I'm so glad I'm off work tonight (space to absorb the impact of the tragedy in S.C.)

[bigtree]

I'll have 24 hours or so to absorb the impact of the church shooting in S.C. last night. It's probably going to have more impact on me at home, though, because at work I'm challenged to keep my true, deep emotions and anguish in check.

It's not just the revulsion at the fact that so many people have been killed - although, that's certainly enough to cause great grief - my anguish is wrapped up in the realization that I have never been able to move fully past the point where I can feel people like me aren't targets for racism, bigotry, and violent attacks precipitated by someone's objection to the color of our skin.

As in most public cases like this one, we tend to think back to our own families and our own vulnerabilities as we defend our individual opinions. That's not a trivial or contrived reaction, from most, I believe. There are unresolved and active issues involving race and its relationship with the efforts and actions of our government, and society as a whole. Many of these go to the heart of what many would regard as their citizenship rights. It may well be a projection, but it's natural, I think, for folks to relate these events to their own life experiences and the resolution and disposition of which can be both symbolically and substantively significant to them.

I remember wearing a black ribbon to work the day of the nationwide protest against the beating of Rodney King. I had to work and couldn't attend the protest event so it was said that we could demonstrate our solidarity by wearing the ribbon. When my store manager (an open Reagan supporter) saw it he knew immediately what it was and demanded I remove it. We have a pretty good company and I called the race relations manager at corporate and was first told no. I explained that I had heard that the inner city stores were handing them out to employees and I was put on hold. She came back and told me that she had confirmed this and that I'd be able to wear it in my suburban store.

I still have that ribbon. To me, the incident and the system's response said to me, a black, young American male, that I had no full citizenship rights in this country; not as long as Mr. King was denied his. That's where incidents like this relate and where my emotions run deep. I think this is what really brings me to tears; the realization that this violence and other incidents of racial and ethnic bigotry may well have been directed toward me. My tears are less out of sadness, than they are out of anger.

I want, very much, to never again have need to question my place in this country, but I know now, at age 54, that my acceptance here will always be an open question for some, based entirely on their own perception of my blackness. It may well be pathetic of me, but I am diminished by it all - much less, when I'm home among family or friends, but most definitely in public where my anguish is almost certainly going to be misunderstood by, or cause the offense of, folks who have need to believe their own beneficence makes the antipathy of others toward my skin color moot.

A young lady, who happens to be a popular entertainer expressed my feelings today very well in just one tweet:

solange knowles ‏@solangeknowles 6h6 hours ago
Was already weary. Was already heavy hearted. Was already tired.
Where can we be safe? Where can we be free? Where can we be black?

Here at home today...weary and heavy-hearted, and black.

[AuntPatsy]

1. N/T

[babylonsister]

2. My heart is heavy, too, for all the

totally senseless, race-inspired hatred, bigotry and death we've been seeing.

[bigtree]

8. that's the way it is

...for big-hearted folks like you, babylonsister.

[KittyWampus]

3. I'm sorry for your distress. Hope you have family and friends close by

to help you process this.

[bigtree]

4. thanks, Kitty. I'll be fine

...thinking, of course, of the friends and families in S.C. working through this tragedy.

[malthaussen]

5. That's pretty much what bothers me, too.

I am constantly irritated when people talk about how terrible this or that outrage against "blacks" is, because to me the outrage is simply that American citizens can be subject to such treatment. But of course the treatment is because of the citizen's race, and the refusal of one group of citizens to admit the other into the club. I find this so deeply offensive I can hardly find words for it.

That an individual (and by extension, a group) should be subject to discrimination solely on the basis of something that is completely beyond his control is just a profound absurdity to me. Again, the concept offends me at such a deep core I can hardly find a rational and appropriate way to express it. It's invidious, too, as the OP hints, because after a certain amount of shaming and hatred, an oppressed person will pick up the vibe that there is something wrong with him, rather than with the person/group/culture that is doing the oppressing. This inevitably leads to all sorts of conflict and troubles, and that it initially flows from the obssessive need of some to denigrate, despise, and descriminate against others for no reason at all makes me doubt the "humanity" of the supposed "human" race. If this universal hated and fear of "the other" (and let's face it, it is universal) is somehow genetically "pro-survival," then maybe the human race should not survive.

-- Mal

[bigtree]

7. yep, mal

...I've carried some part of that shaming and hatred on my sleeve since I was old enough to understand that my blackness engendered a prejudice against it; something engrained so thoroughly in our society that I could scarcely escape its negative consequences. Fortunately, I've also been exposed to a culture which values my blackness and celebrates our differences as an opportunity to learn from one another and to excel. I think those values are also part of our human character.

[malthaussen]

10. For a lot of years, I didn't understand the need for validation.

Child of privilege that I am, I took the concept of equality to be a no-brainer, it follows from the condition of being human. So I always supported the idea (and practice) of equality while not realizing that for the oppressed, it is not so cut-and-dried, they are made to feel they don't deserve a place at the table. Frankly, it is in conversations at DU that I finally absorbed that the oppressed don't need just equality (although that should never be lost sight of), but they also need (and deserve!) to be deprogrammed from a lifetime of propaganda designed to perpetuate self-loathing. It ain't just something that can be shrugged off.

-- Mal

[bigtree]

11. that's a very discerning point

...I wrote about my own experience with all of that and posted it here a few years ago:

I Was 'King Coon' Until I Hit Back
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002246767

[malthaussen]

15. When the children of privilege realize that equality is not a gift...

... there may be change, but I don't expect to see it in my lifetime. Hell, half our politicians think rights are a gift bestowed by the ruling class. I just cannot see how they got that idea, although it sure-enough fills their purposes.

-- Mal

[heaven05]

19. I wasn't around on DU for this OP then

during your "King Coon" expose of american racism and the insidious, sly nature of it in your experience with it as a youth. Reminded me well of my HS years and an Army experience. I had a racist in my first training company that continually referred, to me especially, but all as "that nigger" or "those niggers". No one said anything for fear of being punished. One day outside the dayroom, I was walking by him and his cronies and he said, "there goes that nigger", I was just fed up went over and hit him so hard, I broke his jaw, knocked out two teeth and did a little more damage to his eye socket and put him on sick call. Found out, when his parents came down to see what happened to their precious, he was from Grosse Pointe, Michigan. A well off white suburb of Detroit.

The company drill Sergeant and Corporal kept me out of sight and I never got in trouble for knocking him back to reality. The only reference ever made to my conduct was when, in private, the corporal asked me, "what did you hit him with"? I said, "my fist". He said, "okay enough, I don't want to hear anymore" and he walked out the room. The guy I hit, his friend apologized for being a crony to that one about a week later. Had no more trouble with anyone.

Your OP of those days is a mighty powerful reflection of the truth in growing up a POC in America and living in it. Now were all the way up to 2015, 47 years later from your experience, 48 years from mine and not much has changed, systemically or institutionally, really. In fact and deed, it is I feel and as I continually state here, racial relations are devolving back to that time of which you spoke and we lived through.

Thank you for a reminder of the continuity and action(s) of racial bigotry and hate in this society and culture.

[bigtree]

34. it's truly a generational struggle, heaven05

...and we still pack a hell of a punch!

[daleanime]

12. +1

[prayin4rain]

6. k&r

[riderinthestorm]

9. Where can we be safe? Where can we be free? Where can we be black?

That these questions must be asked is simply heartbreaking.



Try to get some rest today bigtree. I think this is going to be a long few days.

[bigtree]

35. heartbreaking, indeed, riderinthestorm

...daunting questions.

[heaven05]

13. thank you for

a picture of privilege in america then and now....

[jwirr]

14. Excellent post. I have a feeling that this attack was meant to be a message to all black people.

And the fact that you are feeling like this is proof. My guess it that the shooter did not care who he killed in that church with the possible exception of the minister/senator. They were all targeted because they were in that beautiful old very symbolic 150 year old black church. He saw himself hitting out at civil rights history clear back to 1822.

Others have identified the items on his shirt as connected to white supremacist ideas in South Africa and Rhodesia and that means he is very into symbolism. It would not surprise me to learn that he has some very dangerous groups behind his actions - not necessarily official but the ones who spread the hate messages across our country.

[lunasun]

17. Rhodesia was the 60's-70's so there is some very long and old time hate on his shirt .

[jwirr]

18. Exactly.

[bigtree]

36. fortunately, jwirr, we're much more complex that this shooter might have imagined

...and his despicable acts will bring a rain of opposition to his and any other expression of hatred daring to support or defend the ignorant violence.

[jwirr]

40. Oh, yes his actions are going to backfire on him. And it will make the hate and racism

in this country more visible. The nine people who have died in that church have died for a cause as much as any of those who died in the 60s. They are to be honored for their sacrifice. They are our modern day martyrs And we need to remember them.

[lunasun]

16. "my acceptance here will always be an open question for some,"....i had hoped it would be different

for my children things would change but that hope is fading . This was not a crazy old coot but a young killer filled with hate in a state flying the confederate flag over its government buildings

[bigtree]

33. aint it the truth, lunasun?

...still celebrating their supremacist role in the frickin Civil War.

Look at the facts of the world. You see a continual and progressive triumph of the right. I do not pretend to understand the moral universe, the arc is a long one, my eye reaches but little ways. I cannot calculate the curve and complete the figure by the experience of sight; I can divine it by conscience. But from what I see I am sure it bends towards justice.

Things refuse to be mismanaged long. Jefferson trembled when he thought of slavery and remembered that God is just. Ere long all America will tremble.

-Theodore Parker, Unitarian minister and prominent American Transcendentalist born in 1810 who called for the abolition of slavery.

[awoke_in_2003]

20. "Where can we be safe? Where can we be free? Where can we be black?"

The people are saying "nowhere". I am a white male, and it sickens me.

[brer cat]

21. I have a very heavy heart today also, bigtree.

As someone who grew up churched and cherish that experience, it grieves me that the people of this great and historic church will no longer feel safe in what should always be a safe haven for them. "Suffer the little children to come unto me"...they came, they died.

Racism and bigotry are a cancer on the soul of America, and I do not know how to excise it.

[bigtree]

37. we'll regain our security

...both the emotional and the concrete kind.

[blm]

22. ((With you, dearest bigtree))

Weary, but still fighting.

[bigtree]

25. thanks, blm

...those misfortunate folks in S.C. need strong allies right now.

[blm]

28. One of the women killed was sister of someone I know here in NC.

We work to get people of color educated and elected, and Republicans work everyday to get them killed.

I grieve with you.


The sister of former N.C. Sen. Malcolm Graham was one of the nine people killed inside Emanuel AME Church when a white man opened fire during a prayer meeting at the historic black church in downtown Charleston on Wednesday night.

N.C. Sen. Joel Ford, a friend of Graham’s, confirmed that the sister was one of the victims and asked the state Senate on Thursday to send a prayer to his family.


“As we continue to deliberate public policy let’s keep in mind the practical application of that policy,” Ford said.

Graham, who is from Charleston, told the Observer early Thursday that his sister’s condition was unclear. Police haven’t officially released the IDs of the victims.
>>>>>

Read more here: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/news/local/article24842785.html#storylink=cpy

[calimary]

23. You okay, bigtree? This is just so staggeringly horrible.

I'm a 62 year old white woman.

I am just dumbfounded. And weary. And heavy-hearted, too. I feel punched in the gut.

They told us to "Get Over It" back in late 2000 (and beyond) because we dared to question a VERY legitimate theft. GET OVER IT, they snarled and bellowed. WE won. YOU lost. GET OVER IT.

Well, some of them are still clinging to, and even sanctifying, a national outrage of the worst and most hateful divisiveness we've ever seen in this country - at least til lately. THEY lost. Okay? THEY LOST. The damned fucking abomination of the Confederacy LOST. They SURRENDERED. They handed over the ceremonial sword, in front of many witnesses, and everything. Very well-documented. Back almost TWO FULL CENTURIES ago. THEY are the ones who need to GET OVER IT. Hell, that a capable, credible, brilliant black man made it all the way to the Oval Office, TWICE beating two white candidates. That just ripped the scab off yet again. And that side just absolutely WILL NOT let it heal. They actively keep it alive. And they need to grow up and GET OVER IT, dammit.

GET OVER IT!!!!!!

And take that damn fucking "stars 'n' bars" hate-banner down, too. That flag belongs behind bars, if you ask me. And buried where NO ONE can see it anymore.

[bigtree]

24. yea, I'm fine, calimary. Thanks for asking, though.

...I had developed a kind of PTSD from too much exposure to Ferguson a while back which triggered old anxiety and depression problems. Fortunately, I was aware enough of what was happening to me, and smart enough to seek help. I actually find myself a bit stronger, as a result, these days. So, despite a twinge of anxiety this morning, this post actually helped me process this tragedy in a healthy and helpful way. But, weary...that's a sentiment that I totally identify with right now. Determined is another one.

I see the resurgence of the old racial divisiveness coming to the surface again as the same fear many in the white majority had in the past of the potential of black Americans to assume positions of power over them - perhaps acting out the same prejudices they had so arrogantly perpetrated against their black counterparts. It's a dwindling majority in the workplace, and a dwindling dominance in other institutions which is, ironically, producing a familiar insecurity in some. Overall, black Americans' reaction to a dominating majority has been remarkably gracious, patient, and forgiving over the decades. Some of these dominionists could learn from that as they reconsider their role in a more inclusive society.

[calimary]

26. In your second paragraph - a most interesting note.

I wouldn't doubt that a lot of THAT - pathology, if you will, is indeed at work here. What will happen to us if THEY gain power and then give us a taste of our own medicine! Be afraid! Be afraid!

Well, frankly, I'd say we'd deserve it. And it's just testimony of the elegance and nobility of the black community. I see it in our President EVERY DAY. Not ONCE has he behaved in any sort of revenge-justice mode. NOT ONCE. He has tried to rise above it in every instance, after EVERY bit of disrespect and insult and absolute reprehensible disgraceful shameful shit thrown at him. He still stands tall and just brushes that off and tries to do his job with no malice or resentment. HOW THE HELL he manages that is beyond me. Reminds me of something Dr. King once said - about "the content of their character."

Michael Steele is on MSNBC (at this writing anyway), talking about that shit that feeds some communities. And he's SO spot-on here, quoting from the oft-spoken mentality behind it:

"We solved the problem. Oh, we have a black President. So we're done." (And we sure saw the ultimate manifestation of that in the recent Supreme Court ruling that gutted the Civil Rights Act, too, didn't we! What race problem? Hey everybody, let's all congratulate ourselves! We're "post-racial"!)

Then the anchor, Craig Melvin, comes back after that and points out, rather succinctly, that "we have NOT overcome."

MAN, does THAT ever nail it.

[bigtree]

27. Beware the day they change their mind

https://twitter.com/LeftSentThis/status/611440905279549440

[calimary]

30. Indeed. We all have a common enemy. Let's not forget that!

[img][/img]


[img][/img]

[Solly Mack]

29. (((bigtree)))

[bigtree]

38. Solly Mack

[Jamastiene]

31. These types of heartless mass shootings never really go away for me.

All of this violence is too hard to take. I wish I had some words of wisdom or answers or even knew the right words to offer any comfort at all. There really is nothing that anyone can say or do that can bring the victims of this hatred back to life or back to their families. They were minding their own business. The murderer spent an hour in the church with them before he started killing them. An hour. He had an hour to think it through and realize what he was about to do was disgusting.

I really wish I could come up with any words of wisdom at all, but I cannot. People who are not consumed by hatred like that cannot wrap our heads around how the ones who are can be so heartless. I used to try to understand to see if I could get people to not think like that, but none of my efforts worked. I finally learned that people who are consumed with that kind of hatred and bigotry are poisoned. I never could find the antidote. So, all I can do is try not to be like them.

All I have to offer is It is pitiful and not enough. I know, but if I feel compassion, I don't know what to do. I'm one of those people who has a lot of trouble trying to comfort someone when they are in such pain and I feel for them.

[bigtree]

32. hey, Jamastiene

...it's more than enough for you to reach out and express care about these killings. It's much better knowing we'll be working through this tragedy together, in solidarity with the folks in S.C.

[mnhtnbb]

39. Oh, bigtree.

Many of us white folk are weary and heavy-hearted right there with you.

We don't have the same experience--because we can't in our privileged white skins--
but we feel the injustice of it.

I'm sitting here crying just thinking about the horrendous hatred that made that young man
pull that trigger so many times to end nine lives in the sanctity of their church.

This country is so fucked up. So fucked up. I do not know if it can ever heal itself.
Give up bigotry? Give up racism? Give up sexism? Give up the need to feel superior to someone else
for whatever goddamn reason?

And what about giving up the guns? More than enough for every man, woman, and child in this country.
Well over 330 million guns.

Will we ever come to the place of recognizing our common humanity and be able to get along?

Hugs for you and all the friends and relatives and community of those nine black people massacred last night in Charleston.

[bigtree]

41. we're on the same page, mnhtnbb

...the easy access to guns is a plague on America; a cancer on our society. Solving that is a seeming impossibility.

Right along with that is the inability of some to 'get along.' There's a cottage industry, driven in great part by petty legislative politics, of divisiveness and racial hatred which has spilled out into the public consciousness and legitimized/encouraged the pitting of groups of Americans against others.The republican political class benefits directly from racial and ethnic hatred and resentment that they fuel with their rhetoric at every opportunity. It's an old game, adopted from our tragic beginnings as a nation, practiced by people who should know better but don't give a damn about our humanity, as long as it provides red meat to throw to their rabid constituency.

It's going to take determination and resolve to fight all of that. I'm glad we still have folks like you who care about making a difference and changing our politics to include everyone in our progress and advancement.