"The boy probably bragged about it"

[Recursion]

I'm a male victim of child sexual assault. So some shit that gets said here just fucking destroys me.

Yes. The 12-year-old boy who was raped by his teacher probably did brag about it. I did too. I was nine. Guess what? It was still rape.

Sexually assaulting boys is not a fucking joke, and we need to stop making it a joke.

We also need to stop the sexual assault of girls, though they face much much different issues. But this is not an attempt to distract from that, either.

[NaturalHigh]

1. Absolutely! I don't get why this is so difficult for some to comprehend.

[LittleBlue]

2. He was 15

I think the 12-year-old mentioned in the article was Vili Fualaau.

[panader0]

21. What article? There is no link.

[LittleBlue]

32. Here it is

I believe this thread caused is the cause of this debate

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027079493

[DawgHouse]

3. You are absolutely correct.

I am sorry you went through this.

[cali]

4. ack. someone here said that? yes it's sexual assault.

[Recursion]

7. Yeah, sadly

The worst thing is that as an activist I know that assault of girls is much much more common and much the larger problem; I just can't stand that assumption that an assaulted boy is "lucky" in some way.

[AllyCat]

46. Huh? Someone said lucky?

That makes me want to puke.

[treestar]

50. Your last sentence

says it all.

[H2O Man]

5. Recommended.

Every so often, someone on this forum really steps up, and at a time when it is needed.

My respect for you -- already substantial -- has increased today.

[Gormy Cuss]

6. Yes.

Statutory rape is against the law. Period.

[Yo_Mama]

8. I'm really sorry you were exposed to that on this board. I don't know what to say.

That thread has deeply affected me, and I was certainly not sexually abused. I cannot really grasp how it must make you feel, but I suspect you just got the ladder kicked out from under some portion of your coping framework.

I don't think I have anything that can help you. All I can do is apologize to you for what happened here today.

I am shocked by that thread and I will take a vacation from DU for a while. This has left a very, very bad impression.

[prayin4rain]

15. Agreed, I'm sick of seeing it here, too. n/t

[Nay]

58. My stepson was sexually abused at age 15 by a 24-yr-old woman

and I just lit into that jerk on that other thread. I can't believe there's someone here who thinks like that. My stepson was destroyed.

[Eleanors38]

9. Thanks for your courage, and I agree with you.

[LiberalAndProud]

10. This so needs to be said.

Thank you, Recursion.

[sub.theory]

11. Thank you!

Thank you for being so courageous to tell us your story. You are absolutely right, and I'm so sorry for what was done to you. Too many, even on a liberal forum, act like child seduction, grooming, and rape is no big deal. It is indeed a very serious problem.

[brer cat]

12. Stepped up to the plate

and drilled it over the wall. You have my respect.

K&R

[retrowire]

13. I'm a former victim as well. In solidarity.

KnR'd

[Brickbat]

14. I salute your courage. This post is full of truth.

[jtuck004]

16. "Sexually assaulting boys is not a fucking joke" < It is to the bigots and bullies and other sewer-

clogging filth.

[Matariki]

17. Yes. This and prison rape 'jokes'

It's sickening.

[Comrade Grumpy]

18. My experience differs. As a teen, I had sex with women over 21. I didn't consider it rape.

And I don't now, either.

I freely consented, indeed, pursued sex with those women, despite the legal fiction that I could not consent. (Funny how that works: Teens are considered too young to have control over their bodies, yet let them get caught in a serious crime and they miraculously become adults.)

Still, that would make them horrid criminals in the eyes of many here. Not in my eyes.

[stevenleser]

43. What kind of teen? 16, 17? Or 13, 14, 15? It matters.

Someone over 21 having sex with someone 13, 14 or 15 is pretty icky no matter how you slice it.

16 or 17 is less icky but still pretty sleazy for the over 21 year old.

[Comrade Grumpy]

45. I was 16 and 17.

I have one of them as a Facebook friend. She's a massage therapist and grandmother in Austin now. Still a great woman.

No clue about the other one.

[treestar]

51. those women had a legal duty to say no

you were a minor.

[Comrade Grumpy]

56. I was very pleased they shirked that duty.

Upon further reflection decades after the fact, I'm still very pleased.

Did not and do not consider myself a victim.

Your mileage may vary.

[treestar]

57. Others do consider themselves victims

you may be coping by denial. And they could have gotten into trouble had they been caught.

[kpete]

19. truth

thank you

from ALL of us,
kp

[RoccoR5955]

20. We need to stop ALL sexual assault.

Over in the country, I know of some livestock and wild animals that have been sexually abused by morons here.

[4lbs]

22. I find there to be a double standard regarding this. It has even become a gag on some TV sitcoms.

For example, I remember an episode of "Will and Grace", a popular TV sitcom from the late 1990s and early 2000s. Both Grace and her female co-worker, are in their late 30s. They attend a friend's boyfriend's Thanksgiving. There, they are both attracted to a young male family member, who appears like he's 19 or 20. He looks like a bigger, beefier version of 1970s John Travolta. Both end up having sex with him.

It isn't until later in the episode that they find out he is only 16 years old. He brags about it and says he is going to tell everyone. Crowd laughter ensues throughout.

I've seen that episode several times and laughed as well.

However, I do now think about if people would be laughing if it were reversed. If two males in their late 30s had sex with the same teenage girl, thinking she was 19 or 20, but turning out to be 16.

We even have it in music.

Remember Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" song and video, where the song is about a teenage male attracted to his thirtysomething female teacher? It was one of Van Halen's more popular songs and is often played in bar jukeboxes. However, I don't recall a song where a teenage girl confessing her attraction to a thirtysomething male being popular.

[7962]

48. Could "Winger" get away with this 80s song today?

[treestar]

53. We've come a long way from back then

I remember this one too.

At least he intends to wait for her majority, apparently.

When I was in high school in the late 70s I remember a classmate with a 28 year old boyfriend. It wasn't quite viewed as it is today, but today is an improvement.

[7962]

54. Holy crap I never realized thats what that song was about!

Its pretty subtle; "closer to it every day". But i wonder about the part where he comes home and shes in bed alseep, that kinda confuses me.
FYI, that singer, Jani Lane, died a few yrs ago. Couldnt stay off the booze

[treestar]

60. Did not know that about him

reading on Wiki, he seemed hard working and talented.

Reminded me of this Dead Song

Got two reasons why I cry
Away each lonely night
The first one's named sweet Anne Marie
And she's my heart's delight
Second one is prison, baby
The sheriff's on my trail
And if he catches up with me
I'll spend my life in jail


I think the actual lyric is "prison bait" at least that's how I've always heard it.

[treestar]

52. which is why adults should stick to other adults and be careful

that bragging could land them in jail. Don't know why they risk it.

[smirkymonkey]

23. Thank you for speaking out.

I am so sorry for what happened to you. It is just horrible,

[Rex]

24. I didn't brag I was horrified and scared.

But I guess we all react differently to abuse.

[Android3.14]

25. He was 15

http://newsok.com/sentence-in-student-sex-case-shocks-ex-teacher-in-oklahoma/article/5439826?custom_click=rss

[The Jungle 1]

26. It is getting better

For the first time in history are talking about and doing something about sexual abuse. This is a historic time. Remember this crap did not just start. We just now started to address it.

I encourage everyone to continue to bring sexual abuse into the light of day.

If you examine the amount of abuse that went on in the worlds past it can be a bit disturbing. Let's fix it.

[UtahLib]

27. I was on the jury for that disgusting post.

I am astounded and so sorry it was not hidden.

[840high]

37. So am I. Can't believe it.

[TygrBright]

28. Yes. Thank you. This needs to be said, by a powerful voice. Yours qualifies admirably. n/t

[840high]

29. Female victim here - hugs to you.

[closeupready]

30. A longtime member here actually said, "Can't rape the willing"

in reference to a male student who was raped by his female teacher.

And she REFUSED to budge on that claim (that the victim child had consented).

K&R, and no it isn't funny.

Sexual harassment happens to men, and no, it isn't funny, it's repulsive and fucked up.

[Rex]

34. WTH?

Sometimes I fool myself into thinking nothing can shock me anymore. SMH.

[closeupready]

31. You realize, though, some here will say you are MRA

Men's Rights Activist, and thus (implied), a freeper.

[demmiblue]

42. Quite the opposite. n/t

[arithia]

33. you have my empathy

as a fellow survivor of childhood abuse. It doesn't matter if it's a boy like you or a girl like me. Rape is rape.

[yardwork]

35. I'm so sorry that that happened to you.

Thank you for your post. People need to know this.

[Dont call me Shirley]

36. Recursion, me too, I send you healing vibes...

[msanthrope]

38. The rape apologia on this board is disgusting. nt

[Starry Messenger]

39. It is predatory and criminal for a reason.

((hugs)) I am a teacher and it would be an utter violation and it's not some "victimless crime." Rape is rape.

[emsimon33]

40. Yes, why people don't "get it," I do not know!

[demmiblue]

41. I have noticed that most of this is coming from men, especially MRA types (and trolls).

It is not a joke. Not at all.

I stand with you.

[herding cats]

44. I know a male who was molested at a young age by an older female.

He's still dealing with the after effects of his molestation. He didn't seek treatment until a few years ago. Which was many years after the assault. He's come a long way, but it messed up how he dealt with his sexuality and relationships in many ways. He's suffered greatly because of his assault. People are fools if they think these types of assaults don't leave damaged victims in their wake.

Abuses like this aren't something to make light of in any way. They can have a very real and lasting impact of a person's sense of self worth and ability to relate on an intimate level with others. No one should be making light of things like this, here or anyplace.

In a perfect world you'd never have to experience such ignorance. Since we don't live in anything close to such a world, I'd like to thank you for speaking out and helping to educate the population on the reality of such abuses. I know it's not easy, but it's necessary if we're ever going to change how people think about these things.

[LeftishBrit]

47. k&r

[treestar]

49. Yes. The alleged enthusiasm is not necessarily true

young men, especially teenagers, think that to be cool they have to be wanting to have sex all the time and take any opportunity. They should be taught differently for their own sakes not only for the sakes of girls, who are at least taught to wait until they really want to do it.

How many teens have sex just to be cool? These days probably a lot. They should feel OK to wait and not have this virgin shaming thing.

And adults should stay out of it as the law requires.

[7962]

55. "How many teens have sex just to be cool?" I think its been that way for awhile

I know when I was in high school 30+ yrs ago same thing. Especially with the jocks who were so much better than the rest of us.

The only time I ever did anything which wouldve gotten me in trouble was when i was 23. I knew a girl from the local club; she was there with one of her friends every week hanging out and dancing. We got to know each other and sometimes she'd hang out at my house. After about a yr or so, she ended up coming over and spending the night. It wasnt odd or anything like that, but we never actually DATED. Kept hanging out as usual. So the following year I went to a Christmas party at the place she worked and met a few co workers. She was in the bathroom and one of the ladies she worked with mentioned how cool it was that Melissa had gotten a full scholarship for college!! I said I didnt know that, and she said, "Yeah after graduation she's got a full ride at Mercer". And I didnt know what to do. Turns out she was a senior in high school and had a fake ID for yrs! So at the time we were together she was either late 16 or early 17 but either way I broke the law at the time. I asked her why she never told me how old she was and she said she just didnt want to make things weird. I was very lucky. I couldve been arrested I'm sure. But I really had NO idea.

[treestar]

59. that's a risk too

there are such people and they can fool you but I'm sure that's a defense. We have made sex so impersonal that we don't have to get the know the people that well first, so all kinds of things can happen since we don't have a background on the people we are most intimate with. And age is only one risk. There's disease, being married, all sorts of things we might not know about. I'm don't want to be called prudish but in our own interests we seem to take it too lightly. Like an overcorrection of the previous sexist and misogynistic or Victorian, Puritanical mores.

[Blue_Tires]

61. +1

[AllyCat]

62. Healing to all who have suffered this abuse.

We hear it every day. This group shows that report is correct. May you all find peace and recovery.