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The power of prayer
Texas Lady Told God To Send Tornadoes To Different Neighborhood And He Was Like OK
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Take that, Ohio, fuckers. NOW you wish you were stoned.
Now He has to go back to counting up which sports teams are praying the hardest this week
So, Christmas tornadoes were a thing this year, because global warming is fake and all those violent storms were just Jesus opening up His birthday presents. But one lady said, Hey God, would you let me command the wind? And He said, Sure, everybody gets a turn commanding the wind, its in the Bible!
So Sabrina Lowe of Rowlett, Texas, used her magic Jesus powers to tell a tornado to BUZZ OFF, BRO, and go fuck up another neighborhood. NPR has the story:
We actually went outside and started commanding the winds because God had given us authority over the winds the airways. And we just began to command this storm not to hit our area. We we spoke to the storm and said, go to unpopulated places. It did exactly what we said to do because God gave us the authority to do that.
How very Ben Carson of her! We all remember that time the vegetarian brain surgeon Dr. Carson was eating chicken at the Popeyes Organization, and he stopped an armed robber in his tracks by saying, Hey, dont shoot me, shoot that guy over there! We can only guess Sabrina The Wind Slayer probably had some other magic powers in her fanny pack, if God had decided to be selfish about letting her control the tornadoes. Like maybe, the next thing you try is to shoot guns at them! Or maybe youre supposed to bumrush active tornadoes, just like Fox News told the little children to do with active shooters. So many possibilities!
So how did Sabrinas wind prayers work out for her? Well, her house is standing tall and pretty! But did she send the wind where it was supposed to go, like to unpopulated areas, or maybe to gay disco-bortion clubs, to punish the gay-bortionistas?Judge for yourself. Here are Sabrinas tornader accomplishments:
In Rowlett, 446 homes were damaged 101 were total losses and 83 sustained major damage from a storm that generated winds of more than 135 mph in the city. Although 23 people were injured there, no fatalities were reported along the four-mile gash the tornado tore through the southeast portion of the city.
And here, via the Dallas Morning News on Twitter, is a picture of what Sabrina did, with her brain prayers:
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rowlett
Read more at http://wonkette.com/597383/texas-lady-told-god-to-send-tornadoes-to-different-neighborhood-and-he-was-like-ok#K4y8z5fQjjpU0MTA.99
niyad
(113,421 posts)dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)of a woman "commanding" an oncoming tornado to STOP.
Sadly, what happened after that was not on the video.
Westboro Baptist Church, I'm assuming.
How bout adding Newscorp.
niyad
(113,421 posts)nykym
(3,063 posts)for the tornados direction can she be held liable for the damages it caused?
niyad
(113,421 posts)Journeyman
(15,036 posts)for requesting the act of God.
niyad
(113,421 posts)rickford66
(5,524 posts)By admitting it, she should be sued. Maybe it would shut up all the other religious nut jobs who claim weather related damage was due to the Gays or Obamacare.
niyad
(113,421 posts)Funtatlaguy
(10,881 posts)I gave a rec for that.
Hilarious.
niyad
(113,421 posts)JCMach1
(27,559 posts)because he couldn't possibly be so stupid.
niyad
(113,421 posts)JustABozoOnThisBus
(23,354 posts)Those bums all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Amen.
lapislzi
(5,762 posts)It's OK to pray for something bad not to happen to you, and it's OK to pray for your neighbor's salvation. It is absolutely not allowed to pray for bad things to happen to other people. It's all jumbled up in Psalms, where David wished all manner of evil to befall his military foes.
It's been a fine bone of theological contention for centuries, which is why those zany hyper-christian organizations ask their super-duper prayer teams to pray down fire and damnation on the atheists or the gays, or whoever they're hating on this week. They somehow equate "smiting" with salvation.
As a happy atheist, I have no problem saying that I wish these Texas windbags would blow all the way to hell.