago the rwnj's around here are walking on eggshells. Of course you risk going from being known as a calm pacifist who respects others to one of the lone wolf types that the R's quietly disown.

[shenmue]

103. 1. Go in another room. 2. Get some dessert. 3. Drink.

[notadmblnd]

105. Take her television remote while you are there

and put a parental block on the Fox News channel.

[dorkzilla]

107. Snort...parental block!!!

[Snarkoleptic]

109. My wingnut parents are in that same age bracket and we have similar conversations.

They have a "Obama is a commie" sticker on the fridge and they used to say he's a socialist and/or communist. That all ended when I asked for the definition of communist and socialist...crickets. Funny thing is mom worked for the local municipality for nearly 40 years, so I said "You know that you worked for a socialist institution...right?" That didn't end well, even after I shed light on the definition of socialism as an economic theory.

Their latest talking point is that I'm "low information", despite the fact that I dominate discussions with facts, figures and cause/effect of legislation. Since we'll never agree on politics, I now steer any political discussions into discussions about public policy, which has made things somewhat better.

They're virulent racists and all their talk of "we've got to get Obama out of there", "he's a commie", etc. is all just proxy for the N-word.

What amazes me is my dad had a great union job, retired early and is sitting on a mountain of cash. He's now anti-union and anti- anything else that Fox tells him to oppose.

Summary, Fox News doesn't just misinform, it mal-informs and poisons minds. It saddens me to think of all of all of the Kool Aid they're drinking.

[laundry_queen]

110. I laugh at them

I mean really laugh..."hahaha, you really believe that? You're kidding me! OMG I cannot believe you are falling for that! Boy did they get your number."

I usually refrain from letting them know MY beliefs on certain subjects...because then they just counter with "you are just brainwashed by the left" "you're just a commie" "God-damn tree hugger" etc. I instead focus on what they believe and repeat it back to them - mirroring works great. "So let me get this straight. You believe that the President of the United States HATES American and Israel? HAHA? Really? the PRESIDENT of the country hates his country? His OWN country? Oh, please tell me you don't believe that birther nonsense - HAHA only crazy people believe THAT stuff."

Seriously, there is nothing people hate more than to be thought of as fools. Even if they think they are right, they won't like being laughed at and will be more likely to temper their opinions after that just to not be laughed at.

Works with my relatives.

[Marrah_G]

116. Here is my advice

Say nothing. Find an excuse to leave the discussion. You have one mother and she won't be around forever. Don't lose your relationship over politics, even if you are in the right. If she passes and you two are at odds, your being right won't matter in the least. You will end up regretting letting it come between you.

[dorkzilla]

122. Exactly my fear

I do want a relationship with her. After our latest argument (which prompted this post) I told her I didn’t want Fox News to ruin our relationship. Maybe that was a little snarky but I couldn’t resist getting in the dig at Fox.

[HassleCat]

117. I Know That Tune

Back in the 1980s, my parents watched the 700 Club religiously (yes, pun intended) and they would yell, "That's right!" to everything Pat Robertson or his buddies said. I found it counter-productive to say anything, because it just made them louder, and they would cite Robertson's statements as evidence to support what he said.

[Jenoch]

118. The simple answer is to not take her bait.

Do not engage her in any sort of political discussion. Respond to her by changing to another subject in which she has an interest. Or just tell her she is right and then leave the room. If you simply agree with her and then disengage, she has nothing more to say. The arguments are disruptive and do not accomplish anything positive.

[Willem]

119. you cannot

You are dealing with a cult. That is what the fox/teabag/jesus freak coalition is. Once in a cult rational thinking is no longer an option.

It is telling that a very large part of that cult were christians before joining the republican asylum. They had already given away their rationale so could just slide into that cess pit.

Not a chance you are going to open her eyes to reality. Even, for instance, if republicans managed to cut her social security in half, fox tv would have a convoluted explanation ready on why it was really the democrats to be blamed for that and she would accept that.

Your best bet is to reduce your communication with her , thus living a life with less unnecessary frustration.

[anotojefiremnesuka]

120. Get new relatives life is too short to put up with them

otherwise you will just have to put up with them.

Your choice.

[B Calm]

121. Is she racist too?

[dorkzilla]

125. She says she isn’t but when ALL you see is the color of POTUS’ skin

and you keep insisting that he is a racist, I’m pretty sure you’re projecting.

[fadedrose]

123. Family mostly is dead

the surviving ones seem to be rightwing because of religion.

Talk about something else - birds, recipes, etc., their beliefs are a crutch that they need. Life has surprises that change people. You'll just have to be patient with them....

[B Calm]

124. I had to change my e-mail address because of my cousin. He

would bombard my e-mail with right-wing garbage and a lot of racist bullshit.

[Paper Roses]

126. I have RW BIL and sister. Whenever certain subjects come up I say:

Lets not go there.

It is all I can do and keep the peace. Both politics and religion are off limits.
They are far right, I am mid to far left.
Hard to believe we're the same family and since it is so small, I just want to keep the relatives I have. Only way to do it is to lock certain subjects.

[Bigmack]

128. She's abusing you...

... simple as that.

She knows how you feel, but she persists. That's not love, that's passive-aggressive abuse.

I'm not suggesting cutting ties with her, but let me tell a story....

My ex-wife and her mother were estranged. After we got married, a suggested (too much, as it turns out) that she reconcile with her mother.

She did. The woman was a crazy-making, passive-aggressive, ego-destroying, manipulating.... a generally awful person.

I have apologized to my ex a million times for that.

[Erich Bloodaxe BSN]

129. Straightforward honesty.

Tell her outright you love her, but you aren't going to listen to any of the dittohead crap she's hearing from Fox 'News' or Rush Limbaugh, or any of the other RW idiots. She says something, you ask where she heard it, she tells you, you say, 'Ah, listening to idiots again?' And remind her that she said you should not talk to her because of your difference in views, yet here she comes again parroting idiocies she heard from people who are paid to make up idiotic things to make people mad or hate each other.

[librechik]

131. treat her like a mental patient--start leaving brochures for "rest homes" around the house.

Humor her, smile like you're thinking about something else, back slowly away...

[dorkzilla]

133. Thanks, everyone, for your responses!!!

They were enlightening and entertaining.

I think my best approach is the “let’s not go there” response when she brings up her BS. And she’s packing some stupid there, as she has hung out with Allen West and James O’Keefe, so she has a deep well of baseless crap, anger and bumper-sticker slogans she slings around.

Hard as it may be to believe she’s really a lovely woman, as is my very sweet step-dad, in spite of their unfortunate political leanings. They are fun loving and affectionate for the most part. The fact that they’re very successful (money-wise) does not exactly make them the most humble of people. Not that all rich people are assholes (I do know a lot of well-heeled liberals who are committed to social justice, saving the environment etc and are more than happy to put their money where their mouths are), but its harder to point out what the GOP are doing to the middle class when you can’t even scare them with SS cuts. Moreover she said yesterday that Obama is taking money from the middle-class and giving it to people who want “handouts” (another assertion she naturally could not back up with facts). So I am giving up trying to change their minds and will enjoy whatever time I have with them.

[Duppers]

137. my older mother HATES gays

I hung up on her years ago when she was doing some particularly hateful bashing. I've never regretted that either. I stopped guilting myself decades ago. She's always been unsympathetic to anyone who differs from her in the least which is typical of much older RW southerners, i.e. bigots.

She's now much easier to tolerate since she's almost 90 and has Alzheimers and knows she needs help from her more liberal children. She's not as vocal or condemning.

Good luck. It seems you've gotten some very good advice in this thread. Just one thing, a therapist told me years ago: try hard not to guilt yourself. You've a right to your feelings.

[dorkzilla]

138. Thankfully, she isn’t anti-gay at all

If she was she’d have to dismiss half of mine and my sister’s friends. I worked in the arts in NYC most of my working life so my life is full of wonderful, warm and creative people who also just happen to be gay. Sister has a similar cadre of pals in LA. She’s met most of them and likes them, sees no problem with gay marriage, etc.

Thank you for sharing what your therapist said. i have to remind myself of that daily.

[Sweet Freedom]

142. Ask her why she is so filled with hate.

My mother has done this a few times with rw'ers she knows and they are always taken aback that others view them as hateful. They don't see themselves that way; they think they are right. Oftentimes, they stop spewing.

Good luck. I stopped speaking to a sibling for this same reason, so I know what you're going through.