Republican candidates for president order a burrito from Chipotle (satire)

[n2doc]

Rand Paul

It’s crazy to me that Chipotle thinks it can dictate exactly what a natural, law-abiding American citizen can order on a burrito! They give you a menu, with this black-and-white list of ingredients, and just mandate that those ingredients are what you have to select from! Why are we so accepting of this burrito-ordering status quo? Am I in a fast-casual Mexican restaurant, or an Indonesian autocracy? If I want a burrito with French fries, and ketchup, and yak meat, I should be able to get just that! If I want a hamburger wrapped inside a corn tortilla and topped with Taco Bell sauce, Chipotle should serve me that, as a Constitution-loving citizen! That’s my right, as an American!
Now, Chipotle woman: Shut up and make me an ostrich burrito bowl.

Scott Walker

Yes, hi, I’d like a barbacoa burrito with extra sour cream and brown rice.
The Chipotle worker begins to assemble the burrito.
Actually, you’re fired. Everyone is. Get out.

Jeb Bush

Okay, let’s see: What did my brother get? Two carnitas tacos and an iced tea? All right, I don’t want that; I am not my brother. So, I’ll do a burrito…actually, heck, I’m in the mood for tacos, who am I kidding? But unlike my brother, I’ll get three tacos, with beef. Actually, you know, my brother was right, two tacos really is the perfect amount of food: Give me two tacos. And actually? I will do carnitas. That’s certainly the best meat option here, as my brother rightly identified.
I’ll also get an iced tea. I am not my brother. Wait, what did Rubio get?

more

http://qz.com/383328/republican-candidates-for-president-order-a-burrito-from-chipotle/

[leftofcool]

1. I can't decide which one of these is the best.

Great satire.

[Gothmog]

2. I love good satire

[Orsino]

3. tldr: "What did Charles and David order? I'll have that." n/t

[Initech]

4. Actually I don't think Scott Walker would fire everybody.

He would slash their pay and benefits while raising taxes on the poor, giving the managers kickbacks, and complaining that the burritos aren't assembling themselves fast enough.

[lame54]

5. Chris Christie - "I refuse to eat carnitas from pigs that get to turn around."

[randome]

6. "Shut up and make me an ostrich burrito bowl."

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