FOX: NEW EVIDENCE HILLARY KILLED LINCOLN

[iandhr]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what may be the most serious allegation ever made against the former Secretary of State, Fox News Channel reported today that Hillary Clinton was involved in the conspiracy to murder President Abraham Lincoln.The latest charge against Mrs. Clinton was reported by Fox host Sean Hannity, who said that the evidence of her role in the Lincoln assassination came mainly in the form of e-mails.

According to Mr. Hannity, “If it’s true that Hillary Clinton killed Lincoln, this could have a major impact on her chances in 2016.”


The accusation against Mrs. Clinton drew a strong response from Sen. Lindsey Graham (R.—S. Carolina): “There’s been a concerted effort by Hillary Clinton to cover up her role in President Lincoln’s murder. She has said nothing about it. This is bigger than Watergate, the Cuban missile crisis, and the Second World War put together.”


Responding to the allegation, Mrs. Clinton issued a terse statement indicating that she could not have participated in Lincoln’s assassination because she was born in 1947.

“That’s what she wants us to believe,” Sen. Graham said.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/fox-new-evidence-hillary-killed-lincoln

[Lithos]

1. OMG!

Other than that, how was the play Mrs. Lincoln?

[Lance Bass esquire]

2. Me thinks they might have something that sticks

This time!!!!

Did Billo discover this when he wrote Killing Lincoln?

[riversedge]

5. Hannity was his source

[Lance Bass esquire]

10. But where did Mr Hannity get the tip off on the emails?

I'm sure Bill and Sean have guy talk when they go to the same massage parlor for the falafel special.

[riversedge]

25. Ding Ding YOU WIN!

[keithbvadu2]

15. It took a lot of waterboarding to get Hannity to talk.

A couple of vicious dribbles from an eyedropper.

[treestar]

3. LOL

[SummerSnow]

4. Wonder what she wore to the theater ?

[leftofcool]

27. Calico pantsuit?

[Thinkingabout]

6. This is very much in line with other thinking. Probably this is what

Bill was talking to Lynch, trying to cover up this crime.

[guillaumeb]

7. I also heard that she had an affair with John Wilkes Booth.

Borowitz is in a class by himself.

[Ilsa]

19. well, she and JWB were emailing one another about the

Plans AND having an affair.

Anachronism? What's an anachronism?

[sheshe2]

8. Birth Certificate please.

1947 my ass, prove it!

[madokie]

9. Borowitz gets it

trouble is I wouldn't be surprised if some of the tRump idiots won't believe it.
They flat ass Don't GET it

[Journeyman]

11. Wel, you never heard her denying it until we started accusing her, did you? . . .

Just goes to show (something) . . .

[MADem]

12. That moron O'LIEly will have to change the cover and the thesis of his

stupid Killing Lincoln book.

[IronLionZion]

13. Unless she produces emails from Lincoln and both Kennedys

she must obviously be guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. There is no other explanation other than emails that will suffice.

[Gothmog]

14. I love Andy Borowitz

[Night Watchman]

16. I KNEW IT!

And Julius Caesar!

[63splitwindow]

17. Nah, Bill and Hillary ALWAYS get a free pass...

[oberliner]

18. This could have been funny

Instead it's just lazy and stupid.

[63splitwindow]

23. Interesting take. How does one subscribe to your newsletter?

[oberliner]

24. Now that was funny

The OP, however, I thought was weak. Andy Borowitz has done a lot better.

[muntrv]

20. Wait, I thought she assassinated Julius Caesar!

[lpbk2713]

21. She put out a contract on Santa and the Easter Bunny too.

[COLGATE4]

22. Fox: FBI is investigating this. Indictment is expected at any minute!

[Zambero]

26. Consider this

Hillary was known to have once driven a FORD
She attends plays such as Hamilton in a THEATRE
So there you have it: FORD THEATRE

Hillary was once seen to have dropped a copper penny featuring Lincoln's image. She never bothered to pick it up. Could this strange behavior on her part have been the direct consequence of feelings of guilt? Quite likely yes, but it also proves that guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. But yes, there are STILL liberal doubters out there.

Since Obama's birth certificate was an out-and-out forgery, why should we believe that Hillary was actually born in 1947? There are towns in the U.S. named CLINTON that go back much further than that, even before 1965 when Crooked Killary hilled Honest Abe.

Hopefully Hawn Shammity will continue to keep us well-informed as more or less facts continue to suffice.

[lovemydog]

28. It's been mentioned

by more than one person on the internet. So it must be true!