Mother defends son's right to wear a tutu after being confronted by stranger in park

[davidn3600]

A mother’s post about her son’s right to wear a tutu has gone viral.

Jen Anderson Shattuck posted a photo on Facebook of her 3-year-old son wearing a tutu after a man accosted her when they were on their way to a park on Tuesday, Aug. 23.

Shattuck wrote that her son, Roo, loves trucks and jigsaw puzzles but also likes wearing tutus. He’s worn tutus to the grocery store, on the train and in the sandbox.

"If asked, he will say the tutus make him feel beautiful and brave,” Shattuck wrote on Facebook. "If asked, he will say there are no rules about what boys can wear or what girls can wear."

Roo's choice of clothing was a nonissue up until this encounter, she said. While she and Roo were walking to a park, they were accosted by a man who demanded to know why he was wearing a skirt.

"He wasn't curious. He didn't want answers. He wanted to make sure we both knew that what my son was doing --- what I was ALLOWING him to do --- was wrong,” Shattuck wrote.

According to Shattuck, he spoke directly to her son, saying, "She shouldn't keep doing this to you … You’re a boy. She's a bad mommy. It's child abuse.”

The man proceeded to take pictures, although Shattuck said she asked him not to. According to Shattuck, he said, “Now everyone will know. You’ll see."

Shattuck called the police. They took a report and complimented his skirt, she said.

After the encounter, Shattuck posted a photo of her son on Facebook, detailing what happened. It has been shared more than 44,000 times and more than 50,000 people have reacted to it.

http://www.newsday.com/news/nation/jen-anderson-shattuck-s-photo-of-son-in-tutu-goes-viral-after-they-were-accosted-1.12239286

The mother has since received positive support on social media. Hashtag #TuTusForRoo on twitter shows people voicing support and posting pictures of themselves wearing tutus.

[irisblue]

1. so...screw that mean guy. The kid was happy, mom was happy.

No one bitches about me wearing pants, mean guy bitches about a male (appearing) kid in female (appearing) clothing. Go work on solving world hunger mean guy.

[murielm99]

3. I don't think people are allowed to

take pictures of your children without your permission.

[Jim Beard]

116. I think they can if they are in public.

[Warpy]

4. "Mind your own business, asshole"

comes to mind, but my mouth is always getting me into trouble.

I'm glad she complained to the cops and I'm glad they were so good to her kid. It might have been better had she snapped the Asshole's photo rather than her son's picture.

[TeamPooka]

45. I would have taken his picture and then yelled "Hey this pervert is taking pictures of my kid!" to

the whole park because I'm not a nice person when you intrude on my life like that.

[niyad]

79. I am with you.

[Doodley]

5. If you put a tutu on a three-year-old boy, don't be surprised at that reaction.

Last edited Thu Sep 1, 2016, 10:29 PM - Edit history (2)

Don't be surprised if he gets bullied when he goes to school. And don't give quotes of things that he says that are obviously drilled into him.

10:25: I am adding a note here to reduce the number of abusive posts I have seen. I want to make it clear that I do NOT support any form of bullying. If this three-year-old was subjected to the aggressive questioning and photographyas reported, then I also find that totally indefensible. Also, as I have written on other posts in this thread, I have no problem personally with this boy wearing a tutu or whatever he wishes to wear.

[Laurian]

7. Really?

There is no excuse for bullying....ever. And maybe he chose the tutu. Why should some stranger care, let alone assume to lecture a parent on how to raise their child.

Some people just need to fuck off and stay in their caves.

[narnian60]

9. Well said.

[Doodley]

13. I am not defending bullying, but if a mother dresses a child in a way that will likely cause the

child to be bullied, then perhaps she shouldn't be surprised if her child is singled out or if her choices as a parent are criticized. She would have to be extremely naive to think that nobody would be outspoken on the matter.

[Warpy]

17. How many 3 year olds have you known?

The photo shows him wearing that tutu over his shorts. If he hadn't chosen to wear it, it would have been off within 5 minutes.

That bullying man was completely out of line directing his hateful remarks to the little kid. That's the issue here.

[Doodley]

54. I agree, if a man said that, it is totally indefensible and unacceptable.

[MineralMan]

27. Victim blaming, too?

Oh, my...

[arithia]

38. Humor me for a moment here

Let's turn your post into a mad lib (with a few minor edits). Let's see if you can see the problem then.

I'm not defending ____, but if a ____ dresses in a way that will likely cause the ____ to be ____, then perhaps she shouldn't be surprised if ____ or her ____ are criticized. She would have to be extremely naive to think that nobody would ____.

You are putting the onus on the individual not engaged in the problematic behavior, in this case, the @sshole on the beach who felt he had a right to tell a perfect stranger how the f*ck to raise her kid. As such, you are in fact defending his behavior.

[pnwmom]

39. Three year olds are old enough to have strong opinions about clothes,

and to express wishes about them.

[Doodley]

55. I agree absolutely, but I think it unlikely a three-year-old would say"

"there are no rules about what boys can wear or what girls can wear," without repeating what he had been told.

[JenniferJuniper]

63. I remember thinking when I was 4 or 5 at most

that I was glad I was a girl because I could wear a dress when I felt like it and blue jeans and a baseball cap when I didn't. Boys didn't have the option. I think I even verbalized this a few times.

Time for people - little boys included - to be able to present to the world whatever they feel like wearing that day.

[pnwmom]

74. But a three year old boy could see a tutu in a store and say: "I want to wear THAT!"

Last edited Thu Sep 1, 2016, 10:39 PM - Edit history (1)

And that outfit of his looked half "boyish" and half "girlish" -- like many outfits my 3 yr old granddaughter puts together.

[demigoddess]

86. you would be surprised what a bright 3 or 4 year old can say. I raised 2 very

smart boys and they talked to me on this level quite often. You should hear some of the stories I could tell. My 2 year old played on a computer and asked for it.

[pnwmom]

95. Someone here thought it was surprising

when I repeated my almost 4 year old granddaughter's question about Trump, after hearing him yelling on TV: "Why does he get to do bad cooperation?" But, as you say, speaking at this level isn't unusual for smart kids this age.

[Brickbat]

144. And the three-year-old who says "boys can't wear that!" isn't repeating what s/he has been told?

[teenagebambam]

43. Sounds a lot like

"If a woman dresses in a way that will likely cause her to be sexualized by a man, then perhaps she shouldn't be surprised if she is raped." Victim blaming at its best, well done.

[Doodley]

61. I am talking about people who are intolerant of others because they are different.

We know they are out there. Why be surprised? Of course I am not blaming the mother for how other people behave. The way a woman dresses is not ever an excuse for any kind of violation. But dressing in a certain way may not be streetwise when we know there are predators out there.

[LanternWaste]

130. we may then conclude that a minority should not express surprise or disbelief when confronted

" talking about people who are intolerant of others because they are different..."

Following that premise, we may then conclude that a minority should express neither surprise nor disbelief when confronted and verbally chastised by a bigot?

[obamanut2012]

137. Lots of people would say this to an interracial couple

Because they don't consider it a societal norm. Many consider it a sin, and even think it should be a crime.

Like how some people feel about males wearing tutus.

[Exilednight]

155. That's the same garbage rapists use. "If she didn't dress

like a slut, I wouldn't have rapes her" is the same trash thinking that a rapists uses to excuse his actions.

[Brickbat]

12. Don't be surprised when someone tells a child they're being abused for wearing a tutu?

Sorry you live where that's expected, I guess.

[Doodley]

14. Georgia

[Laurian]

21. I have lived in Georgia for two decades and I know there

are a lot of intolerant people in this state (especially outside Metro ATL), but I choose not to let that intolerance influence how I live.

[ihaveaquestion]

30. Really?!?

My Mother-In-Law is a Gawd-Fearing southern lady from Alabama and if anyone did or said anything like this to her 3-year old grandson, the least she'd do would be to tell him in her best lady-like southern drawl to mind his own business and leave her grandson alone. Considering how rude this person was, he might just find her lady-like thumb up his arse!

[obamanut2012]

138. As a Southerner: no one would ever say that to a little boy wearing a tutu

Unless he or she was some tacky as hell piece of trash.

[demmiblue]

15. I think you are on the wrong site.

Doodley

5. If you put a tutu on a three-year-old boy, don't be surprised at that reaction.

Don't be surprised if he gets bullied when he goes to school. And don't give quotes of things that he says that are obviously drilled into him.

Let's hope the jury agrees.

[Doodley]

16. I personally have no issue with what the kid wears, but let's get real. We live in a very bigoted

nation. Put a boy in a tutu and some people are going to react negatively. Sorry, if you don't think I belong here. You are giving an example of the intolerance I am talking about.

[BlueStreak]

29. The issue is whether the mother was projecting

Given that we're talking about a 3-year-old, that's how it seems to me. The woman is probably a sicko, like the mothers who put make-up on their pre-school girls and teach them to strut around like whores.

The woman has issues, it seems to me.

If a kid is of an age to make his own decisions and DECIDES FOR HIMSELF to wear a tutu, I will defend to the death his right to do it loud and proud and I will condemn unambiguously anybody who bullies such a kid. But his mother seems like a whack job to me.

[Doodley]

32. I see it as possibly a kind of Munchausen by Proxy. She is getting a lot of attention from this.

[ciaobaby]

37. The person with the problem was not the mother or the child.

The inquisitive observer who felt necessary to comment was the person with the problem. You may have the same problem. A small child playing dress up is doing just that and nothing more. Male or female, play is to be seen simply as an expression of creativity and fantasy and a great sign of an active and beautiful mind that has not yet been burdened with societies, often skewed, expectations and roles.

Bravo to the mom for not shaming him for playing !

[BlueStreak]

51. Are you equally supportive of mothers who dress their 3-year-old girls to look and act like whores

for those ridiculous dance contests?

Projection is a real thing. And when it tarnishes a 3-year-old, that is despicable, IMHO.

Again, I am 100% supportive of LGBT rights, if a person is of an age to make decisions on their own. And I am 100% against bullying. But doing this to a 3-year old seems like a form of bullying to me. And trying to say this was the child's choice verges on the insulting.

How did the kid get introduced to tutus in the first place? I think we can safely assume he did not make his own tutu. And let's say there was a perfectly innocuous circumstance where he discovered the tutu and thought it was fun. My advice to the mother would be to say "That tutu is for play time. Let's put it away when we go to the store (pre-school, park or whatever)."

It seems to me the mother was trying to provoke exactly the reaction she say she received.

[ciaobaby]

58. I have to take a breath.......

But my advice to you would be to not offer any "advice" to the mother. Kinda like the stranger who had no business shaming the mother or the child.
The child will learn society's rules in due time. Or perhaps the child will say to hell with what people think, especially people who think they know what is best when the know NOTHING.

The mother provoked nothing. You however provoke people on this site to feel they must explain to you how children play. They have no rules that tell them what to do or not do so as not to offend narrow minded uninformed strangers who give their opinion unasked.

As for you being "100% against bullying" I call bullshit. Your opinions on this subject scream BULLY.

[Doodley]

70. I am sorry if I have come across that way. I was bullied as a kid and know what it feels like

to be mocked, sometimes by a big crowd. I also know what it is like to be beaten and put in hospital. I am no bully. I do not ever call people names. I have not ever used force against anyone, even when I was beaten. I am a musician and a poet. I am a vegetarian and a loving family man who allows everyone to be themselves. If you want to call me a bully, then I accept responsibility for not coming across in the best way, but that is not who I am.

[sheshe2]

94. Yet...

I am a vegetarian and a loving family man who allows everyone to be themselves.

Yet you are saying the mom and child are wrong. Wrong for who? You or themselves. Let them live their life. It is theirs.

That picture made me smile. Beautiful boy who can be anyone he wants to be. I love him and his mom for that. No borders no boundaries. They are ALIVE!

[Doodley]

98. I never said they were wrong. I have posted that I personally have no problem at all

what the kid wears. Why am I constantly being attacked?

[sheshe2]

101. You do have a problem with it.

[Doodley]

108. Thanks for telling me. It has been an education.

[haele]

140. A toddler playing dressup and a toddler being pushed into a beauty pagent are different.

If you are seeing a 3-year-old wearing something that makes him feel special or happy to go out to play the same as a parent pushing her 3-year old to be something she wants to be, then I can see why people are thinking you're a bit off base.

I understand bullying for being different (pretty much bald until 4, buck-toothed, clumsy, short but gangly looking, 6 different schools in three different states from K - 8, orchestra nerd who still loves to read), but I've also lived in locations in this country where parents regularly lived through their kids and pushed them into beauty pageants, sports, and other "club" activities where the parents could rate their kid's progress against others.

While one may be fearful that the mother is not "protecting" her little boy enough by letting him stand out from the herd mentality, I honestly don't see the negative parental involvement comparison that some people in this thread are claiming the mother is doing to her son - either by living her dreams through her boy or by setting the child up for sympathy.
My parents let me do all sorts of "not girly" things while I was growing up in the early 1960's that people - and other kids would make fun of me for, but it was always my decision that drove my actions. If I got bullied, or if someone made fun of me, they were there to help me work through it and moderate my actions so I could still be happy as well as relatively socially accepted.

BTW, Munchausen by Proxy is a specific Psychiatric diagnosis in which the mentally affected and abusive parent will intentionally poison or otherwise physically injures their child to solicit sympathy that results in permanent medical damage or death... and it's not the typical passive-aggressive set-up where the kid is intentionally placed in a socially upsetting position while just doing his or her own thing so an immature parent can go all momma bear claiming she/he's being attacked for encouraging the child to be itself.

My stepdaughter suffered from her hypochondriac mother's Munchausen by Proxy activities before we finally got custody of her, and while she's mostly recovered physically from her 3-year ordeal constantly in and out of small town hospitals while her mother and "stepfather" scammed people for money to heal her, she still has some serious permanent gastric and immune system problems, as well as eating disorders, clinical depression and PTSD.

Haele

[KMOD]

103. Whoa! Hold on there,

First, I'm disgusted that you would describe a 3 year old girl as looking and acting like a whore.

That is a really sick thing to say.

There is nothing wrong with a three year old boy wearing a tutu. Kids that age are quite imaginative and it is not something that should be repressed. That you see it as some sort of devious behavior speaks volumes about you.

My son used to walk around in one white dress shoe, a girl's dress shoe. He loved the sound of the click of the shoe, followed by the sound of his bare foot as he walked.

That kid is not being bullied, unless he runs into you. He's a three year old. You are the bully. You are the intolerant one. You are the one with the problem.

[Doodley]

110. Three-year-old girls with permed hair, makeup, lipstick and clothes

more suitable for a lady of the night and then trained to pose in provocative ways--it is the sexualisation of children for the benefit of the parents, which is abuse. Look at the personalities of those children--often they are very focused on self-image and manipulative. It is sickening.

[KMOD]

113. Now you are calling a three year old a lady of the night? and provocative?

If you are turned on by a three year old, you are the sick one.

[Egnever]

147. The fuck?

It is these routines and extreme makeovers that the controversy over children's beauty pageants mostly stems from. Focusing on a perfect image, the pageants have been criticised for psychologically damaging the children participants, and potentially leading to eating disorders and body image issues. They are also said to sexualise children and teach young girls that their worth is dependent on their physical appearance. At the same time, competitions are a stressful experience to a lot of young children. This stress can be even more accentuated by the pressure of parents, who enter their children in pageants often to fulfill their own ambitions. These contests could have a potential negative impact on children's development. To some critics, parents subjecting their children to such an experience could even count as child abuse. The lack of legal framework and consistent rules across pageants makes the position of children more vulnerable.

In France, legislators moved to ban child beauty pageants on the grounds that they promote the "hyper-sexualization" of minors. A measure even proposes jail time and a fine for violators — including parents and organizers — who sponsor or encourage "access to these competitions" for anyone under age 16, the Associated Press reported.

Someone is sick but it isn't the poster you are responding to.

[ciaobaby]

40. Why would you assume the mother is projecting and a sicko?

The inquisitive observer who felt necessary to comment was the person with the problem. You may have the same problem. A small child playing dress up is doing just that and nothing more. Male or female, play is to be seen simply as an expression of creativity and fantasy and a great sign of an active and beautiful mind that has not yet been burdened with societies, often skewed, expectations and roles.

Bravo to the mom.

[Doodley]

42. Have you even seen any evidence that this "person" was real? Were there other witnesses? Were there

any photos taken on a smartphone? Is there any actual evidence? I remain open-minded, not close-minded.

[KMOD]

44. Wait just a minute,

First you claimed that if her boy dressed like that she should expect comments, and now you claim that she is just making the whole story up?

[Doodley]

50. No, I didn't say she made it up. I said I was open minded to that possibility. Her stunning photo

and her story has gone viral, but we don't know for sure if the story about the man is a hoax or not, or if she exaggerated it, or if she was just waiting for such an encounter. I remain open-minded, not close-minded.

[womanofthehills]

145. Her stunning photo was so professional, so I looked her up

She is a photographer and has a blog http://thinksacred.uudux.org/

About Jen

Welcome to My Blog!

I believe parenting is a ministry. Join me as we explore ways we can nurture spiritual growth in ourselves and our children through conversation, ritual, and plain old fun.
--

As a mother, nanny, and lifelong Unitarian Universalist, Jennifer Shattuck is equally passionate about religious and early childhood education. Join her as she blogs about creating a loving, spiritual home with her wife Audra and toddler son (nicknamed Roo.)

When she’s not writing, Jen can be found crouched on the sidewalks of Plymouth, Massachusetts, taking pictures of trash and other found objects for her ongoing mobile photography project, Guttersugar.

[ciaobaby]

48. Well I guess we could ask that question of any post here.

Why are you questioning the validity of the post now?
If you didn't think it was real why even comment in the first place.

Just so you know, I believe it is real because my son liked to play dress up too. He also liked to play with dolls.
There is nothing wrong with this behavior, it is child's play.

I guess if you have nothing useful to contribute you turn to questioning the story. Just a bit of a diversion.

Get help.

[Doodley]

52. My youngest did the same thing. But we aren't getting 15 minutes of fame off the back of it.

[ciaobaby]

60. Did you shame your youngest for playing too ?

Did you question his or her sexuality.
Did you fear what the neighbors would think?
Did you tell him or her how not to play?

Sad really.

[Doodley]

65. No, to all your questions. He's a balanced kid and is a long-haired musician.

But I do not let my daughter dress like a tart. Is that sad too?

[ciaobaby]

67. So your son is a balanced kid - wonderful.

This should tell you the mother and child we are discussing are doing nothing wrong.

As for the whole "tart" thing is a different discussion for another time (or not).

[phylny]

117. When our girls were little, say 4 and 1, my friend would often bring her boys, then 5 and 2, over to

visit. We had lots of dress up clothes, a kitchen set, dolls, but also trucks and Legos and Duplos. One of my favorite memories was of the youngest in heels and a feather boa, strutting across our carpet. Every time he came over, that's what he chose. His mother neither encouraged nor discouraged him.

He's now a strapping 6'2", 210 pound grown man, but I'll always remember Joey in the purple heels and matching feather boa.

It happens.

[MineralMan]

26. Bullshit! I think this is the wrong site for that crap.

Perhaps you have lost your way, somehow...

[Doodley]

33. Can you explain clearly what your problem is?

[Doodley]

76. I have reported your abusive post. I have never said, thought or written anything

homophobic in my life, nor have I ever supported that. I am most certainly a supporter of Democratic principles. Read my posts.

[KMOD]

85. Can you give me a link or two to your supportive

posts?

[Hassin Bin Sober]

90. It might be somewhere up thread of where he says he "doesn't let his daughter dress like a tart"

I haven't been able to find it.

[Doodley]

91. Sure, take your pick:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/~Doodley

[BlueStreak]

96. That sounds more like a LIBERTARIAN principle

A democratic principle involves protecting the innocent and vulnerable from those who might exploit them, such as by trying to get a story to go viral for fame or fortune.

[Warren DeMontague]

120. you can call it whatever the fuck you want

but put me down on the side of "leave people the fuck alone if they aren't hurting you"

[mopinko]

35. i agree you are in the wrong place.

if you dont see what is wrong with the situation in the first place, and dont see what is wrong w this statement, you should keep traveling.

[Doodley]

41. So, I assume you don't agree with me when I say I don't care what the kid wears, we live in a nation

with bigots in it (look at the support for Trump) and she shouldn't be surprised it her child wearing a tutu has some negative reaction. That is fine. I don't expect you to agree with me. Maybe you can extend the same courtesy.

[TeamPooka]

47. the same thing they say about rape victims. Well you dressed like that, what do you expect?

so stay classy doodley
also stay ignored.

[ronnie624]

75. You don't know doodley squat. n/t

[niyad]

80. wow. . . just. . . .wow. . . do you actually think that what that interfering, asshole "adult"

(and I use the word most advisedly) did was okay?

again, just . . wow.

[Doodley]

83. Of course I don't think it is okay. Did I ever say it was? Your misplaced indignation is offensive.

[niyad]

87. actually, from the way you phrased things, it did sound exactly that way.

this board has people with very strong opinions on it, and people able to defend their opinions and posts. even in the short time you have been here, surely you noticed that.

[Doodley]

93. I have revised my first post on this thread to be clear. Why assume the worst in fellow DUers?

[niyad]

99. in case you have not yet figured it out, not everybody who posts on du actually adheres to du

principles.

[Doodley]

107. I am slow to figure things out! Thank you for your guidance, Niyad.

[Egnever]

105. No you didn't

sadly you will see a lot of that here. People just looking for a way to get the outrage on even if they have to do crazy somersaults to twist what you said so they can do it.

[Doodley]

111. I am learning that. Being called a troll simply for expressing concern, or being called

names simply for expressing an opinion. Is this normal here?

[Egnever]

115. For some

There are also many very bright people here though. You have to weed through a lot of nonsense sometimes but there are some real gems here every day.

I have found it worth it to come back almost every day for at least ten years now. There have been periods where I threw my hands up to be sure but as a whole ten years later I still learn something here more often than I don't and usually know the news days before the TV talks about it.

[cwydro]

133. And there are many DUers who love a pile-on.

The same ones always appear.

Bullying is alive and well on DU.

[obamanut2012]

136. You do realize you are enforcing and enabling this bullying attitude, right?

[JonathanRackham]

6. Kiss my kilt.

[niyad]

81. nearly owed me a keyboard.

[clarice]

8. Ok... I guess I've got to be the one who asks..... Why dress your 3 year old son in a tutu? nt

[Brickbat]

10. Because he's expressed a desire to wear one.

Many tutus sparkle; lots of kids like that.

[clarice]

11. Well there we are. nt

[Hassin Bin Sober]

100. Oh my god. I just took my 4 year old nephew to the Museum of Science and Industry.

They have this evil toy that is a wand with flashing lights and two lights that spin around.

My nephew saw that toy and was drawn to it like crack.

[Lars39]

19. He dressed himself.

And I bet he asked mom for the tutu also.

[clarice]

22. Perhaps he did. BTW... how's the back ? nt

[Lars39]

24. Recovered from that!

Thank you for asking.
Then Saturday I took a fall over a chair and some boxes.
Living life in full technicolor now until my bruises heal.

[clarice]

25. Wow... that sucks !!!! It will all turn for the better.. I promise. nt

[Lars39]

28. Oh, it will, eventually. :-)

[Hassin Bin Sober]

92. Because a three year old probably saw it and liked it.

My 3 year old nephew went through a phase where he was a pirate, then a girl pirate and the a princess pirate.

So I googled it. And found only about 600,000 hits about kids less than 6 years old not knowing or giving a fuck about what gender they are. It's natural.

Other people can google it. Or act like assholes. I guess the jerk in the op decided to be an asshole.

[KMOD]

109. exactly.

Kids are awesome. They don't see gender, they don't see race, they don't see any of it, until some asshole adult teaches the hate to them.

[nadine_mn]

112. Because young kids who haven't had gender stereotypes drilled into

them as to what is just for "boys" or just for "girls" may be drawn to different types of clothing, or colors or whatever.

He probably wasn't thinking "oh hey, I want to wear something that is usually just for girls" he probably saw bright and shiny and sparkly. Probably looked like something fun to wear

My husband is colorblind and is drawn to what I call "Mardi Gras" colors - maybe it's the only vivid colors he can see but if I am making something and it is glittery, sparkly or iridescent in deep purples/blues/greens his whole face lights up.

[colsohlibgal]

18. I Assume It Is What The Child Wanted

I have a son and had he expressed a desire to wear a tutu I would have let him. I wanted my two children, boy and a girl, to be who they were whatever that was. My main wish was for them to be kind, to do unto others, etc etc....and they for the most part have been, I have been fortunate.

[WestCoastLib]

20. If Trump can wear Bobby pins, why not a boy in a tutu?

[Initech]

49. That is a good point!

[mainer]

23. my granddaughter likes overalls

no one ever calls "child abuse" over that. It's sad, but reverse sexism (girls are OK being tomboys, but not the reverse) is rampant.

[beergood]

34. agreed

its a weird double standard. cloths are a personal choice, no one should be allowed to dictate how another dresses.

my personal preference is nudism.

[MrScorpio]

31. Go mom!

WTG!

[pnwmom]

36. That looks like an outfit my granddaughter might wear -- and get mistaken for a boy.

She is very tall for her age and has chin length chair, so people often assume she's a boy, no matter what get-up she has on.

People should mind their own business.

[AlbertCat]

53. Boys in dresses...

Quite common in the 19th century.... where there ARE strict social rules about what people wear.

Boys wore dresses until the age of 5 to 8. You tell a boy from a girl by the boy's hair being parted on the left side, and girl's hair is parted in the middle. This goes on for young toddlers into the 20th century.









This is a girl

[Egnever]

135. It is always interesting to see changes in social norms.

Thanks for the pics.

[marybourg]

152. My father was born in 1910

and we have a beautiful studio picture of him, aged about 5 in a starched white dress with eyelet trim similar to the 2nd picture above. And this was in NYC.

[ThingsGottaChange]

56. Most of you are over liberalising

Of course, people are free to dress their kids however they want. Or however the kid wants. But, there comes a point where you have to take your liberal blinders off and face reality. As wrong as it is, this child IS going to be teased, questioned, bullied, etc. It is the nature of the ignorant people on this planet. It IS going to happen no matter how much we don't want it to. Common sense, here, please. It's not a question of "That just shouldn't happen!". It's a question of "It is going to happen".

If the child is transgender then that's a different story. If not, and he just thinks sparkly things are fun, a parent might want to gently steer him in another direction because the bullying WILL happen. You all know it as well as I do. Parents need to make the best choices for their children in the long run. Not make a statement that might harm the child in the long run.

No, I don't have 50,000 posts but, I am a liberal Dem. Sometimes you have to hold back your core beliefs and see the other side.

Peace

[JenniferJuniper]

64. We all get bullied for something..

Little boys should have the right to express themselves just like little girls are encouraged to. He may change his mind when he's a little older if he's teased. Or he may decide to wear his tutu every Sunday.

No adult should be in his face either way.

[ThingsGottaChange]

68. No adult should be in his face either way.

That is absolutely correct! The point everyone seems to be missing is that it IS going to happen. No matter what we think or want. And it is going to affect that child. That is the reality of it.

[Egnever]

104. Right!

And I would go further and say that by pretending it wont you do a disservice to your child.

Go put the tutu on and go in public and live life! But be prepared to face what you know will likely come. Use it to teach your child how it is wrong.

Kids should be encouraged to explore everything in life and I applaud this mother for having the confidence to take her boy in public in a tutu. I hope that she was prepared and did use it to teach her son.

Unfortunately what I get from her post instead is just outrage that someone would have the nerve to say something. It seems almost as if she and honestly many posters on this thread are surprised by it. That is a level of naivete I just can't comprehend.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

139. No. Sorry. I don't accept that.

Will people talk? Sure.

Will people stare? Maybe.

I wouldn't, for one single second, put up with a stranger coming up and confronting a thee year old about how he is dressed.

The kid is still a toddler. A baby. He still has his ass wiped. And we are going to let some complete stranger try and make the kid feel bad for how he is dressed?

No fucking way. Not gonna happen.

[Egnever]

148. Again not what the poster is saying

They are saying that it is going to happen not that it is right for it to happen.


If you think it won't you are naive. Donald Trump is proof of how many fucked up people are in this country.

I applaud this mother for letting her child be a child and deplore the acts of the stranger who had no business doing what he did. I am not for a second surprised it happened though nor should any rational person be.

The mom on a whole from reading her blog now seems to be a great mom. What boggles me is her seeming surprise that it happened.

[ciaobaby]

66. Peace means different things to different people

Peace to you may mean everyone must follow the rules, especially little children who just want to play.
And that whole thing about the child is going to be teased, questioned and bullied. Those people are the problem not the child who was having a good time until some nut came along to tell him his mother was abusing.
People also told us we shouldn't have biracial children because they will be bullied and not fit in. Again, the problem is with those most unaccepting of others.
And you call yourself liberal ?????


The inquisitive observer who felt necessary to comment was the person with the problem. You may have the same problem. A small child playing dress up is doing just that and nothing more. Male or female, play is simply an expression of creativity and fantasy and a great sign of an active and beautiful mind that has not yet been burdened with societies, often skewed, expectations and roles.

[ThingsGottaChange]

69. Does no one get this?

I'm talking about the effect it will have on the child. Whether he/she wears a tutu or whatever. Of course, anyone butting in is wrong. But that's not going to stop it from happening. To me, being liberal is being able to see both sides of an issue. Most important being protecting children. Sorry, you don't get any of this.

[ciaobaby]

72. Oh Crap

I speak of what I know.
My son was very similar. Played with dolls, dressed up, had a great childhood unencumbered with narrow minded macho bigots like the man who called the mother abusive.

Seeing both sides is always good. You need to see the side of children who are free to play and enjoy the creative side.

Back to my son, he had many friends, is now a college grad, employed, on his own and very happy. He has suffered no damage from playing. I can happily say I did not need to protect him from bigots. Guess they were all busy doing what bigots do - complaining about other people.
Guess it may be because he grew up among very openminded and inclusive friends and teachers.

I feel sorry for children who are protected from being who they are because some people are so freaking fearful of anything that causes others to question.

[JenniferJuniper]

73. Therein lies your problem

There aren't just two sides to every issue. The world is full of shades of gray. And your own black and white thinking and your insistence that no one is "getting it" because they don't all agree that boys must only wear boys clothes for their own sake (while girls can pretty much wear whatever, or do you think they should only wear "girls' clothes"?) are causing your frustration.

Do you at least agree the adult is wrong for harassing the toddler?

Yes, he'll probably get teased if he wears a dress to kindergarten (in two whole years!) Eventually the kids would probably get over it if he decided to keep wearing it.

But we can't let bullies dictate our lives just because they don't like something about us. Something that isn't hurting anyone else.

It's called freedom.

[The2ndWheel]

82. "Do you at least agree the adult is wrong for harassing the toddler?"

That's not really a shade of gray question. That's pretty black and white. In fact you're leading the witness.

[JenniferJuniper]

89. You didn't answer the question

And you completely missed the point of my post. There is a place called Free Republic. You might like it there.

[The2ndWheel]

128. The world is either full of shades of gray, or it isn't

You brought it up, and then said the adult was wrong. Like black and white wrong. Well he thought he was right from his point of view, just like the parent thought she was right from her point of view. Maybe that gray area is causing your frustration.

[Egnever]

102. What? That is not what that poster said at all

He said people need to inject a little reality into their liberal utopia bubble. If you can't see that what happened was an extremely likely result of a little boy in a tutu in public then you are not facing reality.

The poster isn't arguing it should happen but that the chances it will are extremely high. That is not the same as saying boys must only wear gender appropriate clothing.

It is recognizing that unlike the black or white thinking going on in a lot of this thread that while likely the majority of people on this board likely support people wearing whatever the heck they want when it comes to gender choices that is not the general consensus in society as a whole. Not yet. It certainly should be the goal in my opinion but it is not reality by a long shot yet in most places in America.

I agree with you that bullies should not dictate anything in your life but I think the argument the poster is making is that as an adult with a child you should anticipate this kind of thing and be either prepared to deal with it or take steps to avoid it.

Really a little boy in a tutu and you went in public and figured no one would say anything to you? Really? How the hell is Trump the nominee of an entire political party if that sort of boorish behavior was not prevalent in our society.

I have no problem with a boy in a tutu I couldn't give a rats if they want to wear a chicken on their head but I am not so stupid to think everyone else is going to be ok with it. I also would not have a problem with my son wearing a tutu on a public beach. I would certainly anticipate having to deal with some sort of pushback from others in the public domain. In my case I would tell them to take a long walk off a short pier but it wouldn't surprise me one bit when it happened.

Or am I wrong and suddenly there is no bigotry left in america? Doesn't make it right it is just reality and as a parent you are the buffer between your child and reality. Be that buffer! Take the opportunity of the bigot and use it to teach your child how it is wrong.

I think that is what the poster was intending. I could be wrong but that was my take.

[The2ndWheel]

78. If you're getting into a subjective topic of discussion, and expecting to change minds

You're not going to do it. If you want to go back and forth on this issue with people just because, that's as good as you'll do. No opinions will be changed no matter what anyone says. Some people will say this shouldn't happen. Others will say some things that may result from it shouldn't happen. Should and shouldn't are what start wars, internet or otherwise.

Of all the things that the human imagination can think up, should and shouldn't are just awful. It's endless. There's nothing set in stone, or in a book, or anything like that, from an objective authority, that could allow people to agree on something. It would be so much easier if it that was the case.

[niyad]

84. in other word, we are to live our lives in fear of what other people, narrow-minded, bigoted,

ignorant, interfering people, MIGHT or might not, think of what we say, or think or do? really?

the ******* bullies win that way, or do you not understand that?

a very wise person taught me, when I was very young, "if you do not like what I am thinking, or doing, or saying, the line forms on the left. . . and you are not the first person in it"

or, shorter version, taught me by a young friend, "aaaaand. . . . your opinion matters to me. . . WHY????"

[Egnever]

106. No but you must face the reality that they are there

And be prepared when you encounter them.

[niyad]

131. where on earth do you get the idea that I do not know that they are there? believe me,

I know--receiving death threats, for example, has a way of making that clear. and, believe me, I am prepared.

but I refuse to live my life in fear, living a smaller life for fear of being noticed by those ugly bullies.

[Egnever]

132. When you pretend that someone pointing out that there will be push back

is endorsing the behavior of the people pushing back. Or that suggesting she should have expected the response she got is somehow endorsing it.

It has nothing to do with living in fear it is all about facing reality and making your decisions for your child with reality in mind instead of the utopia you want to live in.

Again I am all for her kid wearing a tutu in public if he thinks it is fun. What I am not for is acting surprised when she encounters a knuckle dragger that does have a problem with it. That is a doing a disservice to her child IMHO. I would say it goes even further and is setting that child up for confrontations she has not prepared for. Sure the knuckle dragger was wrong but it should have been expected and the fact that she seems surprised by it makes me question her judgement when it comes to the child's well being. What's next will she take her kid to the zoo and let him pet the tiger and be upset when the tiger bites her child?

On the one hand I applaud her willingness to let her child explore his world, on the other I am less than excited by her seeming willingness to put her child into situations that have a high potential for the kind of confrontation she ran into with seemingly no forethought on how it might go south.

You jumped on the poster for stating that and wanted to pretend they were endorsing that behavior when they were doing nothing of the kind.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

97. The kid is three fucking years old.

Other three year olds don't know enough to bully over something like that.

The only bullying that goes on among three year olds is taking toys/not sharing toys/not playing nice/hitting etc.

The only asshole bullies in this scenario are the "adults"

Give it a couple years before some assholes clue the kids in.

[prayin4rain]

119. Yep. Most normal adults realize that very small children live in their own fantasy world.

That's one of the greatest things about kids that age.

[Oneironaut]

146. Why does it matter?

The obsession with being normal in this country is a sickness. Why is it on others to act the way society wants them to, lest they be bullied? Hiding your true self to avoid being bullied is harmful to yourself and your identity. It's denying who you are.

Also, why would the child being transgender make a difference? Isn't that just another rule that's imposed by society, almost like a concession? It's almost like, "We don't approve of boys wearing girl things - it's bad, but if they're trans, I guess we can make an exception there. It makes it not as bad..."

In reality, who cares? This is more cultural irrationality. There's absolutely no reason this child can't dress however they want. If there's the threat of physical harm for dressing a certain way, then that's something wrong with society.

[Initech]

57. I agree with that mom 100%.

I quote the late great James Marshall Hendrix: "I'm the one who's gonna die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to." Truer words ever spoken.

[ciaobaby]

62. Nice quote ! thanks.

[smirkymonkey]

59. Poor little kid. Let him be and wear what he wants.

This reminds me of a great Belgian film called "Ma Vie en Rose". If you have never seen it, I highly recommend it. It was a very sweet, heartwarming film about a little boy who insisted on dressing like a girl. It's one of my favorite films.

[LittleDuckie]

71. At least she's not claiming that wanting to wear a tutu

means that he's really a girl inside & making him pretend to be one. That would be some real child abuse.

[niyad]

77. hmmm, could she have had him arrested for approaching her son without her permission,

and for taking pictures of him (a minor), again not only without her permission, but after she specifically told him not to?

pity a wave didn't drown this self-righteous, interfering little asshole.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

88. Pepper. Spray.

[Divine Discontent]

123. Exactly. Right in his eyes. Being belittling to a child

I'm in charge of or my own, would get him tasting pepper spray. Hopefully she gets some for him. Talk about a nosy weirdo bigot harassing that kid and mom. Ugh. I hope someone figures out who he is so he can be called out for the cruelty.

[betsuni]

114. Anyone who gets that upset over some fabric has problems. (nt)

[undergroundpanther]

118. Binary Gender Nazis suck

Their ignorance and control freak nosiness is disgusting. Why can't they just stfu .

[Warren DeMontague]

121. I can't believe anyone here is actually siding w/the shitwit who started yelling at a stranger's kid

well, yeah, actually I kind of can.

[Warren DeMontague]

125. Or, maybe the story is for real.

In which case, the guy was being an grade-A asshole.

Having had extensive dealings with the human animal over the years, particularly in jobs working with the public, etc. I have come to the conclusion that the majority of people are fairly neutral, even borderline decent, most of the time. Then there's a sub-section of humanity that goes above and beyond to try and make things better, nicer, more beautiful, or more entertaining for those around them, because that seems to be who they are.

And then there's like, I dunno, 5% of the population that walks around most or all the time in a permanent scowling state of unbridled assholishness. Certainly your authoritarian types fall into this category, and your Trump voter to be sure- but it's a set of personality traits that most absolutely WOULD encompass interjecting oneself into this kind of situation in such a brazenly dickish manner.

Back when my kids were babies and toddlers, I certainly noticed the occasional frowny-faced fucknozzle- invariably, in my experience, a senior citizen- who felt entitled to get way too far into the personal space of my family unit and offer unsolicited advice on things like how atrocious breastfeeding in public is or their belief in the need to spank a 6 month old who wouldn't stop crying in a car seat.

So I find the story believable, myself.

[Egnever]

134. No one is

[La Lioness Priyanka]

151. +1

[Divine Discontent]

122. A big ol' eye roll

And I'm not referring at all to the bigoted homophobic jerk in the story. LOL

[anoNY42]

126. My son chose a Minnie Mouse doll at the store

which is one of his favorites. If some yokel came asking questions like that, I would bash him over the head with it...

[deathrind]

127. Good for her!

The guy sticking his nose where it does not belong is the one with the issues here, what an ass.

[DLevine]

129. Good mom.

The only child abuser was the asshole who berated them.

[Glassunion]

141. I like this story.

Dad said that the hardest part was finding a dress that fit...


When you have just don't want to feel left out.


I'd have chosen a different handbag myself, but not a bad getup.

[Egnever]

149. Awesome pics

Love those dads!

[Glassunion]

150. Yeah, they are great...

One thing I love about the time we currently live in, is that a lot of these photos are shared through what one could consider a "manly" oriented website or two. The top photo is of a biker and his daughter, that I initially found in another forum for bikers, and overall the response was really positive. In today's age the "norms" of what is considered manly or womanly are blurring, and this is a good thing.

[Hortensis]

153. Thanks for posting these, Glassunion.

What lovely dads.

[Glassunion]

154. Do yourself a favor

Google: daddy tea party, or daddy pedicure. These guys are awesome.

[Hortensis]

156. I just did, thanks! There's something extra

poignant to me about fathers with their small children.

Once while driving out on errands I saw a dad walking placidly, as slow as can be, while his two tiny sons happily churned mini Big Wheels down the sidewalk. So cute--made my morning. Then the better part of an hour later I passed the little group headed the other way, dad still strolling about a tenth mile an hour, the boys eating ice cream cones while they churned away. The boys are probably dads themselves now because that one memory has given me decades of smiles.