The Rude Pundit - Quick Note to GOP Candidates: Stop Your Stupid Fucking Viral Videos

[meegbear]

You've seen them, right? Rand Paul and his woodchipper and chainsaw of utter manly manliness taking out the tax code?

Lindsey Graham and his slaughter of cheap, outdated cell phones?

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Ted Cruz wrapping bacon around his dick while he jacks off?

All of them are trying to make effete politicians seem like they're masculine and tough and take no shit and give no fucks.

Now we have Bobby Jindal having a push-up contest against his imaginary adversaries: The issues and his hilarious 2009 State of the Union response.

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Filmed like a homemade gay porn flick, it features Jindal in shirt, tie, and slacks up against young people with t-shirts emblazoned with shit like "taxes" and "hypenated Americans" (no, really). Of course, Jindal "wins," as terrifying "fans" cheer him on in the tiny room.

Listen, sweet, dumb GOP candidates: Really confident men don't have to show off how macho they are. It's like being cool. The second you start telling people you're cool, you cease to be cool.

And if you think someone is going to vote for you because you seem down-to-earth because you used a samurai sword on a cell phone, your candidacy is already done.

But, hey, it's fun to go viral and compete with pet Vines and LiveLeak police abuse videos. You kind of fit right into the sweet spot of self-degradation between them.

http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/2015/08/quick-note-to-gop-candidates-stop-your.html

[snooper2]

1. Oh, they are PERFECT! Keep them up ROFLMAO- Only Rand Paul is the wuss who has comments turned off

Comments on the others are priceless

Also, they are only getting couple hundred thousand views...




a Kia Commerical has over 8 million LOL

[ck4829]

2. Republicans don't want to attack each other because they all share most of the issues to some degree

When the choice is "He wants to tax the rich at 2%! 2%, that is class warfare people! I only want to tax them at .00003%, that's NOT punishing the job creators" OR "Watch me destroy a cellphone with a bacon sword!", the choice is clear for the Republicans.

[Fred Sanders]

3. The World watches and listens to American politics and political ads and rhetoric with lack jawed amazement...and fear.

[hifiguy]

9. Indeed.

Can you imagine what they think in Seoul, Paris, Berlin or Beijing when they see what the reichwing has done to politics in this country? No taxes! Fuck the poor, in fact fuck everybody but the 1%! Down with science! Up with guns! More war for oil and world conquest! LOTS more Jebus!!

I am sure they don't know whether to laugh their asses off or start building bomb shelters. We must appear to the rest of the world as a monstrous, deranged, mentally-challenged child who has atomic weapons as playthings.

[Erose999]

4. I think we should just do away with "debates" and "primaries" and have a Thunderdome for the GOP

convention. Have it at the Georgia Dome and put it on pay per view like the UFC fights and the WWE. 17 candidates enter, 1 candidate leaves!

I mean after the lame Mayweather/Pacquiano dance battle, and the Rousey fight that only lasted 34 seconds, the GOP base of hyper-masculine Bro's has a growing and as yet unquenched thirst for bloodsport. And think of the potential for advertising. Axe body spray, online gambling, macrobreweries, camo clothing manufacturers, and off road truck parts vendors would kill for that demographic.

[Person 2713]

5. Surreal

No hyphenated Americans? I bet !
They want the American part removed no doubt
i had to check these are not parodies
They are not

[immoderate]

6. The Jindal video made me nostalgic for Happy Tooth, and Mean Old Mr Tooth Decay!

--imm

[Warren DeMontague]

7. I'm waiting for the one with Chris Christie wading into the crowd at a String Cheese Incident show

Biting the heads off pot smokers.

[DirkGently]

8. "Machine Gun Bacon" is kind of awesome.

Yes, Ted Cruz is an abomination, and everything he's trying to "say" is awful, but there's something so pure in the appeal to imbecility. He's so uncomfortable with that gun. And it's BACON.

It made me laugh.

A lot.