Nation Fears Drug Test Would Reveal Trump Not on Drugs —revealed by Andy Borowitz

[Mira]

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s suggestion that both Presidential candidates submit to a drug test has sparked fears that such a test would reveal that he is not on drugs.

In interviews conducted across the country, voters said that they would be “alarmed” and “distressed” to learn that the billionaire’s statements and actions were the product of a mind unaltered in any way by a controlled substance.

“It never occurred to me that Donald Trump might not be on drugs,” Carol Foyler, an accountant from Toledo, Ohio, said. “That would be terrifying.”

Harland Dorrinson, a mechanic from St. Petersburg, Florida, said that the chilling possibility of Trump not being on drugs was a strong argument against submitting the candidates to drug testing. “If it turns out that he isn’t on anything, this is something that the American people shouldn’t have to find out,” he said. “We’ve suffered enough this election.”



www.borowitzreport.com

[CanSocDem]

1. That is funny!! (eom)

[Thinkingabout]

2. Is it true Viagra makes the skin color change to orange?

[marybourg]

3. No, it's just "his warm golden skin tones

and well-defined chin". You DO see the well defined chin, dontcha?

[Scarsdale]

5. Well defined chin

Which one of the three is supposed to be well defined?

[Gothmog]

4. I love good satire

[longship]

6. One has to love Andy Borowitz.

He is a real gem.

[NastyRiffraff]

7. Andy Borowitz is a national treasure

He is having fun with this election.

[Nac Mac Feegle]

8. Truly,

The prospect that he is NOT on drugs is a more frightening possibility than that he is.

That much crazy being chemically induced is a far more comforting concept than it being naturally occurring.

[ThoughtCriminal]

9. All I know is, if Hillary IS on drugs

I want what she's having!