Man Already Knows Everything He Needs To Know About Muslims

[iandhr]

SALINA, KS—Local man Scott Gentries told reporters Wednesday that his deliberately limited grasp of Islamic history and culture was still more than sufficient to shape his views of the entire Muslim world.

Gentries, 48, said he had absolutely no interest in exposing himself to further knowledge of Islamic civilization or putting his sweeping opinions into a broader context of any kind, and confirmed he was "perfectly happy" to make a handful of emotionally charged words the basis of his mistrust toward all members of the world's second-largest religion.

"I learned all that really matters about the Muslim faith on 9/11," Gentries said in reference to the terrorist attacks on the United States undertaken by 19 of Islam's approximately 1.6 billion practitioners. "What more do I need to know to stigmatize Muslims everywhere as inherently violent radicals?"

"And now they want to build a mosque at Ground Zero," continued Gentries, eliminating any distinction between the 9/11 hijackers and Muslims in general. "No, I won't examine the accuracy of that statement, but yes, I will allow myself to be outraged by it and use it as evidence of these people's universal callousness toward Americans who lost loved ones when the Twin Towers fell."

"Even though I am not one of those people," he added.

When told that the proposed "Ground Zero mosque" is actually a community center two blocks north of the site that would include, in addition to a public prayer space, a 500-seat auditorium, a restaurant, and athletic facilities, Gentries shook his head and said, "I know all I'm going to let myself know."

Gentries explained that it "didn't take long" to find out as much about the tenets of Islam as he needed to. He said he knew Muslims stoned their women for committing adultery, trained for terrorist attacks at fundamentalist madrassas, and believed in jihad, which Gentries described as the thing they used to justify killing infidels.


http://www.theonion.com/article/man-already-knows-everything-he-needs-to-know-abou-17990

[randys1]

1. Oh ONION

Was wondering why anyone would give a shit what this lunatic believed


Sounds like teaparty to me

[pampango]

2. It's the Onion but I wonder how many republicans, particularly Trump supporters, would agree with

him.

[saturnsring]

3. the fact that this is from ths onion ought to be in the headline so people can avoid it

[iandhr]

4. What's the fun in that?

I was punked by Andy Borowitz the first time I read him.

[saturnsring]

6. well i ,and others, would prefer to know that so we can opt out of reading a fake article

[iandhr]

7. Well others enjoy the fact that a fake article is close to the truth.

[saturnsring]

9. i understand that and they can still read whatever you post but an onion warning would let people

who don't want to read fake articles know it's from the onion and they can move on

[longship]

5. The Onion is truly the world's greatest news source.

Their biting satire hits home so often. One has to be in awe of their staff. Scott Dikkers did a good thing.

[Angry Dragon]

8. I find the Onion as accurate as Fox News

[Brother Buzz]

10. Poe's law is at work here

Like an idiot, I read to the fourth paragraph before my dim light bulb went on.

[Vinca]

11. It's getting hard to tell The Onion from bona fide news sources.

In the age of Trump, it's all the same lunacy.

[hifiguy]

14. It's tougher going for the actual satirists

every week in these times.

Had to double check that this was in fact the Onion.

[Solly Mack]

12. Bull's-eye.

[treestar]

13. I guessed it was the Onion from the headline

then checked the link to see it was.

That's a typical Onion headline.