Top 10 Conservative Idiots #24: How’s That Joe Paterno Thing Going? Edition

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Last edited Mon Apr 18, 2016, 01:58 PM - Edit history (10)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #24: How’s That Joe Paterno Thing Going? Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! We got to talk about Kobe’s last game for a minute. Wait – don’t go! Stick around. Holy crap that was incredible, even if you’re not a Lakers fan or even a hater that was some of the best four minutes of basketball I’ve seen in years. Haters, shut up for a minute and let us bask in this one. The Lakers are shit, they will be shit for a while until they get their act together and reorganize. But that farewell game reminded me of why I love the Lakers in the first place. Holy crap, that was some of the best basketball I’ve ever seen. So we got a lot of idiocy to get to. But first my obligatory John Oliver shout out – this week he made light of America’s unbelievably corrupt credit report and background check industry by creating his own fake companies to troll the real ones.

So where do we begin this week? To start with Ted Cruz & Gordon Klingenschmitt (1) are going to take the top spot this week. Gordon Klingenschmitt is certifiably batshit insane, and for some reason Teddy is proud to receive an endorsement from this guy. Taking the second spot is Bill O’Reilly (2). Once again ol’ Bill unintentionally says something racist, then tries to play the “I’m not racist, but…” card. Let’s do some fact checking here. Taking the third spot, former House Speaker Dennis Hastert (3) gets tough on child molesters while admitting to being a child molester. At number 4, Trumpenfuror (4) points out some possible VP picks, and we can’t be shocked here at the Top 10 when they all said “no!”. Taking the 5th slot is Donald Trump Supporters (5) . When Trump takes a shot at Mitt Romney using the last words of Eric Garner, his supporters think a black guy getting killed by police is funny. No it’s not you racist scumbags. Back from a long absence, Alex Jones (6) calls Glenn Beck a cult leader, but Infowars is the biggest cult on the internet. At number 7, watch as Sarah Palin (7) pretends to be a scientist while having a “debate” about climate change with an actual scientist – Bill Nye. Why am I not surprised in the least about this? At number 8, we’re going to talk about an extremely weird story from Ted Cruz’s (8) past when he came home after his honeymoon and bought a very unusual quantity of items. In the 9th seed, it's the end of an era. As Mötley Crüe said "all bad things must come to an end". I’m of course talking about the imminent demise of the guy who defined conservative idiocy – Rush Limbaugh (9). Cue the world’s tiniest violin. Finally for the number 10 spot this week, we have a Top 10 Special Investigative Report (10) for you. So called "religious freedom" laws like North Carolina's HB-2 are sweeping the southern states of this nation. And we here at the top 10 are going to tell you who exactly is being affected by the passing of these "religious freedom" laws which really have nothing to do with religion or freedom, but everything to do with discrimination. But as we go down the wormhole, you will see who the real criminals of this country are, and it's not exactly who you would think. And we’re going to close this edition with a bonus idiot for you. It turns out that Rep. Tom Taylor of Georgia got a DUI and it’s probably the most Georgia thing to happen to that state in a very long time. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!


[font size="8"]Ted Cruz & Gordon Klingenschmitt[/font]


So for the first entry this week we are going to once again channel John Oliver and ask:


Exorcism. How is this still a thing? And why is it a huge thing in the 2016 election? Why you have Ted Cruz, one of the most batshit crazy candidates getting an endorsement from a guy who claims to be a real-life exorcist. And that’s batshit crazy Christian radio commentator Gordon Klingenschmitt. Really, Klingenschmitt is a conspiracy theorist of the Alex Jones variety – he is about as batshit crazy and tin foil as it gets. Klingenschmitt is Alex Jones with the added bonus f some old fashioned fire and brimstone preaching. So here’s some background on Klingenschmitt:

Gordon "Dr. Chaps" Klingenschmitt, a radical anti-gay Religious Right activist who brags of having once tried to rid of woman of the "foul spirit of lesbianism" through an exorcism and who openly proclaims that "American law needs to reflect God's law" and that our foreign policy must be based on the Bible, won election to the Colorado House of Representatives last night.
Klingenschmitt, who wrote a book about how President Obama is possessed by demons and once performed an exorcism of Obama, ran an utterly embarrassing campaign yet nonetheless managed to defeat his Democratic opponent by nearly 40 points.
Since Klingenschmitt is now officially an elected Republican legislator, it seems like a good opportunity to take a look back at the radical views he will now be bringing into the Colorado legislature.
- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/meet-dr-chaps-gordon-klingenschmitt-colorados-new-anti-gay-demon-hunting-state-legislator#sthash.X6amUGiy.dpuf

Foul Spirit Of Lesbianism? I think that band got added to the Sahara Tent at Coachella this weekend. I hear they're an awesome EDM act. So here’s a few of Klingenschmitt’s greatest hits:

He has declared that judges who strike down gay marriage bans are "imposing the Devil's law upon people" and are deceiving people into Hell, warning that these rulings will eventually be overturned by Jesus, who will send all gay people to Hell: -

Jesus can override SCOTUS authority? Since when? I mean this dude has a weird obsession with what two consenting adults do in the bedroom. Like an almost psychotic obsession. Honestly he reminds me of the Doomsday Killer from Dexter with a dash of Michael Parks’ character from Kevin Smith’s Red State thrown in for good measure.

Here’s another one, like he says that LGBT people have something “demonic” inside of them:

Gays, he says, have something inhuman and demonic inside of them, which is why he declares that teaching kids about gay marriage is mental rape and advocates for Christians to print anti-gay Bible verses on the backs of gay wedding photos:

Klingenschmitt is playing a really fucked up game of Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon. Except there’s just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is a gay guy who is possessed by demons. Like:

And:

I have figured it out - Klingenschmitt is chasing demons the same way Joe Arpaio is chasing illegal immigrants. They both know they are not going to catch one, but they keep the invisible boogeyman going because it wins them fans and votes. And here’s my favorite – he actually says that the FCC is allowing “demonic spirits” to “demonize” and “visually rape your children”.

Citing a campaign launched by Morality In Media to ensure that Tom Wheeler, President Obama's nominee to head the Federal Communications Commission, will enforce decency standards, "Dr. Chaps" Gordon Klingenschmitt said on his "Pray In Jesus Name" show that demonic spirits are using lax FCC enforcement of these standards to "molest and visually rape your children."

See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/klingenschmitt-fcc-letting-demonic-spirits-molest-and-visually-rape-your-children#sthash.vJob1h0F.dpuf

This guy is an elected representative. I will repeat that: this guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. No matter how many times I say it, it still sounds weird. Who in their right fucking mind would vote for this guy to have any sort of position of power? What the... I... I can't... I don't... what the fuck!!!

Yeah so why am I bringing all this up now? Because there’s a certain individual who is running for the republican nomination that is going so far out of his way to prove that he’s the more godly candidate than the next and that’s Ted Cruz:

We have noted several times before that there seems to be no activist who is too extreme to be embraced by Ted Cruz's presidential campaign, so we were not particularly surprised when the Texas senator recently announced that infamous demon-hunting, anti-gay exorcist/state legislator Gordon Klingenschmitt would be part of his Colorado leadership team.
"I am honored to have the support of so many courageous conservatives in Colorado," Cruz said in a press release celebrating the formation of "his Colorado Leadership Team with the endorsement of 25 current and former elected officials and key grassroots leaders," including Klingenschmitt.
Some might recognize Klingenschmitt from a Daily Show segment just last week in which his ignorance and bigotry were on full display, but for those unfamiliar with "Dr. Chaps," as he likes to be called, allow us to fill you in.
- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/ted-cruz-honored-have-support-colorados-demon-hunting-anti-gay-exorcist-state-legislator-gor#sthash.yPtgaTFn.dpuf

Yeah Ted Cruz is “honored” to receive an endorsement from this guy. The Daily Show by the way did an epic job of taking down Klingenschmitt’s bullshit. I love Jessica Williams:

With friends like these though, who needs enemies? And let’s not forget that this is the group that wants to arm its’ congregation to protect itself from… something. What it is, we’re not exactly clear of:

Gov. Phil Bryant has signed into law a bill that allows some members of churches to undergo firearms training so they can provide armed security for their congregations.

The Church Protection Act specifies that those designated can carry guns into church buildings. It also allows people to carry holstered weapons without a permit.

Republican State Representative Andy Gipson of Braxton says the law gives small congregations an option to defend themselves against attack. He proposed the bill as a response to the slayings last year of nine people at a church in Charleston, South Carolina.

Read more: http://nypost.com/2016/04/15/mississippi-governor-signs-law-allowing-armed-church-members/

[font size="8"]Bill O’Reilly[/font]


Bill O’Reilly. Your racist uncle’s racist uncle. We have talked so much about racism and white supremacy since the Top 10 began. But what happens when republicans try to play the “I’m not a racist, but…” card? So here’s the thing, republicans, side skirting the issue of whether or not you’re a gigantic racist doesn’t help your case. In fact when you say “I’m not racist but/because…” you sir, are a huge, gigantic racist! Here’s what happened.

BILL O'REILLY (HOST): Now this week, the city of Philadelphia is formally apologizing for the way they treated Jackie Robinson. With us now here in New York City, Ken Burns, director of the PBS documentary. We'll get to your program in a moment, but there's a poll out today that says 35 percent of Americans, in a Gallup survey, say they're extremely worried about the state of race relations. That's up from 28 percent in 2015. In one year. And President Obama, obviously, has not brought the country together. You think its that bad?
KEN BURNS: I think its pretty bad, I think its always been pretty bad. I think people have been divided by race in this country since the very, very beginning. you know, we'd like to think our better angels are called at every occasion, and often they are. Remember when the president sang at the Charleston memorial, Amazing Grace, that was written by an ex-slaver who had gone blind, we think of that. Also, some of these old guilts also metastasize into anger and distrust of other people, and I think that's sort of come to the fore recently --
O'REILLY: Yeah, see, I don't see that in my world. And my world is a fairly expansive one. I don't know any racists. I don't know anybody, on either black or white people, who don't like, like our staff here is integrated, and my assistant is black, she's been with me for 25 years. I just never see this.
http://mediamatters.org/video/2016/04/11/bill-oreilly%C2%A0supports-his-claim-he-doesnt-know-any-racists-pointing-out-he-has-black-assistant/209870

Wow. Did I read that right? Bill O'Reilly claims he doesn't know any racists? Are you shitting me? They're Fox News' target audience! And most hardcore racists are Donald Trump supporters! Like 99%! Did I say 99%? And I don’t count the guy who hates Washington insiders. No, he wants a Washington outsider! And he doesn’t even know what that means, but he’s going to vote that way, damn it! So Bill O’Reilly claims he’s not racist? Well let’s go down the wormhole, shall we?

BILL O'REILLY (HOST): How are you going to get jobs for them? Many of them are ill-educated and have tattoos on their foreheads and I hate to be generalized about it but it's true. If you look at all the educational statistics, how are you going to give jobs to people who aren't qualified for jobs?
http://mediamatters.org/video/2016/04/11/o%E2%80%99reilly-tells-trump-blacks-are-ill-educated-and-have-tattoos-their-forehead%E2%80%9D%C2%A0-%C2%A0/209869

Or:

BILL O'REILLY (HOST): Now, Chicago over the weekend, eight dead, 45 wounded. This sounds like Afghanistan, does it not? Forthy-five wounded. Eight dead. Now, we have reported this scores of times -- nothing ever improves in the city of Chicago. Nothing. And you know why? Because these deaths are in the black precincts. If they were in the white precincts, on the miracle mile, OK,this would never happen. So this is real racism, you Black Lives Matter fools. This is what racism really is. So Guilfoyle, why doesn't it get better?
http://mediamatters.org/video/2015/09/22/bill-oreilly-on-chicago-violence-this-is-real-r/205733

Or:

Discussing his recent dinner with Rev. Al Sharpton at the Harlem restaurant Sylvia's, Bill O'Reilly reported that he "couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship." O'Reilly added: "There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea.' "

http://mediamatters.org/research/2007/09/21/oreilly-surprised-there-was-no-difference-betwe/139893

For some reason, I really want to now go to a restaurant where someone says “motherfucker, I want some more ice tea”. “Hi, welcome to fucking Applebees, what the shit can I get you?” “I’d like that motherfucking cheeseburger quesadilla shit, and hold that ass pico de gallo, fucking please! And I’d like a motherfucking Coors Light to wash that shit down with!” There should be more swearing in restaurants am I right about that?

I found all that just by clicking a few links on Media Matters. Bill O’Reilly claims he’s not racist? He is a definite, bonafied, certified fucking racist douchebag.


[font size="8"]Dennis Hastert [/font]


Thank god this guy is no longer speaker of the house. But seriously though you can’t fault a guy for owning up to his mistakes. But this gets weirder and weirder, and the more republicans try to get out of sex scandals the worse it gets for them.

Dennis Hastert's lawyer today said the former speaker of the House acknowledges that "as a young man he committed transgressions," and said he apologizes, one day after federal prosecutors revealed disturbing new details about sexual abuse he allegedly committed decades ago.
The 26-page filing released late Friday accuses the man who was once second in line for the presidency of a series of sexual encounters with four minors when Hastert was a high school wrestling coach in Illinois in the late 1960s and 1970s, and then of trying to lie about it when confronted by the FBI.
"Mr. Hastert acknowledges that as a young man he committed transgressions for which he is profoundly sorry. He earnestly apologizes to his former students, family, friends, previous constituents and all others affected by the harm his actions have caused," Hastert attorney Thomas Green said in a statement released today.
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/dennis-hastert-acknowledges-transgressions-apologizes-lawyer/story?id=38282160

Whoa whoa whoa… let’s stop there for a minute. How is a “few sexual encouters with four minors” a “little transgression”? I mean remember that guy who threw the alligator in the Wendy’s drive thru (see: Idiots #15 ) ? That was a “little transgression”. This is a serious, colossal fuck up involving the guy who is, I don’t know, A FORMER SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES!!!! Let’s continue.

Federal prosecutors, in detailing the allegations publicly for the first time, accused Hastert of “stunning hypocrisy,” noting that he had built his early political career largely on the foundation of his work as a teacher, coach and mentor to his students.
Of his alleged victims, the prosecutors wrote that Hastert “made them feel alone, ashamed, guilty and devoid of dignity. While defendant achieved great success, reaping all the benefits that went with it, these boys struggled, and all are still struggling now with what defendant did to them."

I love those words there – “stunning hypocrisy”. I mean Hastert is the kind of hypocritical republican that you hear about just about every minute of every day. But this type of thing just doesn’t help Hastert’s case at all:

During nearly 30 years as a state and federal lawmaker, Dennis Hastert presented himself as a champion of children ...
In Congress, Hastert supported the Child Abuse Prevention and Enforcement Act of 2000, which among other measures, sought to prevent and punish the sexual abuse of minors.
“... it is equally important to stop those predators before they strike, to put repeat child molesters into jail for the rest of their lives ..."

Now, prosecutors say Hastert sexually abused five students decades ago when he was a high school teacher and wrestling coach at Yorkville High School.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-dennis-hastert-lawmaker-record-met-20160413-story.html

[font size="8"]Donald Trump [/font]


So this happened:

Wow…………..

This brings up a lot of questions. Mainly did Donald Trump even know where he was? I mean he wasn’t even at Penn State! He was at the University of Pittsburgh! Wrong side of the state! I mean did he even bother to do any research about what happened? Does he know about the child molester Jerry Sandusky? Does any of that ring a bell?

PITTSBURGH -- Donald Trump's question about Joe Paterno left people baffled.

Speaking to a crowd of supporters in Pittsburgh on Wednesday, Trump asked about Joe Paterno and said, "How's Joe Paterno? We gonna bring that back?"

Paterno died in 2012.
http://fox59.com/2016/04/14/donald-trump-asks-confused-pittsburgh-crowd-hows-joe-paterno/

But what’s even funnier about this? Trumpenfuror’s representatives are actually saying that he was referring to Joe Paterno’s *STATUE* at Penn State University. And none of this matters because he was at the University of Pittsburgh, and has nothing to do with Penn State University:

"How's Joe Paterno?" Trump asked supporters. "Are we gonna bring that back? Right? ... How about that whole deal?"

A campaign spokeswoman later confirmed that the GOP presidential front-runner wasn't talking about Paterno himself but about his statue, which was removed from outside the football stadium four years ago, angering students and many alumni.

The statue was taken down after a university-commissioned report accused the late coach and three administrators of concealing sex abuse claims against Sandusky, a claim Paterno's family denies.

In February, two artists involved in producing the Paterno statue said they're working on two new statues of the coach in a secret location.

http://www.ktnv.com/news/national/donald-trump-forgets-that-joe-paterno-died-asks-how-hes-doing-at-rally

So moving on to other Trumpenfuror news – did you see this about his possible picks for vice president?

Little Marco? The guy who compared Trump's small hands to his penis size.

Scott Walker? The guy Trump whose record as governor Trump attacked all over Wisconsin

John Kasich? Would supposedly the only adult in the room actually even consider playing second fiddle to Donald Trump?

https://politicalwire.com/2016/04/12/trump-names-possible-veep-picks/

And if you guessed John Kasich, Scott Walker and Marco Rubio all declined, you are 100% correct sir / madam! You get points!

Donald Trump, in an interview with USA TODAY, floated the names of current and former rivals as potential vice presidents in a Trump administration, but none so far seems to want to have anything to do with the New York real estate mogul.

“Zero chance,” Ohio Gov. John Kasich said Tuesday on CBSThis Morning. “Look, I am running for president of the United States, and that’s it.”

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-vp-picks-thanks-but-no-thanks/ar-BBrFCI7?form=PRHPTP&ocid=iehp

But could it have something to do with this?

For Americans of nearly every race, gender, political persuasion and location, disdain for Donald Trump runs deep, saddling the Republican front-runner with unprecedented unpopularity as he tries to overcome recent campaign setbacks.

Seven in 10 people, including close to half of Republican voters, have an unfavorable view of Trump, according to a new Associated Press-GfK poll. It's an opinion shared by majorities of men and women; young and old; conservatives, moderates and liberals; and whites, Hispanics and blacks - a devastatingly broad indictment of the billionaire businessman.

Read more: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/poll-seven-in-10-people-hold-unfavorable-view-of-donald-trump/

[font size="8"]Donald Trump Supporters [/font]


Donald Trump supporters are every bit as stupid and batshit crazy as their leader is, and just like their leader, they seem to get worse by the day. So during a rally in New York City this week, at a venue that’s not too far from where Eric Garner was brutally gunned down and the latest victim of police brutality in a long string of victims of police brutality this happened:

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2016/04/13/trump-uses-eric-garners-dying-words-to-mock-mitt-romney-his-supporters-roar-with-laughter/
Republican front-runner Donald Trump decided a visit to New York would be a good time to try out his comedy routine by delivering a stunningly tasteless joke at the expense of a man who had been recently killed nearby by New York police.

In a performance that recalled the time he mocked a physically disabled reporter, Trump cast his arch-nemesis Mitt Romney in the role of police brutality victim Eric Garner because, as Trump tells it, both were known for “choking.”...

The moment stunned reporters on scene, but what was perhaps even more surprising was the response Trump got from his fans. Rather than find the idea of aping the words of a man who recently died just a few miles away repulsive, the crowd of Trump-heads roared with laughter. The mockery was the funniest thing they had ever seen.

Like every offensive thing Trump does, this may have been a finely-tuned tactical maneuver. For many in New York, the story of Eric Garner’s senseless death is still raw and infuriating, but the small but vocal Fox News crowd has always taken a different opinion on it. In the aftermath of Garner’s death, Fox repeatedly booked guests who pushed the idea that Garner deserved it.

I really have no words for this, except for:

But I will again remind Trump supporters of what they’re voting for. Garbage in, garbage out.

[font size="8"]Alex Jones [/font]


Alex Jones. No really he’s the punchline to the punchline. And any time you should get into a debate with an Infowars follower, get out immediately. They are some of the most horrible people across the political spectrum. Most of the shit he says half the time makes absolutely no sense. He’s just a mouthpiece with a microphone and an excuse to spout conspiracy theory bullshit, but perhaps the best part about this story is that it’s an absolutely classic case of the pot calling the kettle black. It’s no secret to Infowars fans that Alex Jones and Glenn Beck have had a long standing feud over who is the more insane conspiracy theorist. But Alex Jones took another shot at Glenn Beck this week:

The feud between Glenn Beck and Alex Jones is extremely amusing for us here at Right Wing Watch, considering that they are two of the most prominent faces of paranoid, conspiratorial thinking in the conservative media. But, according to Jones, their similarities are no accident because Beck is an actor who was trained to present himself as a “mixture of Oprah Winfrey and Alex Jones.”

“The cult leader, Glenn Beck, he is now an official religious cult leader,” Jones said. “He’s the false prophet and his messiah is Ted Cruz.” Jones called Beck a “cynical, twisted, weirdo” who “will end up destroying himself. He is an egomaniac, super-narcissist, probably psychotic, in my view, and he’s insane and wants to be a cult leader.” “Moses has returned, you didn’t know?” Jones said sarcastically. “The two prophets of Revelation, it’s Ted Cruz and Glenn Beck, you didn’t know? He says it’s a priesthood he’s starting. Oh yeah? Oh really? The liberal, hardcore shock jock that was hired right before 9/11 and gotten ready to come out to be the synthetic Alex Jones? I’ve been told that by the executives involved where they sat — and he’s an actor — and watched weeks of my videos and shows and said, ‘Take this and mix it with Oprah.’ That’s what I was told by the executives that used to run his operation. He’s a mixture of Oprah Winfrey and Alex Jones, all in a big, weird doughboy’s body. A cult leader. A Nellie high priest. Scared to death, by the way, dozens of security people.”

- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/alex-jones-blasts-psychotic-cult-leader-glenn-beck#sthash.IoZnfEqf.dpuf

So Glenn Beck is a cult leader? Somehow I don’t think Beck has enough charisma to be a cult leader. But Alex Jones might. Let’s run through the checklist, shall we? I found this from [link: http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/06/the-seven-signs-youre-in-a-cult/361400/ | The Atlantic]. And well, you be the judge.


[font size="8"]Sarah Palin [/font]


Thank you John McCain. You gave us the one political celebrity who should have had her 15 minutes up a long time ago. So Sarah Palin has been in the news a lot lately, mainly because of the idea that a debate between her and actual scientist Bill Nye is going to happen. But originally Palin had backed out of the project:

Turns out grifters gotta grift only if actual facts aren't involved. Bi-Partisan Report, emphasis added:
The half-term Republican governor of Alaska isn’t known for much except publicly spewing verbal diarrhea and endorsing the likes of Donald Trump. Why would she be speaking about climate change? Well, turns out, she’s not. The infamous (and not for good reason) Sarah Palin has chickened out of “debating” with “Bill Nye the Science Guy” in person, and has opted for some kind of pre-recorded video conversation instead.
Really? Quitty McQuitter is just gonna phone it in? That's a real shame.
I have to assume wiser heads told her the few wingnuts still buying her brand aren't interested in a "debate" over climate science. Just put Jesus on that dinosaur and ride.
http://crooksandliars.com/2016/04/sarah-palin-wimps-out-debate-bill-nye

What could have been a very interesting and also very one sided debate instead is devolving into a pre recorded video conversation between Palin and Bill Nye. But instead Palin took the gloves and belt off and now it’s going down:

Climate change denier Sarah Palin: 'Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am'

Of all the causes Sarah Palin has embraced in her varied career as hockey mom, Alaska governor, Republican vice-presidential nominee, Fox television commentator and Donald Trump supporter, none perhaps may be as bold or – as she still likes to say, “rogue” – as trying to take down a much-beloved children’s television personality: Bill Nye the Science Guy.

But that was where hardcore climate change denial landed Palin on Thursday: a wood-panelled committee room in Congress where she disputed the credentials of a hugely popular science educator who has designed devices for Nasa and been awarded several honorary degrees.

“Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am,” Palin told the gathering. “He’s a kids’ show actor. He’s not a scientist.”

And that was not even the low point of the event.

The occasion was the premiere for the Climate Hustle, a film that dismisses global warming as an excuse for government takeover and makes the outrageously false claim that rising carbon emissions are beneficial.
http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/apr/15/sarah-palin-bill-nye-climate-change-hustle-film

Wow, dick move Sarah. See, Sarah, here's the thing - you can call yourself a "scientist" all you want. 7-11 can market a $2 chicken sandwich and call it "awesome" all they want. The simple fact of the matter is that neither of these things are true. I mean look - it even says "awesomeness guaranteed" in the ad!



But you know how I know the latter isn't true? Because it's a chicken sandwich that costs $2 at fucking 7-11!!!!! I can guarantee that what you get when you pay that $2 is a patty made of some kind of chicken substance and a sauce that is full of sugar and high fructose corn syrup. So if 7-11 can market a chicken sandwich for $2 and call it "awesome" all they want, then sure, Sarah Palin can call herself a "scientist"!




[font size="8"]Ted Cruz [/font]


If there’s anyone on the campaign trail that’s even more deplorable and despicable than Donald Trump, it’s Ted Cruz. What to me is worrisome about Ted Cruz, is that he is about as batshit crazy as Donald Trump is. But unlike Donald Trump Ted Cruz adds some extremely insane right wing religious end times theories to his repertoire. And take a look at the popularity polls – CNN indicates that Cruz ranks just a few points above Trumpenfuror’s unpopularity ratings:

Cruz faces a smaller but still significant gap, with a 53% unfavorable rating compared to to 26% reporting favorable opinions. Cruz also faces less intense dislike, as only 33% check "strongly unfavorable."
Kasich, meanwhile, is viewed favorably and unfavorably by an equal share of Americans, at 39%. But he's also lesser known -- 22% have no opinion of him.
Trump and Cruz are popular with just over a majority of Republicans -- at 56% and 58% each -- however, the poll also found deep divisions persist within the party. More than half (52%) of Cruz supporters report an unfavorable opinion of Trump, while 51% of Trump backers says the same about Cruz.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/14/politics/donald-trump-ted-cruz-popularity/

But even look at this clip from the Jimmy Kimmel show where he talks about how much he is disliked by his fellow senators;

With that said we’re going to delve into Teddy’s past for this entry. He is even more batshit crazy than I had originally suspected. While being interviewed, Ted’s wife Heidi dropped this insane story from an interview on CNN’s town hall:

Here is the story Heidi shared with the audience, a story which I guess she thought would humanize him, but instead grossed many people out.
"When I married Ted, we got back from our honeymoon, and he went off to the store and came home by himself. And I was completely shocked to see that he arrived back at our apartment with literally 100 cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup. I never bought 100 of anything.
This was shocking to me, so we had a tough conversation about it. I said, “You don’t buy 100 of anything, much less canned soup. We can’t do this. I’ll be making things.” He said, “No, I know you. you won’t be making things.”
So the next morning, it was a weekend morning, I loaded up our car before he woke up and returned every single can. And when I got home, I called my mother just to make sure I’d done the right thing as a newlywed. And she emphatically disagreed with me. And so when Ted opened the pantry, I had to quickly tell him that I would go back and buy those cans again."
http://crooksandliars.com/2016/04/cruz-stockpiling-cans-chunky-soup

What the what?

100 soup cans? Seriously what the hell does one go out and buy 100 soup cans for unless they’re building a soup can pyramid, or maybe preparing for the zombie apocalypse? I mean this just raises about 100 million questions. This is seriously one of those stories where if you contemplate it for too long, your head will do this:





[font size="8"]Rush Limbaugh [/font]


You know it’s not in my nature to kick a man when he’s down. But when you consider that Rush Limbaugh made a whole fucking 40 year career out of doing exactly that, I think it’s perfectly OK to rub some salt on the wound, don’t you? So let’s cue up the Sad Hulk Music and read this in your best Casey Kasem voice:

One of the favorite pastimes for sports fans is commiserating over the worst contract their home team ever made; guffawing over management’s decision to waste tens of millions of dollars for a player who never justified the huge payday. (See: Gilbert Arenas.)

For talk radio, there’s probably only one contract that enters that realm of notoriety: Rush Limbaugh’s eight-year, $400-million deal, signed in the summer of 2008 with his longtime radio employer Premiere Radio Networks.

Owned by Clear Channel Communications, which has since changed its name to iHeartRadio, Premiere’s Limbaugh deal instantly dwarfed any payout in AM/FM history. (Only Howard Stern’s contract with Sirius was larger.) The contract, which included a staggering $100 million signing bonus, never panned out as the wheels began to come off Limbaugh’s radio empire.

This year, his contract is up and the timing couldn’t be worse. The talker is facing ratings hurdles, aging demographics, and an advertising community that increasingly views him as toxic, thanks in part to his days-long sexist meltdown over Sandra Fluke in 2012. (He’s also stumbling through the GOP primary season.)

http://www.salon.com/2016/04/14/rush_limbaugh_hit_where_it_hurts_worlds_greatest_troll_faces_steep_pay_cut_partner/

Hey I’m an LA Angels fan. My team is paying Josh Hamilton $50 fucking million to play for the rival Texas Rangers!!!! Don’t get me started on bad contracts! But nothing is worse than what Clear channel was paying Rush Limbaugh. I mean $400 million to spout hate, ignorance, and bullshit to Americans who feed on hate, ignorance and bullshit, is well, fitting that he fell flat on his face after that sexist tirade against Sandra Fluke.

[font size="8"]Top 10 Special Report [/font]


Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, LGBT and gender non conformers, we have a Top 10 Special Investigative Report. Hit it!

To open this Top 10 Special Report, we are going to talk about republicans, creepy sex talk, and the controversial North Carolina anti-transgender bathroom law, aka HB-2. See our team of crack journalists and researchers, and journalists and researchers on crack, want to bring you some hard hitting investigative journalism. But before we dive into this thing head first, we’re first going to explore their mind set. Look who North Carolina governor Pat McCrory is blaming for reaction to his HB-2 "bathroom bill" law. Why if you guessed it's us you are correct!

NC Gov. Pat McCrory: 'It Was The Left That Brought About The Bathroom Bill'

North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory (R) blamed liberals over the weekend for a state law that strips bathroom rights from transgender people.

On Sunday's edition of Meet the Press, host Chuck Todd asked the governor if he regretted signing HB2 after 160 companies called for it to be repealed, and dozens threatened to boycott the state.

McCrory argued that his job as governor was to stop "government overreach" by cities like Charlotte, which had passed an ordinance allowing transgender people to use the restroom of their choice.

"It was the left that brought about the bathroom bill, not the right," he insisted. "The city of Charlotte passed a mandate on every private sector employer in North Carolina, one of the largest cities in the United States of America. And I think that's government overreach."
http://crooksandliars.com/2016/04/nc-gov-pat-mccrory-it-was-left-brought

You tell 'em, Mr. President!

But why? Why did governor McCrory go there and blame the left for these bullshit "religious freedom" bills when they're really the product of the right wing all over the country? We all know these bullshit laws have nothing to do with "religion" or "freedom" but everything to do with discrimination. And there's some people who just don't get it. Remember a couple of weeks ago when I reported that Caitlyn Jenner wanted to be the “Trans Ambassador” for Ted Cruz, despite that such a position did not exist (see Idiots #21) ? Well Ted Cruz has finally let his stance on Trans issues be known, and it’s something that won’t exactly please Ms. Jenner as a trans woman:

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) said Thursday that he supports North Carolina lawmakers' push to keep transgender people from using the bathroom that aligns with their gender identity.

Cruz said laws requiring people to use the restroom that corresponds to the sex on their birth certificate makes sense because "men should not be going to the bathroom with little girls," according to the Associated Press.

"That is a perfectly reasonable determination for the people to make," Cruz said during a pre-taped town hall with MSNBC on Thursday, according to the AP.

Cruz's comment echoes the reasoning North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory (R) has used while scrambling to defend the sweeping anti-LGBT law he signed into law last month. State lawmakers passed the legislation in response to a Charlotte ordinance that expanded anti-discrimination protections to gay and transgender people and allowed people to use the restroom that aligns with their gender identity.

Read more: http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/ted-cruz-supports-hb2-north-carolina

Yes it’s perfectly fine for Tennessee and North Carolina to enact these horrifying and humiliating laws that bring a crazy conspiracy theory from a South Park episode to life:

That’s right. So it’s not OK but if you saw the end of entry #1 this week it’s perfectly OK by their standards for congregation members to be armed to the teeth to protect themselves. Probably from themselves. At least that’s my theory. But then John Kasich had to go and be insanely creepy and weird when it comes to sex talk. Here’s what he told a female college student in upstate New York:

Ohio Gov. John Kasich on Friday told a young female college student, who said she was worried about sexual harassment and violence, that she should avoid parties with a lot of alcohol.

Democrats pounced on the remark, saying Kasich was "blaming victims of sexual and domestic violence." But the Ohio governor rejected that idea, saying he was only warning to be careful in situations involving alcohol because "it obscures the ability of people to seek justice."

The young woman, a first-year student at St. Lawrence University in Canton, New York, had asked the Ohio governor at a town hall here how he would help her "feel safer and more secure regarding sexual violence, harassment and rape" as president.

"Well I would give you, I'd also give you one bit of advice. Don't go to parties where there's a lot of alcohol. OK? Don't do that," Kasich said as the audience applauded.

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/15/politics/john-kasich-no-alcohol-parties/index.html

But that’s not the first time Kasich has been weird and creepy about sex. You might remember this happening several weeks ago during a campaign stop in Ohio as well. This is the republican mentality on rape and sex. Victim blaming. So North Carolina and their passing of HB-2 has been all over the news for the last few weeks. And everyone and everything has been coming out against the bill. I mean look what happened just last week:

A popular porn site is blocking some North Carolinians' access to its material due to the state’s law preventing cities from banning discrimination against the LGBT community.
The porn site, xHamster, tweeted on Monday that it was “blacking out access for North Carolina” because of newly passed House Bill 2, which also dictates which public restrooms transgender men and women can use.
When users with a North Carolina IP address visit the website they will be asked if they support the anti-LGBT law, xHamster Chief Marketing Officer, Alexander D. Hawkins, said in an email. If they choose in the affirmative they will be blocked from the site, he said.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/nation-now/2016/04/12/porno-xhamster-website-blocks-anti-lgbt-law-north-carolina-users/82934350/

I mean what good is North Carolina if its’ perverts can’t access their online porno? And how is this going to affect their college fraternities? But here’s where it gets weird, and I mean really weird. Fortune Magazine listed the statistics of what North Carolinians search for:

“I think that porn has the power to do what Bruce Springsteen can’t,” Mike Kulich, a spokesperson for the company, told the Huffington Post. When North Carolinians visit the site now, they will only be welcomed with a blank page, which Kulich said will soon be replaced with a petition calling for HB2 to be repealed.
Kulich added that, according to the site’s statistics, North Carolina’s taste in porn is more open minded than the passing of the HB2 law would suggest—in March, viewers from the state searched the term “Gay” 319,907 times and “Transsexual” about 400,000 times.
http://fortune.com/2016/04/12/porn-site-lgbt/

Wait – whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? 400,000 searches for “transsexual” and 320,000 searches for “gay”? What are they trying to tell us exactly? I mean how can North Carolina pass a law that condemns what so many people search for when they’re doing the unspeakable with the lights turned off? Well it’s not just North Carolina – lots of states including Tennessee and Mississippi have enacted some absolutely horrific and terrifying anti-trans bills either signed or about to be signed. But here’s where the republican party loses their collective shit over sexual matters. To give you some background this is what happens when people have too much free time and dangerous ideologues screaming in their ears:

Christian author and publisher Mack Major warned over the weekend that “Christian women are losing their salvation” by using dildos, which he called a “direct path to Satan.”

“Too many Christian women are losing their salvation because they masturbate,” Mack wrote on the Eden Decoded Facebook page. “Dildos and all of those other sex toys have been used for thousands of years in demonic sex rituals. It’s one of the main ways ancient pagan societies worshiped their demonic gods.”

“Masturbation is a direct path to Satan,” he added. “There’s nothing normal about it. And shame on any Christian that says so.”
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/04/christian-publisher-women-are-losing-their-salvation-because-they-masturbate/

Sometimes you have to laugh, sometimes you just want to bang your head against the wall. Excuse me a minute…

So coming back to Ted Cruz, he wants to ban masturbation entirely – and I wish I was making this up!

http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/4/13/1514818/-Call-of-the-Dildos-The-Ted-Cruz-Story

Getting attention today: The court case in which Republican now-presidential candidate Ted Cruz, then the Texas solicitor general, ferociously defended the state's law barring the sale of dildos.

The brief insisted that Texas in order to protect "public morals" had "police-power interests" in "discouraging prurient interests in sexual gratification, combating the commercial sale of sex, and protecting minors." There was a "government" interest, it maintained, in "discouraging...autonomous sex." The brief compared the use of sex toys with "hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy," and it equated advertising these products with the commercial promotion of prostitution. In perhaps the most noticeable line of the brief, Cruz's office declared, "There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one's genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship."

Wait – a demonic portal to hell you say? *gets out Portal HUD*



Thank you Cave Johnson. Yes. Sex toys are like hiring a prostitute. And you know what? Ted Cruz takes as much of a batshit insane stance on sex and masturbation like the above story:

http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/4/13/1514818/-Call-of-the-Dildos-The-Ted-Cruz-Story

Getting attention today: The court case in which Republican now-presidential candidate Ted Cruz, then the Texas solicitor general, ferociously defended the state's law barring the sale of dildos.

The brief insisted that Texas in order to protect "public morals" had "police-power interests" in "discouraging prurient interests in sexual gratification, combating the commercial sale of sex, and protecting minors." There was a "government" interest, it maintained, in "discouraging...autonomous sex." The brief compared the use of sex toys with "hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy," and it equated advertising these products with the commercial promotion of prostitution. In perhaps the most noticeable line of the brief, Cruz's office declared, "There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one's genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship."
http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/4/13/1514818/-Call-of-the-Dildos-The-Ted-Cruz-Story

Wait – dildos are forbidden to purchase in Texas? But what about cock rings?

But Ted Cruz's roommate came forward with a story today that's just about as bizarre as him buying 100 cans of chunky chicken soup:

Craig Mazin, a Los Angeles screenwriter and film maker, has made headlines in recent months for commenting on his unhappy time spent as the Texas senator’s college room mate.

According to Mother Jones, Cruz’s office argued in 2007 that “there is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.”

Mazin quickly responded to Cruz’s reported comments on Wednesday:

Ted Cruz thinks people don't have a right to "stimulate their genitals." I was his college roommate. This would be a new belief of his.

AND

Ted Cruz did not have a dildo stashed under his pillow. Ted Cruz slept on top of his pillow.

http://www.rawstory.com/2016/04/ted-cruzs-former-roommate-just-revealed-his-self-pleasuring-technique-only-click-if-youve-already-had-lunch/

So did Ted Cruz sleep with a giant dildo under his pillow? That is the question on the table here! And I really honestly don't want to know the answer to that. Maybe that’s because they read too much into Time Magazine’s recent expose on internet porn and what happens when kids grow up with it. And we come full circle on this investigation here. See, this is what republicans like those at UNC want with HB-2. But who is the greater danger and a public threat to women? Why it’s not trans people.

A Republican state lawmaker in Tennessee who is pushing to strip transgender people of bathroom rights has been found to be a danger to “unsuspecting women.”

Last week, Tennessee House Speaker Beth Harwell exiled state Rep. Jeremy Durham from his offices at the War Memorial Building and limited his access to other areas after Attorney General Herbert Slatery issued a warning that the lawmaker’s behavior posed “a continuing risk to unsuspecting women who are employed by or interact with the legislature.”

Slatery’s office is leading an investigation into multiple sexual harassment complaints against Durham. Although the investigation is not complete, Slatery said that the warning was necessary because of information learned during interviews with 34 different women.

http://www.rawstory.com/2016/04/gop-cosponsor-of-anti-trans-bathroom-bill-is-a-danger-to-unsuspecting-women-probe-finds/

Yes! The lawmakers themselves are a bigger danger than what they are accusing others of doing! I mean what about that part in the Bible that says “Do unto others”? Oh wait – they only “do unto others” when it’s something that they accuse the others of. Like this:

http://www.towleroad.com/2015/10/anti-gay-indiana-lawmaker-signed-religious-freedom-law-resigns-sex-tape-leak-video/
Indiana House Majority Leader Judson “Jud” McMillin, who cosponsored the state’s contentious religious freedom law, resigned Tuesday after an explicit video starring McMillin was sent via text message from his phone to all of his phone contacts, including legislative officials.

McMillin’s resignation comes after the house leader reached out to his phone contacts explaining his phone was stolen in Canada and to disregard any messages they received within the period that it went missing. However, an explicit video of McMillin with another woman, who isn’t his wife, surfaced and McMillin resigned without publicly acknowledging the video. However, this isn’t the first time McMillin has resigned over sexual misconduct; an expose on McMillin revealed that in 2011 the lawmaker attempted to coerce a domestic violence victim into a sexual relationship amongst damning petty theft allegations and vehicular homicide charges.

Guess you can file that one under “What goes around comes around!”



[font size="8"]Bonus Idiot: [/font]
[font size="8"]Everything Wrong With America In One Story: [/font]


Allow me to channel the CinemaSins Youtube channel for a minute. OK you’re a state representative and you’re running for reelection. But you’re caught in a DUI situation, which is made worse by the fact that you have a gun and not one, not two, not three, but four kids in the car? What do you do?

A Georgia Republican faces a new challenge in his re-election campaign after his arrest on drunken driving charges.
State Rep. Tom Taylor (R-Dunwoody) was stopped April 7 for driving 72 mph in a 45-mph zone with four children in his vehicle, reported the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
The 54-year-old Taylor had a blood-alcohol content of .225, which is nearly three times higher than the legal limit of .08, and was legally carrying a gun on his hip at the time of his arrest.
“I profoundly regret this serious mistake,” Taylor said in a statement. “There’s no one to blame but me, and I greatly appreciate the professionalism of the officers involved. This was my first run-in with the law in my life, and it will also be my last.”
Police said Taylor, who is facing a May 24 primary challenge from Republican Tom Owens, smelled strongly of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes but denied having anything to drink.
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/04/georgia-republican-busted-for-drunken-driving-with-four-kids-in-his-car-and-a-gun-on-his-hip/

So let’s run through the checklist, shall we? Possession of a firearm? Check. Driving under the influence? Check. Driving under the influence with children present? Check. And denying that you did all those things when you were caught with your pants down? Checkity check check! You may think to call this story “reckless endangerment of children and a false representation of our elected representatives”. Well, I call it “the single most Georgia story that has ever existed”!



We are going to be taking a much needed week off next week, but we’ll back on May 1st with an all new 25th edition, and we will be bringing back the Wheel O’Corruption. See you in two weeks!

[Algernon Moncrieff]

1. I kick, I recommend, and I look forward to the Wheel Of Corruption

[Initech]

10. He who is tired of the Wheel O'Corruption is tired of life.

And my favorite thing is giving the wheel sequel names of the Michael Bay variety!

[LiberalArkie]

2. K&R Very good.

I noticed Alex Jones & Donald Trump Supporters both shared the number 6.. Kind of fitting I think.

[Initech]

3. That was a typo. Fixed it.

Although I've never had a tied entry before!

[LiberalLovinLug]

4. Excellent!

Nice work but you are going to burn yourself out. So extensive. I appreciate the work but I'd love to see this segment re-introduced back every week.

All worthy top 10 "winners". Although I must agree with Alex Jones that Glenn Beck is a psychotic wanna-be cult leader. And I also agree that he's an actor, as all cult leaders are. I don't doubt that he's studied other successful RW conspiracy nuts to form his on air persona.

Basically it takes one to know one.

[Initech]

5. It's not really that hard.

I try to base everything on similar topics I find, and most of the time I can find related articles with a quick Google search. But yeah that's why we're taking a week off next week.

Plus doing it this way I get to channel my inner John Oliver / John Stewart / Stephen Colbert.

[Spitfire of ATJ]

6. That last guy will win in a landslide.

[Initech]

9. That explains how Klingenschmitt got elected!

[longship]

7. How can we live two weeks?

We will soldier on without your savage and rapier brain.

It'll be tough, though.

Consistently the best post of the week.

[Initech]

11. Got finals to study for.

So I have to sacrifice something and unfortunately the Top 10 has to take a holiday for a week. But we will return!

[longship]

12. Well, do well, my friend.

We'll see you when you return.

Study hard and ace your exams.

[Initech]

13. *fingers crossed*

[malaise]

8. Fabulous

as always

[Iggo]

14. You musta put this together before Maiden, not after.

[Initech]

15. I almost thought about doing a Maiden themed edition.

But couldn't figure out a good way to make that work. I might revisit that at some point though.

Maybe I'll make the next Wheel O'Corruption Maiden Themed.

[dembotoz]

16. k and r

[47of74]

17. Or as I call him, Gordon Klingonshit.

Actually Klingon Shit isn't as nasty as Chaps is.

[Initech]

18. Nice, I like it!