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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums10 Reasons Not to Get Married
http://www.alternet.org/action/155766/10_reasons_not_to_get_married/_thumbs_600x529_310x220
***SNIP
Nevertheless, people are delaying marriage (or not getting married at all) far more than they used to. Is it just because all women are crazy, angry, slutty liars? Doubtful. Here are 10 much more realistic reasons for why you are probably not married:
1. You are focused on your career.
And you are not going to apologize for it. Some people call this being a "bitch," because you are a lady and you have a job that you might be more focused on than smiling pretty and making sure you don't intimidate Mr. Right. Most of us just call this being alive in 2012 (you know the time the economy tanked and we had to work to eat).
2. You have standards.
You know you could have settled for Mr. "I just don't like your friends," or, "I just don't think women have ever done anything important," or, "so, about that Ron Paul," or even, "I only cheated on you once," but you realized you could do better. And frankly, being alone is just more manageable and makes you happier than being in a relationship that's the pits. So you didn't marry him, even though you probably could have.
3. You can't afford it.
According to the Brookings Institute marriage rates are down for people that don't have money. It's not even that women don't want to get married, as much as men don't feel ready to propose until they have the cash to support a family. There is no special Spanx you can buy that will bolster a man's self-esteem to convince him that you don't care he is broke. Many people are still tied to the idea that men have to out earn women, even though you have a job (remember that you are mega-focused on) and could probably support the both of you. Plus, the average cost of a wedding is 27, 000 dollars. Yes, you read that right.
jberryhill
(62,444 posts)Mayflower1
(100 posts)what's a "newt" !!!!
Or "Rush."
no_hypocrisy
(46,182 posts)IMO, marriage has been promoted since you were kids. More specifically, weddings to little girls, which isn't the same thing as marriage. Weddings are fun. Wedding are parties. Marriage is finding the money to pay the mortgage. Marriage is forgetting to pick something up at the store on the way home. Marriage is the proverbial top off the toothpaste. Marriage is work. And as philosopher Hugh Prather has more or less stated, with marriage, the concept of "rights" is introduced.
No thank you. My siblings are happily married. That doesn't mean it's right for me.
raccoon
(31,119 posts)lunatica
(53,410 posts)Last edited Thu Jun 7, 2012, 08:59 AM - Edit history (1)
You like not being married!!!
Especially when you've tried it and found it wanting or limiting or suffocating or just plain miserable.
catbyte
(34,447 posts)or you may have to divorce that person after 28 years of a terrific marriage because his medical bills will wipe you out financially if you stay married. If the ACA is repealed, I will have to divorce my husband of 28 years because he's reached our insurance company's arbitrary "lifetime benefits cap" and they won't have to pay for his care any more. Good luck to us trying to find another health insurance carrier. I've been with the same company for 30 years through my job.
And the baggers say that gay people are the biggest threat to marriage. BULLSHIT.
Sorry, I'm just feeling a little grouchy today...
Diane
Anishinaabe in MI & mom to Leo, Taz & Nigel, members of Dogs Against Romney, Cat Division
"Dogs Arent Luggage--HISS!
Ron Obvious
(6,261 posts)We got a letter from our Blue Shield insurance a year ago that explicitly stated that "due to the provisions of Obama's new healthcare law" the lifetime benefit cap was going to be gone and that they had no choice but to increase our premiums by 35% or whatever it was.
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)nothing is certain imho.
Right now the cap is gone. But if the Supremes overturn it, then I'm sure the insurance companies will re-instate the cap.
Ron Obvious
(6,261 posts)Better have another cup of coffee.
Something tells me that our premiums aren't going to go down by 35% if the SC throws out the entire ACA and not just the mandate/pre-existing condition pairing.
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)My husband's premium is more than $20k per year for his PEC right now. He was also nearing the cap when the ACA kicked in so I'm pretty sensitive about posts that mention it. We struggle to pay his insurance at the moment, I can't imagine what the ramifications will be if the Supremes strike ACA down.
Guy Whitey Corngood
(26,505 posts)run and don't look back
Robb
(39,665 posts)I never thought I wanted to get married until the moment I wanted to get married.
RebelOne
(30,947 posts)Cestode
(32 posts)Or if you do, draft a pre-nump!
In Canada, in a divorce, each party is entitled to 50% of the collective assets, investments, pensions etc..
So your partner can take 50% of everything even if he/she did not contribute to them, even if there are no children involved, even if it was a short marriage.
Protect yourself!
laundry_queen
(8,646 posts)you have to keep in mind - even IF that person is seemingly financially independent WHILE you are married they can run up huge amounts of debt that cancel out any assets, investments and pensions and YOU are liable for 50% of the debt if you split. Ask me how I know.
raccoon
(31,119 posts)laundry_queen
(8,646 posts)raccoon
(31,119 posts)laundry_queen
(8,646 posts)Zalatix
(8,994 posts)laundry_queen
(8,646 posts)lumberjack_jeff
(33,224 posts)Don't marry and you keep all your stuff now and all your future earnings too.
Financially, marriage is only profitable for someone with nothing now and no expectations of earning in the future.
derby378
(30,252 posts)The look in her eyes as she proudly takes you to be her lawfully wedded husband.
I will take that to the grave with me. Ginny could have had any man she wanted. She chose me. And I am forever humbled by that realization.
It sounds like Ginny is the lucky one...
Diane
Anishinaabe in MI & mom to Leo, Taz & Nigel, members of Dogs Against Romney, Cat Division
"Dogs Arent Luggage Even Though They Are Lower Life Forms--HISS!
HappyMe
(20,277 posts)Good for you and your dear wife.
It's a personal decision. Marry or don't. There are people still fighting for their right to marry.
hfojvt
(37,573 posts)Could have been much shorter article if it just listed ONE reason
"Because there's not a man alive who can hope to measure up to that blend of Paul Bunyan, St. Pat and Noah Webster you've concocted for yourself out of your Irish imagination and Iowa stubbornness and your library full of books!!"
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)Most of those reasons aren't about rejecting men at all (focused on career, can't afford it, don't need the symbolism to love each other forever, having a blast with friends, love sex with a lot of guys...)
In fact, very few of the reasons in that article have anything to do with rejecting men (or women - the article is actually pretty a-sexual and applies to both genders).
hfojvt
(37,573 posts)I was not thereby motivated to read the rest of the piece of crapola.
It was a-sexual? Look at the three in the OP
1. "Some people call this being a "bitch," because you are a lady and you have a job:"
2. You could have settled for MR. or MR. or MR.
Yeah, that's real a-sexual.
3. There's no amount of spanx to fill a man's ego who has no job (or something to that effect).
I am not even sure what that means. What the hell is spanx?
and "love sex with a lot of guys"
Well, that might be nice, if I was either a) gay or b) a woman, but as a 50 year old male virgin that is not high on my own list for reasons to not get married. And I guess if there are any semi-attractive single ladies who want to make me 183 on their list of guys they have sex with, I would be happy to take a number, because right now my number seems to be 1,570,796,327* and I think I just heard them call 22.**
* The approximate number of seconds I have been alive.
** semi optimistically, the number of years I might have left to live.
derby378
(30,252 posts)Invented by Sara Blakely, runner-up on the game show Rebel Billionaire hosted by Virgin mogul Richard Branson. Started by creating a pair of "footless pantyhose" in her husband's workshop to combine support with versatility and comfort. Since then has expanded into various styles of hosiery for women as well as boy-leg "Power Panties" and other foundation garments. Has recently released a new line of support foundations for men.
Am I missing anything here, folks? Or am I starting to scare you?
4th law of robotics
(6,801 posts)Is that true?
Blue_Tires
(55,445 posts)lapislzi
(5,762 posts)I had to resist the urge to puke on the keyboard.
Women like that set women back 50 years every time they open their pie holes.
"I'm a slut?" Goddamn right, and proud of it.
Thrice-married and thrice-divorced qualifies you to dispense advice about...absolutely nothing.
dawg
(10,624 posts)Men do lots of those things as well. I'd love to find someone again and eventually get remarried someday, but I can already see the potential in myself for some of the bad behaviors the McMillan article talks about. I'm not proud of that, and the article at least made me think.
Of course there are lots of vomit-inducing bits in there as well, and the article is blatantly sexist. But many of us could do with being less angry, superficial, self-centered, etc.
Zalatix
(8,994 posts)I felt let down that it didn't.
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)She and her 3-years-together partner just moved to DC. They're having a blast together (definitely fall under #5 and 6 in that article). I'm pretty sure neither of them want children but even if they do, marriage still isn't required.
Great article and true in so many ways. K&R
shadegrown dulse
(9 posts)I have my own mind. I like to do my own thing and not follow the crowd.
Think about it: how many people in your crowd got married around the same time? Usually happens quite rapidly, once the first one does it. Monkey see, monkey do.
lumberjack_jeff
(33,224 posts)I'm sure that men aren't marrying because they have standards too.
4th law of robotics
(6,801 posts)She may take half your stuff. No more sex with other women.
Guy's generally don't assume their career will suffer if they get married. Nor do they insist on the ridiculously expensive fairy-tale wedding mentioned in the article. And so on.
bawieland
(17 posts)This annoyed me:
My atheist parents have been married for 44 years now and have been through good times and bad, weathered out some real challenges and come through it all dedicated to each other. Now, as their health starts to decline, they're still there for each other, pulling together and making the most of the lives they've built together. Marriage, to me, has nothing to do with religion. Their marriage is as true and genuine as any ever held in a church. It's wrong to let religion corner the market in marriage.
As for me, myself, btdt, happily divorced from my ex-husband and now living with the woman I love. I would love to marry her one day, but I'm holding out until we can have a union with all the rights and obligations granted to straight couples. I don't want just a symbolic ceremony. I want equality, too.
JNelson6563
(28,151 posts)As an atheist I took issue with that same bit.
On your personal situation, I am very happy to read you have found a great fit in the world of love. I look forward to the day when you and anyone else who wants to can get married.
Julie
dmallind
(10,437 posts)Protestants, Mormons, evangelicals, JWs - all divorce more frequently.
lapislzi
(5,762 posts)I'm not "just" an atheist.
I am, however, happily married. To an atheist. My husband and I thought long and hard about taking that step when our gay brothers and sisters could not. We decided that our symbolic protest really wouldn't move the equality process along in any meaningful way. I am glad that I live in a state that now has marriage equality.
jwirr
(39,215 posts)know would not be able to get college grants/loans if they were married. That would mean that they would not go at all. This may not seem fair but it is happening.
Egalitarian Thug
(12,448 posts)goclark
(30,404 posts)Ms.goclark is happy as can be
treestar
(82,383 posts)clingy (or too independent, get your story straight), desperate bitch who has to try harder.
I think the idea is that is whatever you are doing is wrong and it's your fault. Show some interest, and you're too interested. Play it cool and that's the problem. The idea is that the man should get all of the control, so you must be approaching it "wrong."
Young naive girls believe that.